TOEFL Writing Task 2 Sample: Please revise this article

1.子项得分

• 任务完成度：4

• 组织：4

• 连贯与衔接：4

• 语言使用：4

2.预估分数

• 25

3.任务完成度 这篇文章在完成任务方面做得相当不错，但还有一些可以改进的地方。首先，建议更详细地描述Dieer Chen的学术成就和特点，以便更好地展示她的优势。其次，在推荐信中提供一些具体例子，以证明她在课堂上和课外的表现。

示例1： 原文："She always takes an active part in class and answers questions." 修改后："Dieer Chen 在课堂上积极参与讨论，并主动回答问题。例如，在我们讨论跨文化沟通中的挑战时，她分享了自己在与外国朋友交流时所遇到的困难及如何克服它们的经验。"

示例2： 原文："At the same time, she finished her homework on time and was good at summarizing the problems she encountered." 修改后："此外，Dieer Chen 不仅按时完成作业，而且善于总结自己遇到的问题。在一次关于文化差异对商务谈判影响的作业中，她通过深入研究和分析案例来详细阐述了文化差异如何影响沟通效果。"

4.文章结构与组织 文章的结构和组织方面基本合理，但仍有改进空间。建议在开头部分明确指出推荐信的目的，并在结尾部分总结推荐理由。同时，可以适当调整段落顺序，使文章更加清晰。

示例1： 原文："I write this letter in recommendation of one of my best students, Dieer Chen to your program." 修改后："我很荣幸地为我的优秀学生Dieer Chen写这封推荐信，希望她能够加入贵校的研究生项目。"

示例2： 原文："I believe that if she is given this opportunity for further study, she will give full play to her potential and graduate with excellent results." 修改后："总之，我相信Dieer Chen具备在贵校继续深造的潜力和能力。如果她获得这个机会，我相信她一定会充分发挥自己的潜力并取得优异成绩。请您考虑我的推荐，并给予Dieer Chen这个宝贵的机会。"

5. 语法批改

I write this letter inof(This rule identifies wrong preposition usage.) recommendation of one of my best students, DieerDeer(misspelling) ChenChen,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) to your program. I am her cross-cultural communication teacher. In my eyes, DieerDeer(misspelling) Chen is an excellent student with great academic potentials. Among all my students, she gives me a deep impression. She always takes an active part in class and answers questions. At the same time, she finished her homework on time and was good at summarizing the problems she encountered. At the end of the semester, she got a good score of 86. From her active and excellent performance in and out of class, I think she is an active student with curiosity. At the same time, in the process of discussion with me after class, she often expressed her different ideas and opinions, which were thought-provoking and demonstrated her ability to think independently. When I knew that she wanted to pursue a higher education, I decided to write this letter without hesitation to support her idea. Although she still has a long way to go on this academic road, her spirit of learning and academic perseverance will make her better and better. I believe that if she is given this opportunity for further study, she will give full play to her potential and graduate with excellent results.

6.文章修订

It is with great pleasure that I write this letter of recommendation for one of my most outstanding students, Dieer Chen, who is seeking admission to your esteemed graduate program. As her cross-cultural communication teacher, I have had the opportunity to witness her academic growth and potential firsthand.

Dieer Chen has consistently demonstrated a strong work ethic and dedication to success. Among all my students, she has made a profound impression on me due to her active participation in class discussions and eagerness to answer questions. For instance, during our discussions on the challenges of cross-cultural communication, she shared her personal experiences in overcoming difficulties while interacting with foreign friends. This not only showcased her ability to learn from real-life situations but also highlighted her adaptability in diverse environments.

Furthermore, Dieer Chen is diligent in completing assignments on time and excels at summarizing the problems she encounters. In one particular assignment regarding the impact of cultural differences on business negotiations, she delved deep into research and case analysis to elucidate how such disparities can affect communication outcomes. Her keen analytical skills and ability to synthesize complex information are truly commendable.

In addition to her academic prowess, Dieer Chen often engages in thought-provoking discussions with me after class. She expresses her unique ideas and opinions confidently, demonstrating an independent thinking ability that sets her apart from her peers. Her intellectual curiosity and willingness to explore different perspectives make her an ideal candidate for higher education.

Given Dieer Chen's impressive academic performance both inside and outside the classroom, I wholeheartedly support her pursuit of further studies at your esteemed institution. Although she still has much to learn on this academic journey, I am confident that her unwavering commitment to learning and perseverance will propel her towards even greater achievements.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that Dieer Chen possesses the potential and capability required for success in your graduate program. If granted this opportunity for further study, I am confident that she will fully utilize her potential and graduate with exceptional results. I kindly request that you consider my recommendation and provide Dieer Chen with this invaluable opportunity to advance her education at your esteemed institution.

Please do not hesitate to contact me if you require any further information or clarification regarding Dieer Chen's qualifications. Thank you for considering my recommendation, and I look forward to hearing about your favorable decision. (399 words)

7.文章批改

It is with great pleasure that I write this letter in of recommendation of for one of my best most outstanding students, Dieer Chen Chen, who is seeking admission to your esteemed graduate program. I am ¶ (I revised this sentence to make it more formal and emphasize the purpose of the letter.) As her cross-cultural communication teacher. In my eyes, teacher, I have had the opportunity to witness her academic growth and potential firsthand.

Dieer Chen is an excellent student has consistently demonstrated a strong work ethic and dedication to success. (I replaced "great academic potentials" with great academic potentials. ¶ "strong work ethic and dedication to success" for a more specific description.) Among all my students, she gives has made a profound impression on me a deep impression. She always takes an due to her active part participation in class and answers discussions and eagerness to answer questions. At the same time, (I added "profound impression" and "eagerness" for emphasis.) For instance, during our discussions on the challenges of cross-cultural communication, she finished her homework shared her personal experiences in overcoming difficulties while interacting with foreign friends. (I provided a specific example here for clarity.) This not only showcased her ability to learn from real-life situations but also highlighted her adaptability in diverse environments. (I added this sentence to explain the significance of the example.)

Furthermore, Dieer Chen is diligent in completing assignments on time and was good excels at summarizing the problems she encountered. At the end of the semester, encounters. (I used "diligent" and "excels at" for emphasis.) In one particular assignment regarding the impact of cultural differences on business negotiations, she got a good score of 86. From her active and excellent performance delved deep into research and case analysis to elucidate how such disparities can affect communication outcomes. (I provided another specific example here for clarity.) Her keen analytical skills and ability to synthesize complex information are truly commendable. (I added this sentence to further describe her strengths.)

In addition to her academic prowess, Dieer Chen often engages in and out of class, I think she is an active student with curiosity. At the same time, in the process of discussion thought-provoking discussions with me after class, she often expressed her class. She expresses her unique ideas and opinions confidently, demonstrating an independent thinking ability that sets her apart from her peers. (I added "confidently" and "that sets her apart from her peers" for emphasis.) Her intellectual curiosity and willingness to explore different ideas and opinions, which were thought-provoking and demonstrated her ability to think independently. perspectives make her an ideal candidate for higher education. (I added this sentence to connect her qualities with the purpose of the letter.)

When I knew that she wanted to pursue a higher education, I decided to write this letter without hesitation to Given Dieer Chen's impressive academic performance both inside and outside the classroom, I wholeheartedly support her idea. pursuit of further studies at your esteemed institution. (I revised this sentence to make it more formal and emphasize my support.) Although she still has a long way to go much to learn on this academic road, her spirit of journey, I am confident that her unwavering commitment to learning and academic perseverance will make her better and better. I propel her towards even greater achievements. (I added "unwavering commitment" and "perseverance" for emphasis.)

In conclusion, I firmly believe that if she is given Dieer Chen possesses the potential and capability required for success in your graduate program. (I revised this sentence to make it more formal.) If granted this opportunity for further study, I am confident that she will give full play to fully utilize her potential and graduate with excellent results.exceptional results. (I added "fully utilize" for emphasis.) I kindly request that you consider my recommendation and provide Dieer Chen with this invaluable opportunity to advance her education at your esteemed institution. (I revised this sentence to make it more polite and formal.)

Please do not hesitate to contact me if you require any further information or clarification regarding Dieer Chen's qualifications. Thank you for considering my recommendation, and I look forward to hearing about your favorable decision. (I added these sentences as a polite closing statement.)

8.思维导图

• Thesis statement: Recommendation for Dieer Chen
  • Topic sentence 1: Academic growth and potential
    • Sub-topic: Active participation in class
      • Supporting example: Challenges of cross-cultural communication
    • Sub-topic: Diligent in completing assignments
      • Supporting example: Impact of cultural differences on business negotiations
  • Topic sentence 2: Independent thinking ability
    • Sub-topic: Thought-provoking discussions after class
      • Supporting example: Unique ideas and opinions confidently expressed
  • Topic sentence 3: Ideal candidate for higher education
    • Sub-topic: Intellectual curiosity and willingness to explore different perspectives
  • Conclusion: Potential and capability for success in the graduate program

9.关键词

10.补充示例

1. Dieer Chen has demonstrated excellent teamwork skills in group projects, effectively collaborating with her peers and contributing valuable insights.

2. Dieer Chen's strong communication skills have allowed her to excel in presentations, where she confidently conveys complex ideas to the audience.

3. Dieer Chen has shown a keen interest in extracurricular activities related to her field of study, participating in various clubs and workshops to further develop her knowledge and skills.

4. Dieer Chen has actively sought opportunities for internships and research projects, showcasing her dedication to practical application of her academic pursuits.

5. Dieer Chen's strong sense of responsibility is evident in her leadership roles within student organizations, where she effectively manages tasks and motivates team members.

1.子项得分 任务完成度：4 组织：4 连贯与衔接：4 语言使用：3

2.预估分数

25. 3.任务完成度

这篇文章基本上满足了任务要求，但在语言表达方面还有待提高。建议你在写作时注意词汇和语法的准确性，尽量避免使用重复的词汇和表达。同时，可以适当举例来支持你的观点，使文章更具说服力。

Example 1: Original: "In class, she actively answers class questions and puts forward her own unique views." Improved: "During lessons, she eagerly participates by answering questions and presenting her distinct opinions."

Example 2: Original: "At the same time, she demonstrated her ability to think critically." Improved: "Simultaneously, she showcased her critical thinking skills through in-depth analysis and evaluation."

4.文章结构与组织 文章的结构和组织方面基本合理，但可以进一步优化。建议在引言部分明确提出你要推荐的学生及其特点，使读者一开始就能了解文章的主题。此外，在正文部分可以适当使用过渡词或短语来连接不同段落和观点，使文章更加流畅。

Example 1: Original: "I am writing to endorse Dieer Chen for admission to your graduate program." Improved: "I am writing this letter to wholeheartedly recommend Dieer Chen for admission to your esteemed graduate program due to her exceptional academic abilities and dedication."

Example 2: Original: "In the final project, she also showed outstanding leadership, which made the cooperation between team members smoother." Improved: "Furthermore, during the final project, she exhibited remarkable leadership skills that facilitated seamless collaboration among team members."

5. 语法批改

I am writing to endorse DieerDeer(misspelling) Chen for admission to your graduate program. As her thesis advisor and Advanced English Viewing, Listening and Speaking teacher at Southwest JiaotongPiloting(misspelling) University Hope College, I had the privilege of witnessing her remarkable performance and understanding of the subject mattersubject(subject matter (subject)). Based on her academic abilities and dedication, I wholeheartedly recommend her for admission to your graduate program. As the class representative of my course, her class performance has always been very excellent. In class, she actively answers class questions and puts forward her own unique views. In class discussion, her valuable contributions that enhanced our collective understanding, thanks to her insightful perspectives and logical reasoning. At the same time, she demonstrated her ability to think critically. In the final project, she also showed outstanding leadership, which made the cooperation between team members smoother. At the same time, she also made her own contribution to the final project, so that the project was presented perfectly. Her team members also recognized and appreciated her efforts. Given her exceptional performance in this course, I am confident in her ability to excel in the pursuit of a master's degree in the University of Maryland. The time I spent with she convinced me that she is a qualified graduate candidate and deserves the advanced education at your esteemed university. I therefore wholeheartedly recommend her to your master's program.

6.文章修订

I am writing this letter to wholeheartedly recommend Dieer Chen for admission to your esteemed graduate program due to her exceptional academic abilities and dedication. As her thesis advisor and Advanced English Viewing, Listening, and Speaking instructor at Southwest Jiaotong University Hope College, I had the privilege of witnessing her remarkable performance and comprehensive understanding of the subject matter.

Throughout my course, Dieer consistently demonstrated excellence as the class representative. During lessons, she eagerly participated by answering questions and presenting her distinct opinions. Her valuable contributions significantly enhanced our collective understanding, thanks to her insightful perspectives and logical reasoning. Simultaneously, she showcased her critical thinking skills through in-depth analysis and evaluation.

Moreover, Dieer exhibited remarkable leadership skills during the final project that facilitated seamless collaboration among team members. Her ability to delegate tasks effectively and maintain open communication channels ensured a smooth workflow within the group. Additionally, she made significant contributions to the project's success by providing innovative ideas and solutions that ultimately led to a flawless presentation. Her team members unanimously recognized and appreciated her efforts.

Dieer's exceptional performance in my course has convinced me of her ability to excel in pursuing a master's degree at the University of Maryland. She is not only an academically gifted student but also possesses essential qualities such as perseverance, adaptability, and strong work ethics that will undoubtedly contribute positively to your institution.

Furthermore, Dieer has displayed an unwavering commitment to personal growth through active participation in extracurricular activities such as volunteering at local community events or engaging in research projects beyond classroom requirements. This enthusiasm for continuous learning demonstrates her genuine passion for acquiring new knowledge and skills that will benefit both herself and those around her.

In conclusion, I have no doubt that Dieer Chen is a highly qualified candidate for your graduate program who deserves the opportunity for advanced education at your prestigious university. I firmly believe that she will make significant contributions not only to her field of study but also to the broader academic community. Therefore, I wholeheartedly endorse her for admission to your master's program and am confident that she will exceed your expectations.

Essay statistics: {"words": 451, "unique_words": 218} (364 words)

7.文章批改

I am writing to endorse this letter to wholeheartedly recommend Dieer Chen for admission to your esteemed graduate program. program due to her exceptional academic abilities and dedication. (Revised "endorse" to "recommend" for a more appropriate tone; added "due to her exceptional academic abilities and dedication" for clarity) As her thesis advisor and Advanced English Viewing, Listening Listening, and Speaking teacher instructor at Southwest Jiaotong University Hope College, I had the privilege of witnessing her remarkable performance and comprehensive understanding of the subject matter. Based on her academic abilities and dedication, I wholeheartedly recommend her for admission to your graduate program. ¶ As the class representative of (Changed "teacher" to "instructor" for a more formal tone; replaced "the subject matter" with "comprehensive understanding of the subject matter" for better clarity)

Throughout my course, her Dieer consistently demonstrated excellence as the class performance has always been very excellent. In class, representative. During lessons, she actively answers class eagerly participated by answering questions and puts forward her own unique views. In class discussion, her presenting her distinct opinions. (Revised sentence structure for better flow) Her valuable contributions that significantly enhanced our collective understanding, thanks to her insightful perspectives and logical reasoning. At the same time, reasoning. Simultaneously, she demonstrated her showcased her critical thinking skills through in-depth analysis and evaluation. (Improved sentence structure for coherence)

Moreover, Dieer exhibited remarkable leadership skills during the final project that facilitated seamless collaboration among team members. (Changed "showed outstanding leadership" to "exhibited remarkable leadership skills" for a more formal tone) Her ability to think critically. ¶ In the final project, delegate tasks effectively and maintain open communication channels ensured a smooth workflow within the group. Additionally, she also showed outstanding leadership, which made the cooperation between team members smoother. At the same time, she also made her own contribution to the final project, so that the project was presented perfectly. significant contributions to the project's success by providing innovative ideas and solutions that ultimately led to a flawless presentation. (Revised sentence structure for better flow) Her team members also unanimously recognized and appreciated her efforts.

Given her Dieer's exceptional performance in this course, I am confident in my course has convinced me of her ability to excel in the pursuit of pursuing a master's degree at the University of Maryland. She is not only an academically gifted student but also possesses essential qualities such as perseverance, adaptability, and strong work ethics that will undoubtedly contribute positively to your institution. (Improved sentence structure for coherence)

Furthermore, Dieer has displayed an unwavering commitment to personal growth through active participation in the University of Maryland. The time extracurricular activities such as volunteering at local community events or engaging in research projects beyond classroom requirements. (Revised sentence structure for better flow) This enthusiasm for continuous learning demonstrates her genuine passion for acquiring new knowledge and skills that will benefit both herself and those around her.

In conclusion, I spent with she convinced me that she have no doubt that Dieer Chen is a highly qualified candidate for your graduate candidate and program who deserves the opportunity for advanced education at your esteemed prestigious university. (Revised sentence structure for better flow) I therefore firmly believe that she will make significant contributions not only to her field of study but also to the broader academic community. Therefore, I wholeheartedly recommend her endorse her for admission to your master's program.program and am confident that she will exceed your expectations. (Improved sentence structure for coherence)

8.思维导图

• Thesis statement: Recommendation of Dieer Chen for graduate program
  • Topic sentence 1: Academic abilities and dedication
    • Sub-topic: Class representative
      • Supporting example: Active participation in class
    • Sub-topic: Critical thinking skills
      • Supporting example: In-depth analysis and evaluation
  • Topic sentence 2: Leadership skills
    • Sub-topic: Final project management
      • Supporting example: Seamless collaboration among team members
  • Topic sentence 3: Personal growth and extracurricular activities
    • Sub-topic: Volunteering and research projects
      • Supporting example: Enthusiasm for continuous learning

9.关键词

10.补充示例

1. Dieer has a strong sense of responsibility, as evidenced by her timely completion of assignments and active participation in group projects.

2. Dieer's excellent communication skills have enabled her to establish positive relationships with both her peers and professors, fostering a collaborative learning environment.

3. Dieer has demonstrated exceptional problem-solving abilities by successfully tackling complex academic challenges and presenting well-reasoned solutions.

4. Dieer's commitment to community service is evident in her numerous volunteer activities, which have had a significant impact on the lives of those she has helped.

5. Dieer's ability to balance her academic pursuits with extracurricular activities showcases her excellent time management skills and determination to succeed in all aspects of her life.