TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Instructions Your professor is teaching a class on team working. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.0

2. 预估分数

22. 3 任务完成度

虽然你的文章回答了教授的问题并表达了自己的观点，但在论证方面还有待加强。建议你在提供观点时，给出更具体的例子和详细的解释。此外，注意避免语法错误和用词不当。

示例1（改进前）：For example, when I was young, I steal a toy from my friends. 示例1（改进后）：For instance, when I was young, I once stole a toy from my friend.

示例2（改进前）：By obey this behavior norm, we can cultivate our sense of responsibility. 示例2（改进后）：By adhering to this behavioral norm, we can cultivate our sense of responsibility.

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构方面，你需要更明确地划分段落。每个段落应该集中讨论一个特定的观点，并提供支持细节。此外，注意在段落之间使用清晰的过渡词或短语。

建议1（简体中文）：在引入新观点时使用过渡词或短语。 示例1（改进前）：For one thing, honesty is a Chinese tradition virtue. 示例1（改进后）：Firstly, honesty is a traditional Chinese virtue.

建议2（简体中文）：确保每个段落都有一个明确的主题句。 示例2（改进前）：For another thing, being honest is an important trait that manifesting in real world benefits. 示例2（改进后）：Secondly, being honest is an important trait that manifests in real-world benefits.

5. 语法批改

Admittedly, Lee presents a compelling argument in favor of the ability ofto(This rule identifies wrong preposition usage.) communicate clearly is the most important one among the three qualities that mentioned by Professor, yet he overlooks a critical factor related to the long term development of students. For my perspective, Emma offers a superior and comprehensive opportunity for us. For one thing, honesty is a Chinese tradition virtue. By obey this behavior norm, we can cultivate our sense of responsibility and become a person with sound personality. Besides, this virtue, passed down to us by our ancestors, is an indispensably partindispensable part(Adverb instead of an adjective) of our society. For another thing, being honest is an important trait that manifesting in real world benefits. This trait, as a success enabler, instilling in us aggress patience even if (Two consecutive spaces)we do not get immediate gratification. Moreover. theThe(Checks that a sentence starts with an uppercase letter) more honest we are to experiment with unfamiliar ways of getting things done, the more fearless we become of what could happen if we stepped outside ofoutside(outside of (outside)) our comfort zone. For example, when I was young, I steal a toy from my friends. After my parents asked me, I honest[No Replacement Word Found](He scary (He is scary)) said that I like the toy, so they notthey are not(I not sure (I am not sure)) angry with me, instant, they also bybuy(I will by (buy) this car) me a toy. This lesson I will never forget.

Title: 6 文章修订

While Lee makes a persuasive case for clear communication as the most crucial quality among the three mentioned by the professor, he fails to consider a vital aspect related to students' long-term development. In my opinion, Emma's perspective offers a more comprehensive and beneficial approach.

Firstly, honesty is a deeply-rooted traditional virtue in Chinese culture. By adhering to this behavioral norm, we can cultivate our sense of responsibility and develop a well-rounded personality. Furthermore, this virtue, passed down by our ancestors, serves as an indispensable part of our society.

Secondly, honesty is an essential trait that translates into tangible real-world benefits. As a catalyst for success, it instills in us the patience required to persevere even when immediate gratification is not achievable. Moreover, the more honest we are in experimenting with unfamiliar methods of accomplishing tasks, the less fearful we become of potential consequences when stepping outside our comfort zones.

For instance, as a child, I once stole a toy from my friend. When my parents confronted me about it, I honestly admitted that I liked the toy. Instead of being angry with me, they bought me a similar toy and taught me an invaluable lesson about honesty that I will never forget. (206 words)

Admittedly, While Lee presents a compelling argument in favor of the ability of communicate clearly is makes a persuasive case (reason: improved word choice for clarity) for clear communication as the most important one crucial quality (reason: improved word choice for clarity) among the three qualities that mentioned by Professor, yet the professor, he overlooks a critical factor fails to consider a vital aspect (reason: improved word choice for clarity) related to the long term development of students. For students' long-term development. In my perspective, Emma opinion, Emma's perspective offers a superior and more comprehensive opportunity for us. and beneficial approach (reason: rephrased sentence for better flow).

For one thing, Firstly, honesty is a deeply-rooted traditional virtue in Chinese tradition virtue. culture (reason: rephrased sentence for better flow). By obey adhering to this behavior behavioral norm, we can cultivate our sense of responsibility and become a person with sound personality. Besides, develop a well-rounded personality (reason: improved word choice for clarity). Furthermore, this virtue, passed down to us by our ancestors, serves as an indispensable part of our society (reason: corrected grammar and improved word choice).

Secondly, honesty is an indispensably part of our society. ¶ For another thing, being honest is an important essential trait that manifesting in real world benefits. This trait, as a success enabler, instilling translates into tangible real-world benefits (reason: rephrased sentence for better flow). As a catalyst for success, it instills in us aggress the patience required to persevere even if we do when immediate gratification is not get immediate gratification. Moreover. achievable (reason: rephrased sentence for better flow). Moreover, the more honest we are to experiment in experimenting with unfamiliar ways of getting things done, the more fearless methods of accomplishing tasks, the less fearful we become of what could happen if we stepped potential consequences when stepping outside of our comfort zone. zones (reason: corrected grammar and improved word choice).

For example, when instance, as a child, I was young, I steal once stole a toy from my friends. After friend. When my parents asked me, confronted me about it, I honest said honestly admitted that I like the toy, so they not liked the toy. Instead of being angry with me, instant, they also by bought me a toy. This similar toy and taught me an invaluable lesson about honesty that I will never forget.forget (reason: corrected grammar and improved word choice).

8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Lee's argument: clear communication
   - Emma's perspective: more comprehensive and beneficial

2. Honesty in Chinese culture
   - Traditional virtue
   - Cultivate responsibility and well-rounded personality

3. Real-world benefits of honesty
   - Catalyst for success
   - Patience and perseverance
   - Experimenting with unfamiliar methods

4. Personal example
   - Stole a toy from a friend
   - Honest admission to parents
   - Invaluable lesson learned

5. Conclusion
   - Emma's perspective on honesty as the most crucial quality for long-term development.

9 关键词