TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on international trade. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

22. 3 任务完成度

在这篇文章中，你对于发展中国家是否受益于国际贸易的问题表达了自己的观点，并对两位同学的观点进行了回应。但是，你的论据有时候缺乏详细的解释和例子。为了提高文章质量，建议你在论证观点时提供更多具体例子和详细解释。

改进示例1：

• 在论述发展中国家因为无法吸引精英人才而受损时，可以举一个具体国家或行业的例子来支持你的观点。

改进示例2：

• 当提到发展中国家应该实施有益政策以保护未来世代时，可以给出一些建议性措施或已经实施并取得成功的政策案例。

4. 文章结构与组织

整体而言，文章结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在段落之间缺乏明确的过渡语句。为了提高文章组织结构，建议在段落之间添加过渡语句，并确保每个段落都集中讨论一个特定的观点。

改进示例1：

• 在引言和正文之间，可以添加一句过渡语句，如：“在这个问题上，我同意克莱尔的观点，并认为发展中国家在国际贸易中受到了损害。”

改进示例2：

• 在讨论保护未来世代的政策时，可以使用过渡语句引入新段落，如：“为了应对这些负面影响，发展中国家需要采取一些措施。”

5. 语法批改

In the debate between whether developing countries benefit from international trades, I firmly believe that developing countries will damageddamage(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) by this access, as Claire said. In my opinion, on one handhand,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) some developing countries do not have higher welfare and salary to attract elite people stayto stay(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) in these countries. In[No Replacement Word Found](Successive sentences beginning with the same word) case of that, it will exacerbate the strata’s disparities and cause the serious conflict in this whole world. Paul raised a relevant point that it is benefit to remain the international trade for developing countries. However, he did not mention that people seems doseems to do(Collocation: Word + to + PRP|NNP|DT) not desire to stay in the developing countries. Some people who have superior talents in some fields will also need splendid working conditions and high salary, but the developing countries will not let them pleasant enough. Obviously, the negative effects will deteriorate the development of these countries. In conclusion, I believe that it is necessary that these countries should impose helpful policies to safeguard our world for future generations.

Title: 6 文章修订

In the discussion regarding the impact of international trade on developing countries, I concur with Claire's assertion that these nations often suffer as a result. Developing countries frequently struggle to retain top talent due to insufficient welfare systems and uncompetitive salaries, exacerbating social disparities and potentially inciting global conflict. While Paul argues that international trade benefits developing countries by providing employment opportunities, he fails to address the reluctance of skilled individuals to remain in such environments. Highly talented professionals often seek exceptional working conditions and competitive compensation, which developing nations may struggle to provide. Consequently, this brain drain hinders the progress of these countries. It is crucial for governments in developing nations to implement policies that not only promote fair participation in international trade but also foster sustainable growth for future generations. (135 words)

In the debate between whether discussion regarding the impact of international trade on developing countries benefit from (clarifying the topic), I concur with Claire's assertion that these nations often suffer as a result (rephrasing for clarity). Developing countries frequently struggle to retain top talent due to insufficient welfare systems and uncompetitive salaries (providing reasons), exacerbating social disparities and potentially inciting global conflict (explaining consequences). While Paul argues that international trades, I firmly believe that trade benefits developing countries will damaged by this access, as Claire said. In my opinion, on one hand some developing countries do not have higher welfare and salary providing employment opportunities (acknowledging counterargument), he fails to attract elite people stay in these countries. In case address the reluctance of that, it will exacerbate the strata’s disparities and cause the serious conflict in this whole world. Paul raised a relevant point that it is benefit skilled individuals to remain the international trade for developing countries. However, he did not mention that people seems do not desire to stay in the developing countries. Some people who have superior talents in some fields will also need splendid such environments (pointing out a missing aspect). Highly talented professionals often seek exceptional working conditions and high salary, but competitive compensation, which developing nations may struggle to provide (explaining why they might not stay). Consequently, this brain drain hinders the developing countries will not let them pleasant enough. Obviously, the negative effects will deteriorate the development progress of these countries. In conclusion, I believe countries (showing negative effects). It is crucial for governments in developing nations to implement policies that it is necessary that these countries should impose helpful policies to safeguard our world not only promote fair participation in international trade but also foster sustainable growth for future generations.generations (offering a solution).

8 思维导图

graph TD
A[Impact of International Trade on Developing Countries]
B[Retaining Top Talent]
C[Insufficient Welfare Systems]
D[Uncompetitive Salaries]
E[Social Disparities]
F[Global Conflict]
G[Employment Opportunities]
H[Skilled Individuals' Reluctance]
I[Sustainable Growth Policies]

A --> B
B --> C
B --> D
A --> E
E --> F
A --> G
G --> H
A --> I

9 关键词

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

Estimated Score: 27

3. 任务完成度

总体来说，这篇文章较好地回答了问题，并提供了有力的论据。但是，为了更好地完成任务，可以在以下方面进行改进：

1. 更具体地提供支持观点的例子和细节。

2. 在文章中加入一些转折词或连接词，使论述更连贯。

示例1：在论述快餐带来的就业机会时，可以提供具体的数据或案例来支持观点。 示例2：在讨论快餐对健康的影响时，可以使用转折词如“然而”或“尽管如此”，以表明自己的观点是基于全面考虑的。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构基本清晰，包括引言、正文和结尾。但在组织上还有一些改进空间：

1. 在段落之间使用更明确的过渡词或短语。

2. 对每个主要观点进行更详细的阐述。

示例1：在引言部分结束时，可以使用过渡词如“首先”、“其次”等，引导读者进入正文部分。 示例2：在正文部分，可以将每个主要观点分成一个单独的段落，并在每个段落中提供足够的支持细节。

5. 语法批改

I concur with the idea of Jane. The main reason is that preferring fast food could serve as an effective strategy to save time for employees and create more jobs for both under graduatesundergraduates(under appreciate (underappreciate)) and unemployment. Given Burger King and McMC(misspelling) Donald as an example, their food is capable to get ready in a few minutes or even merely within few seconds, which reduced the time to wait in lines for food. Meanwhile, such company requires large number of employees for outlets and cooking. Therefore, it creates countless jobs for the young to feed on. However, if people choose to refuse fast food, disputing their safety, it is possible that they will have to tolerate the time starving and waiting for food, while countless youth lose their job or facing the dilemma, which will finally lead to a significant catastrophe impacting the whole country. Andy asserts that people may suffer from diseases because of the unhealthy food. While his concerning is reasonable, it is unnecessary to worry about the risk of ruining our body if the food comes as a handy option.

Title: 6 文章修订

In response to the professor's question, I agree with Jane's perspective on the matter. Fast food, despite its potential health risks, serves as an efficient time-saving solution for busy individuals and contributes significantly to job creation for both graduates and the unemployed. For instance, establishments like Burger King and McDonald's offer meals that are prepared within minutes, reducing waiting times for customers. Moreover, these companies require a substantial workforce for their numerous outlets and food preparation processes, thereby creating numerous employment opportunities for young people.

While Andy raises valid concerns about the potential health consequences of consuming unhealthy food, it is essential to consider that occasional indulgence in fast food may not pose significant harm to our bodies. The key lies in moderation and making informed choices about our dietary habits. Ultimately, completely rejecting fast food could lead to longer waiting times for meals and job losses among the youth – outcomes that could have far-reaching negative effects on society as a whole. (166 words)

Revised essay: Title: 7 文章批改

I concur with the idea of Jane. Jane (I agree with Jane's perspective on the matter). The main reason is that preferring fast food could serve as an effective strategy to save time for employees and create more jobs for both under graduates and unemployment. unemployment (Fast food, despite its potential health risks, serves as an efficient time-saving solution for busy individuals and contributes significantly to job creation for both graduates and the unemployed). Given Burger King and Mc Donald as an example, example (For instance, establishments like Burger King and McDonald's), their food is capable to get ready in a few minutes or even merely within few seconds, seconds (offer meals that are prepared within minutes), which reduced the time to wait in lines for food. Meanwhile, such company requires large number of employees for outlets and cooking. cooking (Moreover, these companies require a substantial workforce for their numerous outlets and food preparation processes). Therefore, it creates countless jobs for the young to feed on. on (thereby creating numerous employment opportunities for young people).

However, if people choose to refuse fast food, disputing their safety, safety (While Andy raises valid concerns about the potential health consequences of consuming unhealthy food), it is possible that they will have to tolerate the time starving and waiting for food, while countless youth lose their job or facing the dilemma, which will finally lead to a significant catastrophe impacting the whole country. Andy asserts that people may suffer from diseases because of the unhealthy food. While his concerning is reasonable, reasonable (it is essential to consider), it is unnecessary to worry about the risk of ruining our body if the food comes as a handy option.option (that occasional indulgence in fast food may not pose significant harm to our bodies). The key lies in moderation and making informed choices about our dietary habits. Ultimately, completely rejecting fast food could lead to longer waiting times for meals and job losses among the youth – outcomes that could have far-reaching negative effects on society as a whole.

8 思维导图

- Fast food
  - Efficient time-saving solution
    - Busy individuals
    - Quick meal preparation
  - Job creation
    - Graduates
    - Unemployed individuals
  - Health risks
    - Moderation in consumption
    - Informed dietary choices
  - Negative effects of rejection
    - Longer waiting times for meals
    - Job losses among the youth

9 关键词

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

24. 3 任务完成度

从任务完成度的角度来看，这篇文章基本上满足了要求，但仍有一些需要改进的地方。首先，在表达观点时，可以更具体地提供支持论据。此外，语言表达上也有一些不够准确和流畅的地方，需要注意改进。

改进建议：

1. 在支持观点时提供更具体的例子和数据。

2. 注意语言表达的准确性和流畅性。

示例：

1. 在论述快餐对于低收入人群的重要性时，可以举例说明：“For instance, fast food chains like McDonald's offer affordable meal options for low-income families, making it easier for them to access nutritious meals.”

2. 改进语言表达：“In my opinion, fast food is necessary due to the development of our society and the increasing stress people face.”

4. 文章结构与组织

从文章结构与组织的角度来看，这篇文章整体上是清晰的，但在段落划分和过渡方面还有待加强。建议在每个段落中明确阐述一个观点，并使用恰当的过渡词汇连接各个段落。

改进建议：

1. 在每个段落中明确阐述一个观点。

2. 使用过渡词汇连接各个段落。

示例：

1. 在第二段中，可以将观点更明确地表达：“While Andy's concern about the health risks of fast food is valid, it is important to consider the affordability and accessibility of these options for low-income individuals.”

2. 使用过渡词汇：“On the other hand, Jane's argument highlights the economic benefits of fast food chains, such as job creation and contributions to GDP.”

5. 语法批改

In the debate between the ban of some unhealthy diets and beverages. I firmly believe that the fast food is a better approach for promoting convenient choices and addressing social pressures, as Jane suggested. In my opinion, I totally think that with the development of our society and increasing high stress. Fast food seems like a cheap and convenient way of people's life. If people do not have enough time cooking by themselves, they can get them easily and efficiency. However, Andy raised the relevant point that it is necessary to ban the fast food. Obviously, he did not mention that some healthy food are at higher cost for bottom strata. If they can not fill their stomach, they might be causebecause(be cause (because)) instabilities in the society. In conclusion, I sincerely believe that the fast food is necessary with the development of people's life.

Title: 6 文章修订

In the ongoing debate regarding the prohibition of unhealthy food and beverages, I concur with Jane's perspective that fast food serves as a convenient option and addresses societal pressures. As our society continues to develop and experience heightened stress levels, fast food emerges as an affordable and efficient solution for individuals with limited time for meal preparation. While Andy's argument for banning fast food due to health concerns is valid, he fails to consider the financial burden that healthier alternatives may impose on lower-income individuals. Restricting access to affordable sustenance could potentially lead to social instability. Thus, I firmly believe that fast food remains a necessary component in our evolving lifestyles. (114 words)

In the ongoing debate between regarding the ban prohibition of some unhealthy diets food and beverages. beverages (clarified phrasing for better flow), I concur with Jane's perspective that fast food serves as a convenient option and addresses societal pressures (rephrased for clarity). As our society continues to develop and experience heightened stress levels (improved sentence structure), fast food emerges as an affordable and efficient solution for individuals with limited time for meal preparation (revised for clarity). While Andy's argument for banning fast food due to health concerns is valid, he fails to consider the financial burden that healthier alternatives may impose on lower-income individuals (clarified point). Restricting access to affordable sustenance could potentially lead to social instability (simplified phrasing). Thus, I firmly believe that the fast food is remains a better approach for promoting convenient choices and addressing social pressures, as Jane suggested. In my opinion, I totally think that with the development of necessary component in our society and increasing high stress. Fast food seems like a cheap and convenient way of people's life. If people do not have enough time cooking by themselves, they can get them easily and efficiency. However, Andy raised the relevant point that it is necessary to ban the fast food. Obviously, he did not mention that some healthy food are at higher cost for bottom strata. If they can not fill their stomach, they might be cause instabilities in the society. In conclusion, I sincerely believe that the fast food is necessary with the development of people's life.evolving lifestyles (concise conclusion).

8 思维导图

- Fast Food Debate
    - Jane's Perspective
        - Convenience
        - Societal Pressures
    - Andy's Argument
        - Health Concerns
        - Banning Fast Food
    - Financial Burden
        - Lower-Income Individuals
        - Healthier Alternatives
    - Social Instability
    - Evolving Lifestyles

9 关键词