TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on Environment Science, Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

25. 3 任务完成度

虽然你的文章回答了教授的问题，但是在支持观点和论据方面还有待加强。建议在表达观点时，提供更具体的例子和详细的解释。此外，注意避免语法错误和不准确的词汇使用。

改进示例1： Instead of "customers will prefer to select cheaper but highly polluting transportation, like traditional train.", you can write "Customers may opt for more affordable yet highly polluting transportation options, such as traditional trains that rely on fossil fuels."

改进示例2： Instead of "While the Boeing Company did play an essential role in digging shale oil, an innovating energy compared with petrol.", you can write "The Boeing Company has played a significant role in exploring alternative energy sources, such as shale oil, which is considered more environmentally friendly compared to petroleum."

4. 文章结构与组织

你的文章结构基本清晰，但可以通过增加过渡句子和连接词来改善段落之间的衔接。同时，在引入新观点时，尝试使用主题句来明确表达段落中要讨论的内容。

改进示例1： 在第二段开头添加一个主题句："An alternative approach to addressing air pollution would be for governments to directly encourage the development of eco-friendly transportation technologies."

改进示例2： 在第三段开头添加一个过渡句子："On the other hand, simply imposing additional taxes on air travel may not lead to the desired environmental benefits."

5. 语法批改

I strongly concur Claireto Claire(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) that additional taxes on air traveling wouldn’t be the prominent resolution of air pollution. Given that increasing extra taxes will become passengers’ economic burden, it won’t be effective to reduce the air pollution. Instead, customers will prefer to select cheaper but highly polluting transportation, like traditional train. In addition, government can directly encourage enterprises to seek more eco-friendly transportation alternatives, such as providing economic huge amount of subsidies for positive companies which innovate green energy. Therefore, enterprises will be passionate in investing eco-friendly energy. For instance, in the US government donate allowance for the Boeing Company, which occupies most parts of air craftaircraft(air line (air line)) marketing, to suppose it innovate green energy for air planeairplane(Hyphenated words: air plane). While the Boeing Company did play an essential role in digging shale oil, an innovating energy compared with petrol. Thus, by using shale oil in air planeairplane(Hyphenated words: air plane), the Boeing Company reducing the emission of exhaust gas, avoiding wreaking havoc on atmosphere. Compared with Andrew’s opinion, extra taxes won’t be beneficial to environment degradation, enterprises prefer to find another solution, like reducing other cost. They will select worse seats or cheaper materials for designing instead.

Display title: 6 文章修订

I firmly agree with Claire that imposing additional taxes on air travel would not be an effective solution to address air pollution. Increasing taxes would primarily burden passengers, potentially leading them to opt for cheaper, yet more polluting modes of transportation, such as traditional trains. Instead of relying on taxes, the government should directly encourage companies to develop eco-friendly transportation alternatives by providing substantial subsidies for those that innovate in green energy. This approach would foster a greater interest among enterprises in investing in environmentally friendly technologies.

For example, the US government could offer financial incentives to major aircraft manufacturers like Boeing to support the development of greener energy sources for airplanes. In fact, Boeing has already played a significant role in exploring alternative fuels such as shale oil, which is considered a more innovative and cleaner energy source compared to petroleum. By utilizing shale oil in aircraft, Boeing can reduce emissions and mitigate the negative impact on the atmosphere.

In contrast to Andrew's opinion, merely imposing extra taxes may not yield significant environmental benefits. Instead, companies might seek other ways to cut costs, such as offering less comfortable seating or using cheaper materials in aircraft design. Focusing on incentivizing eco-friendly innovations is a more promising approach for addressing air pollution effectively. (216 words)

I strongly concur firmly agree with Claire that imposing additional taxes on air traveling wouldn’t travel would not be the prominent resolution of an effective solution to address air pollution. Given that increasing extra taxes will become passengers’ economic burden, it won’t be effective to reduce the air pollution. Instead, customers will prefer to select cheaper but highly polluting transportation, like traditional train. In addition, government can pollution (reason: taxes may not directly encourage enterprises to seek eco-friendly innovations). Increasing taxes would primarily burden passengers, potentially leading them to opt for cheaper, yet more polluting modes of transportation, such as traditional trains (reason: economic factors influence consumer choices). Instead of relying on taxes, the government should directly encourage companies to develop eco-friendly transportation alternatives, alternatives by providing substantial subsidies for those that innovate in green energy (reason: financial incentives can drive innovation). This approach would foster a greater interest among enterprises in investing in environmentally friendly technologies (reason: businesses respond to financial incentives).

For example, the US government could offer financial incentives to major aircraft manufacturers like Boeing to support the development of greener energy sources for airplanes (reason: specific example of how government support can help). In fact, Boeing has already played a significant role in exploring alternative fuels such as providing economic huge amount of subsidies for positive companies which innovate green energy. Therefore, enterprises will be passionate in investing eco-friendly energy. For instance, in the US government donate allowance for the Boeing Company, which occupies most parts of air craft marketing, to suppose it innovate green energy for air plane. While the Boeing Company did play an essential role in digging shale oil, an innovating which is considered a more innovative and cleaner energy source compared with petrol. Thus, by using to petroleum (reason: example demonstrates potential for innovation). By utilizing shale oil in air plane, the aircraft, Boeing Company reducing the emission of exhaust gas, avoiding wreaking havoc can reduce emissions and mitigate the negative impact on atmosphere. Compared with Andrew’s the atmosphere (reason: direct environmental benefit).

In contrast to Andrew's opinion, merely imposing extra taxes won’t be beneficial to environment degradation, enterprises prefer to find another solution, like reducing may not yield significant environmental benefits (reason: taxes alone may not drive innovation). Instead, companies might seek other cost. They will select worse seats ways to cut costs, such as offering less comfortable seating or using cheaper materials for designing instead.in aircraft design (reason: businesses may prioritize cost-cutting over environmental concerns). Focusing on incentivizing eco-friendly innovations is a more promising approach for addressing air pollution effectively (reason: targeted incentives can lead to better outcomes).

Display title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Agree with Claire
   - Ineffectiveness of additional taxes

2. Burden on passengers
   - Choosing cheaper, more polluting transportation

3. Government role
   - Encourage eco-friendly alternatives
   - Provide subsidies for green innovation

4. Example: Boeing and shale oil
   - Financial incentives for greener energy sources
   - Reducing emissions and atmospheric impact

5. Contrasting Andrew's opinion
   - Extra taxes not effective enough 

6. Focus on eco-friendly innovations 
   - More promising approach to address air pollution 

Display title: 9 关键词