TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Do you think there should be an environmental tax on air travel? Why or why not?

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• Estimated Score: 26

3. 任务完成度

你的文章在一定程度上回答了问题，表达了对环境税的看法。但是，你可以更详细地讨论环境税对航空公司和乘客的影响，以及这种政策如何促进环保技术的发展。此外，尝试引用更多具体的例子来支持你的观点。

示例1（改进前）：In my opinion, I assert that the core target of this policy is to collect more substantial financial support from both individuals and airlines. 示例1（改进后）：In my opinion, I assert that the core target of this policy is to collect more substantial financial support from both individuals and airlines, which can be used to fund research and development of eco-friendly aviation technologies.

示例2（改进前）：Most people have to choose an airplane because of the long, tedium travel way instead of wasting resources. 示例2（改进后）：Most people have to choose an airplane due to the time-saving benefits it offers compared to other modes of transportation, such as trains or buses.

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构基本合理，包括引言、正文和结论。但是，可以通过增加段落间的过渡句子和连接词来提高文章的连贯性。同时，尝试在正文中更明确地阐述和支持你的观点。

示例1（改进前）：For instance, the ticket price is already exorbitant to some consumers in my hometown. 示例1（改进后）：For instance, the ticket price is already exorbitant to some consumers in my hometown; therefore, adding environmental taxes might not significantly affect their travel choices.

示例2（改进前）：In my opinion, I assert that the core target of this policy is to collect more substantial financial support from both individuals and airlines. 示例2（改进后）：In my opinion, I assert that the core target of this policy is to collect more substantial financial support from both individuals and airlines; as a result, this funding can be utilized for promoting eco-friendly technologies and alternative transportation options.

5. 语法批改

I concur with Andrew's opinion that imposing extra taxes on air travel is an effective way to solve air pollution to some extent. However, I dissent that the aim of the extra charges is to higher the ticket price, forcing individuals to alternate to other transportation. For instance, the ticket price is already exorbitant to some consumers in my hometown. The meager taxes added to the original price does not seem to be as effective as we thought. Most people have to choose an airplane because of the long, tedium travel way instead of wasting resources. In my opinion, I assert that the core target of this policy is to collect more substantial financial support from both individuals and airlines. Accordingly, more stable financial support, more energy we can harness in inventing new eco-friendly technology.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

I agree with Andrew that implementing environmental taxes on air travel could be an effective measure to address air pollution to a certain degree. However, I disagree that the primary purpose of these additional charges is to increase ticket prices, thereby compelling individuals to opt for alternative modes of transportation. For example, in my hometown, many consumers already find airfare quite prohibitive. The minimal taxes added to the existing price may not be as impactful as anticipated. Most people choose air travel due to the lengthy and tedious nature of other transportation options rather than a desire to squander resources. In my view, the central objective of this policy should be to gather more substantial financial support from both individuals and airlines. Consequently, with increased and stable funding, we can invest more resources in developing new eco-friendly technologies. (143 words)

Revised essay: Section Title: 7 Article Revision

I concur agree with Andrew's opinion Andrew that imposing extra implementing environmental taxes on air travel is could be an effective way to solve measure to address air pollution to some extent. a certain degree (revised for clarity and natural tone). However, I dissent disagree that the aim of the extra primary purpose of these additional charges is to higher the increase ticket price, forcing prices, thereby compelling individuals to alternate to other transportation. opt for alternative modes of transportation (revised for clarity and natural tone). For instance, the ticket price is already exorbitant to some consumers example, in my hometown. hometown, many consumers already find airfare quite prohibitive (replaced "exorbitant" with "prohibitive" for a more appropriate word choice). The meager minimal taxes added to the original existing price does may not seem to be as effective impactful as we thought. anticipated (revised for clarity and natural tone). Most people have to choose an airplane because of the long, tedium air travel way instead of wasting resources. due to the lengthy and tedious nature of other transportation options rather than a desire to squander resources (revised for clarity and natural tone). In my opinion, I assert that the core target view, the central objective of this policy is to collect should be to gather more substantial financial support from both individuals and airlines. Accordingly, more airlines (revised for clarity and natural tone). Consequently, with increased and stable financial support, more energy funding, we can harness invest more resources in inventing developing new eco-friendly technology.technologies (revised for clarity and natural tone).

Title: 8 思维导图

- 环境税
  - 对空气旅行征税
    - 减少空气污染
  - 非主要目的
    - 提高机票价格
    - 促使选择其他交通方式

- 消费者观点
  - 已经昂贵的机票价格
  - 微小税收影响有限

- 空中交通选择原因
  - 其他交通方式耗时繁琐

- 政策核心目标
  - 获取更多资金支持
    - 来自个人和航空公司
  - 增加投资绿色技术发展

Title: 9 关键词