TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on psychology. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在回答问题方面做得很好，但仍有改进的空间。首先，在表达观点时，可以尝试提供更多具体的例子和详细信息来支持你的观点。此外，注意避免语法错误和用词不当。

示例1： 原文：I believe that parents is the main cause of childhood obesity. 修改：I believe that parents are the main cause of childhood obesity.

示例2： 原文：If those parents are response to their children, they should care their children's daily life but not just put children in school and do not care what food that school provide to their children. 修改：If those parents are responsible for their children, they should pay attention to their children's daily life, not just send them to school without caring about the food provided by the school.

4. 文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织方面还有待加强。建议在开头部分简要介绍主题，并在结尾部分总结论点。此外，确保每个段落都有明确的主题句，并使用恰当的过渡词来连接不同的观点。

示例1： 添加引言：In recent years, childhood obesity has become a significant concern worldwide. Many factors contribute to this issue, including unhealthy food choices, lack of physical activity, and family eating habits. In my opinion, parents play a crucial role in preventing childhood obesity.

示例2： 添加结论：In conclusion, although schools may contribute to the problem of childhood obesity, I believe that parents have the primary responsibility to ensure their children's health by teaching them proper eating habits and monitoring their daily activities.

5. 语法批改

I believe that parents isare(Detects potentially wrong usage of "is") the main cause of childhood obesity. The main reason is that the parents are the people who most should care about their child. They should teach their child how to maintain their weight and design a better meal for their children. For example, my mom alwayaway(misspelling) told me that I should eat vegetables every day when I was a child. And she eateats(Subject-verb agreement error after conjunction) vegetables with me when I don't want to eat them, her behavior encorageencourage(misspelling) me to eat with her and I have a health lifestyle now. It's true that some school collaborateschools collaborate('some' + sing. noun + verb) with McDonald's to provide children with lunches, but this phenomenon also reflectreflects(punctuation + singular noun + plural verb) that some parents are neglictneglect(misspelling) their children's health. If those parents are response to their children, they should care their children's daily life but not just put children in school and do not care what food that school provide to their children.

Display title: 6 文章修订

In my opinion, parents play a significant role in the prevalence of childhood obesity. The primary reason is that parents are chiefly responsible for their child's well-being and should guide them in maintaining a healthy weight by providing balanced meals. For instance, my mother always emphasized the importance of consuming vegetables daily during my childhood. When I was reluctant to eat them, she would join me, encouraging me to adopt healthier eating habits. Although it is true that some schools collaborate with fast-food chains like McDonald's to provide lunches, this issue also highlights parental negligence regarding their children's health. If parents were genuinely attentive to their children's needs, they would be more involved in their daily lives and not solely rely on schools for nourishment without considering the quality of food provided. (136 words)

In my opinion (I believe that parents that), parents play a significant role (is the main cause cause) in the prevalence of childhood obesity. The main primary reason is that the parents are chiefly responsible for (the people who most should care about their child. They about) their child's well-being and should guide them in maintaining a healthy weight by providing balanced meals (teach their child how to maintain their weight and design a better meal for their children. children). For example, instance, my mother always emphasized (my mom alway told me that I should eat me) the importance of consuming vegetables every day when daily during my childhood. When I was a child. And she eat vegetables with me when I don't want reluctant to eat them, she would join me, encouraging me to adopt healthier eating habits (her behavior encorage me to eat with her and I have a health lifestyle now. It's now). Although it is true that some school schools collaborate with fast-food chains like McDonald's to provide children with lunches, but this issue also highlights parental negligence regarding their children's health (this phenomenon also reflect that some parents are neglict their children's health. health). If parents were genuinely attentive to their children's needs, they would be more involved in their daily lives and not solely rely on schools for nourishment without considering the quality of food provided (If those parents are response to their children, they should care their children's daily life but not just put children in school and do not care what food that school provide to their children.children).

8 思维导图

1. 引言
   - 家长在儿童肥胖中的重要作用

2. 家长的责任
   - 关注孩子的健康
   - 提供均衡的饮食

3. 健康饮食习惯的培养
   - 母亲的示范和鼓励
   - 蔬菜摄入的重要性

4. 学校与快餐业合作问题
   - 快餐对孩子健康的影响

5. 家长在孩子日常生活中的参与度
   - 关注孩子饮食质量，而非仅依赖学校提供营养

6. 结论 
   - 家长应更加关注孩子健康，引导他们养成良好饮食习惯。

9 关键词