TOEFL TPO 26 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on economics. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

• 25

3. 任务完成度

整体来说，你的文章回答了教授的问题，并表达了自己的观点。但是，你的文章在以下方面还有待改进：

1. 文章中有一些语法错误和不清晰的表达，需要加以修改。

2. 可以更详细地阐述你的观点，例如提供更多具体例子来支持你的观点。

示例1（改进语法错误）： 原文：Every year ,many industries pour chemistrical water or gases into the environment in order to save the recycling money. 修改后：Every year, many industries discharge chemical waste or gases into the environment to save on recycling costs.

示例2（详细阐述观点）： 原文：Many years ago ,we always have terrible foggy days in winter. 修改后：Many years ago, we experienced terrible smog during winter, which was mainly caused by industrial pollution.

4. 文章结构与组织

你的文章结构基本完整，包括引言、正文和结论。但在组织上还有一些需要改进的地方：

1. 在段落之间加入过渡性词语，使文章更连贯。

2. 每个段落应该集中讨论一个具体观点，并提供支持细节。

示例1（加入过渡性词语）： 原文：However, we should not only develop the economic at the expense of the environment. 修改后：However, we should not solely focus on economic development at the expense of the environment.

示例2（段落集中讨论一个观点）： 原文：We do harm to the environment and we sill finally pay for that. Many years ago ,we always have terrible foggy days in winter. 修改后：We do harm to the environment, and we will ultimately pay for it. For instance, many years ago, we experienced terrible smog during winter due to industrial pollution.

5. 语法批改

Paul raises a valid point regarding industries provide jobs for the people who need to raise their family. It is true that (Two consecutive spaces)people are more easily to find a job with the better economic environment. However,we, we(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) should not only develop the economic at the expense of the eenvironmentenvironment(misspelling). Every year ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)many industries pour chemistricalchemistries(misspelling) water or gases into the environment in order to save the recycling money. That action quite dodoes(The dog always bark(s) at me) harm to the environmentenvironment,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) (Two consecutive spaces)though people can have more salaries due to this process. We do harm to the environment and we sillstill(confusion of 'sill' vs. 'still') finally pay for that. Many years ago ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)we always have terrible foggy days in winter ..(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)Small Small(Missing space between sentences) particalpartial(misspelling) which are harmful to our health were harmful to our health were scattered in the air.During During(Missing space between sentences) that winter,a, a(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) number of (Two consecutive spaces)people got sick and felt uncomfortable due to the polluted weather. In conclusion ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)what people do to harm the environment finally harm ourselves.So So(Missing space between sentences) we can not get the economic success at the cost of the environment.

Title: 6 文章修订

While Paul's argument highlights the importance of industries in providing job opportunities for individuals to support their families, it is crucial to consider the long-term consequences of prioritizing economic growth over environmental protection. Indeed, a thriving economy facilitates employment; however, pursuing development at the expense of the environment can have detrimental effects. Numerous industries discharge hazardous waste and pollutants into our surroundings to cut costs, ultimately causing significant harm to the environment and human health. For instance, in previous years, severe smog during winter months led to widespread illness and discomfort due to air pollution from small particulate matter. This example underscores that actions harming the environment ultimately affect us as well. Therefore, achieving economic success should not come at the cost of environmental degradation. (128 words)

Paul raises While Paul's argument [clarifies the subject of the essay] highlights the importance of industries in providing job opportunities for individuals to support their families, it is crucial to consider the long-term consequences of prioritizing economic growth over environmental protection [rephrased for clarity]. Indeed, a valid point regarding industries provide jobs for the people who need to raise their family. It is true that people are more easily to find a job with the better economic environment. However,we should not only develop the economic thriving economy facilitates employment; however, pursuing development at the expense of the eenvironment. Every year ,many industries pour chemistrical water or gases into the environment in order to save the recycling money. That action quite do harm to the environment though people can have more salaries due detrimental effects [concise and clear]. Numerous industries discharge hazardous waste and pollutants into our surroundings to this process. We do cut costs [simplified], ultimately causing significant harm to the environment and we sill finally pay for that. Many years ago ,we always have terrible foggy days human health [clearer phrasing]. For instance, in previous years, severe smog during winter .Small partical which are harmful months led to our health were harmful to our health were scattered in the air.During that winter,a number of people got sick widespread illness and felt uncomfortable discomfort due to the polluted weather. In conclusion ,what people do to harm air pollution from small particulate matter [improved sentence structure]. This example underscores that actions harming the environment finally harm ourselves.So we can not get the ultimately affect us as well [clarified meaning]. Therefore, achieving economic success should not come at the cost of the environment.environmental degradation [strong concluding statement].

Title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Paul's argument
   - Importance of industries for job opportunities

2. Economic growth vs. Environmental protection
   - Long-term consequences

3. Thriving economy and employment

4. Development at the expense of the environment
   - Detrimental effects

5. Hazardous waste and pollutants from industries

6. Example: Severe smog and air pollution
   - Widespread illness and discomfort

7. Actions harming the environment affect us all

8. Conclusion: Achieving economic success without environmental degradation

Title: 9 关键词

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.5

2. 预估分数

• 28

3. 任务完成度

整体来说，这篇文章回答了教授的问题，并且表达了作者的观点。但是，可以在以下方面进行改进：

1. 在支持观点时，可以提供更多具体的例子和数据。

2. 在讨论经济与环境之间的关系时，可以尝试引入一些经济学家或专家的观点。

示例1：在讨论农作物减产问题时，可以提到一些具体的研究报告或数据来支持观点。 示例2：在讨论全球变暖问题时，可以引用一些知名经济学家或环保组织的看法。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。各段落都集中讨论了一个特定的观点，并提供了支持细节。但是，在以下方面仍有改进空间：

1. 在段落之间增加过渡词或短语，使文章更连贯。

2. 在结论部分总结全文，并对未来进行展望。

示例1：在第二段和第三段之间，可以加入过渡词如“此外”或“同时”来使文章更连贯。 示例2：在结论部分，可以加入一句话对全文进行总结，并提出一些建设性的建议。例如：“综上所述，我们必须在追求经济繁荣的同时保护环境，政府和企业应共同努力寻求可持续发展的解决方案。”

5. 语法批改

While some may argue that economic prosperity can justify the environmental damage caused by industrial activities, I would asssertassert(misspelling) that we should never sacrifice the environmenyenvironment(misspelling) for the sake forof(This rule identifies wrong preposition usage.) economic sucesssuccess(misspelling).

A major issue of concern revolves around the potential decrease in crop yields and the possible extinction of specific crops. Continual environmental damage, such as deforestation, climate changes, and habitat loss, poses a significant threat to pollinators. If pollinators were to go extinct or significantly decline in number, crops like fruits, vegetables, and nuts that rely on these creatures for pollination would be severely affected.

Additionally, it is important to consider the inhabitants of low-lying coastal regions. The onngoingongoing(misspelling) issue of global warming, driven by excessive carbon dioxide emissions, can result in rising sea-levels, potentially displacing millions of individuals from their home landshomelands(home land (homeland)).

GIvenGiven(misspelling) the facts and arguments presented, I am of the opinion that we must never compromise the environment in pursuit of economic prosperity.

Title: 6 文章修订

While some may argue that economic prosperity can justify the environmental damage caused by industrial activities, I assert that we should never sacrifice the environment for the sake of economic success.

A major issue of concern revolves around the potential decrease in crop yields and the possible extinction of specific crops. Continual environmental damage, such as deforestation, climate change, and habitat loss, poses a significant threat to pollinators. If pollinators were to go extinct or significantly decline in number, crops like fruits, vegetables, and nuts that rely on these creatures for pollination would be severely affected.

Additionally, it is important to consider the inhabitants of low-lying coastal regions. The ongoing issue of global warming, driven by excessive carbon dioxide emissions, can result in rising sea levels, potentially displacing millions of individuals from their homelands.

Given the facts and arguments presented, I am of the opinion that we must never compromise the environment in pursuit of economic prosperity. (160 words)

Title: 7 文章批改

While some may argue that economic prosperity can justify the environmental damage caused by industrial activities, I would asssert assert (changed "asssert" to "assert" for correct spelling) that we should never sacrifice the environmeny (changed "environmeny" to "environment" for correct spelling) for the sake for (removed extra "for") economic sucess. sucess (changed "sucess" to "success" for correct spelling).

A major issue of concern revolves around the potential decrease in crop yields and the possible extinction of specific crops. Continual environmental damage, such as deforestation, climate changes, changes (changed "changes" to "change" for consistency), and habitat loss, poses a significant threat to pollinators. If pollinators were to go extinct or significantly decline in number, crops like fruits, vegetables, and nuts that rely on these creatures for pollination would be severely affected.

Additionally, it is important to consider the inhabitants of low-lying coastal regions. The onngoing (changed "onngoing" to "ongoing" for correct spelling) issue of global warming, driven by excessive carbon dioxide emissions, can result in rising sea-levels, sea-levels (removed hyphen from "sea-levels"), potentially displacing millions of individuals from their home lands. lands (combined "home lands" into one word: "homelands").

GIven (corrected capitalization: changed "GIven" to "Given") the facts and arguments presented, I am of the opinion that we must never compromise the environment in pursuit of economic prosperity.

8 思维导图

- 主题: 环境与经济繁荣
  - 观点: 不应为经济繁荣牺牲环境
    - 论点1: 农作物产量下降和特定作物灭绝
      - 环境破坏：森林砍伐、气候变化、栖息地丧失
      - 对传粉者的影响：果实、蔬菜、坚果等作物减产
    - 论点2: 沿海低洼地区居民受影响
      - 全球变暖：二氧化碳排放过多
      - 海平面上升：数百万人可能流离失所
  - 结论: 不应在追求经济繁荣时妥协环境保护

9 关键词

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 22 (based on the average of Sub Scores)

3. Task completeness

The essay addresses the professor's question and expresses an opinion, but it could benefit from more elaboration on the reasons for that opinion. Additionally, the essay could use more specific examples to support its points. The mention of zoos as an alternative job source is a good start, but it would be helpful to provide more context or examples of environmentally friendly industries.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Provide more specific examples or details to support your viewpoint.

• Elaborate on your reasons for choosing your opinion.

Examples in English:

1. "Instead of relying on industries that cause pollution, we can invest in renewable energy sources like solar and wind power, which not only create jobs but also help protect the environment."
2. "Governments can implement stricter regulations and penalties for industries that cause environmental harm, encouraging them to adopt cleaner technologies and practices."

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it could benefit from better organization within the body paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a specific point with supporting details. Clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs should also be present.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Focus each paragraph on a specific point with supporting details.

• Use clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

Examples in English:

1. "Firstly, prioritizing environmental protection ensures long-term sustainability for both humans and natural resources. For instance, preserving forests helps maintain clean air quality while also providing habitats for various species."
2. "Moreover, by investing in environmentally friendly industries such as renewable energy or sustainable agriculture, we can create job opportunities without compromising our planet's health. This approach balances economic growth with environmental responsibility."

5. Grammar

I agree with this view. I think it is a good environment is more improtantimportant than the success of the economy. The first reason is that it is crucial for humanhumans to ensure the sustainability of the entire race. If we pollute the environment too hard justmuch for economic success for short run,success, we cannot maintain a stable success in the long run because all the resources will be ruined:depleted. The land will be pollutedpolluted, and the water will be contaminated. Some may argue that there might be no enough jobs for humans, but itthis is not thea reason to pollute the environment. There are many other jobs that won't harm the environment but, in opposite,environment, but instead, help the environment.it. For example, government can build zoos and therezoos, which will beprovide plenty of jobs opportunities there.job opportunities.

Title: 6 Revised Essay

I concur with the perspective that prioritizing environmental preservation over economic success is essential.

The primary rationale behind this stance is the necessity to ensure the long-term sustainability of our planet and the human race. Pursuing short-term economic gains at the expense of environmental health may lead to irreversible consequences, such as land pollution and water contamination. Ultimately, this approach would jeopardize our ability to maintain stable progress in the long run as resources become depleted.

While some may argue that prioritizing environmental protection could result in a lack of job opportunities, I believe alternative solutions exist that can simultaneously benefit both humans and the environment. For instance, governments can invest in eco-friendly industries or initiatives, such as establishing wildlife reserves or promoting renewable energy sources. These endeavors not only create numerous employment prospects but also contribute positively to environmental conservation. (145 words)

Title: 7 Essay Grading

I concur (agree is a more common word, but "concur" adds variety and formality) with this view. I think it the perspective that prioritizing environmental preservation (rephrased for clarity and to emphasize the importance of preserving the environment) over economic success is a good environment is more improtant than the success of the economy. essential.

The first reason primary rationale (revised for a more formal tone) behind this stance is that it is crucial for the necessity to ensure the long-term sustainability of our planet and the human to ensure the sustainability of the entire race. If we pollute the environment too hard just for Pursuing short-term economic success for short run, we cannot gains at the expense of environmental health (rephrased for clarity and emphasis on consequences) may lead to irreversible consequences, such as land pollution and water contamination. Ultimately, this approach would jeopardize our ability to maintain a stable success progress in the long run because all the as resources will be ruined: The land will be polluted and the water will be contaminated. become depleted (rephrased for better flow and clarity).

Some While some may argue that there might be no enough jobs for humans, prioritizing environmental protection could result in a lack of job opportunities, I believe alternative solutions exist that can simultaneously benefit both humans and the environment (rephrased to present a counterargument). For instance, governments can invest in eco-friendly industries or initiatives, such as establishing wildlife reserves or promoting renewable energy sources (provided specific examples). These endeavors not only create numerous employment prospects but it is not the reason to pollute the environment. There are many other jobs that won't harm the environment but, in opposite, help the environment. For example, government can build zoos and there will be plenty of jobs opportunities there.also contribute positively to environmental conservation (emphasized positive outcomes).

Title: 8 Mind Map

1. Introduction

   • Prioritizing environmental preservation
   • Importance of long-term sustainability

2. Environmental health consequences

   • Land pollution
   • Water contamination

3. Long-term economic stability

   • Depletion of resources
   • Maintaining progress

4. Alternative solutions

   • Eco-friendly industries
   • Wildlife reserves

5. Renewable energy sources

   • Job opportunities creation

6. Conclusion

   • Balancing environmental protection and economic success

Title: 9 Key Words