TOEFL TPO 60 Writing Task 1 Sample: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they cast doubt on the specific theories mentions in the reading passage.

1.子项得分 任务完成度: 4 组织: 3 连贯与衔接: 3 语言使用: 3

2.预估分数

22. 3.任务完成度

整体来说，你的文章回答了题目要求的问题，但在某些方面还有待改进。首先，在引述听力部分时，需要更详细地解释讲座中提到的观点。其次，在对比阅读和听力材料时，可以使用更明确的连接词来突出对比关系。

示例1： 原文：“Firstly, the reading passage claims that removing the horn form rhinocerors by the medical equipment, without hurting them.” 改进后：“Firstly, the reading passage claims that removing the horn from rhinoceroses using medical equipment can be done without hurting them.”

示例2： 原文：“Furthermore, the passage asserts that educating consumers, such as the rhinoceroses’ horns didn’t have health advantage,can reducing public’s demand for horns.” 改进后：“Furthermore, the passage asserts that educating consumers about the lack of health benefits in rhinoceros horns can reduce public demand for them.”

4.文章结构与组织 你的文章结构基本清晰，但在段落划分和过渡句方面还有待加强。首先，建议将每个主要观点都放在一个单独的段落中，并使用恰当的过渡词或短语来连接各个段落。此外，可以在文章开头和结尾加入总结性的句子，使文章更加完整。

示例1： 原文：“The lecture and passage discuss the issue for the way of protecting rhinoceroses, by preventing sale of rhinoceros horns.” 改进后：“The lecture and passage discuss various ways to protect rhinoceroses by preventing the sale of their horns. While the reading suggests three potential solutions, the listening casts doubt on each of them.”

示例2： 原文：“In short, this again casts doubt on the overall validity of stoping people to buy the rhino’s horn.” 改进后：“In conclusion, the lecture effectively challenges each of the proposed solutions in the reading passage, casting doubt on their effectiveness in stopping people from buying rhino horns and ultimately protecting rhinoceroses.”

5. 语法批改

The lecture and passage discuss the issue for the way of protecting rhinoceroses, by preventing sale of rhinoceros horns. The reading provides three potential solutions, while the listening challenges each point presented in the reading by provides their weakness. Firstly, the reading passage claims that removing the horn form rhinocerorsrhinoceros(misspelling) by the medical equipment, without hurting them. Nevertheless, the speaker rebuts it by stating that might be harmful for rhincerosesrhinoceroses(misspelling) living. In fact, although with the enough time and moenymoney(misspelling), dehorning might reduce their survival possibility. BecasueBecause(misspelling) their horn have many advantages, such as digging water and guiding youngsyoung(misspelling). In short, considering their life in the wild, it’s differs from the solution mentioned in the reading. Furthermore, the passage asserts that educating consumers, such as the rhinoceroses’ horns didn’t have health advantage,can, can(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) reducingreduce(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) public’s demand for horns. In contrast, the speaker refutes it by stating that it not be effective. In fact, people have this believebelief(believe (belief)) from their own culture, which have thousanda thousand(Numeral (dozen, hundred, thousand, million) without a determiner or a number) years history formfrom(Detects potentially wrong usage of "form" instead of "from") ancient time. There forTherefore(there for (therefore)), educating harldyhardly(misspelling) to change their strong mind, contridictingcontradicting(misspelling) to the argument presented in the reading. Lastly, the reading passage argues that makes horns salingsaying(misspelling) legal to reduce their profit might stop killing rhino. In contrast, the speaker asserts that many people want a rhino’s horn but didn’t buy it because it’s not legal currently. So if govermentgovernment(misspelling) makes the new law that the rhino’s horn become accessible, it will widen the horn market. In short, this again casts doubt on the overall validity of stopingstopping(misspelling) people to buy the rhino’s horn.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

The lecture and passage discuss the issue of protecting rhinoceroses by preventing the sale of rhinoceros horns. The reading provides three potential solutions, while the listening challenges each point presented in the reading by providing their weaknesses.

Firstly, the reading passage claims that dehorning rhinoceroses using medical equipment without hurting them is a viable solution. Nevertheless, the speaker rebuts this by stating that it might be harmful to their survival in the wild. In fact, even with enough time and money, dehorning might reduce their chances of survival because their horns have many advantages, such as digging for water and guiding young ones. In short, considering their life in the wild, this solution differs from what is mentioned in the reading.

Furthermore, the passage asserts that educating consumers about the lack of health benefits from rhinoceros horns can reduce public demand for them. In contrast, the speaker refutes this by stating that it may not be effective. In fact, people have held this belief for thousands of years due to cultural reasons dating back to ancient times. Therefore, education is unlikely to change their strong mindset, contradicting the argument presented in the reading.

Lastly, the reading passage argues that legalizing horn sales to reduce profit might stop rhino poaching. In contrast, the speaker asserts that many people want a rhino's horn but do not buy it because it is currently illegal. If governments make new laws making rhino horns accessible, it will widen the horn market instead of reducing demand as suggested in the reading passage. In short, this again casts doubt on the overall validity of stopping people from buying rhino horns through legalization efforts. (279 words)

The lecture and passage discuss the issue for the way of protecting rhinoceroses, rhinoceroses by preventing the sale of rhinoceros horns. horns (changed "for the way of" to "of" for clarity and conciseness). The reading provides three potential solutions, while the listening challenges each point presented in the reading by provides their weakness. providing their weaknesses (corrected "provides their weakness" to "providing their weaknesses" for grammatical accuracy).

Firstly, the reading passage claims that removing the horn form rhinocerors by the dehorning rhinoceroses using medical equipment, equipment without hurting them. them is a viable solution (rephrased for clarity and correctness). Nevertheless, the speaker rebuts it this by stating that it might be harmful for rhinceroses living. to their survival in the wild. In fact, although even with the enough time and moeny, money, dehorning might reduce their chances of survival possibility. Becasue their horn because their horns have many advantages, such as digging for water and guiding youngs. young ones (corrected grammar and phrasing). In short, considering their life in the wild, it’s this solution differs from the solution what is mentioned in the reading.

Furthermore, the passage asserts that educating consumers, such as the rhinoceroses’ horns didn’t have consumers about the lack of health advantage,can reducing public’s benefits from rhinoceros horns can reduce public demand for horns. them (rephrased for clarity). In contrast, the speaker refutes it this by stating that it may not be effective. In fact, people have this believe from their own culture, which have thousand held this belief for thousands of years history form due to cultural reasons dating back to ancient time. There for, educating harldy times (corrected grammar and phrasing). Therefore, education is unlikely to change their strong mind, contridicting to mindset, contradicting the argument presented in the reading.

Lastly, the reading passage argues that makes horns saling legal legalizing horn sales to reduce their profit might stop killing rhino. rhino poaching (rephrased for clarity). In contrast, the speaker asserts that many people want a rhino’s rhino's horn but didn’t do not buy it because it’s not legal currently. So if goverment makes the it is currently illegal. If governments make new law that the rhino’s horn become laws making rhino horns accessible, it will widen the horn market. market instead of reducing demand as suggested in the reading passage (corrected grammar and phrasing). In short, this again casts doubt on the overall validity of stoping stopping people to buy the rhino’s horn.from buying rhino horns through legalization efforts (rephrased for clarity).

8. Mind Map

Mind Map:

- Introduction
  - Issue: Protecting rhinoceroses
  - Reading: Three potential solutions
  - Listening: Challenges to each solution

- Dehorning Rhinoceroses
  - Reading: Viable solution, medical equipment, no harm
  - Listening: Harmful to survival, horns have advantages, life in the wild

- Educating Consumers
  - Reading: Reduce demand, lack of health benefits
  - Listening: Ineffective, cultural beliefs, strong mindset

- Legalizing Horn Sales
  - Reading: Reduce profit, stop poaching
  - Listening: Widen market, increase demand, legalization efforts doubtful

9. Keywords

1.Sub Scores

• Task fulfillment: 4

• Organization: 4

• Coherence and Cohesion: 4

• Language Use: 3

2.Estimated Scores

• Estimated Score: 25

3.Task completeness The essay effectively summarizes the points made in the lecture and explains how they cast doubt on the specific theories mentioned in the reading passage. However, there is room for improvement in terms of language use and clarity. Some sentences could be rephrased to make them more concise and clear.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Use more precise vocabulary to better convey your ideas.

• Revise sentences to make them clearer and more concise.

Examples:

1. Original sentence: "However, the professor severely challenges the idea that dehorning is impractical and harmful for rhinos." Improved sentence: "However, the professor strongly argues that dehorning is both impractical and detrimental to rhinos' survival."

2. Original sentence: "As a result, the consumers were hard to be educated." Improved sentence: "As a result, it is difficult to educate consumers with deeply ingrained beliefs."

4.Essay structure and organization The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point from the lecture and provides supporting details. However, some transitions between ideas could be improved for better coherence.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Improve transitions between ideas within paragraphs.

• Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.

Examples:

1. Original transition: "First, the reading mentions... However, the professor..." Improved transition: "Firstly, while the reading suggests dehorning as a solution, the professor counters this by stating..."

2. Original topic sentence: "Last but not least, the professor continues to cast doubt on..." Improved topic sentence: "Lastly, regarding government sales of rhino horns, the professor argues that..."

5. Grammar

The reading and the passage discuss solutions to prevent rhinos from becoming extinct. The passage provides three ideas. However, the professor strongly disagrees with the reading passage. She believes that the solutions in the reading are weaknesses.

First, the reading mentions that experts should remove rhinos' horns while they live in the wild. However, the professor severely challenges the idea that dehorning is impractical and harmful for rhinos. To be more specific, experts need to find wild rhinos and try removing their horns. Moreover, rhinos will not have a chance to survive when they lose their horns because they use their horns to dig for water and protect their young and territory. Therefore, experts should not remove rhinos' horns.

Second, the passage indicates that the consumers should be educated, which the professor also questions. She argues that educating consumers is not effective because they have ancient beliefs. To elaborate, the professor suggests that when consumers strongly believe that rhino horn has health benefits, it is not easy to change their minds. As a result, the consumers were hard to be educated.

Last but not least, the professor continues to cast doubt on the statement made by the author that the government selling rhino horn will lead to a decrease in the poaching of rhinos. Instead, she points out that government sales are not predictable. Moreover, more people would be eager to buy horns when the government sells horns at a very low price. The government sales create a large market and attract more poaching of rhinos. Apparently, the government should not sell rhino horns legally.

In conclusion, the reading passage needs more evidence to strengthen its statement.

6. Revised Essay

The reading and the lecture discuss potential solutions to prevent rhinos from becoming extinct. The reading passage proposes three ideas, but the professor strongly disagrees, arguing that these solutions have significant weaknesses.

Firstly, the reading suggests that wildlife experts should dehorn rhinos living in the wild to make them less attractive to poachers. However, the professor contends that this approach is both impractical and detrimental to rhino survival. She explains that locating wild rhinos and removing their horns would be a challenging task. Furthermore, she highlights that rhinos rely on their horns for essential functions such as digging for water, breaking branches for food, guiding and protecting their young, and defending their territory. Consequently, dehorning would leave rhinos severely disadvantaged in the wild.

Secondly, the passage advocates for educating consumers about the lack of health benefits associated with rhino horn consumption. The professor disputes this solution's effectiveness due to deeply ingrained cultural beliefs about rhino horn's healing properties. She asserts that changing consumers' minds is difficult when they hold ancient and strong convictions about a product's benefits.

Lastly, the reading posits that legalizing government sales of rhino horn could decrease poaching by making it unprofitable. The professor casts doubt on this claim by pointing out the unpredictability of such an approach. She argues that if governments sell rhino horns legally at low prices, demand might grow dramatically as buying them becomes socially acceptable. This increased demand could lead to higher prices and attract more poachers instead of deterring them.

In light of these counterarguments presented by the professor, it becomes evident that the proposed solutions in the reading passage require further examination and evidence before they can be considered viable options for saving endangered rhino populations from extinction. (291 words)

The reading and the passage lecture discuss potential solutions to prevent rhinos from becoming extinct. The reading passage provides proposes three ideas. However, ideas, but the professor strongly disagrees with the reading passage. She believes that the disagrees, arguing that these solutions in the reading are weaknesses. have significant weaknesses (changed "weaknesses" to "significant weaknesses" for emphasis).

First, the reading mentions that Firstly, the reading suggests that wildlife experts should remove rhinos' horns while they live dehorn rhinos living in the wild. wild to make them less attractive to poachers. However, the professor severely contends that this approach is both impractical and detrimental to rhino survival (rephrased "severely challenges the idea that dehorning is impractical and harmful for rhinos. To be more specific, experts need to find rhinos" for clarity). She explains that locating wild rhinos and try removing their horns. Moreover, rhinos will not have horns would be a chance to survive when they lose challenging task. Furthermore, she highlights that rhinos rely on their horns because they use for essential functions such as digging for water, breaking branches for food, guiding and protecting their horns to dig for water and protect young, and defending their young and territory. Therefore, experts should not remove rhinos' horns. territory (added specific examples of essential functions). Consequently, dehorning would leave rhinos severely disadvantaged in the wild.

Second, Secondly, the passage indicates that the advocates for educating consumers should be educated, which the about the lack of health benefits associated with rhino horn consumption. The professor also questions. She argues that educating disputes this solution's effectiveness due to deeply ingrained cultural beliefs about rhino horn's healing properties (rephrased "educating consumers is not effective because they have ancient beliefs. To elaborate, the beliefs" for clarity). She asserts that changing consumers' minds is difficult when they hold ancient and strong convictions about a product's benefits.

Lastly, the reading posits that legalizing government sales of rhino horn could decrease poaching by making it unprofitable. The professor suggests that when consumers strongly believe that rhino horn has health benefits, it is not easy to change their minds. As a result, the consumers were hard to be educated. ¶ Last but not least, the professor continues to cast casts doubt on the statement made this claim by the author that the government selling rhino horn will lead to a decrease in the poaching of rhinos. Instead, she points pointing out that government the unpredictability of such an approach (changed "government sales are not predictable. Moreover, more people would be eager to buy predictable" to "the unpredictability of such an approach" for better flow). She argues that if governments sell rhino horns when the government sells horns legally at a very low price. The government sales create a large market prices, demand might grow dramatically as buying them becomes socially acceptable. This increased demand could lead to higher prices and attract more poaching of rhinos. Apparently, the government should not sell rhino horns legally. poachers instead of deterring them (rephrased for clarity).

In conclusion, light of these counterarguments presented by the professor, it becomes evident that the proposed solutions in the reading passage needs more require further examination and evidence to strengthen its statement.before they can be considered viable options for saving endangered rhino populations from extinction (rephrased conclusion for a stronger ending).

8. Mind Map

1. Dehorning Rhinos
   1.1. Impractical
   1.2. Detrimental to survival

2. Educating Consumers
   2.1. Deeply ingrained beliefs
   2.2. Difficulty in changing minds

3. Legalizing Government Sales
   3.1. Unpredictable consequences
   3.2. Potential increase in demand and poaching

9.Key Words