TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: 1. To maintain good health Your professor is teaching a class on social studies. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

24. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现不错，你的观点与讨论主题相关，并且提供了一定的支持。但是，有一些方面仍然需要改进。首先，在表达观点时，可以更具体地说明为什么现代人更容易保持健康。此外，尝试使用更多具体的例子来支持你的观点。最后，在语法和词汇使用方面还有一些错误，需要加以修正。

改进示例1：由于科学技术的发展，人们可以通过各种途径了解到关于食物营养成分的信息，从而做出更健康的饮食选择。 改进示例2：随着经济增长和科技进步，医疗服务也得到了显著提高，使得人们在生病时能够获得及时、有效的治疗。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构方面基本合理，包括引言、正文和结论。但是，在组织上还有一些可以改进的地方。首先，在引言部分可以简要介绍讨论的主题，以及你将要表达的观点。其次，在正文部分，尝试使用更多具体的例子和详细的解释来支持你的观点。最后，在结论部分，可以总结文章的主要观点，并指出为什么现代人更容易保持健康。

改进示例1：引言部分可以这样写：“在当今社会，保持健康对于每个人来说都非常重要。我认为，与过去相比，现代人更容易保持健康。” 改进示例2：在正文部分，可以添加一段关于科技进步如何帮助人们保持健康的讨论：“科技进步使得人们能够更方便地获取有关健康信息和建议。例如，通过智能手机应用程序和在线资源，人们可以轻松了解到如何进行合理膳食、锻炼等方面的知识。”

5. 语法批改

I agree with Claire’s idea that people are more easiereasier(No 'more' or 'most' before comparatives) to maintain good health than before. Due to economic growth ,,(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) people in today have more opportunities to exerciseexercise,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) such as go to the gym. It is a good way to get a healthier lifestyle. There are many options to exercise than before, people can use gym or swimming pools by government which are more easiereasier(No 'more' or 'most' before comparatives) to go. What is more, since science is more successful than before, people can get the informetioninformation(misspelling) of food’s nutrition that what they want to purchase. And they can use this to compare which foods are more healthierhealthier(No 'more' or 'most' before comparatives) to them. So iI(i vs. I) think that people are more easiereasier(No 'more' or 'most' before comparatives) to maintain good health than before.

Title: 6 Article Revision

I concur with Claire's perspective that maintaining good health has become more accessible in modern times. Economic growth has provided individuals with increased opportunities to engage in physical activities, such as attending gyms or utilizing public facilities like swimming pools. These options are more readily available now than in the past, promoting healthier lifestyles. Furthermore, advancements in science have enabled people to access detailed nutritional information about the food they consume. This knowledge empowers individuals to make informed decisions about their diet and choose healthier options. Consequently, I believe that it is indeed easier for people to maintain good health today compared to previous generations. (109 words)

I agree concur with Claire’s idea Claire's perspective (rephrased to sound more formal and natural) that people maintaining good health has become more accessible (revised for clarity and conciseness) in modern times. Economic growth has provided individuals with increased opportunities to engage in physical activities, such as attending gyms or utilizing public facilities like swimming pools (rephrased for clarity and to avoid repetition). These options are more readily available now than in the past, promoting healthier lifestyles. Furthermore, advancements in science have enabled people to access detailed nutritional information (revised for clarity) about the food they consume. This knowledge empowers individuals to make informed decisions about their diet and choose healthier options (rephrased for clarity). Consequently, I believe that it is indeed easier for people to maintain good health than before. Due today compared to economic growth , people in today have more opportunities to exercise such as go to the gym. It is previous generations (rephrased for a good way to get a healthier lifestyle. There are many options to exercise than before, people can use gym or swimming pools by government which are more easier to go. What is more, since science is more successful than before, people can get the informetion of food’s nutrition that what they want to purchase. And they can use this to compare which foods are more healthier to them. So i think that people are more easier to maintain good health than before.stronger conclusion).

8 思维导图

- Maintaining Good Health
    - Economic Growth
        - Increased opportunities
            - Gyms
            - Public facilities (e.g., swimming pools)
    - Advancements in Science
        - Access to nutritional information
            - Informed decisions about diet
            - Choosing healthier options
    - Comparison to Previous Generations
        - Easier access to resources and information today

9 关键词