TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: To slow down the economy to protect the environment Your professor is teaching a class on public administration. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.
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Professor
Humans live in the environment, depending on it as well. We need everything from the environment: food, clothing, medicine, and the list goes on. As the economy develops, we humans are struggling to strike a balance between the economy and the environment. Before the next class, I want you to talk about the following question: Should we slow down economic development to protect the environment?
Claire
I think economic development comes before the environment. If people cannot live well enough, they would ensure their survival even at the cost of the environment. Especially in less developed areas, when the slow economic growth can hardly meet people's basic needs, the environment would be at stake. To be more specific, people need food and products to support themselves and their families. When they are short of proper supplies of living essentials, it is understandable that they would grow food and manufacture products to survive, even at the cost of the environment. They are not the ones to blame because survival is the priority of everybody. In this case, the culprit of the worsening environment is the backward economy in such underdeveloped areas.
Paul
I still think that the top priority is the environment. Without the environment and everything it has been and will be providing for humans, we cannot even exist, not to mention boosting the economy! For the long-term development and prosperity of human society, we should realize the significance of environmental protection and slow down the economy to better preserve animals, plants, and our planet Earth. Only by protecting the environment can humans and human civilization go a long way.
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In response to the professor' question on environment protection, I firmly agree with the Claire's standpoint that economic development can help the environment protection. There are two reasons to support my point as follows. Firstly, environment protection need government financial support, which means only greatly develop economic can help environment protection. My experience can illustrate this viewpoint. When I was young, I have lived in a small town where was so poor. And I always saw the river was polluted. But with the development of economic, nowadays this problem is solved by government. Secondly, as the rapid development of economic, the awareness of environment protection is enhanced among every individual. It is has positive impact on environment protection by everyone is willing to do. In conclusion, environment protection is rely on economic.
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1. Sub Scores
Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5
2. Estimated Scores
Estimated Score: 22
3. Task completeness
The essay does a decent job of addressing the task requirements by expressing a personal opinion and contributing to the discussion. However, there is room for improvement in terms of elaborating on the viewpoint and providing more specific examples or details to support the argument. Additionally, some grammar errors and unclear language use could be improved.
Example 1: Original: "Firstly, environment protection need government financial support, which means only greatly develop economic can help environment protection." Improved: "Firstly, environmental protection requires government financial support, which means that only significant economic development can contribute to environmental protection."
Example 2: Original: "It is has positive impact on environment protection by everyone is willing to do." Improved: "This has a positive impact on environmental protection as everyone becomes more willing to participate."
4. Essay structure and organization
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it could benefit from clearer organization within each paragraph and smoother transitions between ideas.
Example 1: Original: "There are two reasons to support my point as follows." Improved: "I believe there are two main reasons why economic development can contribute positively to environmental protection."
Example 2: Original: "In conclusion, environment protection is rely on economic." Improved: "In conclusion, effective environmental protection relies heavily on strong economic development."
5. Grammar
In response to the professor'(Unpaired braces, brackets, quotation marks and similar symbols) question on environment protection, I firmly agree with the Claire's standpoint that economic development can help the environment protection. There are two reasons to support my point as follows. Firstly, environment protection need government financial support, which means only greatly develop economic can help environment protection. My experience can illustrate this viewpoint. When I was young, I have lived in a small town where wasit was(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'it' is missing in a sentence.) so poor. And I always saw the river was polluted. But with the development of economic, nowadaysnowadays,(Comma after 'nowadays) this problem is solved by government. Secondly, as the rapid development of economic, the awareness of environment protection is enhanced among every individual. It is hasis having(is + VBZ) positive impact on environment protection by everyone is willing to do. In conclusion, environment protection is relyrelied(Agreement: 'been' or 'was' + past tense) on economic.
Display title: 6 Revised Essay
In response to the professor's question regarding environmental protection, I firmly agree with Claire's standpoint that economic development can contribute positively to environmental protection. There are two primary reasons supporting my perspective. Firstly, environmental protection requires substantial financial support from the government, which can only be provided through robust economic growth. My personal experience illustrates this viewpoint; as a child, I lived in an impoverished small town where pollution was rampant in the local river. However, with economic development, the government has now addressed this issue effectively. Secondly, rapid economic growth raises awareness of environmental protection among individuals. This heightened consciousness positively impacts environmental preservation as more people willingly participate in conservation efforts. Therefore, it is essential to recognize that environmental protection and economic development can coexist and complement each other for a sustainable future. (140 words)
In response to the professor' professor's question on environment protection, regarding environmental protection (corrected for grammar and clarity), I firmly agree with the Claire's standpoint that economic development can help the environment protection. contribute positively to environmental protection (rephrased for better flow). There are two primary reasons to supporting my perspective. Firstly, environmental protection requires substantial financial support my point from the government (clarified meaning), which can only be provided through robust economic growth. My personal experience illustrates this viewpoint; as follows. Firstly, environment protection need government financial support, which means only greatly develop economic can help environment protection. My experience can illustrate this viewpoint. When a child, I was young, I have lived in a an impoverished small town (revised for better word choice) where pollution was so poor. And I always saw rampant in the river was polluted. But local river. However, with economic development, the development of economic, nowadays government has now addressed this problem is solved by government. issue effectively. Secondly, as the rapid development of economic, the economic growth raises awareness of environment environmental protection among individuals (rephrased for clarity). This heightened consciousness positively impacts environmental preservation as more people willingly participate in conservation efforts (revised for better flow). Therefore, it is enhanced among every individual. It is has positive impact on environment essential to recognize that environmental protection by everyone is willing to do. In conclusion, environment protection is rely on economic.and economic development can coexist and complement each other for a sustainable future (concluding statement added for emphasis).
8 Mind Map
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Introduction
- Environmental protection
- Economic development
- Claire's standpoint
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Reason 1: Financial support
- Government funding
- Robust economic growth
- Personal experience
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Reason 2: Raising awareness
- Environmental consciousness
- Individual participation
- Conservation efforts
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Conclusion
- Coexistence and complementarity
- Sustainable future
9 Key Words
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English Definition | English Translation | Sample Sentence |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Standpoint | /ˈstandˌpoint/ | Noun | A person's point of view or attitude | Standpoint | I agree with Claire's standpoint that economic development can help the environment. |
| Substantial | /səbˈstan(t)SHəl/ | Adjective | Of considerable importance, size, or worth | Substantial | Environmental protection requires substantial financial support from the government. |
| Impoverished | /imˈpävəriSHt/ | Adjective | Poor; lacking resources or wealth | Impoverished | As a child, I lived in an impoverished small town with rampant pollution. |
| Rampant | /ˈrampənt/ | Adjective | Flourishing or spreading unchecked | Rampant | Pollution was rampant in the local river before economic development took place. |
| Consciousness | /ˈkän(t)SHəsnəs/ | Noun | The state of being aware of and able to think and learn | Consciousness | Economic growth raises awareness and consciousness about environmental protection. |
| Preservation | /ˌprezərˈvāSH(ə)n/ | Noun | The action of preserving something | Preservation | Heightened consciousness positively impacts environmental preservation efforts. |
| Conservation | /ˌkänsərˈvāSH(ə)n/ | Noun | The act of preserving, guarding, or protecting | Conservation | More people willingly participate in conservation efforts due to raised awareness. |
| Coexist | /kōiɡˈzist/ | Verb | _To exist at the same time or in the same place _ | Coexist | Environmental protection and economic development can coexist for a sustainable future. |
| Complement | /ˈkämpləmənt/ | Noun | _A thing that completes or brings to perfection _ | Complement | Economic development and environmental protection can complement each other. |
6 Revised Essay
In response to the professor's question regarding environmental protection, I firmly agree with Claire's standpoint that economic development can contribute positively to environmental protection. There are two primary reasons supporting my perspective. Firstly, environmental protection requires substantial financial support from the government, which can only be provided through robust economic growth. My personal experience illustrates this viewpoint; as a child, I lived in an impoverished small town where pollution was rampant in the local river. However, with economic development, the government has now addressed this issue effectively. Secondly, rapid economic growth raises awareness of environmental protection among individuals. This heightened consciousness positively impacts environmental preservation as more people willingly participate in conservation efforts. Therefore, it is essential to recognize that environmental protection and economic development can coexist and complement each other for a sustainable future.
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