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TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Writing | Question 2 of 2 Your professor is teaching a class on educational psychology. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

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과제 개요

Dr. Diaz

Secondary or high school students (ages 14-18) who plan to attend university must begin thinking about what field of study they'll enter. Some students might be directed into certain fields by their parents and teachers. Others prefer to make their own choice based on their own interests and feelings. Do you believe that secondary school students should be allowed to choose their own field of study at university without being guided by parents and teachers? Why?

Kelly

I think it's a mistake to let students at that age make such an important decision on their own. They usually don't have the wisdom to choose appropriately. The people who know them best-their parents and teachers-will be more objective and give the best guidance.

Andrew

Choosing a field of study, and perhaps a career in that field, based mainly on what others tell you to do seems wrong to me. My parents wanted me to study engineering, but Im not interested in that; I want to help people learn. I know l'll struggle more financially as a teacher, but I'm sure l'll be happier.

사용자 예시 및 평가 결과

1

사용자 예시 #1

In my opinion, high school students should consider parents’ and teachers’ suggestions when they decide on their study field, since students spend mos...

점수
26

사용자 예시

In my opinion, high school students should consider parents’ and teachers’ suggestions when they decide on their study field, since students spend most time studying and do not have enough experience in society. To elaborate, studying is a major task for students, so they do not have enough time to explore the world and then have a good understanding of the world. They do not have a lot of knowledge or strategies to make decisions by themselves. With the help of parents and teachers, they can make a smart decision, which benefits them in the future. When they choose a good field, they can have good individual development and get a high-paying job. Nevertheless, some might claim that high school students should make decisions depending on their interests. However, they do not mention that the students can spend their spare time developing their interests. They should think practically because society is competitive which needs the students to have their own advantages.

평가 결과

1. 子项得分

  • Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

  • Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

  • Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

整体来说,这篇文章较好地回答了问题,并提供了有力的论据。然而,为了更好地完成任务,可以在以下方面进行改进:

  1. 更具体地讨论父母和老师的建议如何有助于学生做出明智的决策。

  2. 在反驳他人观点时,提供更多细节和例子。

例如:

  • 当学生面临选择困难时,父母和老师可以根据他们对学生性格、兴趣和能力的了解,为他们提供合适的建议。

  • 尽管学生可以在业余时间发展兴趣,但在职业规划上,听从父母和老师的意见可能会让他们更容易找到一个既有兴趣又能获得稳定收入的领域。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构清晰,包括引言、正文和结论。各段落专注于特定观点及其支持细节。然而,在以下方面可以进行改进:

  1. 引入段落中添加背景信息,使读者更容易理解文章主题。

  2. 在段落之间添加过渡句,使文章更连贯。

例如:

  • 引言中可以添加一些关于学生在选择专业时面临的挑战和困惑的背景信息。

  • 在第二段和第三段之间,可以使用过渡句如“虽然有人可能认为高中生应该根据自己的兴趣做决策,但他们忽略了一个重要事实。”以提高文章的连贯性。

5. 语法批改

In my opinion, high school students should consider parents’ and teachers’ suggestions when they decide on their study field, since students spend most time studying and do not have enough experience in society. To elaborate, studying is a major task for students, so they do not have enough time to explore the world and then have a good understanding of the world. They do not have a lot of knowledge or strategies to make decisions by themselves. With the help of parents and teachers, they can make a smart decision, which benefits them in the future. When they choose a good field, they can have good individual development and get a high-paying job. Nevertheless, some might claim that high school students should make decisions depending on their interests. However, they do not mention that the students can spend their spare time developing their interests. They should think practically because society is competitive which needs the students to have their own advantages.

Section Title: The Role of Guidance in Choosing a Field of Study

In my perspective, high school students should take into account the advice of parents and teachers when determining their field of study, as these young individuals primarily focus on academics and often lack extensive real-world experience. To elaborate, the primary responsibility of students is to excel in their studies, which leaves them with limited opportunities to gain a comprehensive understanding of various career paths. Consequently, they may not possess the knowledge or strategies required to make well-informed decisions independently. By seeking guidance from parents and teachers, students can make astute choices that will benefit them in the long run. A suitable field of study can pave the way for personal growth and lucrative career opportunities.

Admittedly, some may argue that high school students should base their decisions solely on personal interests. However, this viewpoint overlooks the possibility that students can cultivate their passions during their leisure time. In today's competitive society, it is crucial for young people to adopt a pragmatic approach when selecting a field of study in order to secure a distinct advantage in their future endeavors. (191 words)

Revised essay: Section Title: The Role of Guidance in Choosing a Field of Study (Changed "7 文章批改" to a more descriptive and relevant title)

In my opinion, perspective (Changed "opinion" to "perspective" for a more natural tone), high school students should consider parents’ and teachers’ suggestions take into account the advice of parents and teachers when they decide determining their field of study, as these young individuals primarily focus on their study field, since students spend most time studying and do not have enough academics and often lack extensive real-world experience in society. (Reworded for clarity and coherence). To elaborate, studying the primary responsibility of students is a major task for students, so to excel in their studies, which leaves them with limited opportunities to gain a comprehensive understanding of various career paths (Reworded for clarity). Consequently, they do may not have enough time to explore the world and then have a good understanding of the world. They do not have a lot of possess the knowledge or strategies required to make well-informed decisions by themselves. With the help of independently. By seeking guidance from parents and teachers, they students can make a smart decision, which benefits astute choices that will benefit them in the future. When they choose a good field, they long run (Reworded for coherence). A suitable field of study can have good individual development and get a high-paying job. Nevertheless, pave the way for personal growth and lucrative career opportunities (Added transition for better flow).

Admittedly, some might claim may argue that high school students should make base their decisions depending solely on their personal interests. However, they do not mention this viewpoint overlooks the possibility that the students can spend their spare cultivate their passions during their leisure time developing their interests. They should think practically because society (Reworded for clarity). In today's competitive society, it is competitive which needs the students to have their own advantages.crucial for young people to adopt a pragmatic approach when selecting a field of study in order to secure a distinct advantage in their future endeavors (Reworded for coherence and emphasis on practicality).

8 思维导图


1. 引言
   - 高中生选择专业时需要听从父母和老师的建议

2. 学生的主要职责
   - 学术表现优秀
   - 缺乏实际经验

3. 导师和家长的作用
   - 提供知识和策略
   - 帮助学生做出明智的选择

4. 合适的专业选择
   - 个人成长
   - 良好的职业机会

5. 反驳观点:兴趣为主导因素

6. 兴趣与实际需求平衡
   - 课余时间培养兴趣爱好

7. 竞争激烈的社会背景下实用主义思考方式的重要性 

8. 结论:高中生在选择专业时应考虑父母和老师的建议,以确保未来有竞争优势。

9 关键词

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish definitionSimplified Chinese translationSample sentences
perspective/pərˈspektɪv/nouna particular way of considering something观点In my perspective, high school students should take into account the advice of parents and teachers.
excel/ɪkˈsel/verbto be extremely good at something擅长The primary responsibility of students is to excel in their studies.
comprehensive/ˌkɒmprɪˈhensɪv/adjectiveincluding everything that is necessary全面的They lack opportunities to gain a comprehensive understanding of various career paths.
astute/əˈstjuːt/adjectiveable to understand situations or behavior very well精明的By seeking guidance, students can make astute choices that will benefit them in the long run.
lucrative/ˈluːkrətɪv/adjectiveproducing a great deal of profit有利可图的A suitable field of study can pave the way for personal growth and lucrative career opportunities.
cultivate/ˈkʌltɪveɪt/verb-to prepare and use land for growing plants-to develop or improve a skill-耕种;培养
pragmatic/prægˈmætɪk//prægˈmætək/-solving problems in a practical and sensible way-based on practical judgments-实用主义的;务实的
endeavor/ɪnˈdevər//en-_an attempt to do something, especially something new or difficult-努力;尝试_In today's competitive society, it is crucial to secure a distinct advantage in their future endeavors.
competitive/kəmˈpetɪtɪv/adjective_involving competition-determined or trying very hard to be more successful than others-竞争的;有竞争力的
advantage/ədˈvæntɪdʒ/noun_a condition giving a greater chance of success-优势_By seeking guidance from parents and teachers, students can ensure they have an advantage in the future.

Academic Discussion 채점 방식

TOEFL Academic Discussion 과제는 ETS 공식 채점 기준에 따라 평가됩니다. AI 평가는 여러 측면에서 각 답안을 분석합니다.

관련성 및 기여도

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언어 사용

문법 정확성, 어휘 범위, 문장 구조의 질.

전개 및 근거

구체적인 예시와 명확한 논리로 아이디어가 잘 전개되었는가?

답안에서 나타나는 공통 패턴

이 과제에 대한 사용자 제출 답안을 분석한 결과, 학생 답안에서 관찰된 공통 패턴은 다음과 같습니다.

많은 학생이 명확한 의견을 제시하지만 구체적인 뒷받침 예시가 부족합니다.

높은 점수를 받은 답안은 리딩 지문과 다른 참여자의 의견을 직접 인용합니다.

점수가 높은 답안은 다양한 문장 구조와 학술적 어휘를 사용합니다.

시간 관리는 핵심 요소입니다 — 서두른 느낌을 주는 답안은 전개 항목에서 낮은 점수를 받는 경향이 있습니다.

학습 팁

1

글을 쓰기 전에 프롬프트를 꼼꼼히 읽고 질문의 모든 부분을 파악하세요.

2

답안에서 리딩 지문과 다른 학생들의 의견을 언급하세요.

3

핵심 주장을 뒷받침할 구체적인 예시를 사용하고, 일반적인 진술은 피하세요.

4

120~150단어를 목표로 하세요. 답안이 길다고 항상 좋은 것은 아니며, 명료함과 초점이 더 중요합니다.

5

시험 조건에서 유창하게 답하기 위해 시간을 정해(10분) 연습하세요.

자주 묻는 질문

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TOEFL Academic Discussion 과제는 온라인 수업 토론에 참여하는 것을 요구합니다. 교수의 질문과 다른 학생들의 답변을 읽은 후, 약 10분 안에 자신의 의견을 표현하고 뒷받침하는 글을 작성하게 됩니다.
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