TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on education. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1.子项得分 Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2.预估分数

25. 3.任务完成度

整体来说，这篇文章回答了教授的问题，并表达了作者的观点。但是，文章在语言和语法方面存在一些错误，需要改进。例如，有些句子的表达不够流畅，可以使用更简洁明了的句子结构。此外，在举例子时，可以提供更具体的细节来支持观点。

改进示例1： 原文：“A intersting and useful class, not only teaches students the ablity to find jobs, but also guide students to explore something with curiosity and become more mentle-health.” 修改后：“An interesting and useful class not only teaches students the ability to find jobs but also guides them to explore new topics with curiosity, promoting their mental health.”

改进示例2： 原文：“Conversly, taking a great efforts in a class but finally get the lowest grade would be a huge damage to students' mental health, thus losing their motivation to explore something new.” 修改后：“Conversely, putting in great effort in a class but ultimately receiving the lowest grade can significantly damage a student's mental health, causing them to lose motivation for exploring new subjects.”

4.文章结构与组织 文章具有清晰的结构，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在段落之间的过渡方面还有待加强。建议在段落之间使用过渡词或短语，使文章更加连贯。此外，可以在正文部分进一步展开论述，提供更多有力的论据支持观点。

改进示例1： 原文：“However, considering the background of different students, I am inclined to prioritize the evaluation with both performance and effort.” 修改后：“However, considering the diverse backgrounds of students, I believe that evaluating both performance and effort is a more comprehensive approach.”

改进示例2： 原文：“Therefore, I firmly believe that focusing both performance and effort will substantially improve students' motivation and strengthen their research capabilities.” 修改后：“In conclusion, I firmly believe that a balanced focus on both performance and effort will not only improve students' motivation but also strengthen their research capabilities in the long run.”

5. 语法批改

Kelly presents a compelling argument in favor of giving grades based only on performance. Admittedly, performance is an excellent means to evaluate different studentsstudents'(Possessive apostrophe error) participation in a class. However, considering the background of different students, I am inclined to prioritize the evaluation with both performance and effort. In my view, focusing on performance is an efficient way to evaluate students' ablityability(misspelling), while giving attention to students' effort can be a good way to see the improvement. AAn(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') interstinginteresting(misspelling) and useful class, not only teaches students the ablityability(misspelling) to find jobs, but also guide students to explore something with curiosity and become more mentle-health[No Replacement Word Found](misspelling). For example, engaging in enjoyable activities helps students stay motivated, maintain a positive outlook, and experience a sense of satisfaction. ConverslyConversely(misspelling), taking a great effortsa great effort(Agreement: 'a' + plural word) in a class but finally get the lowest grade would be a huge damagehuge damage(Articles: a + uncountable noun) to students' mental health, thus losing their motivation to explore something new. Therefore, I firmly believe that focusing both performance and effort will substantially improve students' motivation and strengthen their research capabilities.

6.文章修订

Kelly presents a compelling argument in favor of giving grades based solely on performance. Undoubtedly, performance is an effective means to evaluate students' participation in a class. However, considering the diverse backgrounds of students, I believe that evaluating both performance and effort is a more comprehensive approach. In my view, focusing on performance efficiently assesses students' abilities, while acknowledging their effort can encourage improvement and personal growth.

An engaging and useful class not only teaches students the ability to find jobs but also guides them to explore new topics with curiosity, promoting their mental health. For example, participating in enjoyable activities helps students stay motivated, maintain a positive outlook, and experience a sense of satisfaction. Conversely, putting in great effort in a class but ultimately receiving the lowest grade can significantly damage a student's mental health, causing them to lose motivation for exploring new subjects.

Therefore, I firmly believe that a balanced focus on both performance and effort will not only improve students' motivation but also strengthen their research capabilities in the long run. (175 words)

7.文章批改

Kelly presents a compelling argument in favor of giving grades based only solely on performance. Admittedly, performance (revised for clarity and conciseness). Undoubtedly, performance is an excellent effective means to evaluate different students students' participation in a class. class (revised for smoother flow). However, considering the background diverse backgrounds of different students, I am inclined to prioritize the evaluation with believe that evaluating both performance and effort. effort is a more comprehensive approach (revised for clarity and conciseness). In my view, focusing on performance is an efficient way to evaluate efficiently assesses students' ablity, abilities, while giving attention to students' acknowledging their effort can be a good way to see the improvement. A intersting encourage improvement and personal growth (revised for smoother flow).

An engaging and useful class, class not only teaches students the ablity ability to find jobs, jobs but also guide students guides them to explore something new topics with curiosity and become more mentle-health. curiosity, promoting their mental health (revised for grammar and clarity). For example, engaging participating in enjoyable activities helps students stay motivated, maintain a positive outlook, and experience a sense of satisfaction. Conversly, taking a satisfaction (revised for smoother flow). Conversely, putting in great efforts effort in a class but finally get ultimately receiving the lowest grade would be a huge can significantly damage to students' a student's mental health, thus losing their causing them to lose motivation to explore something new. for exploring new subjects (revised for grammar and clarity).

Therefore, I firmly believe that focusing a balanced focus on both performance and effort will substantially not only improve students' motivation and but also strengthen their research capabilities.capabilities in the long run (revised for smoother flow).

8.思维导图

• Introduction

  • Performance-based grading
  • Effort-based grading

• Diverse backgrounds

  • Comprehensive approach

• Performance assessment

  • Abilities evaluation

• Acknowledging effort

  • Improvement and personal growth

• Engaging and useful classes

  • Curiosity and mental health promotion

• Motivation and research capabilities

9.关键词