TOEFL Writing Task 1 Sample: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they cast doubt on the specific points made in the reading passage.

1.子项得分 Task fulfillment: 4 Organization: 3 Coherence and Cohesion: 3 Language Use: 3

2.预估分数 Estimated Score: 22

3.任务完成度 总体来说，文章回答了题目要求的问题，但在某些方面还有待改进。首先，在听力部分的观点描述时，需要更详细地解释教授是如何驳斥阅读文章中的观点的。此外，尽量避免使用过于复杂的句子结构，以便让读者更容易理解。

Example 1: Original: "On the contrary, the professor casts doubt on this argument by stating that usually, irrigation chanels origin from the lakes or rivers and they are built through the mountains to a lower place." Improved: "The professor, however, casts doubt on this theory by explaining that typical irrigation channels originate from lakes or rivers and are constructed to flow downhill, which is not the case with the Maltese grooves."

Example 2: Original: "Bt the trace of the grooves are very soft, which indicates that they are less likely the trace of hop tracks." Improved: "However, there is no evidence of hoof marks in the area of the grooves, suggesting that they were not created by carts pulled by animals."

4.文章结构与组织 The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing each theory, and a conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in terms of organization and transitions between ideas. Each paragraph should focus on one specific point with supporting details from both reading and listening passages.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Improve transitions between ideas and paragraphs to create a smoother flow.

• Make sure each paragraph focuses on one specific point and includes supporting details from both reading and listening passages.

Example 1: Original: "Firstly, the author miantains that the grooves were functioned as irrigation channels because they can carry large amount of water, solving the problem of lack of water in Malta." Improved: "Firstly, the reading passage suggests that the grooves functioned as irrigation channels, carrying large amounts of water to address Malta's limited freshwater resources."

Example 2: Original: "Thirdly, the author indicates that these grooves have its astromimcal purpose on account of its similarity to well-known marks that used to astromical observation." Improved: "Lastly, the reading passage proposes an astronomical purpose for the grooves due to their resemblance to other known marks used for astronomical observations."

5. 语法批改

In the reading passage, the author presents three theories to explain the origin of the grooves that carved ininto the rock of the road in Malta. However, in the listening, the professor contends that none of these theories are convincing. Firstly, the author miantains that the grooves weremaintains that the grooves functioned as irrigation channels because they can carry large amountamounts of water, solving the problem of lack of water in Malta. On the contrary, the professor casts doubt on this argument by stating that usually, irrigation chanels originchannels originate from the lakes or rivers and they are built through the mountains to a lower place. Further moreFurthermore, they don't last long due to the limitation of gravity. It is controversalcontroversial that grooves in Malta are built from hill to another hill in a very long distance. Secondly, the author asserts that the grooves arewere made by wheeled vehicles that arewere used to transport objects. Nevertheless, the professerprofessor refutes this statement by claiming that this is not a complete reason as the carts madeused by people in Malta are depend on the force of animals such as horses. They use hard hopswoods to help the carts run quickly and stably. BtHowever, the trace of the grooves areis very soft, which indicates that they are less likely the trace of hopwheel tracks. Thirdly, the author indicates that these grooves have its astromimcalan astronomical purpose on account of its similarity to well-known marks that used to astromicalused for astronomical observation. Conversely, the professor challenges this statement by pointing out that the grooves discovered in Malta are not very straight and their direactionsdirections change frequently, unlike the recognized marks that are very straight, extendextending longer in each direction. For example, some astromicalastronomical used marks gauge the location of the sun by locating them in the first day of spring and so on.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

In the reading passage, the author presents three theories to explain the origin of the grooves carved into the rock of the road in Malta. However, in the listening, the professor contends that none of these theories are convincing.

Firstly, the author maintains that the grooves functioned as irrigation channels because they can carry a large amount of water, solving the problem of lack of water in Malta. On the contrary, the professor casts doubt on this argument by stating that usually, irrigation channels originate from lakes or rivers and are built through mountains to a lower place. Furthermore, they don't last long due to gravity limitations. It is controversial that grooves in Malta are built from one hill to another over a very long distance.

Secondly, the author asserts that the grooves were made by wheeled vehicles used to transport objects. Nevertheless, the professor refutes this statement by claiming that this is not a complete reason as carts made by people in Malta depended on animal force such as horses. They used hard hooves to help carts run quickly and stably. But traces of grooves are very soft, which indicates they are less likely to be hoof tracks.

Thirdly, the author indicates that these grooves have an astronomical purpose on account of their similarity to well-known marks used for astronomical observation. Conversely, the professor challenges this statement by pointing out that grooves discovered in Malta are not very straight and their directions change frequently, unlike recognized marks which are very straight and extend longer in each direction. For example, some astronomical marks gauge the location of sun by locating them on specific days like spring equinox and so on. (283 words)

In the reading passage, the author presents three theories to explain the origin of the grooves that carved in into (changed "that carved in" to "carved into" for better phrasing) the rock of the road in Malta. However, in the listening, the professor contends that none of these theories are convincing.

Firstly, the author miantains that the grooves were maintains (corrected "miantains" to "maintains") that the grooves functioned (changed "were functioned" to "functioned" for proper verb form) as irrigation channels because they can carry a large amount of water, solving the problem of lack of water in Malta. On the contrary, the professor casts doubt on this argument by stating that usually, irrigation chanels origin channels originate (changed "origin" to "originate") from the lakes or rivers and they are built through the mountains to a lower place. Further more Furthermore (corrected "Further more" to "Furthermore"), they don't last long due to the limitation of gravity. gravity limitations. It is controversal controversial that grooves in Malta are built from one hill to another hill in over a very long distance. distance (rephrased for clarity).

Secondly, the author asserts that the grooves are were made by wheeled vehicles that are used to transport objects. Nevertheless, the professer professor refutes this statement by claiming that this is not a complete reason as the carts made by people in Malta are depend on the depended on animal force of animals such as horses. They use used hard hops hooves (corrected "hops" to "hooves") to help the carts run quickly and stably. Bt the trace of the But traces of grooves are very soft, which indicates that they are less likely the trace of hop tracks. to be hoof tracks (rephrased for clarity).

Thirdly, the author indicates that these grooves have its astromimcal an astronomical purpose on account of its their similarity to well-known marks that used to astromical for astronomical observation. Conversely, the professor challenges this statement by pointing out that the grooves discovered in Malta are not very straight and their direactions directions change frequently, unlike the recognized marks that which are very straight, straight and extend longer in each direction. For example, some astromical used astronomical marks gauge the location of the sun by locating them in the first day of on specific days like spring equinox and so on.on (rephrased for clarity).

8. Mind Map

• Introduction

  • Reading passage: three theories explaining Malta's grooves
  • Listening passage: professor's counterarguments

• Theory 1: Irrigation Channels

  • Reading: solving water scarcity in Malta
  • Listening: channels usually from lakes/rivers, gravity limitations, long distance controversy

• Theory 2: Wheeled Vehicles

  • Reading: transporting objects with carts
  • Listening: carts relied on animal force, soft grooves not suitable for hooves

• Theory 3: Astronomical Purpose

  • Reading: similarity to known astronomical marks
  • Listening: Malta's grooves not straight, directions change frequently, example of spring equinox marks

9. Keywords

1.子项得分

• Task fulfillment: 4

• Organization: 3

• Coherence and Cohesion: 3

• Language Use: 4

2.预估分数

22. ### 3.任务完成度

你的文章在任务完成度方面表现不错，能够较好地概括了阅读和听力材料中的对立观点，并尝试解释了这些观点如何相互对立。但是，为了进一步提高你的得分，建议你更详细地展开每个论点，包括更多细节和例子来支持你的总结。此外，确保你的论述直接针对阅读材料中提出的优势，并用听力材料中的信息来具体反驳这些优势。

例如：

• 在讨论成本时，可以增加一个例子说明即使没有船员，无人船只在技术故障时可能导致更高昂的维修费用。

• 在讨论海盗问题时，可以详细描述一种可能的网络攻击场景，以便读者更清楚地理解无人船只如何容易受到网络海盗的威胁。

4.文章结构与组织

Your essay has a basic structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good. However, to improve the organization of your essay, you should ensure that each body paragraph focuses on a single point of contrast between the reading and listening passages. This will make your argument clearer and more compelling to the reader. Additionally, using clear transition words or phrases at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Start each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea of the paragraph. This will help readers understand what to expect from each part of your essay.

• Use transition words or phrases like "Firstly," "In addition," and "Lastly" to introduce new points and "However," "On the other hand," or "Contrary to" when presenting opposing views.

Examples in English:

1. To improve clarity in transitioning between points about cost savings, you could write: "Firstly, while the reading suggests that crew-less ships would save on operational costs, the lecture counters this by highlighting the hidden maintenance expenses incurred during port stays."

2. For enhancing coherence when discussing piracy risks, consider: "Furthermore, despite the reading's claim about reduced piracy risks due to lack of onboard controls, the lecture introduces a novel threat - cyber piracy - which could potentially override ship's autonomous systems without physical presence."

5. 语法批改

The reading passage and the lecture discuss the pros and cons of the crew-less ships. While the reading proposes their three advantages, the lecture, on the other hand, challenges this by stating that the crew-less ships don’t offer significant advantages. To begin with, the author claims that the crew-less ships are cheaper to operate because they can sail on their own without the need to pay for the crew. Hence, they can save companies money and lower the shipping cost. However, the professor refutes this view, arguing that they cannot save companies money. According to him, the crew is valuable because they can maintain the ships while they are still operating on the sea. However, for crew-less ships, companies can only do the maintenance work while they are on the portport,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) which means they have to spend extra time on maintenance and cannot earn money during that period of time. As a result, crew-less ships actually wouldn’t save money. Moving to the next point, the author asserts that the crew-less ships are less vulnerable to the piracy because the piracy will have no crew to control, have difficulties to board at sea and can’t alter the course. In contrast, the professor maintains a different opinion, stating that crew-less ships may be less vulnerable to traditional piracy but, but(comma between independent clauses) they can be quite vulnerable to computer piracy. He further explains that although they operate autonomously, these ships need updates of software. Hence, the computer piracy can take advantage of it, altering its route without being near them. Lastly, the author claims that crew-less ships can be safer because they eliminate the possibilities of human errors. Contrary to the reading’s view, the professor believes that humans can prevent accidents while techniques fail. For instance, techniques can be disrupted by high wind. Under this scenario, humans can detect the potential object and operate the ship. In other words, when techniques fail, the crew-less ships will be doomed to have accidents.

6.文章修订

The discourse surrounding the implementation of crew-less ships presents a dichotomy of perspectives, with the reading passage advocating for their advantages, while the lecture counters these assertions by highlighting significant drawbacks. Initially, the passage posits that crew-less ships represent a cost-effective alternative to traditional shipping methods, primarily due to the elimination of crew-related expenses, thereby potentially reducing operational costs and lowering shipping prices. Contrarily, the lecturer challenges this assertion by emphasizing the intrinsic value of human crews in performing ongoing maintenance at sea—a capability absent in autonomous vessels. This necessitates additional port stays for maintenance purposes for crew-less ships, inadvertently increasing costs and negating any purported financial benefits.

Furthermore, while the reading suggests that autonomous ships would be less susceptible to piracy due to the absence of a crew to coerce and potential design features making boarding difficult, the lecture introduces a nuanced perspective on vulnerability. It highlights the susceptibility of these vessels to cyber piracy through interference with software updates and navigation commands. This form of piracy could enable unauthorized redirection of vessels without physical presence, introducing a modern threat that compromises the security advantage attributed to crew-less ships.

Lastly, the reading champions autonomous ships for their potential to reduce maritime accidents attributed to human error by removing fatigue or distraction from the equation. However, this viewpoint is contested by the lecturer who underscores scenarios where human intervention is crucial. He points out that sensor technology used for navigation can fail under adverse weather conditions or when encountering unexpected obstacles—situations where human perception and experience are invaluable for averting disasters.

In essence, while autonomous shipping presents an innovative leap forward in maritime logistics, it is imperative to critically evaluate these advancements against practical challenges and potential vulnerabilities. The juxtaposition of these two perspectives underscores a complex landscape where technological progress must be balanced with considerations for safety, security, and operational viability. (313 words)

The discourse surrounding the implementation of crew-less ships presents a dichotomy of perspectives, with the reading passage and advocating for their advantages, while the lecture discuss the pros and cons of the crew-less ships. While the reading proposes their three advantages, the lecture, on the other hand, challenges this counters these assertions by stating that the crew-less ships don’t offer highlighting significant advantages. ¶ To begin with, the author claims that the crew-less ships are cheaper to operate because they can sail on their own without the need to pay for the crew. Hence, they can save companies money and lower the shipping cost. However, the professor refutes this view, arguing that they cannot save companies money. According to him, the crew is valuable because they can maintain the ships while they are still operating on the sea. However, for crew-less ships, companies can only do the maintenance work while they are on the port which means they have to spend extra time on maintenance and cannot earn money during that period of time. As a result, crew-less ships actually wouldn’t save money. ¶ Moving to the next point, the author asserts that the crew-less ships are less vulnerable to the piracy because the piracy will have no crew to control, have difficulties to board at sea and can’t alter the course. In contrast, the professor maintains a different opinion, stating drawbacks. Initially, the passage posits that crew-less ships may represent a cost-effective alternative to traditional shipping methods, primarily due to the elimination of crew-related expenses, thereby potentially reducing operational costs and lowering shipping prices. Contrarily, the lecturer challenges this assertion by emphasizing the intrinsic value of human crews in performing ongoing maintenance at sea—a capability absent in autonomous vessels. This necessitates additional port stays for maintenance purposes for crew-less ships, inadvertently increasing costs and negating any purported financial benefits.

Furthermore, while the reading suggests that autonomous ships would be less vulnerable to traditional susceptible to piracy but they can be quite vulnerable to computer piracy. He further explains due to the absence of a crew to coerce and potential design features making boarding difficult, the lecture introduces a nuanced perspective on vulnerability. It highlights the susceptibility of these vessels to cyber piracy through interference with software updates and navigation commands. This form of piracy could enable unauthorized redirection of vessels without physical presence, introducing a modern threat that although they operate autonomously, these ships need updates of software. Hence, the computer piracy can take compromises the security advantage of it, altering its route without being near them. attributed to crew-less ships.

Lastly, the author claims reading champions autonomous ships for their potential to reduce maritime accidents attributed to human error by removing fatigue or distraction from the equation. However, this viewpoint is contested by the lecturer who underscores scenarios where human intervention is crucial. He points out that crew-less ships sensor technology used for navigation can fail under adverse weather conditions or when encountering unexpected obstacles—situations where human perception and experience are invaluable for averting disasters.

In essence, while autonomous shipping presents an innovative leap forward in maritime logistics, it is imperative to critically evaluate these advancements against practical challenges and potential vulnerabilities. The juxtaposition of these two perspectives underscores a complex landscape where technological progress must be safer because they eliminate the possibilities of human errors. Contrary to the reading’s view, the professor believes that humans can prevent accidents while techniques fail. For instance, techniques can be disrupted by high wind. Under this scenario, humans can detect the potential object and operate the ship. In other words, when techniques fail, the crew-less ships will be doomed to have accidents.balanced with considerations for safety, security, and operational viability.

8. Mind Map: Essay Structure and Lecture Points

- Essay and Lecture Overview
  - Introduction
    - Topic: Implementation of crew-less ships
    - Perspectives: Advantages vs. Drawbacks
  - Body Paragraphs
    - Cost-Effectiveness
      - Reading: Lower operational costs due to no crew expenses
      - Lecture: Increased maintenance costs negate savings
    - Susceptibility to Piracy
      - Reading: Reduced risk due to lack of crew and design features
      - Lecture: Increased risk of cyber piracy affecting navigation and control
    - Reduction in Maritime Accidents
      - Reading: Decrease in human error due to automation
      - Lecture: Limitations of sensor technology in adverse conditions require human intervention
  - Conclusion
    - Summary of contrasting views on autonomous shipping 
    - Importance of evaluating technological advancements against practical challenges

9. 关键词

Sample Sentences

1. Dichotomy: "Exploring the dichotomy between traditional and modern teaching methods reveals significant insights into educational evolution."

2. Autonomous: "The development of autonomous vehicles seeks to revolutionize urban transport systems."

3. Cyber Piracy: "With the rise in digital connectivity, cyber piracy has become an alarming threat to global maritime security."

4. Intrinsic Value: "Art collectors often debate over the intrinsic value versus market value when acquiring new pieces."

5. Susceptibility: "Plants' susceptibility to pests varies significantly across species, necessitating tailored protection measures."

6. Adverse: "Farmers often have contingency plans ready for dealing with adverse weather conditions during critical growing periods."

7. Maintenance: "Regular maintenance is crucial for prolonging the lifespan and efficiency of mechanical equipment."

8. Operational Viability: "For startups, achieving operational viability within the first year can be indicative of long-term success."

9. Negate: "Recent findings negate earlier theories about the dietary habits of early humans."

10. .Redirection: "Effective redirection strategies can help manage traffic flow during city events, minimizing congestion."