TOEFL Writing Task 1 Sample:

1.子项得分 任务完成度：2 组织：3 连贯与衔接：3 语言使用：3

2.预估分数

17. 3.任务完成度

这篇文章没有明确回答题目中的问题，因此在任务完成度方面得分较低。建议您仔细阅读题目要求，并确保您的回答针对性强。此外，文章中没有提到听力部分的内容，这也是扣分的原因之一。为了提高任务完成度，请务必将阅读和听力部分的信息整合到您的文章中。

示例1： Instead of starting with "I couldn't imagine how fulfilled I would be lying on the green lawn of NYUSH," you could say, "The environment at NYUSH offers a diverse and inclusive atmosphere, which is evident from both the reading and listening materials."

示例2： Instead of focusing solely on your personal experiences, try to incorporate information from the reading and listening materials, such as "According to the reading passage, NYUSH provides a unique learning environment that encourages students to explore various fields and develop their skills in different areas."

4.文章结构与组织 文章在结构和组织方面有一定的基础，但仍有改进空间。建议您在撰写文章时更加关注逻辑性和清晰性，确保每个段落都有明确的主题句和支持细节。同时，请注意使用恰当的过渡词汇来连接不同段落和观点。

示例1： Instead of jumping directly into your personal experiences, start with an introduction that clearly states the main idea of your essay. For example, "NYUSH offers a diverse and inclusive environment that fosters personal growth and exploration, as demonstrated by both the reading and listening materials."

示例2： To improve coherence and cohesion, use transition words or phrases to connect ideas. For example, "Furthermore, the listening material emphasizes the importance of collaboration among students from different backgrounds, which is also evident in my own experiences as a 'Realistic Dreamer.'"

5. 语法批改

I couldn’t imagine how fulfilled I would be lying on the green lawn of NYUSHNYU SH(misspelling).

It was just an incidence that I saw a picture on social media,which, which(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) impressed me for long.The The(Missing space between sentences) picture depicts one part of the NYUSHNYU SH(misspelling) campus environment,a, a(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) piece of grassland where students from different regions sit on a same lawn,some, some(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) gossiping for trending news,some, some(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) just sitting alone listening to a vintage-like CD,some, some(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) absolutely devote themselves in lying just to be immerseimmersed(can be access (accessed)) in the wild sunshine.Everything Everything(Missing space between sentences) in the campus seems to happen in a casual but diverse way,which, which(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) can doubtlessly be described as the dream school that I ever dream.

As a girl who areis(Detects potentially wrong usage of "are") always called “Realistic Dreamer”,I, I(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) always cherish the lovely but precise title.Though Though(Missing space between sentences) studying in a full-time boarding school ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)I seem to explore as more fields as possible,such, such(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) as piano,ukulele, ukulele(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses),music/film review,bussiness, bussiness(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) analysis,visual, visual(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) design and so on.People People(Missing space between sentences) always doubt whether I can balance my complicated hobbies or sideworkside work(misspelling) with such heavy schoolwork.The The(Missing space between sentences) many-times answer could always be the only definite one,YES, YES(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)!For For(Missing space between sentences) instance,recalling, recalling(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) the very first experience as a writer of a music review company,though, though(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) limited deadline and inspiration withering disrupt sometimes,I, I(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) enjoy the journey to explore and execavateexcavate(misspelling) the new space,like, like(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) how to negociatenegotiate(misspelling) a core topic with your teammate, control the entire pace,also, also(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) evenly permit the achievement of OUR first 50k article...Life Life(Missing space between sentences) should have been so diverse,faithful, faithful(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses),challenging a color style where there is always open to each possibility,also, also(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) each individual.It It(Missing space between sentences)’s just like the feeling the picture of the lawn in NYUSHNYU SH(misspelling) campus offers me,a, a(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) tolerant environment to each visitor,a, a(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) carefree attitude to heading forward,a, a(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) diverse unit situated in the outer world.I I(Missing space between sentences) ardently wish that the future life in NYUSHNYU SH(misspelling) would support a more powerful kernel to conquer the forthcoming up and downsdowns,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) I ensure my own alternative would be the confirmed name ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)NYUSHNYU SH(misspelling).

Beginning with the lawn but not just the appealing green,NYUSH, NYUSH(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) would be my first choice for its fatal charisma,forever, forever(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) and always.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

Revised Essay:

I could not have imagined the sense of fulfillment I would experience while lying on the verdant lawn of NYUSH.

This feeling was initially sparked by an image I encountered on social media, which left a lasting impression on me. The picture captured a scene from the NYUSH campus, depicting a diverse group of students gathered on a grassy area. Some engaged in lively conversations about current events, while others sat alone, listening to music or simply basking in the sunlight. The atmosphere appeared casual yet vibrant, embodying the dream school I had always envisioned.

As someone often referred to as a "Realistic Dreamer," I embrace this endearing and accurate label. Despite attending a full-time boarding school, I strive to explore as many fields as possible, such as piano, ukulele, music and film reviews, business analysis, and visual design. People often question my ability to balance these varied interests with my demanding academic workload. Time and time again, my answer remains an unwavering "YES!" For example, during my first experience as a writer for a music review company, I faced tight deadlines and occasional creative droughts. Nevertheless, I relished the opportunity to discover new territory – learning how to negotiate core topics with teammates, manage our workflow effectively, and ultimately celebrate our first article reaching 50k views. Life should be diverse, dynamic and filled with challenges that invite us to embrace every possibility and individual.

The inviting atmosphere portrayed in that photograph of NYUSH's lawn resonates deeply with me – an environment that welcomes all visitors with open arms and encourages forward progress through its diverse community. I eagerly anticipate how my future at NYUSH will provide an even stronger foundation for overcoming any obstacles that may lie ahead. It is without hesitation that I affirm my top choice for higher education: NYUSH.

Starting not only with its picturesque lawn, but also its undeniable allure, NYUSH will forever remain my first choice – a place of infinite charm and boundless potential. (336 words)

I couldn’t imagine how fulfilled could not have imagined the sense of fulfillment (changed "fulfilled" to "fulfillment" for clarity) I would be experience while lying on the green verdant (added "verdant" to enhance the description) lawn of NYUSH.

It This feeling was just initially sparked by an incidence that I saw a picture image I encountered on social media,which impressed me for long.The media, which left a lasting impression on me. The picture depicts one part of captured a scene from the NYUSH campus environment,a piece of grassland where campus, depicting a diverse group of students from different regions sit gathered on a same lawn,some gossiping grassy area. Some engaged in lively conversations about current events (rephrased "gossiping for trending news,some just sitting alone news" for clarity), while others sat alone, listening to a vintage-like CD,some absolutely devote themselves music or simply basking in lying just to be immerse in the wild sunshine.Everything in the campus seems to happen in a the sunlight. The atmosphere appeared casual yet vibrant (rephrased "casual but diverse way,which can doubtlessly be described as diverse" for better flow), embodying the dream school that I ever dream. I had always envisioned.

As a girl who are always called “Realistic Dreamer”,I always cherish the lovely someone often referred to as a "Realistic Dreamer," I embrace this endearing and accurate label (rephrased "lovely but precise title.Though studying in title" for better flow). Despite attending a full-time boarding school ,I seem school, I strive to explore as more many fields as possible,such possible, such as piano,ukulele,music/film review,bussiness analysis,visual design and so on.People always doubt whether I can piano, ukulele, music and film reviews, business analysis, and visual design. People often question my ability to balance my complicated hobbies or sidework with such heavy schoolwork.The many-times these varied interests with my demanding academic workload. Time and time again, my answer could always be the only definite one,YES!For instance,recalling the very remains an unwavering "YES!" For example, during my first experience as a writer of for a music review company,though limited company, I faced tight deadlines and occasional creative droughts (rephrased "limited deadline and inspiration withering disrupt sometimes,I enjoy the journey to explore and execavate the sometimes" for clarity). Nevertheless, I relished the opportunity to discover new space,like territory – learning how to negociate a negotiate core topic with your teammate, control topics with teammates, manage our workflow effectively (rephrased "control the entire pace,also evenly permit pace" for clarity), and ultimately celebrate our first article reaching 50k views (rephrased "permit the achievement of OUR first 50k article...Life article" for clarity). Life should have been so diverse,faithful,challenging a color style where there is always be diverse, dynamic (changed "faithful" to "dynamic" for better flow) and filled with challenges that invite us to embrace every possibility and individual.

The inviting atmosphere portrayed in that photograph of NYUSH's lawn resonates deeply with me – an environment that welcomes all visitors with open to each possibility,also each individual.It’s just like the feeling the picture of the lawn in NYUSH campus offers me,a arms (rephrased "a tolerant environment to each visitor,a carefree attitude to heading forward,a visitor" for better flow) and encourages forward progress through its diverse unit situated in the outer world.I ardently wish community. I eagerly anticipate how my future at NYUSH will provide an even stronger foundation for overcoming any obstacles that the future life in may lie ahead. It is without hesitation that I affirm my top choice for higher education: NYUSH.

Starting not only with its picturesque lawn, but also its undeniable allure (rephrased "fatal charisma" for better word choice), NYUSH would support a more powerful kernel to conquer the forthcoming up and downs I ensure my own alternative would be the confirmed name ,NYUSH. ¶ Beginning with the lawn but not just the appealing green,NYUSH would be will forever remain my first choice for its fatal charisma,forever and always.– a place of infinite charm and boundless potential (rephrased "forever and always" for better flow).

8. Mindmap

I. Introduction
    A. Sense of fulfillment at NYUSH
    B. Image on social media

II. Personal Background
    A. Realistic Dreamer
    B. Balancing interests and academics

III. Challenges and Growth
    A. Music review company experience
    B. Embracing challenges and diversity

IV. NYUSH Atmosphere
    A. Welcoming environment
    B. Diverse community

V. Anticipation for the Future
    A. Overcoming obstacles at NYUSH
    B. Affirming top choice for higher education

VI.Conclusion
    A. NYUSH's charm and potential 

9.Keywords

1.子项得分 任务完成度：3 组织：3 连贯与衔接：3 语言使用：4

2.预估分数

21. 3.任务完成度

在这篇文章中，你对于未来人们工作时间会减少的观点进行了阐述，但是没有明确地涉及到阅读和听力材料的内容。为了提高任务完成度，你需要根据阅读和听力材料中的信息来支持你的观点。此外，文章中提到了ChatGpt这个例子，但未能充分说明其与主题之间的关系。

改进建议：

1. 在文章开头简要介绍阅读和听力材料的内容，并指出它们之间的关系。

2. 使用阅读和听力材料中的具体事实和细节来支持你的观点。

示例：

• 阅读材料提到了一项研究表明自动化技术将使许多工作变得更加高效，从而减少人们需要工作的时间。在文章中引用这一观点，并结合听力材料中相关信息进行解释。

• 听力材料中提到了一个例子，说明技术发展如何影响人们的工作时间。在文章中详细描述这个例子，并解释它如何支持你的观点。

4.文章结构与组织 文章的结构需要改进，以便更清晰地呈现你的观点。虽然你使用了引言、正文和结论的基本结构，但文章中的段落缺乏明确的主题句和支持细节。此外，文章中的过渡也需要加强。

改进建议：

1. 为每个段落添加一个明确的主题句，概括该段落的主要观点。

2. 使用恰当的过渡词和短语来连接不同段落和观点。

示例：

• 在正文第一段开头，添加一个主题句，如：“根据阅读材料中提到的研究，自动化技术将使许多工作变得更加高效。”

• 在描述听力材料中例子时，使用过渡词来引导读者：“例如，在听力材料中提到了一个关于远程办公技术发展对工作时间影响的例子。”

5. 语法批改

lL(Checks that a sentence starts with an uppercase letter) am inclined to agree with Claire's viewpoint that people will work shorter hours in twenty years than they do todaytoday,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) since future society won't need people workto work(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) hard. In addition, I believe that people will have more leisure time because the improvement of technology is very fast, so people could use lots of practical tools to help them finish their work tasks quickly and have more leisure time in the future. Technology plays a pivotal role in our daily life, the invention of advanced tools could help people complete some simple tasks. For example, an Al tool called ChatGptChatGPT(misspelling) was invented by a technology company last year, the tool can help people do many things such as writing papers, painting, solving academic problems. Therefore, using ChatGptChatGPT(misspelling) can help people work shorter hours a day due to people can achieve their work goals efficiently. In conclusion, I firmly support the point that people will work less time in the future.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

Revised Essay:

I concur with Claire's perspective that individuals will work fewer hours in twenty years compared to the present, as the future society will not necessitate strenuous labor from people. Furthermore, I contend that individuals will enjoy increased leisure time due to rapid advancements in technology, enabling them to utilize a plethora of practical tools for swift task completion and subsequently more free time.

Technology holds a paramount position in our daily lives, with the development of sophisticated tools facilitating the execution of rudimentary tasks. For instance, an AI tool named ChatGPT was devised by a technological firm last year, capable of assisting users in various activities such as drafting documents, creating artwork, and resolving academic issues. Consequently, employing ChatGPT can contribute to reduced working hours per day as individuals can accomplish their professional objectives efficiently.

In light of these arguments, I wholeheartedly endorse the notion that people will experience reduced working hours in the future. (160 words)

l am inclined to agree Revised Essay with Explanations Inline:

I concur (revised for a more formal tone) with Claire's viewpoint perspective that individuals (changed for consistency) will work fewer hours (corrected grammar) in twenty years compared to the present, as the future society will not necessitate strenuous labor from people. Furthermore, I contend that individuals will enjoy increased leisure time due to rapid advancements in technology, enabling them to utilize a plethora of practical tools for swift task completion and subsequently more free time.

Technology holds a paramount position (rephrased for clarity) in our daily lives, with the development of sophisticated tools facilitating the execution of rudimentary tasks. For instance, an AI tool named ChatGPT was devised by a technological firm last year, capable of assisting users in various activities such as drafting documents, creating artwork, and resolving academic issues. Consequently, employing ChatGPT can contribute to reduced working hours per day as individuals can accomplish their professional objectives efficiently.

In light of these arguments, I wholeheartedly endorse the notion that people will work shorter experience reduced working hours in twenty years than they do today since future society won't need people work hard. In addition, I believe that people will have more leisure time because the improvement of technology is very fast, so people could use lots of practical tools to help them finish their work tasks quickly and have more leisure time in the future. Technology plays a pivotal role in our daily life, the invention of advanced tools could help people complete some simple tasks. For example, an Al tool called ChatGpt was invented by a technology company last year, the tool can help people do many things such as writing papers, painting, solving academic problems. Therefore, using ChatGpt can help people work shorter hours a day due to people can achieve their work goals efficiently. In conclusion, I firmly support the point that people will work less time in the future.

8. Mind Map

8. Mind Map
    ├── Introduction
    │   ├── Agree with Claire's perspective
    │   └── Future society will not require strenuous labor
    ├── Technology Advancements
    │   ├── Paramount position in daily lives
    │   ├── Sophisticated tools for tasks
    │   └── Example: AI tool ChatGPT
    └── Conclusion
        └── Endorse the notion of reduced working hours in the future

9. Keywords

1.子项得分 Task fulfillment: 4 Organization: 4 Coherence and Cohesion: 4 Language Use: 3

2.预估分数

25. 3.任务完成度

整体来说，文章较好地完成了任务要求，对阅读材料中的三个理论进行了反驳。但在语言使用方面，有些表达略显生硬，建议在措辞和语法方面进行改进。

示例1： 原文：However, the professor in the lecture refutes such claims by providing counterarguments to each theory. 改进：However, the professor in the lecture refutes these claims by providing counterarguments for each theory.

示例2： 原文：According to the professor, the climate has undergone up and down during the past 20,000 years, but the no evidence indicating human brain increased or decreased correspondingly. 改进：According to the professor, although the climate has fluctuated during the past 20,000 years, there is no evidence indicating that human brain size increased or decreased correspondingly.

4.文章结构与组织 文章结构清晰，包括引言、主体和结论。每段都集中讨论一个特定的观点，并提供支持细节。然而，在段落之间的过渡方面还有待加强。

建议1： 在第二段和第三段之间添加过渡句子，使文章更连贯。 示例： 原文：Hence, there is no reason to link the variation of brain size and climate. 改进：Hence, there is no reason to link the variation of brain size and climate. Moving on to the second theory, the professor also disputes the claim regarding agriculture.

建议2： 在最后一段总结时，可以更明确地指出教授反驳了阅读材料中的所有理论。 示例： 原文：Therefore, decreasing muscle mass is a minor factor and cannot fully explain this phenomenon. 改进：Therefore, decreasing muscle mass is a minor factor and cannot fully explain this phenomenon. In conclusion, the professor effectively refutes all three theories presented in the reading passage.

5. 语法批改

The reading passage presents three theories trying to figure out what cause the decrease of human brain back to 20,000 years ago. However, the professor in the lecture refutes such claims by providing counterarguments to each theory.

First of allFirst(first of all (first)), the reading passage contends a theory of changing climates that warming climate would cause ana(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') decrease in the size of human body, including the brain size. Contrary to this claim, the professor suggests that the size of human brain did not closely correspond to the change pattern of past climate. According to the professor, the climate has undergone up and down during the past 20,000 years, but the no evidence indicating human brain increased or decreased correspondingly. Hence, there is no reason to link the variation of brain size and climate.

Second, the professor apparently contradicts the explanation regarding agriculture that agricultural lifestyle which contain lessfewer(fewer with countable nouns (less)) proteins and vitamins cause the decreased brain size. The professor argues that not all our ancestors enjoyed an agricultural life, some regions in Africa did not practice agriculture until modern time, while the size of brain decreased all over the world.

Third, the reading passage claims that smaller muscle mass results in the overall reduction in brain size. Opposite to this theory, the professor suggests that muscle mass reduction has limited influence on overall decreasing brain sizesize,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) since only little part of brain control muscles. Therefore, decreasing muscle mass is minora minor(This rule identifies whether the article 'a' is missing in a sentence.) factor and cannot fully explain this phenomenon.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

The reading passage presents three theories attempting to explain the decrease in human brain size that occurred 20,000 years ago. However, the professor in the lecture refutes these claims by providing counterarguments for each theory.

Firstly, the reading passage proposes a climate change theory, suggesting that a warming climate would cause a decrease in human body size, including brain size. Contrary to this claim, the professor asserts that there is no close correlation between human brain size and past climate changes. According to the professor, Earth's climate has fluctuated over the past 20,000 years, but there is no evidence indicating that human brain size increased or decreased correspondingly. Hence, it is unreasonable to link variations in brain size with climate changes.

Secondly, the professor disputes the agriculture explanation which posits that an agricultural lifestyle containing fewer proteins and vitamins led to decreased brain size. The professor argues that not all our ancestors adopted an agricultural lifestyle; some regions in Africa did not practice agriculture until modern times while brain size decreased globally.

Lastly, the reading passage claims that reduced muscle mass results in an overall reduction in brain size. Opposing this theory, the professor suggests that muscle mass reduction has limited influence on overall decreasing brain size since only a small part of the brain controls muscles. Therefore, decreasing muscle mass is a minor factor and cannot fully explain this phenomenon. (234 words)

Section Title: 7. Essay Revision

The reading passage presents three theories trying to figure out what cause attempting to explain the decrease of in human brain back to size that occurred 20,000 years ago. However, the professor in the lecture refutes such these claims by providing counterarguments to for each theory. (Changed "trying to figure out what cause" to "attempting to explain" for clarity and conciseness.)

First of all, Firstly, the reading passage contends a theory of changing climates that proposes a climate change theory, suggesting that a warming climate would cause an a decrease in the size of human body, body size, including the brain size. Contrary to this claim, the professor suggests that the size of asserts that there is no close correlation between human brain did not closely correspond to the change pattern of size and past climate. climate changes. According to the professor, the Earth's climate has undergone up and down during fluctuated over the past 20,000 years, but the there is no evidence indicating that human brain size increased or decreased correspondingly. Hence, there it is no reason unreasonable to link the variation variations in brain size with climate changes. (Changed "contends a theory of brain size and climate. changing climates" to "proposes a climate change theory" for clarity.)

Second, the professor apparently contradicts the Secondly, the professor disputes the agriculture explanation regarding agriculture that which posits that an agricultural lifestyle which contain less containing fewer proteins and vitamins cause the led to decreased brain size. The professor argues that not all our ancestors enjoyed adopted an agricultural life, lifestyle; some regions in Africa did not practice agriculture until modern time, times while the size of brain brain size decreased all over the world. globally. (Changed "apparently contradicts" to "disputes" for conciseness and clarity.)

Third, Lastly, the reading passage claims that smaller reduced muscle mass results in the an overall reduction in brain size. Opposite to Opposing this theory, the professor suggests that muscle mass reduction has limited influence on overall decreasing brain size since only little a small part of brain control the brain controls muscles. Therefore, decreasing muscle mass is a minor factor and cannot fully explain this phenomenon.phenomenon. (Changed "opposite to this theory" to "opposing this theory" for better word choice.)

8. Mind Map

• Introduction

  • Reading passage: three theories explaining human brain size decrease
  • Lecture: professor refutes these claims

• Climate Change Theory

  • Reading passage: warming climate causes decrease in body and brain size
  • Lecture: no close correlation between brain size and past climate changes

• Agriculture Explanation

  • Reading passage: fewer proteins and vitamins in agricultural lifestyle led to decreased brain size
  • Lecture: not all ancestors adopted agriculture, yet brain size decreased globally

• Reduced Muscle Mass Theory

  • Reading passage: reduced muscle mass results in overall reduction in brain size
  • Lecture: muscle mass reduction has limited influence on overall decreasing brain size

9. Keywords