TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on social science. Write a post responding to the professor's question. In your response, you should • express and support your personal opinion • make a contribution to the discussion in your own words An effective response will contain at least 100 words. Dr. Gupta Parents give their children weekly money to buy whatever they want. Some people think this can cause bad habits and ideas about money in children. Others think the opposite. What's your opinion? Please use the discussion board to share your thoughts.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

整体而言，这篇文章很好地回答了问题，观点清晰且有充分的论证。但是，可以在以下方面进行改进：1) 文章中的一些句子略显生硬，可以尝试使用更自然的表达方式；2) 在语法和词汇方面还有一些小错误，需要加以修正。

示例1（改进前）：With limited budget every week, children have to think twice before making a purchase, thus preventing unnecessary waste. 示例1（改进后）：With a limited budget each week, children will need to carefully consider their purchases, which helps prevent unnecessary spending.

示例2（改进前）：For another thing, by offering pocket money to children on a week basis, parent-kid rapport can be well established. 示例2（改进后）：Furthermore, by providing children with weekly pocket money, parents can foster a strong bond and trust between themselves and their kids.

4. 文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织基本合理，包括引言、主体和结论。每段都集中讨论一个特定的观点，并提供支持细节。然而，在以下方面可以进行改进：1) 在段落之间增加过渡性词语或短语，使文章更连贯；2) 在引言部分简要概述文章的主要观点，使读者更容易理解。

示例1（改进前）：For one thing, the ability to manage money can be fostered/cultivated in this way. 示例1（改进后）：Firstly, providing children with weekly pocket money can help foster their ability to manage money.

示例2（改进前）：Also, parents’ guidance can also make a difference/contribution. 示例2（改进后）：In addition, parents' guidance plays a crucial role in teaching children about responsible spending and saving habits.

5. 语法批改

From my perspective, offering children weekly money brings benefits, just as what A and B claim. For one thing, the ability to manage money can be fostered/cultivated in this way. To be specific, due to immaturity, children may purchase things out of curiosity instead of utility. For example, when seeing advertising of toys or snacks, they may get attracted and make a purchase irrationally with no regard of price. However, weekly money from parents can effectively impede this behavior. With limited budget every week, children have to think twice before making a purchase, thus preventing unnecessary waste. Also, parents’ guidance can also make a difference/contribution. For example, with parents’ instruction, children will learn how to establish a bank account and save deposits to earn bank interest, which allows them to buy things they are eager to for a long time. For another thing, by offering pocket money to children on a week basis, parent-kid rapport can be well established. Giving pocket money, to some extent, means a grant of autonomy. With the trust from parents, an intimate relationship is easier to be built between parents and kids.

Title: 6 文章修订

In my opinion, providing children with weekly pocket money, as mentioned by Ella and Stefen, can indeed be beneficial. Firstly, it helps cultivate their financial management skills. Children may initially make impulsive purchases due to their curiosity rather than practicality. For instance, they might be drawn to advertisements for toys or snacks and buy them without considering the cost. However, a limited weekly budget can effectively curb such behavior, as children will need to think carefully before making a purchase, thus preventing unnecessary waste.

Furthermore, parental guidance can significantly contribute to their financial education. With proper instruction from parents, children can learn essential financial skills such as opening a bank account and saving money to earn interest. This knowledge will enable them to save up for items they genuinely desire over time.

Lastly, providing pocket money on a weekly basis can foster a healthy parent-child relationship. Granting autonomy through pocket money demonstrates trust from parents towards their children. This trust paves the way for a stronger bond between parents and kids.

In conclusion, offering children weekly pocket money has several advantages including the development of financial management skills and fostering closer parent-child relationships. (196 words)

From In my perspective, offering children weekly money brings benefits, just opinion, providing children with weekly pocket money, as what mentioned by Ella and Stefen (clarified names for A and B claim. B), can indeed be beneficial. Firstly, it helps cultivate (replaced "fostered" with "cultivate" for better word choice) their financial management skills. Children may initially make impulsive purchases due to their curiosity rather than practicality (rephrased for clarity). For one thing, the ability to manage money can instance, they might be fostered/cultivated in this way. ¶ To be specific, due to immaturity, children may purchase things out of curiosity instead of utility. For example, when seeing advertising of drawn to advertisements for toys or snacks, they may get attracted and make a purchase irrationally with no regard of price. snacks and buy them without considering the cost. However, weekly money from parents a limited weekly budget can effectively impede this behavior. With limited budget every week, children have curb (changed "impede" to "curb" for better word choice) such behavior, as children will need to think twice carefully before making a purchase, thus preventing unnecessary waste.

Also, parents’ Furthermore, parental guidance can also make a difference/contribution. ¶ For example, significantly contribute (replaced "make a difference/contribution" with parents’ instruction, children will "contribute" for conciseness) to their financial education. With proper instruction from parents, children can learn how to establish essential financial skills such as opening a bank account and saving money to earn interest. This knowledge will enable them to save deposits to earn bank interest, which allows them to buy things up for items they are eager to for a long genuinely desire over time.

For another thing, by offering pocket money to children Lastly, providing pocket money on a week basis, parent-kid rapport can be well established. Giving pocket money, to some extent, means a grant weekly basis can foster (used "foster" here instead of autonomy. With the repeating "cultivate") a healthy parent-child relationship. Granting autonomy through pocket money demonstrates trust from parents, an intimate relationship is easier to be built parents towards their children (rephrased for clarity). This trust paves the way for a stronger bond between parents and kids.kids.

In conclusion, offering children weekly pocket money has several advantages including the development of financial management skills and fostering closer parent-child relationships (summarized main points in conclusion).

Display title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Benefits of weekly pocket money

2. Financial management skills
   - Impulsive purchases
   - Limited weekly budget

3. Parental guidance
   - Financial education
   - Opening a bank account and saving money

4. Healthy parent-child relationship
   - Autonomy and trust

5. Conclusion
   - Advantages of weekly pocket money

Display title: 9 关键词