TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on career readiness. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

25. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章基本上完成了任务要求，但仍有一些可以改进的地方。首先，在表达观点时，可以更具体地说明大公司为何能提供稳定的工作环境以及如何帮助学生提高社交技能。此外，文章中的语法和词汇使用有时显得不够准确，需要加强。

改进示例1： Instead of "large company can provide a stable working environment for undergraduates so that students do not have to worry about the salary.", you can write "Large companies often provide a stable working environment with competitive salaries, which can alleviate financial concerns for recent graduates."

改进示例2： Instead of "students also can learn how to play with them which can practice their social skills", you can write "Students can also learn from experienced colleagues, which helps them develop their social skills in a professional setting."

4. 文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织方面表现较好，包括了引言、正文和结论。然而，在段落之间的过渡可以更加自然流畅。此外，正文部分可以进一步细化观点和论据。

改进示例1： 在第一段最后加入过渡句子："With these benefits in mind, let's delve deeper into the reasons why large companies are a better choice for recent graduates."

改进示例2： 在正文部分加入更多具体论据，例如："Furthermore, large companies often offer comprehensive training programs and mentorship opportunities, which can help recent graduates acquire new skills and knowledge relevant to their career development."

5. 语法批改

Instead of the point of Andrew, I agree with Kelly that for the senior college students work in large and famous company is better choice for them. Here are servalserial(misspelling) arguments. Firstly, largea large(This rule identifies whether the article 'a' is missing in a sentence.) company can provide a stable working environment for undergraduates so that students do not have to worry about the salary. Although the culture of large and old company might have some old-fashion for nowadays society, students also can learn how to play with them which can practice their social skills, besides they can gain a lot from the older employees. In addition, according to the huge working system of company, there are servalserial(misspelling) empty space waiting for them so that they can try to get promote. In conclusion, I want to go to large company because of Ibecause I(because of we (because we)) would like to see more and gain more things which are not be allowed in the small corporations.

6. Article Revision

In response to the professor's question, I concur with Kelly that joining a large, established company is a more advantageous choice for recent university graduates. There are several reasons for this preference. First and foremost, large companies offer a stable working environment, alleviating concerns about financial security for new employees. While the corporate culture of such organizations may seem outdated, it presents an opportunity for graduates to hone their social skills and learn valuable lessons from experienced colleagues. Furthermore, the extensive organizational structure of these companies often presents numerous opportunities for growth and advancement. Ultimately, I believe that working in a large company allows recent graduates to broaden their horizons and acquire invaluable experiences that may not be readily available in smaller enterprises. (126 words)

Instead In response to the professor's question, I concur with Kelly that joining a large, established company is a more advantageous choice for recent university graduates (instead of "Instead of the point of Andrew, I agree with Kelly that for the senior college students work in large and famous company is better choice for them. Here them" - rephrased to make it clearer and more concise). There are several reasons for this preference (instead of "Here are serval arguments. Firstly, large arguments" - corrected spelling and rephrased for clarity). First and foremost, large companies offer a stable working environment, alleviating concerns about financial security for new employees (instead of "large company can provide a stable working environment for undergraduates so that students do not have to worry about the salary. Although salary" - rephrased to improve grammar and clarity). While the corporate culture of such organizations may seem outdated (instead of "Although the culture of large and old company might have some old-fashion for nowadays society, students society" - rephrased to improve grammar), it presents an opportunity for graduates to hone their social skills and learn valuable lessons from experienced colleagues (instead of "students also can learn how to play with them which can practice their social skills, besides they can gain a lot from the older employees. In addition, according employees" - rephrased to improve grammar and clarity). Furthermore, the extensive organizational structure of these companies often presents numerous opportunities for growth and advancement (instead of "according to the huge working system of company, there are serval empty space waiting for them so that they can try to get promote. In conclusion, promote" - corrected spelling and rephrased for clarity). Ultimately, I believe that working in a large company allows recent graduates to broaden their horizons and acquire invaluable experiences that may not be readily available in smaller enterprises (instead of "I want to go to large company because of I would like to see more and gain more things which are not be allowed in the small corporations.corporations" - rephrased to improve grammar and clarity).

8 思维导图

- Title: Large Companies vs Small Enterprises for Recent Graduates
    - Stability
        - Financial security
        - Established working environment
    - Corporate culture
        - Social skills development
        - Learning from experienced colleagues
    - Opportunities for growth and advancement
        - Extensive organizational structure
        - Broadening horizons
    - Invaluable experiences
        - Unique to large companies 

9 关键词

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5 Language Use and Grammar: 4

2. 预估分数

27. 3 任务完成度

整体来说，你的文章已经很好地回应了教授的问题，并且观点清晰、论据充分。但是，为了使文章更加完善，我建议你在以下方面进行改进：

1. 在表达观点时，可以尝试使用更多的连接词和短语，以增强文章的连贯性和逻辑性。

2. 在论述过程中，可以适当引用一些具体的例子或数据来支持你的观点。

示例1（改进连贯性）： 原文：Mature corporations usually possess a series of well-established training and management system, as well as a group of experienced talents of certain realm. 改进：Mature corporations usually possess a series of well-established training and management systems; moreover, they have a group of experienced talents in specific fields.

示例2（引用具体例子）： 原文：On one hand, these people can, in the future, provide recommendation letters for students to gain a promotion or higher position in other companies. 改进：For instance, having worked closely with an experienced mentor at a large company, the mentor may be more likely to provide a strong recommendation letter for the graduate when they seek future opportunities.

4. 文章结构与组织

从文章结构和组织方面来看，你的文章已经做得相当不错。然而，为了使文章更加完美，我建议你在以下方面进行改进：

1. 在文章开头部分，可以简要介绍一下你将要讨论的主题和观点，以便引导读者进入正文。

2. 在文章结尾部分，可以总结一下你的观点，并给出一个简短的结论。

示例1（改进开头部分）： 原文：I concur with Kelly's stance that new graduates should work in large and established companies as against small start-ups. 改进：In response to the professor's question, I concur with Kelly's stance that new graduates should work in large and established companies rather than small start-ups, as I believe they offer more benefits for career development.

示例2（改进结尾部分）： 原文：On the other hand, students can effectively expand their social circle in this area. 改进：In conclusion, working for a large and established company provides new graduates with valuable resources, mentorship, and networking opportunities that can greatly benefit their future career development.

5. 语法批改

I concur with Kelly's stance that new graduates should work in large and established companies as against small start-ups.

Admittedly, as Andrew articulates, small start-up enterprises offer an exciting experience, and I would add, not insignificantly, a sense of achievement. Nonetheless, big companies are more conducive to future career development for students.

Mature corporations usually possess a series of well-established training and management system, as well as a group of experienced talents of certain realm. Thus, these resources can be a boon for university graduates, who lack real experience, equipping them with sufficient and adequentfrequent(misspelling) skills and abilities, not only of this field but also of the entire career, such as techniques of negotiation, ways of socializing, etc.

Further, large firms provide students with abundant opportunities to know famous experts and talents of this field. On one hand, these people can, in the future, provide recommendation letters for students to gain a promotion or higher position in other companies. On the other hand, students can effectively expand their social circle in this area.

Title: 6 文章修订

I agree with Kelly's perspective that recent graduates should consider working for large, established companies rather than small start-ups.

While Andrew rightly points out that start-ups offer an exhilarating experience and a sense of accomplishment, I believe that larger organizations provide a more advantageous environment for career growth and development.

Established corporations typically have comprehensive training and management systems in place, as well as a wealth of experienced professionals in their respective fields. These resources can greatly benefit university graduates who lack real-world experience by equipping them with essential skills and abilities relevant to their careers, such as negotiation techniques and networking strategies.

Moreover, large companies offer ample opportunities for young professionals to connect with renowned experts and industry leaders. These connections can prove invaluable in the future by providing recommendation letters for promotions or higher positions within other organizations. Additionally, networking within these circles allows graduates to effectively expand their professional network in their chosen field. (160 words)

Revised essay: Title: 7 文章批改

I concur with Kelly's stance (revised for clarity) that new graduates should work in large and established companies as against opposed to (replaced "as against" for better phrasing) small start-ups.

Admittedly, as Andrew articulates, small start-up enterprises offer an exciting experience, and I would add, not insignificantly, insignificantly (rephrased for better flow), a sense of achievement. Nonetheless, big companies are more conducive to future career development for students. students (revised for clarity).

Mature corporations usually possess a series of well-established training and management system, systems (corrected "system" to "systems" for plural agreement), as well as a group of experienced talents of in certain realm. realms (changed "realm" to "realms" for plural agreement). Thus, these resources can be a boon for university graduates, graduates who lack real experience, equipping them with sufficient and adequent adequate (corrected "adequent" to "adequate") skills and abilities, abilities not only of this in their specific field but also of the in their entire career, such as techniques of negotiation, negotiation and ways of socializing, etc. ¶ Further, socializing (rephrased for better flow).

Furthermore (changed "Further" to "Furthermore" for smoother transition), large firms provide students with abundant opportunities to know famous experts and talents of this in their field. On one hand, these people can, in the future, provide recommendation letters for students to gain a promotion promotions or higher position positions in other companies. On the other hand, students can effectively expand their social circle in within this area.area (rephrased for clarity).

Display title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Agree with Kelly's perspective
   - Large companies vs. small start-ups

2. Career Growth and Development
   - Comprehensive training and management systems
   - Experienced professionals

3. Essential Skills and Abilities
   - Negotiation techniques
   - Networking strategies

4. Networking Opportunities
   - Connection with renowned experts and industry leaders
   - Recommendation letters for promotions or higher positions

5. Expanding Professional Network
   - Networking within industry circles
   - Chosen field advancement

6. Conclusion
   - Large organizations provide a more advantageous environment for recent graduates

Display title: 9 关键词

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

22. 3 任务完成度

你的文章在回答问题方面做得不错，但是有一些地方需要改进。首先，你需要更清楚地表达自己的观点，并给出更多具体的例子来支持你的观点。此外，尽量避免使用过于复杂的句子结构和词汇，以便让读者更容易理解你的意思。

改进示例1： 原文：From my perspective, I do believe that children should spent a majority of time studying inside the classrooms. 修改后：In my opinion, children should spend most of their time studying in the classroom.

改进示例2： 原文：Thus, our school put about 90 percents of budegt in basic equipment, including computers, lights, air-conditioners and so on in order to help students to take more courses in the classrooms. 修改后：As a result, our school allocated about 90% of its budget to essential equipment like computers, lights, and air conditioners to enhance students' learning experience in the classroom.

4. 文章结构与组织

从文章结构和组织方面来看，你的文章整体上还算清晰。但是，在写作过程中要注意段落之间的逻辑关系和过渡。另外，尝试在引言部分简要介绍你的观点，然后在正文部分详细阐述和支持你的观点，最后在结论部分总结全文。

改进示例1： 原文：From my perspective, I do believe that children should spent a majority of time studying inside the classrooms. 修改后：In this essay, I will argue that children should spend most of their time studying in the classroom for several reasons.

改进示例2： 原文：However, the government implemented a policy, encouraging school to take more courses inside the classrooms for schoold' financial budget. 修改后：However, due to a government policy promoting in-class learning for better financial management, schools were encouraged to focus more on classroom-based education.

5. 语法批改

From my perspective, I do believe that children should spentspend(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) a majority of time studying inside the classrooms. That is because by assigning them learning in the classroom, the school board can save a great deal of money, thus they can utilize their money on some basic classrooms' equipment. For instance, when I was at elemantaryelementary(misspelling) school a couple of years ago, my classrooms hardly had an air-conditioner due to the fact that much money was spent on our trips to other countries. However, the government implemented a policy, encouraging school to take more courses inside the classrooms for schooldschools(misspelling)'(Unpaired braces, brackets, quotation marks and similar symbols) financial budget. Thus, our school put about 90 percents of budegtbudget(misspelling) in basic equipment, including computers, lights, air-conditioners and so on in order to help students to take more courses in the classrooms. As a result, though we had lessfewer(fewer with countable nouns (less)) opportunities learningof learning(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'of' is missing in a sentence.) outside the classrooms, we experienced a better learning conditions in the classrooms.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In my opinion, children should primarily focus on learning within the confines of a classroom. Allocating resources to classroom-based education allows schools to invest in essential infrastructure and equipment, thereby enhancing the overall learning experience. For example, during my elementary school years, our classrooms lacked air conditioning due to funds being diverted towards field trips. However, when the government introduced a policy encouraging schools to prioritize in-class learning for budgetary reasons, our school allocated approximately 90% of its budget towards improving basic amenities such as computers, lighting, and air conditioning. Consequently, although we had fewer opportunities for experiential learning outside the classroom, we benefited from an improved learning environment within it. (116 words)

From In my perspective, I do believe that opinion, children should spent primarily focus on learning within the confines of a classroom (reason: "primarily focus" is clearer and more concise than "spent a majority of time studying inside time"; "within the classrooms. That confines of a classroom" is because by assigning them more natural than "inside the classrooms"). Allocating resources to classroom-based education allows schools to invest in essential infrastructure and equipment, thereby enhancing the overall learning in the classroom, the experience (reason: rephrased for clarity and natural tone). For example, during my elementary school board can save a great deal of money, thus they can utilize their money on some basic classrooms' equipment. For instance, when I was at elemantary school a couple of years ago, my years, our classrooms hardly had an air-conditioner lacked air conditioning due to the fact that much money was spent on our funds being diverted towards field trips to other countries. (reason: corrected grammar and rephrased for clarity). However, when the government implemented introduced a policy, policy encouraging school schools to take more courses inside the classrooms prioritize in-class learning for schoold' financial budget. Thus, budgetary reasons (reason: rephrased for clarity and natural tone), our school put about 90 percents allocated approximately 90% of budegt in its budget towards improving basic equipment, including amenities such as computers, lights, air-conditioners lighting, and so on in order to help students to take more courses in the classrooms. As a result, though air conditioning (reason: corrected grammar and rephrased for clarity). Consequently, although we had less fewer opportunities for experiential learning outside the classrooms, classroom (reason: corrected grammar), we experienced a better benefited from an improved learning conditions in the classrooms.environment within it (reason: rephrased for clarity and natural tone).

8 思维导图

- 主题：教室内学习的重要性
  - 子主题1：资源分配
    - 关键词1：基础设施
    - 关键词2：设备投资
  - 子主题2：学习体验提升
    - 关键词3：空调
    - 关键词4：电脑
    - 关键词5：照明设施
  - 子主题3：政策影响
    - 关键词6：预算优先级
    - 关键词7：政府政策
  - 子主题4：教室外学习的权衡
    - 关键词8：实践学习机会减少

9 关键词

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 28

3. 任务完成度

这篇文章在回答问题方面做得很好，但仍有一些改进的空间。首先，尽管你提到了你母亲的例子来支持你的观点，但在描述她如何通过锻炼解决问题时，可以更具体一些。此外，在文章中加入与阅读材料中的观点进行比较和讨论也会使文章更丰富。

改进建议示例：

1. 在描述你母亲的例子时，可以提到她每天进行哪些具体的锻炼以及这些锻炼如何帮助她缓解颈部问题。

2. 在文章中加入对Claire和Paul观点的讨论，比如与他们的观点进行比较，说明为什么你认为锻炼是最重要的。

4. 文章结构与组织

整体而言，文章结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在段落之间增加过渡句子可以使文章更连贯。此外，在正文部分加入对其他观点的讨论也会使文章更有深度。

改进建议示例：

1. 在引言和正文之间，可以加入一句过渡句子，如：“虽然饮食和定期体检也很重要，但我认为锻炼是维持健康的关键。”

2. 在正文中讨论其他观点时，可以使用过渡词汇，如“相比之下”或“然而”，以帮助读者更好地理解你的观点。

5. 语法批改

In my perspective, doing exercises regularly is the most significant manner for a person to keep healthy. Specifically, through doing exercises everydayevery day(everyday (every day)), people can sleep better and consume extra fats, so that the individual can build a strong body with great energy. This is because people spend most of their time sitting in front of the computer screen nowadaysnowadays,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) and many people have problem to their necks because of the incorrect sitting posture. However, doing exercises can solve the problem and make them relax themselves. My mother can be a compelling example. She is a doctor in a busy hospital, so she sitsits(Agreement error: Non-third person/past tense verb with 'he/she/it' or a pronoun) down for more than 10 hours everydayevery day(everyday (every day)), and she always feelfeels(Agreement error: Non-third person/past tense verb with 'he/she/it' or a pronoun) tired and faces neck problem. Although she ate healthya healthy(This rule identifies whether the article 'a' is missing in a sentence.) diet everydayevery day(everyday (every day)), she still looked bad at that time. However, after she started to do exercises last month, her problem has solved and, and(comma between independent clauses) she is healthy now. By and large, I firmly believe that doing exercises regularly is a wise choice to keep fit.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In my opinion, engaging in regular physical activity is the most crucial aspect of maintaining optimal health. Specifically, incorporating daily exercise into one's routine can lead to improved sleep quality and more efficient fat burning, ultimately resulting in a robust physique and increased energy levels. This is particularly relevant in today's society, where many individuals spend countless hours sitting in front of computer screens, often leading to issues such as neck pain due to improper posture. However, consistent exercise can alleviate these problems and promote relaxation. For instance, my mother, a doctor at a busy hospital, used to experience constant fatigue and neck discomfort from sitting for over 10 hours each day. Despite consuming a healthy diet, her well-being remained compromised until she began exercising regularly last month. Since then, her issues have been resolved, and she now enjoys better health. Consequently, I firmly believe that incorporating regular physical activity into one's lifestyle is an intelligent approach to achieving overall fitness and well-being. (168 words)

In my perspective, doing exercises regularly opinion (revised for a more natural tone), engaging in regular physical activity (clarified meaning) is the most significant manner for crucial aspect of maintaining optimal health. Specifically, incorporating daily exercise into one's routine (more precise wording) can lead to improved sleep quality and more efficient fat burning, ultimately resulting in a person to keep healthy. Specifically, through doing exercises everyday, people can sleep better robust physique and consume extra fats, so that the individual can build a strong body with great energy. increased energy levels. This is because people particularly relevant in today's society, where many individuals spend most of their time countless hours sitting in front of the computer screen nowadays and many people have problem screens, often leading to their necks because of the incorrect sitting issues such as neck pain due to improper posture. However, doing exercises consistent exercise (more accurate term) can solve the problem alleviate these problems and make them relax themselves. My mother can be a compelling example. She is promote relaxation. For instance, my mother, a doctor in at a busy hospital, so she sit down used to experience constant fatigue and neck discomfort from sitting for more than over 10 hours everyday, each day. Despite consuming a healthy diet, her well-being remained compromised until she began exercising regularly last month (improved sentence structure). Since then, her issues have been resolved, and she always feel tired and faces neck problem. Although she ate healthy diet everyday, she still looked bad at that time. However, after she started to do exercises last month, her problem has solved and she is healthy now. By and large, now enjoys better health. Consequently, I firmly believe that doing exercises regularly incorporating regular physical activity into one's lifestyle is a wise choice an intelligent approach to keep fit.achieving overall fitness and well-being (rephrased for clarity).

8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Importance of physical activity
   - Relevance in today's society

2. Benefits of daily exercise
   - Improved sleep quality
   - Efficient fat burning
   - Robust physique
   - Increased energy levels

3. Problems caused by sedentary lifestyle
   - Neck pain due to improper posture

4. Example: Mother's experience
   - Fatigue and neck discomfort from sitting long hours
   - Improvement after incorporating regular exercise 

5. Conclusion 
   - Regular physical activity as an intelligent approach to overall fitness and well-being 

9 关键词

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 28

3. Task completeness

The essay effectively addresses the task requirements by expressing a clear opinion and providing relevant support for the viewpoint. However, there is room for improvement in elaborating on the advantages of working in a start-up company, such as personal growth opportunities, flexibility, and potential for rapid career advancement. To strengthen the argument, consider providing more specific examples or evidence.

Example 1: "In start-up companies, employees often have the opportunity to wear multiple hats and gain experience in various aspects of the business, which can lead to rapid personal growth and skill development."

Example 2: "Start-ups are known for their flexible work environments, which can be particularly appealing to recent graduates who value work-life balance."

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in organizing ideas within paragraphs and using transitions more effectively.

Suggestion 1: Begin each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point of the paragraph. This will help guide readers through your argument.

Example: "One advantage of working in a start-up company is the opportunity to learn from like-minded individuals who are passionate about innovation."

Suggestion 2: Use transitional phrases to connect ideas within paragraphs and between paragraphs.

Example: "Furthermore, working in a start-up environment allows graduates to take on more responsibility early on in their careers."

5. Grammar

University graduates often face the dilemma of choosing what kind of company to work for. In my opinion, to begin working for a small start-up company is better.

In addition to Andrew's point of more opportunity offerings in start-up companies, I would like to add that university graduates are likely to thrive better in start-up copaniescompanies(misspelling). While in large, renowned companies, experienced senior workers may push inexperienced new workers too hard and make them shoulder much pressure, small companies have a more comfortable atmosphere. In start-up companies, most people are young and inexperienced. So there is less probability that you will have to endure aggressive behavioursbehaviors(misspelling) such as urging workers to accomplish their tasks faster and being criticized by your employee.

Besides, working in these small companies have a greater chance of achieving something, which would look even more impressive than just having the experience of working in a big company on your resume. With this experience, graduates are more likely to be hired into bigger companies.

To sum up, university graduates are likely to thrive better in small companies that have just established. Therefore, I strongly agree that it is generally better for university students to begin working for a small start-up company after graduating.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

University graduates often face the dilemma of choosing the type of company to work for. In my opinion, beginning one's career at a small start-up company is a more advantageous choice.

In addition to Andrew's point regarding the exciting opportunities offered by start-up companies, I would like to emphasize that university graduates are likely to thrive better in such environments. While large, renowned companies may have experienced senior workers who push inexperienced newcomers too hard and create undue pressure, small start-ups tend to foster a more comfortable atmosphere. In these companies, most employees are young and relatively inexperienced, reducing the likelihood of encountering aggressive behaviors such as unrealistic expectations or harsh criticism from colleagues.

Furthermore, working in smaller companies presents a greater chance of achieving significant accomplishments, which can be even more impressive on a resume than merely having experience at a well-known organization. With this valuable experience under their belts, graduates may find it easier to secure positions within larger companies later in their careers.

In conclusion, university graduates are likely to excel in small start-up companies that have recently been established. Therefore, I strongly advocate for new graduates to consider pursuing opportunities within these innovative organizations upon completing their studies. (207 words)

University graduates often face the dilemma of choosing what kind the type of company to work for. for (revised for clarity). In my opinion, to begin working for beginning one's career at a small start-up company is better. a more advantageous choice (revised for better word choice).

In addition to Andrew's point of more opportunity offerings in regarding the exciting opportunities offered by start-up companies, companies (revised for better word choice), I would like to add emphasize that university graduates are likely to thrive better in start-up copanies. such environments (revised for clarity). While in large, renowned companies, companies may have experienced senior workers may who push inexperienced new workers newcomers too hard and make them shoulder much pressure, create undue pressure (revised for clarity), small companies have start-ups tend to foster a more comfortable atmosphere. In start-up these companies, most people employees are young and inexperienced. So there is less probability that you will have to endure relatively inexperienced, reducing the likelihood of encountering aggressive behaviours behaviors such as urging workers to accomplish their tasks faster and being criticized by your employee. unrealistic expectations or harsh criticism from colleagues (revised for clarity and conciseness).

Besides, Furthermore, working in these small companies have smaller companies presents a greater chance of achieving something, significant accomplishments (revised for better word choice), which would look can be even more impressive on a resume than just merely having the experience of working in a big company on your resume. at a well-known organization. With this experience, graduates are more likely to be hired into bigger companies. valuable experience under their belts (revised for idiomatic expression), graduates may find it easier to secure positions within larger companies later in their careers.

To sum up, In conclusion, university graduates are likely to thrive better excel in small start-up companies that have just established. recently been established (revised for better word choice). Therefore, I strongly agree that it is generally better for university students to begin working for a small start-up company after graduating.advocate for new graduates to consider pursuing opportunities within these innovative organizations upon completing their studies (revised for clarity and conciseness).

Display title: 8 Mind Map

- Introduction
    - Dilemma of choosing company type
    - Preference for small start-ups

- Advantages of start-ups
    - Exciting opportunities (Andrew's point)
    - Thriving environment for graduates
        - Comfortable atmosphere
        - Young and inexperienced colleagues
        - Less aggressive behavior

- Achievements in small companies
    - Greater chance of significant accomplishments
    - Impressive resume addition
    - Easier transition to larger companies later in career

- Conclusion
    - Graduates excel in small start-ups
    - Recommendation to pursue opportunities in innovative organizations

Display title: 9 Key Words