TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on economics. Write a post responding to the professor's question. In your response you should: 1. Express and support your opinion 2. Make a contribution to the discussion. An effective response will contain at least 100 words. You will have 10 minutes to write it.

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 26 (based on the average of Sub Scores)

3. Task completeness

The essay addresses the task requirements well by choosing a scientific discovery or technological invention from the past 200 years and explaining its importance. The writer focuses on vaccines and antibiotics, which is a relevant choice for the discussion. However, there could be more elaboration on how these discoveries have impacted society, economics, or other aspects related to the professor's question.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Provide specific examples of diseases that have been eradicated or controlled due to vaccines and antibiotics.

• Discuss the economic impact of improved public health resulting from these medical advancements.

Examples in English:

1. "For instance, smallpox was a deadly disease that killed millions of people worldwide before the development of a vaccine led to its eradication in 1980."
2. "The widespread use of antibiotics has not only saved countless lives but also contributed to economic growth by reducing healthcare costs and increasing productivity."

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it could benefit from better organization within paragraphs and clearer transitions between ideas.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Organize each paragraph around one main idea with supporting details.

• Use clear transitions between ideas to improve the flow of your writing.

Examples in English:

1. "Vaccines have played a crucial role in eradicating life-threatening diseases such as smallpox and polio, significantly improving global health."
2. "Moreover, advancements in medical technology like vaccines and antibiotics have led to increased life expectancy, allowing people to contribute more effectively to society throughout their lives."

5. Grammar

In"In the past 200 years, tons ofcountless scientific discoveries orand technological inventions have been shown to the world. If I had to choose one in particularparticular, it willwould probably be vaccinevaccines or antibiotics. With Pasteur's work and discoveries, the world changed in a way people couldn't imagine.could not have imagined. So many people were dying really young because at that time life's conditions were not as good as the onedue to poor living conditions, which are nothing like what we have now.today. With vaccine,vaccines, we could now irradicateeradicate diseases that were killing millions of people, we learnpeople. We have learned so much about the immune system and wayshow our body was reactingbodies react to pathogens andpathogens, as well as the answers he couldthey produce to defend us against it.them. Medicine evolved so much and keeps evolving every day because scientists are curious to understand how our body is workingbodies work and how he isthey are able to communicate with our environment. People agedwho are 40 are now not thatconsidered old and still have a really long life to live and enjoylive, when 2two centuries agoago, it was synonymous ofwith an 80% chance of dying.dying."

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

Over the past two centuries, numerous scientific discoveries and technological inventions have significantly impacted our lives. Among these advancements, I believe that vaccines and antibiotics stand out as particularly important. Pasteur's groundbreaking work in immunology revolutionized the field of medicine, enabling us to combat diseases that once claimed countless lives. Vaccines have successfully eradicated illnesses that were once widespread, while also providing invaluable insights into the intricacies of our immune system and its response to pathogens. As a result of these medical advancements, our understanding of human health has evolved tremendously, and continues to progress as researchers delve deeper into the complex relationship between our bodies and their environment. Consequently, people today enjoy longer lifespans and improved quality of life compared to just two centuries ago when reaching middle age was often accompanied by a high risk of mortality. (144 words)

In Over the past 200 years, tons of two centuries (revised for clarity and formality), numerous scientific discoveries or and technological inventions have been shown significantly impacted our lives (revised for clarity). Among these advancements, I believe that vaccines and antibiotics stand out as particularly important (revised for conciseness). Pasteur's groundbreaking work in immunology revolutionized the field of medicine, enabling us to the world. If I had to choose one in particular it will probably be vaccine or antibiotics. With Pasteur's work and discoveries, the world changed in a way people couldn't imagine. So many people were dying really young because at that time life's conditions were not as good as the one we have now. With vaccine, we could now irradicate combat diseases that once claimed countless lives (revised for clarity and flow). Vaccines have successfully eradicated illnesses that were killing millions once widespread, while also providing invaluable insights into the intricacies of people, we learn so much about the our immune system and ways our body was reacting its response to pathogens (revised for clarity and flow). As a result of these medical advancements, our understanding of human health has evolved tremendously, and continues to progress as researchers delve deeper into the answers he could produce complex relationship between our bodies and their environment (revised for clarity and flow). Consequently, people today enjoy longer lifespans and improved quality of life compared to defend us against it. Medicine evolved so much and keeps evolving every day because scientists are curious to understand how our body is working and how he is able to communicate with our environment. People aged 40 are now not that old and still have a really long life to live and enjoy when 2 just two centuries ago it when reaching middle age was synonymous often accompanied by a high risk of 80% chance of dying.mortality (revised for clarity and flow).

Display title: 8 Mind Map

1. Introduction

   • Scientific discoveries
   • Technological inventions
   • Impact on lives

2. Vaccines

   • Pasteur's work in immunology
   • Eradication of illnesses
   • Insights into immune system

3. Antibiotics

   • Combating diseases
   • Saving countless lives

4. Improved understanding of human health

   • Evolution of medical knowledge
   • Ongoing research

5. Longer lifespans and improved quality of life

   • Comparison to two centuries ago
   • Lower risk of mortality

6. Conclusion

   • Importance of vaccines and antibiotics in modern society

Display title: 9 Key Words