TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: university spending

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

25. 3 任务完成度

整体来说，你的文章回答了问题并提出了自己的观点。但是，你可以在以下方面进行改进：

1. 更详细地阐述你的观点，提供更多具体的例子和论据。

2. 注意语法和词汇的准确性，避免使用不清楚或不符合语境的词汇。

示例1（改进前）：It brings brilliant reputation and academic influence on the university. 示例1（改进后）：Investing in academic facilities can enhance the university's reputation and academic influence.

示例2（改进前）：A gym satisfying students to do regular exercise such as running, playing ball games and so on is enough. 示例2（改进后）：A gym that provides students with opportunities for regular exercise, such as running and playing ball games, should be sufficient.

4. 文章结构与组织

从结构和组织方面来看，你的文章有明确的结构，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在以下方面还有待改进：

1. 在段落之间使用更清晰的过渡词或短语。

2. 确保每个段落都集中讨论一个具体观点，并提供支持细节。

示例1（改进前）：I concur Rachel’ s view that labs and libraries enhance the academic performance and recruit more professors. 示例1（改进后）：I agree with Rachel's view that investing in labs and libraries can enhance academic performance and attract more talented professors.

示例2（改进前）：While I partly agree with Mike’ s opinion that sport means a lot to undergraduates. 示例2（改进后）：Although I partially agree with Mike's opinion that sports play a significant role in undergraduate life, I believe that academic facilities should be prioritized.

5. 语法批改

It' sIt's(space after apostrophe in contraction (e.g. I' m)) a controversial topic of the university’ suniversity’s(space after apostrophe in contraction (e.g. I' m)) funding preference on whether academic facility or sports, from my perspective, I believe that the university should satisfiedsatisfy(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) the academic utilization. I concur Rachel’ sRachel’s(space after apostrophe in contraction (e.g. I' m)) view that labs and libraries enhance the academic performance and recruit more professors. It brings brilliant reputation and academic influence on the university. I’ dI’d(space after apostrophe in contraction (e.g. I' m)) add that better lab and libraries help us students to achieve academic success. Study is significant to all students. Bright classrooms and comfortable libraries definitely are attractive to top students, and the better undergraduates, the denser academic atmosphere in universitythe university(This rule identifies whether the article 'the' is missing in a sentence.). While I partly agree with Mike’ sMike’s(space after apostrophe in contraction (e.g. I' m)) opinion that sport means a lot to undergraduates. However, it is unnecessary for a collage to have an enormous gym like Olympic stadium. A gym satisfying students to do regular exercise such as running, playing ball games and so on is enough.

Title: 6 文章修订

The allocation of university funding between academic facilities and sports programs has long been a contentious issue. In my opinion, prioritizing academic resources, such as libraries and laboratories, is crucial for the overall success of an institution. I concur with Student A's assertion that investing in these facilities not only enhances academic performance but also attracts and retains top-tier professors, thereby bolstering the university's reputation and influence. Furthermore, well-equipped libraries and laboratories are instrumental in fostering student success and creating a conducive learning environment. High-quality facilities undoubtedly appeal to high-achieving students, which in turn cultivates a vibrant academic atmosphere on campus.

While I acknowledge Student B's argument regarding the importance of sports programs in promoting campus unity and developing valuable skills among athletes, I contend that universities need not invest exorbitant amounts into these initiatives. Instead, providing modest yet adequate sports facilities that cater to students' basic fitness needs should suffice. This balanced approach ensures that universities maintain their primary focus on academics while still supporting the physical well-being of their students. (175 words)

It' s a controversial topic of the university’ s The allocation of university funding preference on whether academic facility or sports, from between academic facilities and sports programs has long been a contentious issue (rephrased for clarity and natural tone). In my perspective, I believe that the university should satisfied the academic utilization. opinion, prioritizing academic resources, such as libraries and laboratories, is crucial for the overall success of an institution (clarified the focus on academic resources). I concur Rachel’ s view that labs and with Student A's assertion that investing in these facilities not only enhances academic performance but also attracts and retains top-tier professors (rephrased to maintain natural tone), thereby bolstering the university's reputation and influence. Furthermore, well-equipped libraries enhance the academic performance and recruit more professors. It brings brilliant reputation and academic influence on the university. I’ d add that better lab and libraries help us students to achieve academic success. Study is significant to all students. Bright classrooms and comfortable libraries definitely and laboratories are attractive to top instrumental in fostering student success and creating a conducive learning environment (added "conducive learning environment" to emphasize the importance of facilities). High-quality facilities undoubtedly appeal to high-achieving students, and the better undergraduates, the denser which in turn cultivates a vibrant academic atmosphere in university. on campus (rephrased for clarity).

While I partly agree with Mike’ s opinion that sport means a lot to undergraduates. However, it is unnecessary for a collage to have an enormous gym like Olympic stadium. A gym satisfying acknowledge Student B's argument regarding the importance of sports programs in promoting campus unity and developing valuable skills among athletes (rephrased to maintain natural tone), I contend that universities need not invest exorbitant amounts into these initiatives (clarified the stance on sports funding). Instead, providing modest yet adequate sports facilities that cater to students' basic fitness needs should suffice (suggested a balanced approach). This balanced approach ensures that universities maintain their primary focus on academics while still supporting the physical well-being of their students to do regular exercise such as running, playing ball games and so on is enough.(summarized the main point).

8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Allocation of university funding
   - Academic facilities vs. sports programs

2. Prioritizing academic resources
   - Enhances academic performance
   - Attracts and retains top-tier professors
   - Bolsters university's reputation and influence

3. Importance of well-equipped libraries and laboratories
   - Fosters student success
   - Creates conducive learning environment

4. Appeal to high-achieving students
   - Cultivates vibrant academic atmosphere on campus

5. Acknowledging importance of sports programs
   - Promotes campus unity 
   - Develops valuable skills among athletes 

6. Balanced approach to sports funding 
   - Modest yet adequate facilities 
   - Focus on basic fitness needs 

7. Maintaining primary focus on academics 

8. Supporting physical well-being of students 

9 关键词