TOEFL TPO 25 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on business management. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.0

2. 预估分数

22. 3 任务完成度

您的文章在任务完成方面表现良好，但仍有改进的空间。首先，您需要更清晰地表达观点，并提供更具体的例子来支持您的观点。此外，尽量避免使用不准确或不清楚的词汇，并确保语法正确。

改进建议示例（英文）：

1. Instead of "Kelly presents a convincing idea that business-excellent communication cannot be useful in a particular industry.", you could write "Kelly argues that excellent communication skills may not be as valuable in certain industries as technical expertise."

2. Provide a specific example to support your argument, such as "In the software development industry, a project manager with strong communication skills can effectively convey project requirements to team members, ensuring that everyone is on the same page and working efficiently."

4. 文章结构与组织

从文章结构和组织方面来看，您的文章需要进行一些调整。首先，确保引入段落明确地介绍了主题和论点。其次，在正文段落中专注于一个具体观点，并提供详细的支持信息。最后，在结论段总结您的主要观点。

改进建议示例（英文）：

1. Start your essay with an introduction that clearly states your main argument, such as "In this post, I will argue that excellent communication skills are essential for effective business management, even in industries where technical expertise is highly valued."

2. Organize your body paragraphs by focusing on one specific point per paragraph, and provide supporting details. For example, "One reason why communication skills are crucial in business management is that they enable leaders to clearly convey project requirements to their team members, ensuring that everyone understands their roles and responsibilities."

5. 语法批改

Kelly presents a convincing idea that business-excellent communication cannot be useful in a particular industry. Admittedly, (Two consecutive spaces)an employer who has a great technical background is more important because they know what they should do at their workplace. However, considering the situation if a leader who are not good at communicate, they can not convert the requirement of the project to the employees clearly. For a long period time, it well definitely influence the efficiency of the work. For example, the competition about the source of product is really intense. Because nowadays, massage in this society or companies are more available. Using the internet and vast softwarespieces of software(softwares → pieces of software) can obviously help people to work. So people who have the development of the communication will be more shortage which cannot replaced by technology.

Section Title: The Importance of Effective Communication in Business Management

In response to Kelly's assertion that excellent communication may not be crucial in certain industries, I would like to argue that effective communication is indeed vital for business management across all sectors. While it is true that possessing a strong technical background is essential for employees to perform their tasks efficiently, the ability to communicate clearly and effectively should not be underestimated. A leader who struggles with communication may face difficulties in conveying project requirements to their team members, which could ultimately impact the overall efficiency and productivity of the workplace.

For instance, in today's highly competitive market, businesses must constantly adapt and innovate to stay ahead. Rapid advancements in technology have made information more accessible than ever before, making it increasingly important for individuals to possess strong communication skills. Those who can effectively relay information and collaborate with others will be highly sought after, as they can contribute significantly to a company's success. In this regard, advanced communication skills are an invaluable asset that cannot be easily replaced by technology alone. (182 words)

Kelly presents Revised essay: Section Title: The Importance of Effective Communication in Business Management

In response to Kelly's assertion that excellent communication may not be crucial in certain industries (providing context for the discussion), I would like to argue that effective communication is indeed vital for business management across all sectors. While it is true that possessing a convincing idea that business-excellent communication cannot be useful in a particular industry. Admittedly, an employer who has a great strong technical background is more important because they know what they essential for employees to perform their tasks efficiently (acknowledging the importance of technical skills), the ability to communicate clearly and effectively should do at their workplace. However, considering the situation if a not be underestimated (emphasizing the significance of communication skills). A leader who are not struggles with communication may face difficulties in conveying project requirements to their team members (illustrating potential issues with poor communication), which could ultimately impact the overall efficiency and productivity of the workplace.

For instance, in today's highly competitive market, businesses must constantly adapt and innovate to stay ahead (establishing the need for effective communication). Rapid advancements in technology have made information more accessible than ever before, making it increasingly important for individuals to possess strong communication skills (explaining why good at communicate, communication is essential). Those who can effectively relay information and collaborate with others will be highly sought after, as they can not convert the requirement of the project to the employees clearly. For contribute significantly to a long period time, it well definitely influence the efficiency of the work. For example, the competition about the source of product is really intense. Because nowadays, massage in company's success (highlighting the benefits of strong communicators). In this society or companies regard, advanced communication skills are more available. Using the internet and vast softwares can obviously help people to work. So people who have the development of the communication will be more shortage which an invaluable asset that cannot be easily replaced by technology.technology alone (concluding statement on the importance of effective communication).

Display title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Importance of effective communication
   - Rebuttal to Kelly's assertion

2. Technical background vs. communication skills
   - Both are essential for employees

3. Leadership and communication
   - Conveying project requirements
   - Impact on efficiency and productivity

4. Competitive market and innovation
   - Necessity to adapt and innovate

5. Technology advancements and information accessibility
   - Importance of strong communication skills

6. Collaboration and relay of information 
   - Highly sought-after individuals 

7. Advanced communication skills as an invaluable asset 
   - Cannot be replaced by technology alone 

8. Conclusion 
   - Effective communication is vital for business management across all sectors 

Display title: 9 关键词