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TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on lifestyle. Write a post responding to the professor's question. In your response you should do the following. · Express and support your opinion. · Make a contribution to the discussion in your own words. An effective response will contain at least 100 words.

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사용자 제출 예시 2개 이용 가능

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과제 개요

Professor

What is one poor eating habit that would be important for most people to change, and why?

Student A

It would be to eat a better breakfast. A good breakfast gives you more energy all day and keeps you from eating too much later.

Student B

I think most people don't bother to learn much about the food that they eat. This ignorance is a kind of bad eating habit. It can be burdensome, but you should try to read every food package label.

사용자 예시 및 평가 결과

1

사용자 예시 #1

As Amy and Rory respectively shed light on the importance of eating breakfast and learning more about the food, I believe that the poorest eating habi...

점수
26

사용자 예시

As Amy and Rory respectively shed light on the importance of eating breakfast and learning more about the food, I believe that the poorest eating habit people need to change in order to be healthier is to keep a regular eating time. Nowadays, people are engrossed in work and have little time to have a rest during work time, even leaving enough time to eat. Citizens always seek food at the midnight in different food markets opening only at night. These snacks, such as barbecues or ice creams look very dilicious and attractive, leading to numorous passangers stop by and have a try. Under such circumstances, more and more people are likely to have a stomachache or fall into other illness. In other cases, night market is very popular after the recovery from COVID-19. Thus, Regular eating habits are significant for everyone to keep. By doing so, individules will lead healthier lives and keep fit as they want.

평가 결과

1. 子项得分

  • Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

  • Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

  • Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现良好,但仍有改进的空间。首先,尽管文章提到了Amy和Rory的观点,但可以更详细地讨论这些观点以及它们与你的观点之间的关系。此外,在支持你的观点时,可以提供更多具体的例子和证据。最后,在文章结尾部分,可以更明确地总结你的观点,并指出为什么它对大多数人来说是重要的。

示例1:在讨论Amy和Rory的观点时,可以添加一句话来说明为什么你认为他们的观点不如你自己的观点重要。 示例2:在支持你关于保持规律饮食时间对健康有益这一观点时,可以引用一些研究或数据来证明这一说法。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章整体结构清晰,包括引言、正文和结论。然而,在组织方面还有改进空间。首先,在引言部分,建议明确提出你将讨论哪个问题,以便读者更好地理解文章的目的。其次,在正文部分,可以使用更明确的过渡词或短语来连接不同的观点和段落。最后,在结论部分,可以总结文章的主要观点,并强调它们对讨论的重要性。

示例1:在引言部分,可以添加一句话来明确提出你将讨论如何改善饮食习惯这一问题。 示例2:在正文部分,可以使用过渡词如“此外”、“然而”等来连接不同的观点和段落。

5. 语法批改

As Amy and Rory respectively shed light on the importance of eating breakfast and learning more about the food, I believe that the poorest eating habit people need to change in order to be healthier is to keep a regular eating time. Nowadays, people are engrossed in work and have little time to have a rest during work time, even leaving enough time to eat. Citizens always seek food at the midnight in different food markets opening only at night. These snacks, such as barbecues or ice creams look very diliciousdelicious(misspelling) and attractive, leading to numorousnumerous(misspelling) passangerspassengers(misspelling) stop by and have a try. Under such circumstances, more and more people are likely to have a stomachache or fall into other illness. In other cases, night market is very popular after the recovery from COVID-19. Thus, Regular eating habits are significant for everyone to keep. By doing so, individulesindividuals(misspelling) will lead healthier lives and keep fit as they want.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In response to the professor's question, while Amy and Rory emphasize the importance of consuming a nutritious breakfast and being knowledgeable about one's food choices, I contend that the most crucial eating habit for individuals to modify is maintaining consistent meal times. In today's fast-paced society, people are often preoccupied with work and neglect to allot sufficient time for meals and relaxation. Consequently, many resort to indulging in late-night snacks at various food markets that operate exclusively after dark. These delectable treats, such as barbecues or ice creams, entice numerous patrons to partake in them. However, this irregular eating pattern can result in adverse health effects like stomachaches or other ailments. Moreover, the popularity of night markets has surged following the easing of COVID-19 restrictions. Therefore, establishing regular eating habits is vital for everyone's well-being. By adhering to a consistent meal schedule, individuals can lead healthier lives and maintain their desired fitness levels. (158 words)

As In response to the professor's question (clarifying the context of the essay), while Amy and Rory respectively shed light on emphasize (rephrasing for clarity) the importance of eating consuming a nutritious breakfast and learning more being knowledgeable about the food, one's food choices, I believe contend that the poorest most crucial eating habit people need to change in order to be healthier for individuals to modify is to keep a regular eating time. Nowadays, maintaining consistent meal times (clarifying the main argument). In today's fast-paced society, people are engrossed often preoccupied with work and neglect to allot sufficient time for meals and relaxation (explaining why this issue occurs). Consequently, many resort to indulging in work and have little time to have a rest during work time, even leaving enough time to eat. Citizens always seek food late-night snacks at the midnight in different various food markets opening only at night. that operate exclusively after dark (providing an example of poor eating habits). These snacks, delectable treats, such as barbecues or ice creams look very dilicious and attractive, leading to numorous passangers stop by and have creams, entice numerous patrons to partake in them (explaining the appeal of these snacks). However, this irregular eating pattern can result in adverse health effects like stomachaches or other ailments (highlighting potential consequences). Moreover, the popularity of night markets has surged following the easing of COVID-19 restrictions (adding a try. Under such circumstances, more and more people are likely to have relevant current event). Therefore, establishing regular eating habits is vital for everyone's well-being (restating the main argument). By adhering to a stomachache or fall into other illness. In other cases, night market is very popular after the recovery from COVID-19. Thus, Regular eating habits are significant for everyone to keep. By doing so, individules will consistent meal schedule, individuals can lead healthier lives and keep fit as they want.maintain their desired fitness levels (concluding with benefits of adopting regular eating habits).

8 思维导图

Mindmap:

1. Introduction
   - Importance of consistent meal times

2. Fast-paced society
   - Work and busy schedules
   - Neglecting meal times and relaxation

3. Late-night snacks
   - Food markets after dark
   - Examples: barbecues, ice creams

4. Health effects
   - Stomachaches, ailments

5. Popularity of night markets
   - Easing of COVID-19 restrictions

6. Establishing regular eating habits
   - Importance for well-being

7. Benefits of consistent meal schedule
   - Healthier lives, desired fitness levels 

8. Conclusion 

9 关键词

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish DefinitionSimplified Chinese TranslationSample Sentence
nutritious/njuːˈtrɪʃəs/adjectiveefficient as food; nourishing营养丰富的Consuming a nutritious breakfast is essential for starting the day right.
preoccupied/priːˈɒkjʊpaɪd/adjectiveengrossed in something; absorbed心事重重的People are often preoccupied with work and neglect their meals.
allot/əˈlɒt/verbgive or apportion (something) to someone分配They failed to allot sufficient time for meals and relaxation.
indulge/ɪnˈdʌldʒ/verb/allow oneself to enjoy the pleasure of放纵Many resort to indulging in late-night snacks at various food markets.
delectable/dɪˈlɛktəb(ə)l/adjective(of food or drink) delicious美味可口的These delectable treats, such as barbecues or ice creams, entice numerous patrons to partake in them.
adverse/ədˈvɜːs/adjective/preventing success or development; harmful不利的This irregular eating pattern can result in adverse health effects like stomachaches or other ailments.
surge/sɜːdʒ/verb/increase suddenly and powerfully激增The popularity of night markets has surged following the easing of COVID-19 restrictions.
well-being/ˌwelˈbiːɪŋ/noun/the state of being comfortable, healthy, or happy幸福安康Establishing regular eating habits is vital for everyone's well-being.
adhere/ədˈhɪər/verb/stick fast to (a surface or substance)坚持By adhering to a consistent meal schedule, individuals can lead healthier lives and maintain their desired fitness levels.
2

사용자 예시 #2

From where I stand, it is certain that creating more car-free central zones will decrease the whole society's working efficiency and produce negative ...

사용자 예시

From where I stand, it is certain that creating more car-free central zones will decrease the whole society's working efficiency and produce negative effects on government revenue since if more and more people choose to walk to their companies' bases, they will waste a profusion of working time regulated by the labor law about eight hours per day. To be more specific, it is common that contemporary people drive their car to their workplaces, which are always in the central zone of a city, as reducing the time consumption of commuting, and the whole society can run smoothly with the local companies in high efficiency. Besides, these companies cannot promote their projects when their employees cannot start their work on time, and finally, the government's tax income from the company will also decrease dramatically. Still, a voice arises that free-car zones can provide a healthier environment for local people. Ironically, the fuel-based car can still be leveraged outside the car-free zone, and it is impossible for all people to stay in the car-free zone forever.

평가 결과

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 22 (3.5)

3. Task completeness

The essay does a fair job of addressing the task requirements, expressing an opinion, and contributing to the discussion. However, it could be improved by providing clearer support for the viewpoint, addressing counterarguments more effectively, and using more relevant examples or details. Additionally, some grammatical errors and unclear language usage should be corrected.

Example 1: Original: "From where I stand, it is certain that creating more car-free central zones will decrease the whole society's working efficiency..." Improved: "In my opinion, creating car-free central zones may lead to decreased efficiency in society as a whole..."

Example 2: Original: "Ironically, the fuel-based car can still be leveraged outside the car-free zone..." Improved: "However, it is important to note that fuel-based cars will still be used outside of car-free zones..."

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, it could benefit from clearer organization within paragraphs and better transitions between ideas.

Suggestions for improvement:

  • Clearly state your main points in each paragraph.

  • Use transitions between ideas within paragraphs.

  • Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one specific point with supporting details.

Example 1: Original: "To be more specific...the whole society can run smoothly with the local companies in high efficiency." Improved: "For instance...this allows society to function efficiently as local companies can maintain high productivity levels."

Example 2: Original: "Besides...the government's tax income from the company will also decrease dramatically." Improved: "Furthermore...this could lead to a significant decrease in government tax revenue from these companies."

5. Grammar

From where I stand, it is certain that creating more car-free central zones will decrease the whole society's working efficiency and produce negative effects on government revenue since if more and more people choose to walk to their companies' bases, they will waste a profusion of working time regulated by the labor law about eight hours per day. To be more specific, it is common that contemporary people drive their car to their workplaces, which are always in the central zone of a city, as reducing the time consumption of commuting, and the whole society can run smoothly with the local companies in high efficiency. Besides, these companies cannot promote their projects when their employees cannot start their work on time, and finally, the government's tax income from the company will also decrease dramatically. Still, a voice arises that free-car zones can provide a healthier environment for local people. Ironically, the fuel-based car can still be leveraged outside the car-free zone, and it is impossible for all people to stay in the car-free zone forever.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

While I understand the potential health benefits of implementing car-free central zones, I believe that such a policy could negatively impact overall societal efficiency and government revenue. If people are encouraged to walk or cycle to their workplaces, which are often located in city centers, the time spent commuting may significantly increase, leading to reduced productivity. Consequently, companies may struggle to complete projects on time, which could result in decreased tax income for the government.

Although proponents of car-free zones argue that they promote a healthier environment for residents, it is important to note that fuel-based vehicles would still be utilized outside these designated areas. Furthermore, it is unrealistic to expect individuals to remain within car-free zones indefinitely. Therefore, while the concept of car-free central zones may appear appealing at first glance, it is crucial to consider the broader implications and potential drawbacks before implementing such a policy. (153 words)

From where Revised essay: Display title: 6 Revised Essay

While I stand, it is certain understand the potential health benefits of implementing car-free central zones (rephrased for clarity and conciseness), I believe that creating more car-free central zones will decrease the whole society's working such a policy could negatively impact overall societal efficiency and produce negative effects on government revenue since if more and more revenue. If people choose are encouraged to walk to their companies' bases, they will waste a profusion of working time regulated by the labor law about eight hours per day. To be more specific, it is common that contemporary people drive their car or cycle to their workplaces, which are always often located in the central zone of a city, as reducing city centers, the time consumption of commuting, and the whole society can run smoothly with the local spent commuting may significantly increase (clarified the potential issue), leading to reduced productivity. Consequently, companies in high efficiency. Besides, these companies cannot promote their may struggle to complete projects when their employees cannot start their work on time, and finally, the government's which could result in decreased tax income from the company will also decrease dramatically. Still, a voice arises for the government (explained the connection between productivity and government revenue).

Although proponents of car-free zones argue that free-car zones can provide they promote a healthier environment for local people. Ironically, the residents, it is important to note that fuel-based car can vehicles would still be leveraged utilized outside the car-free zone, and these designated areas (addressed counterargument). Furthermore, it is impossible for all people to stay in the car-free zone forever.unrealistic to expect individuals to remain within car-free zones indefinitely (highlighted impracticality). Therefore, while the concept of car-free central zones may appear appealing at first glance, it is crucial to consider the broader implications and potential drawbacks before implementing such a policy (concluded with a balanced view).

8 Mind Map

  1. Introduction

    • Car-free central zones
    • Potential health benefits
    • Negative impacts on society and government revenue
  2. Efficiency

    • Increased commuting time
    • Reduced productivity
    • Impact on project completion and tax income
  3. Environmental Health

    • Healthier environment in car-free zones
    • Continued use of fuel-based vehicles outside zones
  4. Realistic Expectations

    • Impracticality of staying within car-free zones indefinitely
  5. Conclusion

    • Weighing broader implications and drawbacks before implementation

9 Key Words

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish DefinitionEnglish TranslationSample Sentence
efficiency/ɪˈfɪʃənsi/nounThe state or quality of being efficient, or able to accomplish something with the least waste of time and effort.efficiencyThe new software improved the company's efficiency by automating repetitive tasks.
productivity/ˌprədʌkˈtɪvəti/nounThe effectiveness of productive effort, especially in industry, as measured in terms of output per unit of input.productivityHigher employee morale leads to increased productivity in the workplace.
proponents/prəˈpoʊnənts/nounA person who advocates a theory, proposal, or course of action.proponentsProponents of the new policy argue that it will benefit both employees and employers alike.
designated/ˈdɛzɪgneɪtɪd/verb (past)To mark or point out; indicate; show; specify.designatedThe designated area for the event was clearly marked with signs and banners.
unrealistic/ˌʌnrɪəˈlɪstɪk/adjectiveNot compatible with reality or fact; not representing what is real.unrealisticExpecting to complete the project in one day is unrealistic, given its complexity.
implications/ˌɪmplɪˈkeɪʃənz/noun (plural)The conclusion that can be drawn from something, although it is not explicitly stated.implicationsThe implications of the new law were not immediately clear to many citizens.
drawbacks/ˈdrɔbækz/noun (plural)A feature that renders something less acceptable; a disadvantage or problem.drawbacksWhile the new software has many advantages, one of its drawbacks is its high cost.
implementing/ˈɪmpləmɛnt/verb (gerund)To put into effect according to a definite plan or procedure.implementingThe company is implementing new safety measures to protect its employees.
potential/pəˈtɛnʃəl/adjectiveHaving or showing the capacity to become or develop into something in the future.potentialThe young athlete has great potential and could become a professional player one day.

6 Revised Essay

While I understand the potential health benefits of implementing car-free central zones, I believe that such a policy could negatively impact overall societal efficiency and government revenue. If people are encouraged to walk or cycle to their workplaces, which are often located in city centers, the time spent commuting may significantly increase, leading to reduced productivity. Consequently, companies may struggle to complete projects on time, which could result in decreased tax income for the government.

Although proponents of car-free zones argue that they promote a healthier environment for residents, it is important to note that fuel-based vehicles would still be utilized outside these designated areas. Furthermore, it is unrealistic to expect individuals to remain within car-free zones indefinitely. Therefore, while the concept of car-free central zones may appear appealing at first glance, it is crucial to consider the broader implications and potential drawbacks before implementing such a policy.

Academic Discussion 채점 방식

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관련성 및 기여도

답안이 질문에 답하고 토론에 의미 있게 기여하는가?

언어 사용

문법 정확성, 어휘 범위, 문장 구조의 질.

전개 및 근거

구체적인 예시와 명확한 논리로 아이디어가 잘 전개되었는가?

답안에서 나타나는 공통 패턴

이 과제에 대한 사용자 제출 답안을 분석한 결과, 학생 답안에서 관찰된 공통 패턴은 다음과 같습니다.

많은 학생이 명확한 의견을 제시하지만 구체적인 뒷받침 예시가 부족합니다.

높은 점수를 받은 답안은 리딩 지문과 다른 참여자의 의견을 직접 인용합니다.

점수가 높은 답안은 다양한 문장 구조와 학술적 어휘를 사용합니다.

시간 관리는 핵심 요소입니다 — 서두른 느낌을 주는 답안은 전개 항목에서 낮은 점수를 받는 경향이 있습니다.

학습 팁

1

글을 쓰기 전에 프롬프트를 꼼꼼히 읽고 질문의 모든 부분을 파악하세요.

2

답안에서 리딩 지문과 다른 학생들의 의견을 언급하세요.

3

핵심 주장을 뒷받침할 구체적인 예시를 사용하고, 일반적인 진술은 피하세요.

4

120~150단어를 목표로 하세요. 답안이 길다고 항상 좋은 것은 아니며, 명료함과 초점이 더 중요합니다.

5

시험 조건에서 유창하게 답하기 위해 시간을 정해(10분) 연습하세요.

자주 묻는 질문

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