TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: in your response. you should do the following. Express and support your opinion. Make a contribution to the discussion in your own words. An effective response will contain at least 100words.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

总体来说，这篇文章较好地完成了任务要求，表达了作者的观点并提供了支持。但是，为了更好地完成任务，可以在以下方面进行改进：

1. 更具体地说明在线信息可能导致错误决策的原因。

2. 使用更多的例子来支持观点。

例如：

• 在描述互联网信息可能导致错误决策时，可以提到一些具体的例子，如虚假广告、过时信息等。

• 在讨论朋友和家人提供建议的优势时，可以举出更多与自己相关的实际例子。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构基本清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在组织方面仍有改进空间。以下是一些建议：

1. 在引言中简要概述两种选择，并明确表达自己的观点。

2. 在正文中使用段落清晰地分析每个观点，并使用过渡词连接不同段落。

例如：

• 引言部分可以这样写：“在当今社会，消费者在购买产品时通常会寻求朋友和家人的建议或者查阅在线信息。尽管在线信息更丰富，但我认为从朋友和家人那里获得建议更为可靠。”

• 在正文中，可以使用过渡词如“首先”、“其次”来组织段落，例如：“首先，亲朋好友对我们的需求和喜好了解得更多，因此他们的建议往往更符合我们的实际需求。”

5. 语法批改

As far as I am concerned, I disagree with the Claire’s idea that getting recommendations from family and friends is time-consuming. Nowadays, with a lot of information in the Interneton the Internet(Collocation: in/on the Internet), not only will you find useful information you need but, but(comma between independent clauses) also you need to discriminate whether the information is false or not, which is not efficient. But just as Paul said, your friends and family are familiar with you, making you buy a suitable product easily. In addition, sometimes they also have experienced the product you want to buy, which can give you a real feedback of the product, allowing you to save a lot of money. For example, last year I wanted to buy a new cellphone and asked my friends for help. I am accustomed to buyaccustomed to buying('admit', 'appreciate', 'avoid', 'enjoy' etc. with a base form of a verb) a certain brand cellphone. Although the feedback of new model online is pretty good, with my friends’ real feedback that this new model phone is too big to hold with only one hand, which make it is not convenient, I decided to change my choice to buy another brand cellphone. Therefore, I firmly believe that asking friends and family for help to buy a productsa product(Agreement: 'a' + plural word) is much better than only depending on online sources.

Display title: 6 文章修订

In my opinion, seeking advice from friends and family is a more effective strategy for making purchasing decisions than solely relying on online sources. Contrary to Claire's assertion that obtaining recommendations from loved ones is time-consuming, I believe that the abundance of information on the internet can be overwhelming and difficult to discern its accuracy, thus reducing efficiency. As Paul mentioned, friends and family possess a deeper understanding of our preferences and needs, which facilitates the selection of suitable products. Moreover, their firsthand experience with certain products can provide invaluable insights and potentially save us money.

For instance, when I was in search of a new cellphone last year, I consulted my friends for their opinions. Although I typically favored a specific brand and the latest model received positive online reviews, my friends' genuine feedback revealed that the phone's size made it inconvenient for one-handed use. Consequently, I opted for an alternative brand that better suited my needs. This personal anecdote underscores the importance of incorporating advice from friends and family when making purchasing decisions rather than solely depending on online sources. (186 words)

As far as I am concerned, I disagree with the Claire’s idea that getting In my opinion, seeking advice from friends and family is a more effective strategy for making purchasing decisions than solely relying on online sources (revised for clarity and conciseness). Contrary to Claire's assertion that obtaining recommendations from loved ones is time-consuming, I believe that the abundance of information on the internet can be overwhelming and difficult to discern its accuracy (rephrased for better flow), thus reducing efficiency. As Paul mentioned, friends and family and friends is time-consuming. Nowadays, possess a deeper understanding of our preferences and needs (simplified for clarity), which facilitates the selection of suitable products. Moreover, their firsthand experience with a lot of information certain products can provide invaluable insights and potentially save us money (rephrased for better flow).

For instance, when I was in the Internet, not only will you find useful information you need but also you need to discriminate whether the information is false or not, which is not efficient. But just as Paul said, your friends and family are familiar with you, making you buy a suitable product easily. In addition, sometimes they also have experienced the product you want to buy, which can give you a real feedback of the product, allowing you to save a lot of money. For example, last year I wanted to buy search of a new cellphone and asked my friends for help. I am accustomed to buy a certain last year, I consulted my friends for their opinions (simplified sentence structure). Although I typically favored a specific brand cellphone. Although the and the latest model received positive online reviews, my friends' genuine feedback of new model online is pretty good, with my friends’ real feedback that this new model phone is too big to hold with only one hand, which make revealed that the phone's size made it is not convenient, I decided to change my choice to buy another inconvenient for one-handed use (revised for clarity). Consequently, I opted for an alternative brand cellphone. Therefore, I firmly believe that asking that better suited my needs (simplified sentence structure). This personal anecdote underscores the importance of incorporating advice from friends and family for help to buy a products is much better when making purchasing decisions rather than only solely depending on online sources.sources (rephrased to emphasize main point).

8 思维导图

1. 介绍
   - 朋友和家人的建议 vs 网络资源

2. 反驳Claire的观点
   - 时间消耗问题
   - 网络信息过多和准确性问题

3. 同意Paul的观点
   - 朋友和家人了解我们的需求和喜好
   - 有实际使用经验，能提供有价值的见解

4. 个人经历举例
   - 寻找新手机时参考朋友建议
   - 品牌选择和实际需求问题

5. 结论
   - 结合朋友和家人建议与网络资源进行购物决策更有效

9 关键词