1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.0

2. 预估分数

22. 3 任务完成度

整体来说，你的文章回答了问题并表达了个人观点。但是，你的文章可以在以下方面进行改进：首先，在支持观点时需要提供更具体的例子和详细信息。其次，注意避免语法错误和不清晰的表达。

改进示例1： 原文："For instance, my hometown has considerable old buildings and sites, in order to develop the tourism, government decided to save them all." 修改后："For example, in my hometown, there are numerous historical buildings and sites. The government decided to preserve all of them to promote tourism."

改进示例2： 原文："Take my school as an example, there are a old building in our school which built in Tang dynast , it's very beautiful but very old too." 修改后："For instance, there is an ancient building from the Tang Dynasty on my school campus. Although it is beautiful, it is also very old and poses safety risks."

4. 文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织方面有待改进。虽然文章包含了引言、主体和结论，但段落之间缺乏明确的过渡。此外，每个段落应更加专注于一个特定观点，并提供支持细节。

改进建议1：在段落之间添加过渡句，使文章更加连贯。 改进建议2：确保每个段落都有一个明确的主题句，并提供相关的支持细节。

改进示例1： 在第一段和第二段之间添加过渡句："While I understand the importance of preserving historical sites, there are several reasons why I believe not all of them should be preserved."

改进示例2： 为第二段添加主题句："One reason is that preserving all old buildings may lead to a waste of land resources and cause societal problems."

5. 语法批改

I concur with Cameron's view that we don't need to preservingneed to preserve(need to VBG (VB)) all the old buildings. On the one hand, if we overprotect the old sites and buildings, it may cause the waste of land sources. For instance, my hometown has considerable old buildings and sites, in order to develop the tourism, government decided to save them all. But this measure causecauses(punctuation + singular noun + plural verb) the plant don't have enough land to expend it's size so that it can't make enough money. AlsoAlso,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) overprotect may cause housing shortage, traffic congestion and so on, which may cause serious societal problems. On the other hand, those old sites and buildings exit some risk, even through they are beare being(Agreement: 'been' or 'was' + past tense) repaired and rebuilt. In this regard, it may posespose(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) a safety hazard to residents. Take my school as an example, there are aan(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') old building in our school which built in Tang dynastdynasty(misspelling) ,,(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) it's very beautiful but very old too. When one of it'sits(about its NN (possessive)) block fall off, it hurt onone(Detects potentially wrong usage of "on" instead of "one") of my classmate. Therefore, our school decided to move it totally. May someone would say the old buildings and sites are the reflection or reappear of history, so, we should protect them all. Nevertheless, they don't realize we can use writing to record the stories behind the buildings. Then move some of them to avoid the waste of land source. In essence, protect all old sites and buildings exit safety hazard and will cause land waste, thus, we just need to selectively protect them.

Section Title: The Necessity of Preserving Historical Sites and Buildings

While I understand the importance of preserving historical sites and buildings, I agree with Cameron that not all of them need to be protected. Overprotection of these structures can lead to inefficient land use and potential societal issues. For example, in my hometown, the government's decision to preserve numerous old buildings for tourism purposes has limited the expansion of local industries, impacting economic growth. Additionally, overprotection can contribute to housing shortages and traffic congestion.

Moreover, some old sites and buildings may pose safety risks to residents, even after undergoing repairs or reconstruction. In my school, there is a beautiful but aged building from the Tang Dynasty. Unfortunately, a falling block from this structure injured one of my classmates, prompting the school to relocate it entirely.

While some argue that historical sites and buildings are tangible reflections of our past that warrant preservation, we must also consider alternative methods for recording history. Written accounts can capture the stories behind these structures while allowing for more efficient land use through selective preservation.

In summary, although historical sites and buildings hold cultural significance, we must weigh their value against potential safety hazards and land waste. By adopting a selective approach to preservation, we can strike a balance between honoring our heritage and addressing contemporary needs. (222 words)

I concur with Cameron's view that we don't need to preserving (change "preserving" to "preserve" for correct verb form) all the old buildings. On the one hand, if we overprotect the old sites and buildings, it may cause the waste of land sources. sources (change "land sources" to "land resources" for better word choice). For instance, my hometown has considerable old buildings and sites, in order to develop the tourism, tourism (change "the tourism" to "tourism"), government decided to save them all. But this measure cause (change "cause" to "caused") the plant don't have (change "don't have" to "not having") enough land to expend (change "expend" to "expand") it's size so that it can't make enough money. Also overprotect may cause housing shortage, traffic congestion and so on, which may cause serious societal problems. On the other hand, those old sites and buildings exit some risk, risk (change "exit some risk" to "pose some risks"), even through they are be repaired and rebuilt. rebuilt (revise this phrase as: even after being repaired and rebuilt). In this regard, it may poses a safety hazard to residents. Take my school as an example, there are a old building in our school which built in Tang dynast , it's very beautiful but very old too. When one of it's block fall off, off (revise this phrase as: when a block from it fell off), it hurt on of my classmate. classmate (revise this phrase as: it injured one of my classmates). Therefore, our school decided to move it totally. May someone would say the old buildings and sites are the reflection or reappear of history, history (revise this phrase as: Some might argue that historical sites and buildings are tangible reflections of our past), so, we should protect them all. Nevertheless, they don't realize we can use writing to record the stories behind the buildings. Then move some of them to avoid the waste of land source. source (change "land source" to "land resources"). In essence, protect all old sites and buildings exit safety hazard (revise this phrase as: preserving all historical sites and buildings poses safety hazards) and will cause land waste, thus, we just need to selectively protect them.

8 思维导图

- The Necessity of Preserving Historical Sites and Buildings
    - Importance of preservation
    - Overprotection issues
        - Inefficient land use
        - Societal issues
            - Economic growth impact
            - Housing shortages
            - Traffic congestion
    - Safety risks
        - Example: Tang Dynasty building in school
    - Alternative methods for recording history
        - Written accounts
    - Selective preservation approach
        - Balancing heritage and contemporary needs

9 关键词

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 27

3. 任务完成度

这篇文章基本上完成了任务要求，但有一些地方可以改进。首先，在表达观点时，可以提供更具体的例子来支持你的观点。此外，尽量避免使用重复的词汇和表达。

示例1：在讨论互联网对文化遗产保护的积极作用时，可以举例说明一些在线博物馆或数字化项目如何帮助保护和传播文化遗产。 示例2：为了避免重复词汇，可以使用同义词或其他表达方式。例如，将“cultural heritage”替换为“historical relics”或“artifacts”。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织方面基本合理，但仍有改进空间。建议在开头部分明确提出自己的观点，并在正文中分段阐述不同方面的论据。最后，在结尾部分总结全文，并重申自己的观点。

建议1：在开头部分明确提出观点：“我认为互联网对于欣赏和保护文化遗产具有积极影响。” 建议2：在正文中分段阐述论据，例如：“首先，互联网为人们提供了便捷的途径来欣赏文化遗产。其次，互联网可以帮助减少实地参观对文化遗产的破坏。最后，互联网有助于提高公众对文化遗产保护的认识。”

5. 语法批改

I firmly agree with PhobePhone(misspelling)'s notion that internet has a positive on people's appreciating cultural heritage for its convenience. I would further argue that internet play an important role on perservingpreserving(misspelling) cultualcultural(misspelling) heritage, since through internet people do not need to go to the real places, which reduce a large amount of energy. This is also benefitbenefited(Agreement: 'been' or 'was' + past tense) our environment and boost the preservation of cultural heritage. Moreover, through internet, there will be more people know about the preservation of cultural heritage, which is a good way to public. Ryan's viewpoint that peopepeople(misspelling) forget quickly if they just see cultural heritage online is valid, but he didn't realize that is not everyone go to a cultural heritage for researching, most people just want to do a tour. Overall, I believe that internet plays a positive influence on appreciating and preserving cultural heritage.

Section Title: 6 文章修订

I concur with Phoebe's assertion that the internet has a positive impact on people's appreciation of cultural heritage due to its convenience. Furthermore, I contend that the internet plays a crucial role in preserving cultural heritage. By providing virtual access to these sites and artifacts, the internet reduces the need for physical visits, thereby conserving energy and benefiting the environment. This, in turn, bolsters the preservation of cultural heritage. Additionally, increased online exposure raises awareness about the importance of preserving our shared history and traditions. While Ryan's argument that people may quickly forget what they see online holds some merit, it is essential to recognize that not everyone visits cultural heritage sites for research purposes; many simply seek an enriching travel experience. Ultimately, I maintain that the internet has a predominantly positive influence on both appreciating and preserving cultural heritage. (144 words)

I firmly agree concur with Phobe's notion that Phoebe's assertion (revised for clarity and formality) that the internet has a positive impact on people's appreciating appreciation of cultural heritage for due to its convenience. convenience (rephrased for better flow). Furthermore, I would further argue that internet play an important contend (revised for clarity and formality) that the internet plays a crucial role on perserving cultual heritage, since through internet people do not in preserving cultural heritage. By providing virtual access to these sites and artifacts, the internet reduces the need to go to the real places, which reduce a large amount of energy. This is also benefit our for physical visits, thereby conserving energy and benefiting the environment and boost (rephrased for better flow). This, in turn, bolsters (revised for clarity) the preservation of cultural heritage. Moreover, through internet, there will be more Additionally, increased online exposure raises awareness about the importance of preserving our shared history and traditions (rephrased for better flow). While Ryan's argument that people know about the preservation of cultural heritage, which may quickly forget what they see online holds some merit (revised for clarity), it is a good way essential to public. Ryan's viewpoint that peope forget quickly if they just see cultural heritage online is valid, but he didn't realize that is recognize that not everyone go to visits cultural heritage sites for research purposes; many simply seek an enriching travel experience (rephrased for better flow). Ultimately, I maintain (revised for clarity and formality) that the internet has a cultural heritage for researching, most people just want to do a tour. Overall, I believe that internet plays a predominantly positive influence on both appreciating and preserving cultural heritage.

8 思维导图

- Convenience
    - Access to cultural heritage
    - Virtual visits

- Preservation
    - Reduced physical visits
    - Environmental benefits

- Awareness
    - Importance of preserving history and traditions

- Enriching travel experience
    - Not just for research purposes

9 关键词

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现良好，成功地表达了作者的观点，并提供了一个与历史相关的例子来支持观点。然而，文章可以在以下方面进行改进：

1. 更多地讨论为什么学习过去对解决现在和未来的问题有帮助。

2. 可以对Leah的观点进行一定程度的讨论，以使文章更具说服力。

改进示例：

1. "Learning from past experiences allows us to identify patterns and trends that can help us make better decisions in the present and future."

2. "While Leah's point about focusing on current situations is valid, understanding the past can provide valuable context for addressing present-day issues."

4. 文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织方面基本合理，包括引言、正文和结尾。但是，可以在以下方面进行改进：

1. 在引言部分明确提出自己的观点。

2. 在正文部分使用更清晰的段落划分和过渡词汇。

改进示例：

1. 引言部分可以这样写："In response to the professor's question, I believe that learning from the past is crucial for solving present and future problems."

2. 在正文部分使用过渡词汇，如："Firstly, learning from past experiences allows us to..." 和 "Moreover, understanding the past can provide valuable context for..."

5. 语法批改

I incline with RonaidRonald(misspelling)'s opinion that past experienceexperience(past experience/memory (experience/memory)) provides solutions to similar problems. People or society could grow up just because they have the ability to learn a lesson from their past, facilitating them avoidto avoid(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) more errors in the future. To illustrate this point, I would like to make my own experience as an example. When I was in elementary school, an earthquateearthquake(misspelling) happened in China and leads to hundreds and thousands of deaths and injuries. The results of a survey showed that lack of knowledge about what to do when the earth was shaking and poor quality of the collapsed buildings contributed to the huge loss. To reduce the damage ofdamage to(Collocation: damage of/to) earthquateearthquake(misspelling), our government not only try to improve the quality of our buildings, but also trained us about how to escape from buildings when earthquateearthquake(misspelling) happendshappens(misspelling) and how to identify safe places that we should go to. All of these knowledgethis knowledge('this' vs. 'these') were aquiredacquired(misspelling) from the past experienceexperience(past experience/memory (experience/memory)) of earthquakes. Years latter, an earthquake happened in my hometown, which had the same rank as that earthquake. Thanks to the improved quality of buildings and the training offerredoffered(misspelling) by our government, there were much lessfewer(fewer with countable nouns (less)) injuries and deaths in this catastrophycatastrophe(misspelling).

Display title: 6 文章修订

I concur with Ronald's perspective that insights gleaned from past experiences can offer valuable solutions to contemporary issues. Societal growth and development are largely contingent upon our ability to learn from historical events, enabling us to circumvent similar pitfalls in the future. To substantiate this assertion, I would like to draw upon a personal anecdote. During my elementary school years, a devastating earthquake struck China, resulting in an immense loss of life and widespread destruction. Subsequent investigations revealed that inadequate preparedness and substandard building quality were primary factors contributing to the extensive damage. In response, the government not only implemented measures to enhance structural integrity but also provided comprehensive training on emergency evacuation procedures and identifying safe locations during seismic events. These initiatives were informed by lessons learned from previous earthquakes. Years later, when a similarly powerful earthquake occurred in my hometown, the improved building standards and increased public awareness significantly mitigated casualties and injuries sustained during the disaster. (163 words)

Revised essay: Display title: 6 文章修订

I incline concur with Ronaid's opinion Ronald's perspective (Changed "Ronaid's opinion" to "Ronald's perspective" for proper name spelling and more natural phrasing) that insights gleaned from past experience provides experiences (Changed "provides solutions to similar problems. People or society could grow up just because they have the problems" to "insights gleaned from past experiences" for a more natural tone) can offer valuable solutions to contemporary issues. Societal growth and development are largely contingent upon our ability to learn a lesson from their past, facilitating them avoid more errors from historical events, enabling us to circumvent (Changed "avoid" to "circumvent" for a more sophisticated word choice) similar pitfalls in the future. To illustrate substantiate this point, assertion (Changed "illustrate this point" to "substantiate this assertion" for a more formal tone), I would like to make draw upon a personal anecdote (Changed "make my own experience as an example. When I was example" to "draw upon a personal anecdote" for better flow). During my elementary school years, a devastating earthquake struck China, resulting in elementary school, an earthquate happened in China and leads to hundreds and thousands immense loss of deaths and injuries. The results of a survey showed life and widespread destruction (Rephrased the sentence about the earthquake for better flow and clarity). Subsequent investigations revealed that lack of knowledge about what to do when the earth was shaking and poor inadequate preparedness and substandard building quality of the collapsed buildings contributed to the huge loss. To reduce the damage of earthquate, our were primary factors contributing to the extensive damage. In response, the government not only try to improve the quality of our buildings, implemented measures to enhance structural integrity but also trained us provided comprehensive training on emergency evacuation procedures and identifying safe locations during seismic events (Rephrased the sentence about how to escape from buildings when earthquate happends and how to identify safe places that we should go to. All of these knowledge government actions for better flow). These initiatives were aquired from the past experience of informed by lessons learned from previous earthquakes. Years latter, an earthquake happened later, when a similarly powerful earthquake occurred in my hometown, which had the same rank as that earthquake. Thanks to the improved quality of buildings and the training offerred by our government, there were much less building standards and increased public awareness significantly mitigated casualties and injuries and deaths in this catastrophy.sustained during the disaster (Rephrased the sentence about the second earthquake for better flow and clarity).

8 思维导图

- 主题: 历史经验对现代问题的解决
  - 子主题1: 社会发展与历史事件的关系
    - 学习历史事件
    - 避免类似陷阱
  - 子主题2: 个人轶事
    - 小学时期的地震灾难
    - 调查结果与教训
  - 子主题3: 政府应对措施
    - 提高建筑质量
    - 紧急疏散培训和安全地点识别
  - 子主题4: 成果与效果验证
    - 同样强度地震的后续影响减轻
    - 减少伤亡和损失

9 关键词

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

25. 3 任务完成度

从任务完成度的角度来看，你的文章在回答问题和表达观点方面做得不错。然而，有一些地方可以改进。首先，在论述观点时，可以提供更多具体的例子和细节来支持你的观点。其次，在语言使用和语法方面，尽量避免出现一些小错误，同时尝试使用更丰富的词汇和句式。

示例1（改进）：因此，在我个人经历中，我更倾向于支持投资于技术研究以提高生活质量，而非仅仅关注历史建筑的保护。

示例2（改进）：通过投资于技术研究，我们可以开发新型环保材料来修复古老建筑物，从而实现历史保护与科技发展的共赢。

4. 文章结构与组织

从文章结构与组织方面来看，你的文章整体上呈现出清晰的逻辑。但是，在引入论点时可以加强过渡性词汇的使用，并在结尾部分总结观点。此外，尝试在正文部分增加更多段落，以便更好地组织你的观点和论据。

建议1（简体中文）：在引入论点时使用过渡性词汇，如“首先”、“其次”等。

示例1（改进）：首先，我同意卡梅隆的观点，认为政府不需要花费资金来保护古老建筑。其次，在技术发展方面，我们应该将更多的资金投入到科技研究中。

建议2（简体中文）：在结尾部分总结观点，并指出你的文章对讨论做出了哪些贡献。

示例2（改进）：综上所述，我认为政府应该将资金投入到科技研究而非古老建筑的保护上。通过这样的方式，我们可以实现历史保护与科技发展的共赢。

5. 语法批改

From my perspective, I tend to support Cameron's view that government dodoes not need to spend money on preserving old buildings. In addition to his argument, I would like to emphasize the importance of technology development. By spending money on we can technological researchesresearch, we can improve our life qualities.Takequality of life. Take myself as an example, asexample. As a student, in order to get a good grades and catch up to own expectations, I mostly spend allmost of my time in classroom and library.library to achieve good grades and meet my own expectations. Consequently, It is rare for meI rarely have the opportunity to visit old buildings whichthat record the history of our school. By contrast, I can always feel convenient during useusing the auto-electronic devices provided by school. Therefore, based on my personal experienceexperience, I wholeheartedly concuragree with Cameron'Cameron's perspective.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In my opinion, I concur with Cameron's stance that governments should not prioritize spending money on preserving old buildings. Beyond his argument, I would like to emphasize the significance of technological advancement. By allocating resources to technological research, we can enhance our quality of life. For instance, as a student striving for academic excellence and meeting personal expectations, I predominantly spend my time in classrooms and libraries. As a result, I seldom visit historical sites that showcase our school's heritage. In contrast, I consistently benefit from the convenience offered by the school's state-of-the-art electronic devices. Therefore, based on my personal experience, I wholeheartedly agree with Cameron's perspective. (112 words)

From In my perspective, I tend to support opinion, I concur with Cameron's view stance (Changed "perspective" to "stance" for better word choice) that government do governments should not prioritize (Changed "do not need to spend to" to "should not prioritize" for clearer expression of the idea) spending money on preserving old buildings. In addition to Beyond his argument, I would like to emphasize the importance of technology development. significance (Changed "importance" to "significance" for better word choice) of technological advancement (Changed "technology development" to "technological advancement" for a more natural expression). By spending allocating resources (Changed "spending money on we can technological researches we can improve our life qualities.Take myself qualities" to "allocating resources to technological research, we can enhance our quality of life." for clearer and more concise phrasing) to technological research, we can enhance our quality of life. For instance, as an example, as a student, in a student striving for academic excellence (Changed "in order to get a good grades and catch up to own expectations" to "striving for academic excellence and meeting personal expectations" for a more natural tone) and meeting personal expectations, I mostly predominantly spend all of my time in classroom and library. Consequently, It is rare for me to classrooms and libraries. As a result, I seldom visit old historical sites (Changed "old buildings which record the history of our school. By school" to "historical sites that showcase our school's heritage." for clearer expression) that showcase our school's heritage. In contrast, I consistently benefit from the convenience offered by the school's state-of-the-art electronic devices (Changed "I can always feel convenient during use auto-electronic devices provided by school. school." to "...consistently benefit from the convenience offered by the school's state-of-the-art electronic devices." for a more natural tone). Therefore, based on my personal experience experience, I wholeheartedly concur agree with Cameron' perspective.Cameron's perspective (Kept original phrasing as it is appropriate).

8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Agree with Cameron's stance
   - Importance of technological advancement

2. Quality of life improvement
   - Allocate resources to technological research
   - Personal experience as a student

3. Modern facilities vs. historical sites
   - Spending time in classrooms and libraries
   - Seldom visit historical sites

4. Benefits of technology
   - Convenience offered by electronic devices

5. Conclusion
   - Wholeheartedly agree with Cameron's perspective

9 关键词

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

22. 3 任务完成度

从任务完成度的角度来看，这篇文章基本上满足了题目要求，表达了自己的观点并对讨论做出了贡献。但是，文章在阐述观点时可以更具体一些，给出更多的例子和细节。此外，在语言使用和语法方面也有一些小错误需要改进。

改进建议示例（英文）：

1. Instead of just mentioning "auto-electronic devices," provide specific examples of how these devices have improved your life at school.

2. Revise the sentence "By spending money on we can technological researches we can improve our life qualities" to make it grammatically correct and clearer, such as "By investing in technological research, we can improve our quality of life."

4. 文章结构与组织

从文章结构和组织的角度来看，这篇文章有明确的结构，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在段落之间缺乏明确的过渡，并且每个段落的焦点可以更加明确。建议在段落之间添加过渡句，并确保每个段落都集中讨论一个具体观点。

改进建议示例（英文）：

1. Add a transition sentence between the first and second paragraphs, such as "While I understand the importance of preserving history, I believe that investing in technology is more beneficial for our society."

2. In the second paragraph, focus on one specific aspect of how technology has improved your life at school and provide supporting details. For example, discuss how online resources have made research more efficient and accessible.

5. 语法批改

From my perspective, I tend to support Cameron's view that government dodoes not need to spend money on preserving old buildings. In addition to his argument, I would like to emphasize the importance of technology development. By spending money on we can technological researchesresearch, we can improve our life qualities.Takequality of life. Take myself as an example, asexample. As a student, in order to get a good grades and catch up to own expectations, I mostly spend allmost of my time in classroom and library.library to achieve good grades and meet my own expectations. Consequently, It is rare for meI rarely have the opportunity to visit old buildings whichthat record the history of our school. By contrast, I can always feel convenient during useusing the auto-electronic devices provided by school. Therefor,Therefore, based on my personal experienceexperience, I wholeheartedly concuragree with Cameron'Cameron's perspective.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In my opinion, I find myself inclined to agree with Cameron's perspective that the government should not prioritize spending money on preserving old buildings. In addition to his argument, I would like to emphasize the significance of technological advancement. By allocating resources towards technological research, we can enhance our quality of life. For instance, as a student striving for academic excellence and meeting personal expectations, I primarily spend my time in classrooms and libraries. As a result, I seldom visit historical buildings that encapsulate our school's history. In contrast, I consistently benefit from the convenience offered by various electronic devices provided by the institution. Therefore, based on my personal experience, I wholeheartedly concur with Cameron's viewpoint. (121 words)

From In my perspective, I tend to support opinion, I find myself inclined to agree with Cameron's view perspective (revised for clarity and natural tone) that the government do should not need to spend prioritize (changed "do not need" to "should not prioritize" for better expression) spending money on preserving old buildings. In addition to his argument, I would like to emphasize the importance significance (changed "importance" to "significance" for better word choice) of technology development. technological advancement (changed "technology development" to "technological advancement" for better expression). By spending money on allocating resources towards (revised for clarity and natural tone) technological research, we can technological researches we can improve enhance our life qualities.Take myself as an example, quality of life. For instance, as a student, in order to get a good grades and catch up to own student striving for academic excellence (revised for clarity and natural tone) and meeting personal expectations, I mostly primarily spend all of my time in classroom and library. Consequently, It is rare for me to classrooms and libraries. As a result, I seldom visit old historical buildings which record the that encapsulate our school's history of our school. By (revised for clarity and natural tone). In contrast, I can always feel convenient during use auto-electronic consistently benefit from the convenience offered by various electronic devices provided by school. Therefor, the institution (revised for clarity and natural tone). Therefore, based on my personal experience experience, I wholeheartedly concur with Cameron' perspective.Cameron's viewpoint (changed "perspective" to "viewpoint" for better word choice).

Title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Agree with Cameron's perspective
   - Importance of technological advancement

2. Technological Advancement
   - Allocating resources to research
   - Enhancing quality of life

3. Personal Experience
   - Student striving for academic excellence
   - Time spent in classrooms and libraries

4. Limited Interaction with Historical Buildings
   - Seldom visit historical buildings
   - Focus on schoolwork and personal expectations

5. Benefits from Technology
   - Convenience of electronic devices
   - Provided by the institution

6. Conclusion
   - Personal experience supports Cameron's viewpoint

Title: 9 关键词

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

24. 3 任务完成度

总体来说，这篇文章较好地回答了问题，并表达了作者的观点。然而，有一些方面可以改进。首先，在表达观点时，尽量避免使用过于复杂的句子结构，以提高文章的可读性。其次，在支持观点时，可以使用更具体和相关的例子。最后，注意检查语法错误和拼写错误。

改进示例：

• 原文：“As mentioned by Lysol, it is well known that some of the information can influence through the world and is beneficial to everyone's life.” 改进后：“As mentioned by Lysol, it is well known that some information can have a global impact and be beneficial to everyone's life.”

• 原文：“When scanning the information on social media, people can share some interested things, such as the recommended retaurants, bars, and songs, with their friends or family members, which can boost the relatioship of them.” 改进后：“When browsing information on social media, people can share interesting things like recommended restaurants, bars, and songs with their friends or family members, which can strengthen their relationships.”

4. 文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织方面还有待提高。首先，应在开头部分明确介绍文章的主题和观点。其次，正文部分应有明确的段落划分，每个段落都应集中讨论一个具体的观点，并提供相关的支持细节。最后，结尾部分应总结文章的主要观点，并呼应开头部分。

改进示例：

• 原文开头：“While I can the point of Kathy that the hours paied on electronic devices should be used for work, I concur with Lysol's perspective that when sacnning the information, people can still utilize some of them in their lives.” 改进后：“While I understand Kathy's point that time spent on electronic devices could be used for work, I agree with Lysol's perspective that people can still benefit from the information they encounter.”

• 原文结尾：“Therefore, it is evident that people should browse the information on the electronic devices and attain some benefits.” 改进后：“In conclusion, it is evident that people should browse information on electronic devices to gain various benefits and stay connected with global events.”

5. 语法批改

While I can the point of Kathy that the hours paiedpaid(misspelling) on electronic devices should be used for work, I concur with Lysol's perspective that when sacnningscanning(misspelling) the information, people can still utilize some of them in their lives. As mentioned by Lysol, it is well known that some of the information can influence through the world and is beneficial to everyone's life. For instance, watching the information on electronic deivcesdevices(misspelling), college students can attain and obtain the newest events in the world, which can be valuable in many kinds of fields, such as the business, the politics, and the ecomonicseconomics(misspelling); however, these useful information cannot be accessible to students who don't watch any thinganything(any body (anybody)) on social media. Furthermore, I would like to emphasize that people can utilize this way to enhance the connection with their firendsfriends(misspelling). When scanning the information on social media, people can share some interested things, such as the recommended retaurantsrestaurants(misspelling), bars, and songs, with their friends or family members, which can boost the relatioshiprelationship(misspelling) of them. Therefore, it is evident that people should browse the information on the electronic devices and attain some benefits.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In response to the professor's question, I agree with Lysol's viewpoint that staying informed about global events, even if they seem unrelated to our daily lives, can be beneficial. As Lysol mentioned, the interconnected nature of our world means that seemingly distant events can have far-reaching consequences. For example, college students who stay updated on current affairs can gain valuable insights into various fields such as business, politics, and economics. This knowledge may not be readily available to those who avoid engaging with news on social media.

Moreover, I would like to emphasize that consuming news and information through electronic devices can also foster stronger connections with friends and family. By sharing interesting content such as restaurant recommendations or trending songs, individuals can enhance their relationships with others. In conclusion, it is essential for people to stay informed through electronic devices and derive benefits from the wealth of information available at their fingertips. (158 words)

Revised essay: While I can understand the point of Kathy that the hours paied spent on electronic devices should be used for work, I concur with Lysol's perspective that when sacnning scanning the information, people can still utilize some of them in their lives. As mentioned by Lysol, it is well known that some of the information can influence have an impact through the world and is beneficial to everyone's life. For instance, watching the information on electronic deivces, devices, college students can attain and obtain the newest events in the world, which can be valuable in many kinds of fields, such as the business, the politics, and the ecomonics; business, politics, and economics; however, these useful information cannot be accessible to students who don't watch any thing anything on social media. Furthermore, I would like to emphasize that people can utilize this way to enhance the connection with their firends. friends. When scanning the information on social media, people can share some interested interesting things, such as the recommended retaurants, restaurants, bars, and songs, with their friends or family members, which can boost the relatioship of relationship between them. Therefore, it is evident that people should browse the information on the electronic devices and attain some benefits.benefits.

(Changed "can" to "understand" for clarity; changed "paied" to "spent" for correct spelling; changed "sacnning" to "scanning" for correct spelling; changed "influence" to "have an impact" for better word choice; changed "deivces" to "devices" for correct spelling; corrected capitalization of field names; removed unnecessary space before punctuation; changed "firends" to "friends" for correct spelling; changed "interested" to "interesting"; changed "retaurants" to "restaurants"; corrected phrasing from “boost relationship of them” to “boost relationship between them”.)

8 思维导图

1. Global events
   1.1 Interconnected world
   1.2 Far-reaching consequences

2. College students
   2.1 Business insights
   2.2 Politics insights
   2.3 Economics insights

3. Electronic devices
   3.1 Consuming news
   3.2 Information sharing

4. Social connections
   4.1 Enhancing relationships
   4.2 Sharing content

5. Conclusion
   5.1 Staying informed through devices
   5.2 Benefits of information wealth

9 关键词

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

23. 3 任务完成度

根据托福iBT写作任务的评分标准，你的文章在任务完成度方面表现良好。但是，还有一些地方可以改进。首先，在论述观点时，可以提供更多具体的例子和细节来支持你的观点。此外，尝试使用更丰富的词汇和语法结构来增强文章的表达力。

改进建议示例：

1. 在支持观点时，可以添加一些具体的例子，如：“例如，将预算用于科学研究和技术创新，可以帮助我们开发新型太空船等先进技术。”

2. 使用更丰富的词汇和语法结构，如：“在我看来，在保护历史建筑方面投入大量资金并不明智。”

4. 文章结构与组织

从组织结构上看，你的文章基本符合托福iBT写作任务1评分标准。然而，在某些方面仍有改进空间。首先，在引言部分简要介绍讨论话题和自己的立场。其次，在正文部分，每段落都应集中讨论一个具体观点，并提供支持细节。最后，在结论部分总结文章的主要观点。

改进建议示例：

1. 引言部分可以这样写：“在这次关于历史与文化的讨论中，我认为政府不应该将资金用于保护旧建筑。”

2. 在正文部分，可以添加一个段落来讨论对立观点并进行反驳，如：“尽管有人认为保护历史建筑有助于传承文化，但我认为我们应该更注重科技创新和经济发展。”

5. 语法批改

In my opinion, Cameron is right when he proposes there is no need to spend monenymoney(misspelling) on old buildingsbuildings'(Possessive apostrophe error) preservation. He points out that our world is undergoing high speed change everydayevery day(everyday (every day)), we have to put stress on something that may help us make progress. I am really into this idea. From my point of view, preserving old building is money consuming, our government could not fulfill all needs of development with limited budget. So we have to make priority of economic and technological progress, if we spend more budget on science like inventeinvented(misspelling) new type of spaceship rather than conserve old buildings, we will improve the national status of our country and benefit from in long run

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In response to the professor's question, I concur with Cameron's stance on not prioritizing the preservation of old buildings. As he astutely observes, our rapidly evolving world necessitates a focus on fostering economic and technological advancements. In my perspective, allocating resources to maintain historical structures can be financially burdensome, particularly when considering the government's limited budget. Consequently, it is crucial to prioritize investments in areas such as scientific research and innovation, like developing cutting-edge spacecraft technology. By doing so, we can elevate our nation's global standing and reap long-term benefits from these advancements. (98 words)

In my opinion, Cameron is right when he proposes there is no need response to spend moneny the professor's question (clarifies the context of the discussion), I concur with Cameron's stance on not prioritizing the preservation of old buildings preservation. He points out that (rephrased for clarity). As he astutely observes (rephrased for a more natural tone), our rapidly evolving world is undergoing high speed change everyday, we have to put stress necessitates a focus on something that may help us make progress. I am really into this idea. From my point of view, preserving old building is money consuming, our government could not fulfill all needs of development with limited budget. So we have to make priority of fostering economic and technological progress, if advancements (revised for clarity and conciseness). In my perspective (more natural expression), allocating resources to maintain historical structures can be financially burdensome (rephrased for clarity), particularly when considering the government's limited budget (revised for conciseness). Consequently, it is crucial to prioritize investments in areas such as scientific research and innovation, like developing cutting-edge spacecraft technology (rephrased for clarity and specificity). By doing so, we spend can elevate our nation's global standing (more budget on science like invente new type of spaceship rather than conserve old buildings, we will improve the national status of our country precise language) and benefit reap long-term benefits from in long runthese advancements (revised for conciseness).

8 思维导图

- 不优先保护古建筑
  - 经济和技术发展需求
    - 资源分配问题
      - 有限的政府预算
        - 科学研究与创新投资
          - 先进的航天科技发展
            - 提升国家地位
              - 长期收益

9 关键词

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 27

3. 任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现较好，成功回答了教授的问题并表达了个人观点。但是，文章可以在以下方面进行改进：

1. 更具体的例子和细节来支持观点。

2. 更深入地讨论与主题相关的其他方面。

改进示例：

1. 在支持保护古建筑的观点时，可以提供一些具体的例子，如某个著名古建筑的破损情况以及政府采取措施后的改善情况。

2. 可以讨论保护古建筑对于文化传承和旅游业发展等方面的重要性。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构基本清晰，包括引言、正文和结尾。然而，在组织上还有一些改进空间：

1. 在段落中使用更明确的主题句来引导读者。

2. 使用更清晰的过渡词或短语来连接不同观点和段落。

改进示例：

1. 在正文第一段开始时，可以使用一个明确的主题句，如：“我认为政府应该将资金用于保护古建筑，而非建造新建筑。”

2. 在连接不同观点时，可以使用过渡词或短语，如：“此外”，“然而”等。例如：“此外，在许多古建筑遗址中，我们可以发现它们的状况堪忧。”

5. 语法批改

Have developed for thousands of years, there are plenty of historical sites and artifacts around the world. I have to admit that many of them are very attractive. However, if let me to choosechoose(Don't let any negativity to affect (affect) you), I would like to spend money on preserving all the old buildings. Companies have already build enough contemporary constructions in cities for residence, buisinessbusiness(misspelling) and so on. Even though building new constructions is very popular today, it could be found that many constructions that have been built for nearly five years are empty because people only buy them, rather than using them. However, when I go to historical sites, I would surpriselysurprise(misspelling) find that many ancient architecturemuch ancient architecture(Possible agreement error: 'many/several/few' + uncountable noun) are in poor condition, which makes it impossible for tourists like me to find how grand it was. Governments have the responsibility to preserve them by spending money on employing experts to repair and protect them. Without implementing some measures to save them, they might collapse in several years and disappear forever, which would be a great pity for both society and idividualsindividuals(misspelling).

Section Title: 6 文章修订

Throughout history, numerous historical sites and artifacts have been established, many of which hold great significance. While it is true that contemporary constructions are abundant in cities for various purposes, I firmly believe that preserving old buildings should be prioritized. In many cases, recently built structures remain unoccupied after just a few years, as people tend to purchase them without utilizing them. Conversely, when visiting historical sites, it is disheartening to see the poor condition of ancient architecture, which often prevents tourists from fully appreciating their grandeur.

Governments bear the responsibility of preserving these invaluable cultural treasures by allocating funds to employ experts who can restore and protect them. If no measures are taken to save these historical sites, they may eventually collapse and vanish forever - a tremendous loss for both society and individuals alike. By investing in the preservation of old buildings and sites, we ensure that future generations can experience firsthand the rich history and heritage that they represent. (166 words)

Have developed for thousands of years, there are plenty of Throughout history (revised for clarity and to set the context), numerous historical sites and artifacts around the world. I have to admit that been established, many of them are very attractive. However, if let me to choose, I would like to spend money on preserving all the old buildings. Companies have already build enough which hold great significance. While it is true that contemporary constructions are abundant in cities for residence, buisiness and so on. Even though building new constructions is very popular today, it could various purposes (revised for better flow and clarity), I firmly believe that preserving old buildings should be found that prioritized (revised to make the argument clear). In many constructions that have been cases, recently built for nearly five years are empty because structures remain unoccupied after just a few years, as people only buy them, rather than using them. However, tend to purchase them without utilizing them (revised for clarity and conciseness). Conversely, when I go to visiting historical sites, I would surprisely find that many it is disheartening to see the poor condition of ancient architecture architecture, which often prevents tourists from fully appreciating their grandeur (revised for better flow and readability).

Governments bear the responsibility of preserving these invaluable cultural treasures by allocating funds to employ experts who can restore and protect them (revised for clarity). If no measures are in poor condition, which makes it impossible for tourists like me to find how grand it was. Governments have the responsibility to preserve them by spending money on employing experts to repair and protect them. Without implementing some measures taken to save them, these historical sites, they might may eventually collapse in several years and disappear forever, which would be and vanish forever - a great pity tremendous loss for both society and idividuals.individuals alike (revised for better flow). By investing in the preservation of old buildings and sites, we ensure that future generations can experience firsthand the rich history and heritage that they represent (revised for conciseness and impact).

8 思维导图

1. 引言
   - 历史遗址和文物的重要性
   - 当代建筑的盛行
   - 保护古建筑的优先性

2. 现代建筑的问题
   - 短期内无人居住
   - 购买但不使用

3. 古建筑的现状
   - 悲惨的状况
   - 影响游客体验

4. 政府责任
   - 保护文化遗产
   - 分配资金雇佣专家

5. 未来世代的利益
   - 亲身体验历史和文化遗产

6. 结论
   - 投资保护古建筑和遗址的重要性

9 关键词

1.子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.0

2.预估分数

Estimated Score: 22 (3.5)

3.任务完成度

这篇文章基本上完成了任务要求，但还有一些需要改进的地方。首先，你需要更具体地回答教授的问题，即是否认为人们应该了解与他们日常生活关系不大的世界事件。其次，在提供支持观点的例子时，尽量使用更具体和相关的例子。此外，注意避免使用过于口语化的表达。

改进示例1： Instead of "Given that every people has low time in their life," you can write "Considering that everyone faces challenges in their lives."

改进示例2： Instead of "I regarded Trump as my idol because him faced a lot of issues and finally solved them," you can write "I admired Trump because he overcame numerous obstacles and eventually resolved them."

4.文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织方面还有待提高。首先，建议在开头部分明确表达你的观点，并在正文部分逐一阐述和支持你的观点。另外，在段落之间使用恰当的过渡词或短语以使文章更连贯。

改进示例1： You can start your essay with a clear statement of your opinion, such as "In my opinion, people should be aware of events happening around the world, even if they have little influence on their daily lives."

改进示例2： To improve the transition between paragraphs, you can use phrases like "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In conclusion" to guide the reader through your arguments.

5. 语法批改

I wholeheartedly concur with Lysol's perspective that we can learn a lot from others' experience. In my view, we, normal individuals, are able to be passionate again through learning from the success of celebrities in the media. Given that every people has low time in their life, the valuable experience that how the famous official overcame the obstacles stand on their road, is qualified to educate us how to be energetic. For instance, when I was young, I regarded Trump as my idol because him faced a lot of issues and finally solved them, thereby whenever I was dealing with problems, I always waswas always(Word order: Wrong position of adverb, e.g. 'Always I am happy. (I am always happy.)') optimistic. Although Kathy parents an idea that we should spend time on working rather than reading news, reading news can also promote people to be erudite. Therefore, in light of the above factors, I firmly believe that individuals are supposed to know current events which absolutely tend to benefit to them.

6.文章修订

In my opinion, people should be aware of events happening around the world, even if they have little influence on their daily lives. I concur with Lysol's perspective that learning from others' experiences is crucial for personal growth and preparedness. Globalization has interconnected our lives, making it essential to understand the potential impact of seemingly unrelated events. For instance, the rising price of wheat in England may eventually affect cereal prices in Taiwan.

Although Kathy argues that consuming news unrelated to one's life is a waste of time, I believe that staying informed can contribute to becoming a well-rounded individual. It is true that some news content may be sensationalized or misleading; however, discerning reliable sources and information is a valuable skill in today's digital age.

Moreover, stories of overcoming adversity can inspire and motivate us during challenging times. For example, when I was younger, I admired Trump for his ability to overcome numerous obstacles and eventually resolve them. This admiration encouraged me to maintain an optimistic attitude when facing my own difficulties.

In summary, being informed about global events not only broadens our horizons but also helps us learn from others' experiences and fosters personal growth. Therefore, I firmly believe that individuals should stay updated on current events as they can ultimately benefit from this knowledge. (218 words)

I wholeheartedly 7.文章批改

In my opinion, people should be aware of events happening around the world, even if they have little influence on their daily lives. (This sentence clearly states the writer's opinion and addresses the professor's question.) I concur with Lysol's perspective that we can learn a lot learning from others' experience. In my view, we, normal individuals, are able to experiences is crucial for personal growth and preparedness. (The word "concur" is more formal than "agree," and "crucial" is a stronger adjective than "important.") Globalization has interconnected our lives, making it essential to understand the potential impact of seemingly unrelated events. (This sentence explains why it is important to know about global events.) For instance, the rising price of wheat in England may eventually affect cereal prices in Taiwan. (This example demonstrates how an event in one country can impact another.)

Although Kathy argues that consuming news unrelated to one's life is a waste of time, I believe that staying informed can contribute to becoming a well-rounded individual. (This sentence acknowledges Kathy's argument and provides a counterpoint.) It is true that some news content may be passionate again through sensationalized or misleading; however, discerning reliable sources and information is a valuable skill in today's digital age. (This sentence addresses the issue of fake news and emphasizes the importance of critical thinking.)

Moreover, stories of overcoming adversity can inspire and motivate us during challenging times. (This sentence introduces a new point about learning from the success of celebrities in the media. Given that every people has low time in their life, the valuable experience that how the famous official overcame the others' experiences.) For example, when I was younger, I admired Trump for his ability to overcome numerous obstacles stand on their road, is qualified to educate and eventually resolve them. (The revised sentence uses proper grammar and clarifies the meaning.) This admiration encouraged me to maintain an optimistic attitude when facing my own difficulties.

In summary, being informed about global events not only broadens our horizons but also helps us how to be energetic. For instance, when I was young, I regarded Trump as my idol because him faced a lot of issues and finally solved them, thereby whenever I was dealing with problems, I always was optimistic. Although Kathy parents an idea that we should spend time on working rather than reading news, reading news can also promote people to be erudite. learn from others' experiences and fosters personal growth. (This sentence summarizes the main points of the essay.) Therefore, in light of the above factors, I firmly believe that individuals are supposed to know should stay updated on current events which absolutely tend to as they can ultimately benefit to them.from this knowledge. (This sentence reinforces the writer's opinion and provides a strong conclusion.)

8.思维导图

• Introduction

  • Opinion: awareness of global events

• Lysol's perspective

  • Learning from others' experiences
  • Personal growth and preparedness
  • Globalization and interconnectedness

• Example

  • Rising price of wheat in England affecting Taiwan's cereal prices

• Counterargument: Kathy's view

  • Time-wasting vs. well-rounded individuals
  • Sensationalized or misleading news content
  • Importance of discerning reliable sources and critical thinking skills

• Overcoming adversity and inspiration from others' stories

  • Trump's example

• Conclusion

  • Broadening horizons, learning from experiences, fostering personal growth

9.关键词

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

25. 3 任务完成度

总体来说，这篇文章较好地回答了问题，并提供了一些合理的论据。然而，有一些建议可以帮助改进文章。首先，尽量避免重复使用相同的词汇和表达。其次，在提供论据时，可以尝试举例子或者详细解释原因，以使观点更具说服力。

英文示例1：Instead of saying "I feel so tired and have no more time rest," you can say "Due to the heavy workload, I often find myself exhausted with little time left for relaxation."

英文示例2：You can provide a specific example of news that is irrelevant to daily life, such as "For instance, knowing about a minor celebrity's personal life may not have any impact on our daily routines."

4. 文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织方面还有待改进。首先，建议在开头部分简要介绍自己的观点，并在正文部分详细阐述论据。此外，在段落之间使用过渡词或短语，以使文章更加流畅。

简体中文建议1：在开头部分明确表达自己的观点，例如：“在这个问题上，我倾向于支持Kathy的观点，认为人们不需要了解与日常生活关系不大的新闻。”

简体中文建议2：在段落之间使用过渡词或短语，例如：“首先，了解与日常生活无关的新闻会浪费时间。其次，我们应该关注与我们生活息息相关的信息。”

英文示例1：You can start your essay with a clear statement of your opinion, such as "In this discussion, I agree with Kathy's viewpoint that people do not need to know about news that has little impact on their daily lives."

英文示例2：Use transition words or phrases between paragraphs, such as "Firstly, knowing irrelevant news is a waste of time. Secondly, we should focus on information that is closely related to our daily lives."

5. 语法批改

From my perspective, I tend to support Kathy'Kathy's view: people do not need to know about news that havehas little influence on their daily lives. Apart from his reason, knowing news that has little impact on our lives is a waste of time, anothertime. Another reason I would like to add is that we should just pay attention to more daily life releventrelevant information around us. In other words, whichthis can cause a high-efficiency utilization of our limited stamina. For instance, as ana university student, I have at least six hours daily course should be taken. More over, ascourses. Moreover, to finish my own expectation, getting aexpectations and get good grades, I feel so tired and have no more time rest. So that,So, I can not even image how can someone always focousfocus on irreleventirrelevant news around them to finish their daily works. Therefore, based on my own experience, I strongly agree with Kathy's opinions.

Title: 6 文章修订

In my opinion, I concur with Kathy's perspective that people do not need to be informed about news that has little impact on their daily lives. In addition to her argument that it is a waste of time, I would like to emphasize the importance of focusing on more relevant information in our immediate surroundings. By doing so, we can make efficient use of our limited energy and resources. For example, as a university student with a demanding schedule, I must allocate at least six hours daily for coursework. Furthermore, in order to achieve my personal goal of attaining good grades, I often find myself exhausted with little time for leisure. Consequently, it is difficult for me to fathom how someone could consistently devote attention to unrelated news while still accomplishing their daily tasks. Based on my own experience, I wholeheartedly support Kathy's viewpoint. (147 words)

From my perspective, I tend to support In my opinion, I concur with Kathy's perspective (Changed "support Kathy' view: view" to "concur with Kathy's perspective" for a more natural tone) that people do not need to know be informed about news that have little influence on their daily lives. Apart from his reason, knowing news that has little impact on our lives their daily lives. In addition to her argument (Changed "his reason" to "her argument" for clarity and consistency) that it is a waste of time, another reason I would like to add is that we emphasize the importance of focusing on more relevant information in our immediate surroundings (Rephrased "we should just pay attention to more daily life relevent information around us. In other words, which us" for better flow and clarity). By doing so, we can make efficient use of our limited energy and resources (Rephrased "which can cause a high-efficiency utilization of our limited stamina. stamina" for better flow and clarity). For instance, example, as a university student with a demanding schedule (Changed "as an university student, I have student" to "as a university student with a demanding schedule" for better context), I must allocate at least six hours daily course for coursework (Changed "course should be taken. More over, as taken" to "for coursework" for clarity). Furthermore, in order to achieve my personal goal of attaining good grades (Changed "as to finish my own expectation, getting a good grades, I grades" to "in order to achieve my personal goal of attaining good grades" for better flow), I often find myself exhausted with little time for leisure (Changed "I feel so tired and have no more time rest. So that, I can not even image rest" to "I often find myself exhausted with little time for leisure"). Consequently, it is difficult for me to fathom how can someone always focous on irrelevent could consistently devote attention to unrelated news around them to finish while still accomplishing their daily works. Therefore, based tasks (Rephrased the sentence for better flow and clarity). Based on my own experience, I strongly agree with wholeheartedly support Kathy's opinions.viewpoint (Changed "Kathy's opinions" to "Kathy's viewpoint").

Title: 8 思维导图

Mindmap:

1. Introduction
   - Agree with Kathy's perspective
   - Focus on relevant information

2. Importance of focusing on immediate surroundings
   - Efficient use of energy and resources

3. Personal example: University student
   - Demanding schedule
   - Allocating time for coursework

4. Personal goal: Good grades
   - Exhaustion and limited leisure time

5. Difficulty in devoting attention to unrelated news

6. Conclusion: Support Kathy's viewpoint

Title: 9 关键词