TOEFL TPO 3 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on environmental science. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.
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Doctor Diaz
Nowadays, the world is facing a number of pressing environmental problems, and over the next few weeks, we’ll be discussing various innovations that may help solve these problems. To begin our discussion, I’d like you to think of one global environmental problem—for example, it could be related to water, air, land, climate, biodiversity, energy, or something similar. Then explain what you think would be an effective solution to this problem.
Kelly
One of the major environmental problems is the limited freshwater supply in many areas of the world, which means that we need to find effective technologies to provide people with enough drinking water. One solution is to improve the technology for removing salt from seawater, which could allow us to use seawater to replenish dwindling freshwater supplies.
Paul
I think the biggest problem is the air pollution caused by the overuse of motorized vehicles. The obvious solution is for local governments to promote alternatives, like building bike lanes in cities or improving public transportation with electric buses. Both of these would be easy to implement as well.
Przykłady Użytkowników i Wyniki Oceny
1Przykład Użytkownika #1
Paul's perspective is compelling given that the motorized vehicle definitely are one of primary causes of the air pollution. Secifically, only when th...
Wynik28
Przykład Użytkownika #1
Paul's perspective is compelling given that the motorized vehicle definitely are one of primary causes of the air pollution. Secifically, only when th...
Przykład Użytkownika
Paul's perspective is compelling given that the motorized vehicle definitely are one of primary causes of the air pollution. Secifically, only when the infrastructure effectivrly facilitates individuals to utlize personal bikes and public transportation in daiy life, will they prioritize these environmentally-friendly alternatives over motorized vehicles. First, people tend to select expeditious public transportation instead of individual cars when encountering extensive traffic jam. For example, in most first-tier cities in China, since it is more likely to get stuck on the road during peak time, many pople prefer to take efficient subway instead of driving by themselves, thus reducing the polluted gases emitted by cars. Furthermore, riding bikes or choosing electric buses is more affordable than motorize vihecles over the long term. As for my personal experience, taking electric buses to work enables me to save 150 CNY per month compared to driving on my own and hence helps me gradually form the habit of using eco-friendly public transportation. Therefore, promoting alternatives to decrease the use frequency of motorized vehicles serves to a pivotal way to alleviate the air pollution.
Wynik Oceny
1. 子项得分
Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5 Language Use and Grammar: 4.5
2. 预估分数
Estimated Score: 28
3. 任务完成度
整体来说,这篇文章很好地回答了问题,提出了一个有关环境问题的观点,并给出了相关的解决方案。然而,为了使文章更加完善,可以考虑在论述中加入更多具体的例子和数据支持。此外,在文章中可以尝试使用更多不同类型的句子结构和词汇,以提高语言表达的丰富性。
Example 1: Instead of "First, people tend to select expeditious public transportation instead of individual cars when encountering extensive traffic jam.", you can write "First, people are more likely to choose efficient public transportation over private cars when faced with heavy traffic congestion, as it saves time and reduces stress."
Example 2: Instead of "Furthermore, riding bikes or choosing electric buses is more affordable than motorize vihecles over the long term.", you can write "Furthermore, using bicycles or electric buses as a mode of transportation is more cost-effective in the long run compared to private motorized vehicles, leading to significant savings for individuals."
4. 文章结构与组织
文章的结构和组织方面表现较好,有明确的引言、主体和结论部分。每段都集中讨论了一个特定的观点,并提供了支持细节。然而,在段落之间加入更明确的过渡句可以使文章更连贯。此外,可以考虑在引言部分简要介绍文章的主题和结构,以帮助读者更好地理解文章的内容。
Example 1: You can add a transition sentence like "In light of these benefits, it is evident that promoting alternative transportation methods can significantly reduce air pollution." to connect the two main points in your essay.
Example 2: In the introduction, you can briefly mention the topic and structure of your essay, such as "In this response, I will discuss how promoting alternative transportation methods, such as cycling and using electric buses, can effectively address the issue of air pollution caused by motorized vehicles."
5. 语法批改
Paul's perspective is compelling given that the motorized vehicle definitely are one of primary causes of the air pollution. SecificallySpecifically(misspelling), only when the infrastructure effectivrlyeffectively(misspelling) facilitates individuals to utlizeutilize(misspelling) personal bikes and public transportation in daiyday(misspelling) life, will they prioritize these environmentally-friendly alternatives over motorized vehicles. First, people tend to select expeditious public transportation instead of individual cars when encountering extensive traffic jam. For example, in most first-tier cities in China, since it is more likely to get stuck on the road during peak time, many poplepeople(misspelling) prefer to take efficient subway instead of driving by themselves, thus reducing the polluted gases emitted by cars. Furthermore, riding bikes or choosing electric buses is more affordable than motorize viheclesvehicles(misspelling) over the long term. As for my personal experience, taking electric buses to work enables me to save 150 CNY per month compared to driving on my own and hence helps me gradually form the habit of using eco-friendly public transportation. Therefore, promoting alternatives to decrease the use frequency of motorized vehicles serves toas(This rule identifies wrong preposition usage.) a pivotal way to alleviate the air pollution.
Section Title: Addressing Air Pollution through Sustainable Transportation Alternatives
Paul's perspective is indeed compelling, as motorized vehicles are undeniably one of the primary causes of air pollution. The key to encouraging individuals to utilize environmentally-friendly alternatives, such as personal bikes and public transportation, lies in creating an infrastructure that effectively supports these options in daily life. First, people are more likely to choose efficient public transportation over individual cars when faced with extensive traffic congestion. For instance, in many first-tier cities in China, commuters often prefer taking the subway during peak hours to avoid getting stuck in traffic, consequently reducing the emission of pollutants from cars.
Moreover, opting for bicycles or electric buses proves to be more cost-effective than using motorized vehicles in the long run. Drawing from personal experience, taking electric buses to work has allowed me to save 150 CNY per month compared to driving on my own, which has gradually helped me develop a habit of using eco-friendly public transportation. Therefore, promoting sustainable alternatives to reduce the reliance on motorized vehicles is a crucial strategy for mitigating air pollution. (182 words)
2Przykład Użytkownika #2
On my opinion, the most extreme environmental problem is the water pollution, it refers to much water is polluted by human's activities in many water ...
Wynik25
Przykład Użytkownika #2
On my opinion, the most extreme environmental problem is the water pollution, it refers to much water is polluted by human's activities in many water ...
Przykład Użytkownika
On my opinion, the most extreme environmental problem is the water pollution, it refers to much water is polluted by human's activities in many water zones. It is gradually become a major concern of the whole world as the industry developed fastly. For example, many factories will pour chemicals and luggage directly into the nearest clean water zone to save cost, which leads to a series frustrating consequences, like the dying of many animal species and the extinction of plant variety. To solve this global problem, on the one hand, it is vital to impose strict lawful obligation on all the enterprises which involves chemical activities. On the other hand, all countries should stand at the same point to punish such kinds of polluting activties and support the sign of related international agreements. Through the domestic and abroad efforts, the problem will be solved partly.
Wynik Oceny
1. 子项得分
-
Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5
-
Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0
-
Language Use and Grammar: 3.5
2. 预估分数
- 25
3. 任务完成度
总体来说,这篇文章较好地回答了教授的问题,提出了一个全球环境问题,并给出了相应的解决方案。然而,文章在语言和语法方面还有一些不足之处。为了提高文章质量,建议您:
-
注意使用正确的词汇和表达方式。
-
尝试使用更多种类的句子结构和词汇。
示例1(改进前):It is gradually become a major concern of the whole world as the industry developed fastly. 示例1(改进后):It has gradually become a major concern for the entire world as industries have developed rapidly.
示例2(改进前):Through the domestic and abroad efforts, the problem will be solved partly. 示例2(改进后):Through both domestic and international efforts, the problem can be partially resolved.
4. 文章结构与组织
文章结构基本合理,包括引言、主体和结论。但在段落划分和过渡方面还有待加强。为了提高文章组织性,建议您:
-
在段落之间添加明确的过渡词或短语。
-
每个段落都应关注一个具体的观点,并提供支持细节。
示例1(改进前):To solve this global problem, on the one hand, it is vital to impose strict lawful obligation on all the enterprises which involves chemical activities. On the other hand, all countries should stand at the same point to punish such kinds of polluting activties and support the sign of related international agreements. 示例1(改进后):To solve this global problem, two key actions should be taken. First, it is vital to impose strict legal obligations on all enterprises involved in chemical activities. Second, all countries should unite in punishing polluting activities and support the signing of related international agreements.
示例2(改进前):For example, many factories will pour chemicals and luggage directly into the nearest clean water zone to save cost... 示例2(改进后):For instance, numerous factories discharge chemicals and waste directly into nearby clean water sources to cut costs...
5. 语法批改
On my opinion, the most extreme environmental problem is the water pollution, it refers totoo(to/two (too) late/soon/much) much water is polluted by human's activitieshuman activities(humans beings (human beings)) in many water zones. It is gradually become a major concern of the whole world as the industry developed fastlyquickly(fastly (quickly)). For example, many factories will pour chemicals and luggage directly into the nearest clean water zone to save cost, which leads to a series frustrating consequences, like the dying of many animal species and the extinction of plant variety. To solve this global problem, on the one hand, it is vital to impose strict lawful obligation on all the enterprises which involves chemical activities. On the other hand, all countries should stand at the same point to punish such kinds of polluting activtiesactivities(misspelling) and support the sign of related international agreements. Through the domestic and abroad efforts, the problem will be solved partly.
Section Title: 6 Article Revision
In my opinion, the most pressing environmental issue we face today is water pollution, which results from human activities contaminating various water sources. This problem has become a significant global concern as industrial development accelerates. For instance, numerous factories dispose of chemicals and waste directly into nearby clean water sources to cut costs, leading to devastating consequences such as the death of countless animal species and the extinction of diverse plant life. To address this worldwide dilemma, it is crucial to enforce stringent legal obligations on all enterprises involved in chemical activities. Furthermore, nations must unite in penalizing polluting practices and endorsing relevant international agreements. Through concerted domestic and international efforts, we can partially mitigate this critical issue. (123 words)
On In my opinion, opinion [Changed "On my opinion" to "In my opinion" for correct preposition usage], the most extreme pressing environmental problem issue we face today is the water pollution, it refers to much which results from human activities contaminating various water is polluted by human's activities in many water zones. It is gradually sources. This problem has become a major significant global concern of the whole world as the industry developed fastly. industrial development accelerates [Changed "developed fastly" to "development accelerates" for proper grammar and word choice]. For example, many instance, numerous factories will pour dispose of chemicals and luggage waste directly into the nearest nearby clean water zone to save cost, which leads to a sources to cut costs [Changed "pour chemicals and luggage" to "dispose of chemicals and waste" for clarity and accuracy], leading to devastating consequences such as the death of countless animal species and the extinction of diverse plant life [Rephrased "a series frustrating consequences, like the dying of many animal species and the extinction of plant variety. variety" for better flow]. To solve address this global problem, on the one hand, worldwide dilemma, it is vital to impose crucial to enforce stringent legal obligations on all enterprises involved in chemical activities [Rephrased "impose strict lawful obligation on all the enterprises which involves chemical activities. On the other hand, all activities" for clarity]. Furthermore, nations must unite in penalizing polluting practices and endorsing relevant international agreements [Rephrased "all countries should stand at the same point to punish such kinds of polluting activties and support the sign of related international agreements. agreements" for better flow]. Through the concerted domestic and abroad international efforts, the problem will be solved partly.we can partially mitigate this critical issue [Added "partially mitigate this critical issue" to maintain original meaning].
8 思维导图
Mindmap:
- Water pollution
- Human activities
- Industrial development
- Factories disposing chemicals and waste
- Consequences
- Death of animal species
- Extinction of plant life
- Solutions
- Stringent legal obligations
- Enterprises involved in chemical activities
- International cooperation
- Penalizing polluting practices
- Endorsing international agreements
9 关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English Definition | Simplified Chinese Translation | Sample Sentence |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| contamination | /kənˌtæmɪˈneɪʃən/ | noun | the action or state of making something impure by polluting it | 污染 | The river has suffered years of contamination from industrial waste. |
| consequences | /ˈkɒnsɪkwənsiz/ | noun | results or effects of an action or condition | 后果 | The consequences of water pollution can be devastating for both wildlife and human populations. |
| extinction | /ɪkˈstɪŋ(k)ʃən/ | noun | the state or process of a species, family, or larger group being permanently destroyed | 灭绝 | The extinction of numerous plant species is a direct result of water pollution. |
| dilemma | /dɪˈlemə/ | noun | a situation in which a difficult choice has to be made between two or more alternatives | 困境 | _The global water pollution crisis presents a dilemma that requires immediate action. |
| stringent | /ˈstrɪn(d)ʒənt/ | adjective | strict, precise, and exacting |