TOEFL TPO 30 Writing Task 1 Sample: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they challenge the specific points made in the reading passage.

1.Sub Scores

Task fulfillment: 4 Organization: 4 Coherence and Cohesion: 4 Language Use: 3

2.Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 25

3.Task completeness

The essay effectively summarizes the points made in the lecture and explains how they challenge the specific points made in the reading passage. However, there is room for improvement in terms of language use and providing more detailed explanations of the points. To improve task fulfillment, consider:

• Using more precise vocabulary to describe the concepts discussed.

• Providing clearer explanations of how each point from the lecture challenges the corresponding point from the reading passage.

Example 1: Instead of "the Greeks cannot find an enormous piece of copper," write "the ancient Greeks did not have access to a single large sheet of copper."

Example 2: Instead of "the fire can then easily spread to the wood," write "once ignited, the pitch would cause a fire that would quickly spread to the wooden parts of the ship."

4.Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point and includes supporting details. However, there is room for improvement in terms of transitions between ideas and paragraphs. To enhance organization:

• Use clear transition words or phrases to connect ideas within paragraphs.

• Improve paragraph structure by starting with a topic sentence that introduces each main point.

Example 1: Add a transition word at the beginning of a paragraph: "Furthermore, regarding how long it would take to set a ship on fire with a burning mirror..."

Example 2: Rewrite a paragraph's topic sentence for clarity: "Lastly, while flaming arrows were already available as weapons for setting ships on fire, using burning mirrors offered unique advantages."

5. Grammar

In the reading passage, the author proposed three points that supported the fact that the Greeks of Syracuse never built the burning mirror. However, the professor in the listening clearly refuted those three points.

Firstly, the writer said that the Greeks cannot find an enormous piece of copper that can be used to make the mirror. But in the listening, the speaker rebutted by saying the Greeks do not need a single copper, they can use dozens of individual copper to form this mirror. So the Greeks actually do have the ability to make this mirror.

Secondly, the passage claims that the burning mirror will take a long time to set the ships on fire. However, the experiment is not accurate because it only counts the fact where the mirror is igniting the wood on ships. The lecture believes that the Roman ships had a sticky substance which is pitch that can make the ship waterproof. Pitch is much more easiereasier(No 'more' or 'most' before comparatives) to catch on fire and takes only a few seconds, the fire can then easily spread to the wood.

Last but not at least, the reading stated that the Greeks had flaming arrows that can be used to set the ships on fire. On the contrast, the woman in the listening section disagrees by saying the Romans are familiar with the burning arrows and are ready to stop the fire. Flaming arrows are also visible so, so(comma between independent clauses) the Romans had time to prepare for the fire. On the other hand, when the Greeks use the mirror, the Romans will only see the mirror, and they will not see fire coming, so this mirror will be much more surprising and efficient than the arrows.

Section Title: 6. Revised Essay

In the reading passage, the author proposed three points that supported the fact that the Greeks of Syracuse never built the burning mirror. However, the professor in the listening clearly refuted those three points.

Firstly, the writer said that the Greeks cannot find an enormous piece of copper that can be used to make the mirror. But in the listening, the speaker rebutted by saying the Greeks do not need a single copper; they can use dozens of individual copper pieces to form this mirror. So, the Greeks actually do have the ability to make this mirror.

Secondly, the passage claims that the burning mirror will take a long time to set ships on fire. However, this assumption is not accurate because it only considers igniting wood on ships. The lecture contends that Roman ships had a sticky substance called pitch to make them waterproof. Pitch is much easier to catch fire and takes only a few seconds; once ignited, it can easily spread to wood.

Lastly, while reading stated that Greeks had flaming arrows capable of setting ships on fire, in contrast, the woman in listening section disagrees by saying Romans were familiar with burning arrows and prepared to extinguish fires they might cause. Flaming arrows are also visible, giving Romans time to prepare for incoming fire. On the other hand, when Greeks use a mirror, Romans will only see its reflection and not anticipate fire coming from it; thus making this mirror much more surprising and efficient than arrows. (256 words)

In the reading passage, the author proposed three points that supported the fact that the Greeks of Syracuse never built the burning mirror. However, the professor in the listening clearly refuted those three points.

Firstly, the writer said that the Greeks cannot find an enormous piece of copper that can be used to make the mirror. But in the listening, the speaker rebutted by saying the Greeks do not need a single copper, copper (change "copper" to "piece of copper" for clarity); they can use dozens of individual copper pieces to form this mirror. So So, the Greeks actually do have the ability to make this mirror.

Secondly, the passage claims that the burning mirror will take a long time to set the ships on fire. However, the experiment this assumption is not accurate because it only counts the fact where the mirror is considers igniting the wood on ships. ships (change "counts" to "considers" for clarity). The lecture believes that the contends that Roman ships had a sticky substance which called pitch (change "which is pitch that can pitch" to "called pitch" for clarity) to make the ship them waterproof. Pitch is much more easier to catch on fire and takes only a few seconds, the fire seconds; once ignited, it can then easily spread to the wood.

Last but not at least, the Lastly, while reading stated that the Greeks had flaming arrows that can be used to set the capable of setting ships on fire. On the contrast, fire, in contrast (change "on contrast" to "in contrast"), the woman in the listening section disagrees by saying the Romans are were familiar with the burning arrows and are ready to stop the fire. prepared to extinguish fires they might cause. Flaming arrows are also visible so the visible, giving Romans had time to prepare for the incoming fire. On the other hand, when the Greeks use the mirror, the a mirror (add ",") Romans will only see the mirror, and they will its reflection and not see anticipate fire coming, so coming from it; thus making this mirror will be much more surprising and efficient than the arrows.

8. Mind Map

- Introduction
  - Reading passage: Greeks of Syracuse never built the burning mirror
  - Listening passage: Refutes the reading passage's points

- Point 1: Availability of copper
  - Reading: Greeks cannot find an enormous piece of copper
  - Listening: Greeks can use dozens of individual copper pieces to form the mirror

- Point 2: Time to set ships on fire
  - Reading: Burning mirror takes a long time to ignite wood on ships
  - Listening: Roman ships had pitch, which catches fire quickly and spreads to wood

- Point 3: Alternative methods for setting ships on fire
  - Reading: Greeks had flaming arrows
  - Listening: Romans were prepared for flaming arrows; burning mirror is more surprising and efficient

- Conclusion
  - Recap of points refuted by listening passage

9. Key Words

6. Revised Essay

In the reading passage, the author proposed three points that supported the fact that the Greeks of Syracuse never built the burning mirror. However, the professor in the listening clearly refuted those three points.

Firstly, the writer said that the Greeks cannot find an enormous piece of copper that can be used to make the mirror. But in the listening, the speaker rebutted by saying the Greeks do not need a single copper; they can use dozens of individual copper pieces to form this mirror. So, the Greeks actually do have the ability to make this mirror.

Secondly, the passage claims that the burning mirror will take a long time to set ships on fire. However, this assumption is not accurate because it only considers igniting wood on ships. The lecture contends that Roman ships had a sticky substance called pitch to make them waterproof. Pitch is much easier to catch fire and takes only a few seconds; once ignited, it can easily spread to wood.

Lastly, while reading stated that Greeks had flaming arrows capable of setting ships on fire, in contrast, the woman in listening section disagrees by saying Romans were familiar with burning arrows and prepared to extinguish fires they might cause. Flaming arrows are also visible, giving Romans time to prepare for incoming fire. On the other hand, when Greeks use a mirror, Romans will only see its reflection and not anticipate fire coming from it; thus making this mirror much more surprising and efficient than arrows.