TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on education.Write a post responding to the professor's question. ln your response, you should do the following. Express and support your opinion. Make a contribution to the discussion inyour own words. An effective response will contain at least 100words.

1.子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2.预估分数

Estimated Score: 25

3.任务完成度

此篇文章在回应教授的问题方面做得相当不错，表达了自己的观点并给出了一定的论据。但是，有待改进的地方包括：部分语法错误、词汇使用不当以及论据需要更具说服力。建议在修改文章时注意以下几点：

• 检查并纠正语法错误

• 使用更准确、更丰富的词汇

• 提供更具说服力的例子和论据来支持观点

示例1： 原文：“Moreover, students' effort can't be out in the cold for the reason that they are brave to take on the challenge and experiment with various approaches, so they are definitely excellent as well.” 修改后：“Moreover, students' efforts should not be ignored because they demonstrate courage in taking on challenges and experimenting with various approaches, which is an essential quality for success.”

示例2： 原文：“Apparently, it will do more harm than good.” 修改后：“Evidently, neglecting students' efforts could lead to negative consequences in their overall development.”

4.文章结构与组织

整体来看，文章结构清晰，包括引言、主体和结论。然而，在逻辑组织和段落之间的过渡方面还有待改进。建议在修改文章时注意以下几点：

• 每个段落只讨论一个观点，并提供相应的支持细节

• 在段落之间使用明确的过渡词或短语，使文章更连贯

示例1： 原文：“Besides, if students' scores are only judged by their performance, there will be an increasing number of college students paying less attention pouring their efforts in to their tasks such as research and homework.” 修改后：“Furthermore, if students' scores are solely based on their performance, it may lead to a growing number of college students neglecting the importance of putting effort into tasks such as research and homework.”

示例2： 原文：“While Kelly raised the relevant point that grades should always be judged by performance owing to the fairness, she didn't mention that…” 修改后：“Although Kelly made a valid point about the importance of fairness in grading based on performance, she failed to consider that…”

5. 语法批改

The debate surrounding assessment criteria is indeed complex, but lfirmlyfirmly(misspelling) believe that grading students by both performance and effort ismoreis more(misspelling) reasonable.l concur with Paul's perspective that hard work reallyaccountreally account(misspelling) for students' importance and emphasis on their assignments.Besides Besides(Missing space between sentences), if students' scores are only judged by their performance, therewillthere will(misspelling) be an increasing number of college students paying less attentionpouringattention pouring(misspelling) their efforts in to their tasks such as research and homework.Moreover Moreover(Missing space between sentences), students' effort can't be out in the cold for the reason that theyarethey are(misspelling) brave to take on the challenge and experiment with various approaches, so they are definitely excellent as well. While Kelly raised therelevantthe relevant(misspelling) point that grades should always be judged by performance owing to the fairness, she didn't mention that, judging in this way, more and more people will think they can pay off as long as they appear goodperformancegood performance(misspelling) in their courses instead of paying any efforts.Apparently Apparently(Missing space between sentences), itwilltwill(misspelling) do more harm than good.

6.文章修订

The debate surrounding assessment criteria is indeed complex, but I firmly believe that grading students based on both performance and effort is more reasonable. I concur with Paul's perspective that hard work should be taken into account as it reflects the students' dedication and emphasis on their assignments. Furthermore, if students' scores are solely based on their performance, it may lead to a growing number of college students neglecting the importance of putting effort into tasks such as research and homework.

Moreover, students' efforts should not be ignored because they demonstrate courage in taking on challenges and experimenting with various approaches, which is an essential quality for success. Although Kelly made a valid point about the importance of fairness in grading based on performance, she failed to consider that this approach might encourage some individuals to focus solely on achieving good grades rather than genuinely engaging with the learning process.

Evidently, neglecting students' efforts could lead to negative consequences in their overall development. Therefore, a balanced approach that considers both performance and effort when grading would not only promote fairness but also foster a more comprehensive learning experience for all students. (192 words)

7.文章批改

The debate surrounding assessment criteria is indeed complex, but lfirmly I firmly believe that grading students by based on both performance and effort ismore reasonable.l is more reasonable. (This sentence was revised for clarity and to establish a clear stance on the topic.) I concur with Paul's perspective that hard work reallyaccount for students' importance should be taken into account as it reflects the students' dedication and emphasis on their assignments.Besides, assignments. (This sentence was revised to improve coherence and vocabulary.) Furthermore, if students' scores are only judged by solely based on their performance, therewill be an increasing it may lead to a growing number of college students paying less attentionpouring their efforts in to their neglecting the importance of putting effort into tasks such as research and homework.Moreover, students' effort can't homework. (This sentence was revised for better cohesion and coherence.)

Moreover, students' efforts should not be out ignored because they demonstrate courage in the cold for the reason that theyare brave to take on the challenge and experiment taking on challenges and experimenting with various approaches, so they are definitely excellent as well. While which is an essential quality for success. (This sentence was revised to improve grammar and vocabulary.) Although Kelly raised therelevant made a valid point that about the importance of fairness in grading based on performance, she failed to consider that this approach might encourage some individuals to focus solely on achieving good grades should always be judged by performance owing to the fairness, she didn't mention that, judging in this way, more and more people will think they can pay off as long as they appear goodperformance rather than genuinely engaging with the learning process. (This sentence was revised for better clarity and cohesion.)

Evidently, neglecting students' efforts could lead to negative consequences in their courses instead of paying any efforts.Apparently, itwill do overall development. (This sentence was revised for better grammar.) Therefore, a balanced approach that considers both performance and effort when grading would not only promote fairness but also foster a more harm than good.comprehensive learning experience for all students. (This sentence was revised to provide a strong conclusion while maintaining the original paragraph structure.)

8.思维导图

• Introduction

  • Debate on assessment criteria
  • Stance: grading based on performance and effort

• Paul's perspective

  • Hard work reflects dedication and emphasis

• Consequences of performance-based grading

  • Neglecting effort in tasks like research and homework

• Importance of considering effort

  • Courage in taking challenges and experimenting with approaches

• Kelly's point on fairness in grading based on performance

  • Limitation: focus only on achieving good grades, not genuine learning engagement

• Negative consequences of neglecting students' efforts

  • Overall development affected

• Conclusion: balanced approach for fairness and comprehensive learning experience

9.关键词