TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on career readiness. Write a post responding to the professor's question.
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Professor
When students are preparing to graduate from university, they need to make decisions about what kind of company they want to work for. They might consider large, older companies with an established reputation, or possibly new start-up companies, which tend to be small but very focused on the future. Consider the advantages of each. Would it generally be better for a new university graduate to begin working for a large, established company, or for a small start-up company? Why?
Student A
Kelly I think in general, the established company is the better choice. Because they're already well-known, these companies have a certain amount of respect in the business community, so it would look good to have that job experience on your resume. That advantage alone would be a great start for a recent graduate.
Student B
I see your point, Kelly, but taking a position at a start-up company would offer so much excitement. They often have an energy that older companies can’t match—everyone can be focused on new, innovative business practices and they would be more aggressive about getting new clients. That would be a much better experience for someone fresh out of university!
Nutzerbeispiele & Bewertungsergebnisse
1Nutzerbeispiel #1
Instead of the point of Andrew, I agree with Kelly that for the senior college students work in large and famous company is better choice for them. He...
Punktzahl25
Nutzerbeispiel #1
Instead of the point of Andrew, I agree with Kelly that for the senior college students work in large and famous company is better choice for them. He...
Nutzerbeispiel
Instead of the point of Andrew, I agree with Kelly that for the senior college students work in large and famous company is better choice for them. Here are serval arguments. Firstly, large company can provide a stable working environment for undergraduates so that students do not have to worry about the salary. Although the culture of large and old company might have some old-fashion for nowadays society, students also can learn how to play with them which can practice their social skills, besides they can gain a lot from the older employees. In addition, according to the huge working system of company, there are serval empty space waiting for them so that they can try to get promote. In conclusion, I want to go to large company because of I would like to see more and gain more things which are not be allowed in the small corporations.
Bewertungsergebnis
1. 子项得分
-
Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5
-
Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0
-
Language Use and Grammar: 3.5
2. 预估分数
25. 3 任务完成度
这篇文章基本上完成了任务要求,但仍有一些可以改进的地方。首先,在表达观点时,可以更具体地说明大公司为何能提供稳定的工作环境以及如何帮助学生提高社交技能。此外,文章中的语法和词汇使用有时显得不够准确,需要加强。
改进示例1: Instead of "large company can provide a stable working environment for undergraduates so that students do not have to worry about the salary.", you can write "Large companies often provide a stable working environment with competitive salaries, which can alleviate financial concerns for recent graduates."
改进示例2: Instead of "students also can learn how to play with them which can practice their social skills", you can write "Students can also learn from experienced colleagues, which helps them develop their social skills in a professional setting."
4. 文章结构与组织
文章的结构和组织方面表现较好,包括了引言、正文和结论。然而,在段落之间的过渡可以更加自然流畅。此外,正文部分可以进一步细化观点和论据。
改进示例1: 在第一段最后加入过渡句子:"With these benefits in mind, let's delve deeper into the reasons why large companies are a better choice for recent graduates."
改进示例2: 在正文部分加入更多具体论据,例如:"Furthermore, large companies often offer comprehensive training programs and mentorship opportunities, which can help recent graduates acquire new skills and knowledge relevant to their career development."
5. 语法批改
Instead of the point of Andrew, I agree with Kelly that for the senior college students work in large and famous company is better choice for them. Here are servalserial(misspelling) arguments. Firstly, largea large(This rule identifies whether the article 'a' is missing in a sentence.) company can provide a stable working environment for undergraduates so that students do not have to worry about the salary. Although the culture of large and old company might have some old-fashion for nowadays society, students also can learn how to play with them which can practice their social skills, besides they can gain a lot from the older employees. In addition, according to the huge working system of company, there are servalserial(misspelling) empty space waiting for them so that they can try to get promote. In conclusion, I want to go to large company because of Ibecause I(because of we (because we)) would like to see more and gain more things which are not be allowed in the small corporations.
- Article Revision
In response to the professor's question, I concur with Kelly that joining a large, established company is a more advantageous choice for recent university graduates. There are several reasons for this preference. First and foremost, large companies offer a stable working environment, alleviating concerns about financial security for new employees. While the corporate culture of such organizations may seem outdated, it presents an opportunity for graduates to hone their social skills and learn valuable lessons from experienced colleagues. Furthermore, the extensive organizational structure of these companies often presents numerous opportunities for growth and advancement. Ultimately, I believe that working in a large company allows recent graduates to broaden their horizons and acquire invaluable experiences that may not be readily available in smaller enterprises. (126 words)
Instead In response to the professor's question, I concur with Kelly that joining a large, established company is a more advantageous choice for recent university graduates (instead of "Instead of the point of Andrew, I agree with Kelly that for the senior college students work in large and famous company is better choice for them. Here them" - rephrased to make it clearer and more concise). There are several reasons for this preference (instead of "Here are serval arguments. Firstly, large arguments" - corrected spelling and rephrased for clarity). First and foremost, large companies offer a stable working environment, alleviating concerns about financial security for new employees (instead of "large company can provide a stable working environment for undergraduates so that students do not have to worry about the salary. Although salary" - rephrased to improve grammar and clarity). While the corporate culture of such organizations may seem outdated (instead of "Although the culture of large and old company might have some old-fashion for nowadays society, students society" - rephrased to improve grammar), it presents an opportunity for graduates to hone their social skills and learn valuable lessons from experienced colleagues (instead of "students also can learn how to play with them which can practice their social skills, besides they can gain a lot from the older employees. In addition, according employees" - rephrased to improve grammar and clarity). Furthermore, the extensive organizational structure of these companies often presents numerous opportunities for growth and advancement (instead of "according to the huge working system of company, there are serval empty space waiting for them so that they can try to get promote. In conclusion, promote" - corrected spelling and rephrased for clarity). Ultimately, I believe that working in a large company allows recent graduates to broaden their horizons and acquire invaluable experiences that may not be readily available in smaller enterprises (instead of "I want to go to large company because of I would like to see more and gain more things which are not be allowed in the small corporations.corporations" - rephrased to improve grammar and clarity).
8 思维导图
- Title: Large Companies vs Small Enterprises for Recent Graduates
- Stability
- Financial security
- Established working environment
- Corporate culture
- Social skills development
- Learning from experienced colleagues
- Opportunities for growth and advancement
- Extensive organizational structure
- Broadening horizons
- Invaluable experiences
- Unique to large companies
9 关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English Definition | Simplified Chinese Translation | Sample Sentence |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| advantageous | /ˌæd.vənˈteɪ.dʒəs/ | adjective | providing a good chance of success or improvement | 有利的 | Joining a large company is an advantageous choice for recent graduates. |
| stability | /stəˈbɪl.ɪ.ti/ | noun | the quality of being unlikely to change or fail | 稳定性 | Large companies offer stability and financial security. |
| corporate culture | /ˈkɔr.pər.ət ˈkʌl.tʃɚ/ | noun | the beliefs and ideas that a company has | 企业文化 | The corporate culture in large companies helps graduates develop social skills. |
| hone | /hoʊn/ | verb | _to make something perfect or completely suitable | _磨练,提高 | _Graduates can hone their social skills in large companies. |
| advancement | /ədˈvæns.mənt/ | noun | _the development or improvement of something | _晋升,发展 | _Large companies offer opportunities for growth and advancement. |
| organizational | /ˌɔr.ɡən.əˈzeɪ.ʃən.əl/ | adjective | relating to the way a company or institution is organized | 组织的 | _The organizational structure of large companies provides more opportunities. |
| horizons | /həˈraɪ.zən/ | noun | the limit of a person's knowledge, experience, or interest | 视野 | _Working in a large company allows graduates to broaden their horizons. |
| invaluable | /ɪnˈvæl.ju.ə.bəl/ | adjective | _extremely useful | _无价的 | _Graduates can acquire invaluable experiences in large companies. |
| enterprises | /ˈen.t̬ɚ.praɪz/ | noun | _a company or business | _企业 | _Recent graduates may not find the same experiences in smaller enterprises. |
| colleagues | /ˈkɑl.iɡ/ | noun | _someone you work with | _同事 | _Graduates can learn valuable lessons from experienced colleagues. |
2Nutzerbeispiel #2
I concur with Kelly's stance that new graduates should work in large and established companies as against small start-ups.
Admittedly, as Andrew arti...
Punktzahl27
Nutzerbeispiel #2
I concur with Kelly's stance that new graduates should work in large and established companies as against small start-ups. Admittedly, as Andrew arti...
Nutzerbeispiel
I concur with Kelly's stance that new graduates should work in large and established companies as against small start-ups. Admittedly, as Andrew articulates, small start-up enterprises offer an exciting experience, and I would add, not insignificantly, a sense of achievement. Nonetheless, big companies are more conducive to future career development for students. Mature corporations usually possess a series of well-established training and management system, as well as a group of experienced talents of certain realm. Thus, these resources can be a boon for university graduates, who lack real experience, equipping them with sufficient and adequent skills and abilities, not only of this field but also of the entire career, such as techniques of negotiation, ways of socializing, etc. Further, large firms provide students with abundant opportunities to know famous experts and talents of this field. On one hand, these people can, in the future, provide recommendation letters for students to gain a promotion or higher position in other companies. On the other hand, students can effectively expand their social circle in this area.
Bewertungsergebnis
1. 子项得分
Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5 Language Use and Grammar: 4
2. 预估分数
27. 3 任务完成度
整体来说,你的文章已经很好地回应了教授的问题,并且观点清晰、论据充分。但是,为了使文章更加完善,我建议你在以下方面进行改进:
-
在表达观点时,可以尝试使用更多的连接词和短语,以增强文章的连贯性和逻辑性。
-
在论述过程中,可以适当引用一些具体的例子或数据来支持你的观点。
示例1(改进连贯性): 原文:Mature corporations usually possess a series of well-established training and management system, as well as a group of experienced talents of certain realm. 改进:Mature corporations usually possess a series of well-established training and management systems; moreover, they have a group of experienced talents in specific fields.
示例2(引用具体例子): 原文:On one hand, these people can, in the future, provide recommendation letters for students to gain a promotion or higher position in other companies. 改进:For instance, having worked closely with an experienced mentor at a large company, the mentor may be more likely to provide a strong recommendation letter for the graduate when they seek future opportunities.
4. 文章结构与组织
从文章结构和组织方面来看,你的文章已经做得相当不错。然而,为了使文章更加完美,我建议你在以下方面进行改进:
-
在文章开头部分,可以简要介绍一下你将要讨论的主题和观点,以便引导读者进入正文。
-
在文章结尾部分,可以总结一下你的观点,并给出一个简短的结论。
示例1(改进开头部分): 原文:I concur with Kelly's stance that new graduates should work in large and established companies as against small start-ups. 改进:In response to the professor's question, I concur with Kelly's stance that new graduates should work in large and established companies rather than small start-ups, as I believe they offer more benefits for career development.
示例2(改进结尾部分): 原文:On the other hand, students can effectively expand their social circle in this area. 改进:In conclusion, working for a large and established company provides new graduates with valuable resources, mentorship, and networking opportunities that can greatly benefit their future career development.
5. 语法批改
I concur with Kelly's stance that new graduates should work in large and established companies as against small start-ups.
Admittedly, as Andrew articulates, small start-up enterprises offer an exciting experience, and I would add, not insignificantly, a sense of achievement. Nonetheless, big companies are more conducive to future career development for students.
Mature corporations usually possess a series of well-established training and management system, as well as a group of experienced talents of certain realm. Thus, these resources can be a boon for university graduates, who lack real experience, equipping them with sufficient and adequentfrequent(misspelling) skills and abilities, not only of this field but also of the entire career, such as techniques of negotiation, ways of socializing, etc.
Further, large firms provide students with abundant opportunities to know famous experts and talents of this field. On one hand, these people can, in the future, provide recommendation letters for students to gain a promotion or higher position in other companies. On the other hand, students can effectively expand their social circle in this area.
Title: 6 文章修订
I agree with Kelly's perspective that recent graduates should consider working for large, established companies rather than small start-ups.
While Andrew rightly points out that start-ups offer an exhilarating experience and a sense of accomplishment, I believe that larger organizations provide a more advantageous environment for career growth and development.
Established corporations typically have comprehensive training and management systems in place, as well as a wealth of experienced professionals in their respective fields. These resources can greatly benefit university graduates who lack real-world experience by equipping them with essential skills and abilities relevant to their careers, such as negotiation techniques and networking strategies.
Moreover, large companies offer ample opportunities for young professionals to connect with renowned experts and industry leaders. These connections can prove invaluable in the future by providing recommendation letters for promotions or higher positions within other organizations. Additionally, networking within these circles allows graduates to effectively expand their professional network in their chosen field. (160 words)
Revised essay: Title: 7 文章批改
I concur with Kelly's stance (revised for clarity) that new graduates should work in large and established companies as against opposed to (replaced "as against" for better phrasing) small start-ups.
Admittedly, as Andrew articulates, small start-up enterprises offer an exciting experience, and I would add, not insignificantly, insignificantly (rephrased for better flow), a sense of achievement. Nonetheless, big companies are more conducive to future career development for students. students (revised for clarity).
Mature corporations usually possess a series of well-established training and management system, systems (corrected "system" to "systems" for plural agreement), as well as a group of experienced talents of in certain realm. realms (changed "realm" to "realms" for plural agreement). Thus, these resources can be a boon for university graduates, graduates who lack real experience, equipping them with sufficient and adequent adequate (corrected "adequent" to "adequate") skills and abilities, abilities not only of this in their specific field but also of the in their entire career, such as techniques of negotiation, negotiation and ways of socializing, etc. ¶ Further, socializing (rephrased for better flow).
Furthermore (changed "Further" to "Furthermore" for smoother transition), large firms provide students with abundant opportunities to know famous experts and talents of this in their field. On one hand, these people can, in the future, provide recommendation letters for students to gain a promotion promotions or higher position positions in other companies. On the other hand, students can effectively expand their social circle in within this area.area (rephrased for clarity).
Display title: 8 思维导图
1. Introduction
- Agree with Kelly's perspective
- Large companies vs. small start-ups
2. Career Growth and Development
- Comprehensive training and management systems
- Experienced professionals
3. Essential Skills and Abilities
- Negotiation techniques
- Networking strategies
4. Networking Opportunities
- Connection with renowned experts and industry leaders
- Recommendation letters for promotions or higher positions
5. Expanding Professional Network
- Networking within industry circles
- Chosen field advancement
6. Conclusion
- Large organizations provide a more advantageous environment for recent graduates
Display title: 9 关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English Definition | Simplified Chinese Translation | Sample Sentence |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| perspective | /pərˈspɛktɪv/ | noun | A particular attitude or way of considering things | 观点 | I agree with Kelly's perspective that recent graduates should consider working for large companies. |
| exhilarating | /ɪgˈzɪləreɪtɪŋ/ | adjective | Making one feel very happy, animated, or elated | 令人兴奋的 | Start-ups offer an exhilarating experience and a sense of accomplishment. |
| comprehensive | /ˌkɒmprɪˈhɛnsɪv/ | adjective | Complete; including all aspects | 全面的 | Established corporations have comprehensive training and management systems in place. |
| negotiation | /nəˌgoʊʃiˈeɪʃən/ | noun | Discussion aimed at reaching an agreement | 谈判 | They equipped me with essential skills such as negotiation techniques. |
| networking | /ˈnɛtwɜrkɪŋ/ | noun | Interacting with others to exchange information | 人际关系网络 | Networking strategies are important for career growth. |
| renowned | /rɪˈnaʊnd/ | adjective | Known or talked about by many people | 著名的 | Young professionals can connect with renowned experts and industry leaders. |
| invaluable | /ɪnˈvæljʊəbəl/ | adjective | Extremely useful; indispensable | 无价的 | These connections can prove invaluable in the future. |
| recommendation | /ˌrɛkəmɛnˈdeɪʃən/ | noun | _ A suggestion or proposal as to the best course of action, especially one put forward by an authoritative body | _ 推荐 | _ Recommendation letters can help graduates secure promotions or higher positions within other organizations. |
| professional network | /prəˈfɛʃənl ˈnɛtwɜrk/ | noun | _ A group of people who are connected through their professional lives and share information, advice, and support | _ 职业网络 | _ Networking within these circles allows graduates to effectively expand their professional network in their chosen field. |
3Nutzerbeispiel #3
Both Kelly and Andrew's perspective offer valuable insights, but I'm convinced that wroking for a small-up company is much better than that for a big ...
Punktzahl22
Nutzerbeispiel #3
Both Kelly and Andrew's perspective offer valuable insights, but I'm convinced that wroking for a small-up company is much better than that for a big ...
Nutzerbeispiel
Both Kelly and Andrew's perspective offer valuable insights, but I'm convinced that wroking for a small-up company is much better than that for a big company. Working for a start-up company means that a new graduate should participate many detailed staffs in an overall and higher perspective, which can help their growth. For example, most famous and successful peoples create their business theirselves, which help them go through the techique, business and service. They have an overall understanding of people and world. While I appriciate the Kelly's viewpoint that the established company can provide a good experience, she doesn't mention that the limitation about
Bewertungsergebnis
1. 子项得分
-
Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0
-
Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5
-
Language Use and Grammar: 3.5
2. 预估分数
22. 3 任务完成度
您的文章基本上回答了问题,但在一些方面还有待改进。首先,您需要更详细地阐述观点和论据。例如,您可以提供更多关于在创业公司工作的优势的具体例子。此外,在语言使用和语法方面也需要加强。有些句子不够流畅,表达不够准确。
改进建议示例:
-
将 "Working for a start-up company means that a new graduate should participate many detailed staffs in an overall and higher perspective, which can help their growth." 改为 "Working for a start-up company allows new graduates to participate in various aspects of the business, providing them with a comprehensive understanding and fostering their growth."
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将 "most famous and successful peoples create their business theirselves" 改为 "many successful individuals have built their businesses themselves."
4. 文章结构与组织
文章的结构和组织方面需要改进。虽然您的文章包括了引言、主体和结论,但是部分段落缺乏明确的焦点和支持细节。另外,段落之间的过渡也不够清晰。
改进建议示例:
-
在引言部分明确表达自己的观点,例如:"In my opinion, working for a small start-up company is generally a better choice for new university graduates due to the diverse experiences and growth opportunities it offers."
-
在主体部分使用主题句来引导每个段落的内容,例如:"One advantage of working for a start-up company is the opportunity to be involved in various aspects of the business, which can help new graduates develop a comprehensive understanding of the industry."
5. 语法批改
Both Kelly and Andrew's perspective offer valuable insights, but I'm convinced that wrokingworking(misspelling) for a small-up company is much better than that for a big company. Working for a start-up company means that a new graduate should participate manyin many(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'in' is missing in a sentence.) detailed staffs in an overall and higher perspective, which can help their growth. For example, most famous and successful peoples create their business theirselvestheir selves(misspelling), (Two consecutive spaces)which help them go through the techiquetechnique(misspelling), business and service. They have an overall understanding of people and world. While I appriciateappreciate(misspelling) theto(Detects potentially wrong usage of "the") Kelly's viewpoint that the established company can provide a good experience, she doesn't mention that the limitation about
Section Title: 6 Article Revision
While both Kelly and Andrew present compelling arguments, I firmly believe that working for a small start-up company offers greater benefits for new university graduates than joining a large, established organization. Embarking on a career with a start-up allows recent graduates to engage in various aspects of the business, fostering a holistic understanding and promoting personal growth. Many successful entrepreneurs have built their enterprises from the ground up, gaining invaluable insights into technology, business, and customer service along the way. Although Kelly's assertion that established companies offer prestigious experience holds merit, she fails to address the potential limitations of such environments in terms of innovation and adaptability. (112 words)
Both Revised essay: Section Title: 7 Article Revision
While both Kelly and Andrew's perspective offer valuable insights, but I'm convinced Andrew present compelling arguments (rephrased for clarity), I firmly believe that wroking working for a small-up small start-up company is much better (corrected spelling) offers greater benefits for new university graduates than that for joining a big company. Working for large, established organization. Embarking on a career with a start-up company means allows recent graduates to engage in various aspects of the business (rephrased for clarity), fostering a holistic understanding and promoting personal growth. Many successful entrepreneurs have built their enterprises from the ground up (rephrased for clarity), gaining invaluable insights into technology, business, and customer service along the way. Although Kelly's assertion that a new graduate should participate many detailed staffs established companies offer prestigious experience holds merit (rephrased for clarity), she fails to address the potential limitations of such environments in an overall terms of innovation and higher perspective, which can help their growth. For example, most famous and successful peoples create their business theirselves, which help them go through the techique, business and service. They have an overall understanding of people and world. While I appriciate the Kelly's viewpoint that the established company can provide a good experience, she doesn't mention that the limitation aboutadaptability (added context).
8 思维导图
- 标题: 小型创业公司 vs 大型企业
- 小型创业公司
- 参与各个方面
- 整体理解
- 促进个人成长
- 成功企业家的例子
- 大型企业
- 声望和经验
- 创新和适应性的局限性
9 关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English Definition | Simplified Chinese Translation | Sample Sentence |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| start-up | /ˈstɑːrtʌp/ | noun | a small business that has just been started | 创业公司 | Working for a start-up company offers greater benefits for new university graduates. |
| holistic | /həʊˈlɪstɪk/ | adjective | considering a whole thing or being to be more than a collection of parts | 整体的 | A holistic understanding of the business is essential for personal growth. |
| entrepreneur | /ˌɒntrəprəˈnɜːr/ | noun | someone who starts their own business, especially when this involves seeing a new opportunity | 企业家 | Many successful entrepreneurs have built their enterprises from the ground up. |
| prestigious | /preˈstiʒəs/ | adjective | _very much respected and admired, usually because of being important | _有声望的 | Established companies offer prestigious experience for their employees. |
| innovation | /ˌɪnəˈveɪʃn/ | noun | _a new idea or method, or the use of new ideas and methods | _创新 | Large organizations may have limitations in terms of innovation and adaptability. |
| adaptability | /əˌdæptəˈbɪləti/ | noun | _the quality of being able to change or be changed easily in order to deal with different situations | _适应性 | Start-ups often require employees to have a high level of adaptability. |
| limitation | /ˌlɪmɪˈteɪʃn/ | noun | _something that limits a quality or achievement, or the act of limiting something | _局限性 | The potential limitations of established companies should not be overlooked. |
| compelling | /kəmˈpelɪŋ/ | adjective | _very exciting and interesting, and making you want to watch or listen | _引人注目的 | Both Kelly and Andrew present compelling arguments about the benefits of working for different companies. |
| merit | /ˈmerɪt/ | noun | _the quality of being good and deserving praise; an advantage | _优点 | Kelly's assertion holds merit, but she fails to address the potential limitations. |
| recent graduate | /ˈri:snt ˈgrædʒuət/ | noun | _a person who has recently completed their studies at a college or university | _新近毕业生 | Working for a small start-up company offers greater benefits for recent graduates than joining a large organization. |
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