TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on public administration. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 3.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.0

2. 预估分数

20. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章的任务完成度尚可，但仍有改进的空间。首先，文章没有明确回答教授的问题，即在保护环境方面，走路或骑自行车代替开车与购买本地有机食品哪个更有效。其次，文章提到了一些其他方法，但没有详细说明它们如何与教授提出的两个选择相比。建议在回答问题时更具针对性，并在支持观点时提供更多详细信息。

例1：在我看来，走路或骑自行车代替开车对环境保护更为有效，因为这样可以显著减少碳排放。 例2：购买本地有机食品虽然能减少农药污染，但我认为走路或骑自行车对大多数人来说更容易实施。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构和组织方面需要改进。首先，在引言部分应明确回答问题，并简要介绍论据。其次，在正文部分应逐一讨论支持观点的论据，并在每个段落中提供详细信息。最后，在结论部分总结观点和论据。此外，文章应使用清晰的过渡词和短语来连接不同的观点和段落。

例1：首先，走路或骑自行车代替开车可以显著减少碳排放，从而对环境产生积极影响。（在此基础上展开论述） 例2：尽管购买本地有机食品能够减少农药污染，但考虑到实施难度，我认为走路或骑自行车更为有效。（在此基础上展开论述）

5. 语法批改

While Paul's agrumentargument(misspelling) that buying locally grown organic foods can help prootectprotect(misspelling) our environment may seem persuasive at the first glance, particularly when considering the over usedoverused(over complicated (overcomplicated)) pestcidespesticides(misspelling) have damaged our groudwatergroundwater(misspelling) and cultivated soil. However, I am inclined to believe that a multifaceted approachesa multifaceted approach(Agreement: 'a' + plural word) is more effective in protecting environmentthe environment(This rule identifies whether the article 'the' is missing in a sentence.). Firstly, governments can invest much money to the green energy technology, because this new technology can take place the cars which burn the gasoline and emit carbon dioxide. Furthermore, it is better for governments to build more parks in the cities. This measure can make people want to go outside walking or running, during this process, people can aware the importance of protecting environmrntenvironment(misspelling) because they can breathbreathe(breath (breathe)) the fresh air, see some beautiful flowers and so on. Finally, the whole world shoudshould(misspelling) unite and implement some polocicespolicies(misspelling) to control the environment, because this is not only a few countries' duty.

Title: 6 Article Revision

In response to the professor's question, I concur with Lila that adopting alternative modes of transportation, such as walking or cycling, can significantly contribute to environmental protection. While Paul's argument on supporting locally grown organic foods is valid, a comprehensive approach would yield more effective results in preserving our environment. One crucial aspect is the government's investment in green energy technology, which could potentially replace gasoline-powered vehicles and reduce carbon dioxide emissions. Additionally, constructing more parks within urban areas encourages individuals to engage in outdoor activities, fostering an appreciation for nature and raising awareness about environmental conservation. Lastly, it is imperative for nations worldwide to collaborate and implement policies aimed at safeguarding our environment since this responsibility extends beyond individual countries' borders. (126 words)

Revised essay: Title: 7 Article Revision

While Paul's agrument argument (corrected spelling) that buying locally grown organic foods can help prootect protect (corrected spelling) our environment may seem persuasive at the first glance, glance (removed "the"), particularly when considering the over used pestcides overused (combined words) pesticides have damaged our groudwater groundwater (corrected spelling) and cultivated soil. However, I am inclined to believe that a multifaceted approaches approach (singular form) is more effective in protecting environment. the environment (added "the"). Firstly, governments can invest much money to the in (changed "to" to "in") green energy technology, technology because this new technology can take place the replace (changed "take place" to "replace") cars which burn the gasoline and emit carbon dioxide. Furthermore, it is better for governments to build more parks in the cities. cities (removed "the"). This measure can make people want to go outside walking or running, running; during this process, people can become aware of the importance of protecting environmrnt the environment (corrected spelling) because they can breath the breathe (corrected spelling) fresh air, see some beautiful flowers flowers, and so on. Finally, the whole world shoud should unite and implement some polocices policies (corrected spelling) to control the environment, environment because this is not only a few countries' duty.

8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Environmental protection
   - Alternative modes of transportation

2. Supporting locally grown organic foods
   - Paul's argument
   - Comprehensive approach

3. Government investment in green energy technology
   - Replace gasoline-powered vehicles
   - Reduce carbon dioxide emissions

4. Constructing more parks within urban areas
   - Encourage outdoor activities
   - Foster appreciation for nature and environmental conservation awareness

5. International collaboration and policies implementation 
   - Safeguarding the environment 
   - Responsibility beyond individual countries' borders 

9 关键词