TOEFL Writing Task 2 Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on political science. Write a post responding to the professor’s question. In your response you should: • express and support your opinion • make a contribution to the discussion An effective response will contain at least 100 words. You will have 10 minutes to write it. Dr. Gupta As I mentioned in class, governments make public policies to describe their responses to various problems that affect a community. Part of this process involves setting and defending priorities about which issues deserve the most attention and resources. For example, governments need to decide whether they should spend more money on education or on environmental protections. If you were a policy maker, which issue would you argue is more important—education or environmental protections? Why? Kelly We all live on planet Earth, and it is the only planet we have. Therefore, we must take care of it. Clearly, protecting the environment should be the government’s priority over education. I think the REAL question is, which approach to protecting the environment—restricting pollution, regulating population, promoting clean energy, or something else—should be the government’s priority. Andrew I disagree with Kelly that that the environment is more important than education. Education is actually the best way to protect the environment. Educated people can see how their decisions affect the world around them. Also, with better science and technology education, we can develop solutions to environmental problems. Therefore, I think the government should spend more money on education.

1.子项得分

• 任务完成度：4

• 文章结构与组织：3

• 连贯性与衔接：3

• 语言运用：4

2.预估分数

• 22

3.任务完成度 这篇文章基本上完成了任务要求，表达了对环境保护的支持，并给出了一些论据。但是，论据可以更加具体和有说服力。建议多举一些例子来支持观点，同时可以对教育和环保进行比较，说明为什么环保更重要。

示例1（改进前）： Additionally, I believe that spending more money on environmental protection grants citizens a safe living environment and ensures students who are receiving education to grow up healthily.

示例1（改进后）： Additionally, investing in environmental protection not only grants citizens a safe living environment but also ensures that students receiving education can grow up healthily. In contrast, if we prioritize education without addressing environmental issues, the negative impacts on our planet may hinder the effectiveness of educational efforts.

示例2（改进前）： Once a whole Japanese village near a river got poisoned because of the hazardous metal in the water which is discharged by a near chemical factory.

示例2（改进后）： For instance, in Minamata, Japan, an entire village suffered from severe mercury poisoning due to industrial wastewater discharged by a nearby chemical factory. This tragic event highlights the importance of prioritizing environmental protection to ensure the well-being of current and future generations.

4.文章结构与组织 文章的结构可以更加清晰。建议在开头部分明确表达观点，然后在正文部分逐一陈述论据。最后，可以在结尾部分总结观点和论据。此外，注意使用恰当的过渡词来连接不同的观点和段落。

示例1（改进前）： From my perspective, Kelly is right when she mentions that we should take care of our planet.

示例1（改进后）： I agree with Kelly that environmental protection should be the government's priority over education, as it is crucial for the well-being of current and future generations.

示例2（改进前）： Therefore, I think government should spend more money on environmental protection now, but not on education.

示例2（改进后）： In conclusion, prioritizing environmental protection over education is essential for ensuring a healthy and sustainable future for all. By addressing environmental issues first, we can create a better foundation for educational efforts to thrive.

5. 语法批改

From my perspective, Kelly is right when she mentions that we should take care of our planet. Controlling population and promoting the use of clean energy can definitely contribute to sustainable development, which can leave a world with more resources to our next generation. Additionally, I believe that spending more money on environmental protection grants citizens a safe living environment and ensures students who are receiving education to grow up healthily. If plants keep discharging dirty water into rivers or the sea, the toxic chemicals inside can accumulate up in the body of fish living there. This can pose a health issue to who eat these fish. This problem is very prevalent in some country like Japan. Once a whole Japanese village near a river got poisoned because of the hazardous metal in the water which is discharged by a near chemical factory. Many children died, and they weren’t be ableable(I am not (be) in the office) to receive education forever. Moreover, the government spent a lot moneya lot of money(Collocation: lot (of)) to address the affairaffair,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) which could be used for education funding then. Therefore, I think government should spend more money on environmental protection now, but not on education.

6.文章修订

I concur with Kelly that environmental protection should take precedence over education in government spending, as it is vital for the well-being of current and future generations. By prioritizing environmental protection, we can ensure a healthy and sustainable future for all, providing a solid foundation for educational efforts to thrive.

Firstly, addressing issues such as population control and promoting clean energy usage can significantly contribute to sustainable development. This approach will help preserve our planet's resources for future generations. In contrast, if we prioritize education without tackling environmental problems, the negative impacts on our planet may undermine the effectiveness of educational initiatives.

Moreover, investing in environmental protection not only ensures a safe living environment for citizens but also guarantees that students receiving education can grow up healthily. For instance, if industrial plants continue to discharge polluted water into rivers or oceans, toxic chemicals can accumulate in the bodies of aquatic life forms. This poses severe health risks to those who consume these contaminated organisms. Such issues are prevalent in countries like Japan.

A tragic example is the Minamata disaster in Japan, where an entire village suffered from severe mercury poisoning due to industrial wastewater discharged by a nearby chemical factory. Many children perished as a result of this catastrophe, forever losing their opportunity to receive an education. Furthermore, the government had to allocate substantial funds to address this calamity – funds that could have been utilized for educational purposes instead.

By prioritizing environmental protection over education spending, governments can mitigate such disasters and ensure that current and future generations have access to both a healthy environment and quality education.

In conclusion, it is imperative that governments prioritize environmental protection over education funding. Addressing pressing environmental issues first will create a better foundation for educational efforts while ensuring a healthy and sustainable future for all citizens. With a cleaner environment in place, we can then focus on enhancing educational opportunities for everyone – ultimately benefiting society as a whole. (329 words)

From 7.文章批改

I concur with Kelly (revised from "From my perspective, Kelly is right when she mentions right" for a more formal tone) that we environmental protection should take care precedence over education in government spending, as it is vital for the well-being of our planet. Controlling current and future generations. By prioritizing environmental protection, we can ensure a healthy and sustainable future for all, providing a solid foundation for educational efforts to thrive (revised to create a strong opening statement).

Firstly, addressing issues such as population control and promoting the use of clean energy can definitely usage can significantly contribute to sustainable development, which can leave a world with more development (revised for clarity). This approach will help preserve our planet's resources to for future generations. In contrast, if we prioritize education without tackling environmental problems, the negative impacts on our next generation. Additionally, I believe that spending more money on planet may undermine the effectiveness of educational initiatives (revised to provide a clear comparison between the two priorities).

Moreover, investing in environmental protection grants citizens not only ensures a safe living environment and ensures for citizens but also guarantees that students who are receiving education to can grow up healthily. If healthily (revised for better flow). For instance, if industrial plants keep discharging dirty continue to discharge polluted water into rivers or the sea, the oceans, toxic chemicals inside can accumulate up in the body in the bodies of fish living there. aquatic life forms. This can pose a poses severe health issue to risks to those who eat consume these fish. This problem is very contaminated organisms (revised for clarity). Such issues are prevalent in some country countries like Japan. Once a whole Japanese

A tragic example is the Minamata disaster in Japan, where an entire village near a river got poisoned because of the hazardous metal in the water which is suffered from severe mercury poisoning due to industrial wastewater discharged by a near nearby chemical factory. factory (revised to provide specific details). Many children died, and they weren’t be able perished as a result of this catastrophe, forever losing their opportunity to receive education forever. Moreover, an education. Furthermore, the government spent a lot money had to allocate substantial funds to address the affair which this calamity – funds that could be used for have been utilized for educational purposes instead (revised for better flow and clarity).

By prioritizing environmental protection over education spending, governments can mitigate such disasters and ensure that current and future generations have access to both a healthy environment and quality education (revised to provide a clear conclusion for this paragraph).

In conclusion, it is imperative that governments prioritize environmental protection over education funding then. Therefore, I think government should spend (revised for a more money formal tone). Addressing pressing environmental issues first will create a better foundation for educational efforts while ensuring a healthy and sustainable future for all citizens (revised for clarity). With a cleaner environment in place, we can then focus on environmental protection now, but not on education.enhancing educational opportunities for everyone – ultimately benefiting society as a whole (revised to provide a strong concluding statement).

8.思维导图

• Thesis statement: Prioritize environmental protection over education funding
  • Topic sentence 1: Sustainable development through population control and clean energy
    • Sub-topic: Preservation of resources for future generations
    • Supporting example: Negative impacts of prioritizing education without addressing environmental issues
  • Topic sentence 2: Safe living environment and healthy growth for students
    • Sub-topic: Health risks from industrial pollution
    • Supporting example: Minamata disaster in Japan
  • Conclusion: Addressing environmental issues first creates a better foundation for educational efforts

9.关键词

10.补充示例

1. Sub-opinion: Reducing air pollution

   • Explanation: Improving air quality for better public health
   • Supporting example: Implementation of stricter emission standards for vehicles

2. Sub-opinion: Conservation of natural habitats

   • Explanation: Protecting biodiversity and endangered species
   • Supporting example: Establishment of national parks and wildlife reserves

3. Sub-opinion: Waste management

   • Explanation: Reducing pollution and promoting recycling
   • Supporting example: Implementation of waste sorting and recycling programs

4. Sub-opinion: Climate change mitigation

   • Explanation: Reducing greenhouse gas emissions to combat global warming
   • Supporting example: Promotion of renewable energy sources, such as solar and wind power

5. Sub-opinion: Environmental education

   • Explanation: Raising public awareness about environmental issues
   • Supporting example: Incorporation of environmental topics into school curricula