TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: How to protect the environmentin daily lives? Your professor is teaching a class on public administration. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现较好，回答了问题并提供了合理的观点。但是，有一些小的问题需要改进。首先，在文章中，您提到了Steve和Lila的观点，但在原文中，Paul而不是Steve提出了关于有机食品的观点。其次，在讨论有机食品时，可以更深入地探讨其对环境的影响以及与走路或骑自行车相比的优缺点。

改进建议示例（英文）：

1. 更正名字：将文章中提到的"Steve"更正为"Paul"。

2. 对有机食品进行更深入的讨论：例如，在比较两种方法时，可以指出购买当地有机食品可能对附近农场和社区产生更大的积极影响。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构基本清晰，包括引言、主体和结论。然而，在组织方面还有一些改进空间。首先，在引言部分简要介绍两种观点后，可以明确指出您支持哪个观点。其次，文章中的过渡可以更自然一些，以便更好地连接各个段落和观点。

改进建议示例（英文）：

1. 在引言中明确表达支持的观点：例如，在引言部分添加一句话，如"I believe that walking or bicycling is a more effective way to protect the environment."

2. 使用更自然的过渡词或短语：例如，在讨论有机食品时，可以使用"However"或"On the other hand"来引入对比。

5. 语法批改

While I can see Steve's points that growing organic foods can actually reducesreduce the pollution caused by pesticides, I agree with Lila's perspective that walking or bicycling in steadbiking instead of driving cars can work betterbe more effective in protecting the environment. As mentioned by Lila, travellingtraveling in cars whichthat burn fossil fuels releasereleases a large amount of harmful gases into the air, such as carbon dioxidedioxide, which causes global warmingwarming, and carbon oxidemonoxide, which is toxic for human breath in .breath. Walking or bicyclingbiking to work in a waywork, on the other hand, decreases the number of cars on road everyday, which resultevery day, resulting in cleaner atmosphere, leading toair and a healthier environment for humanhumans to live.live in. Additionally, thoughwhile growing organic food can help food chain become less contaminated, organic food still needneeds to be transported by cars and lorriestrucks, which pollute the air. AtAlthough the same time which pollution is reducereduced by growing organic food, transportation of these foodfoods may caused acause even larger amountamounts of pollution. So it's better to takingTherefore, walking or cycling instead of driving works asshould be a priority.

Title: 6 文章修订

While I acknowledge Steve's argument that growing organic foods can reduce pollution caused by pesticides, I concur with Lila's perspective that opting for walking or bicycling instead of driving cars is a more effective approach to protect the environment. As Lila pointed out, vehicles burning fossil fuels emit substantial amounts of harmful gases, such as carbon dioxide, which contributes to global warming, and carbon monoxide, which is toxic when inhaled. By choosing to walk or cycle to work, we can decrease the number of cars on the road daily, resulting in a cleaner atmosphere and fostering a healthier environment for humans.

Furthermore, although cultivating organic food may lead to a less contaminated food chain, these products still require transportation via cars and lorries that pollute the air. Consequently, while pollution may be reduced through organic farming practices, the transportation of these goods could potentially generate an even larger amount of pollution. Therefore, prioritizing walking or cycling over driving proves to be a more advantageous strategy in our daily lives for environmental protection. (175 words)

While I can see acknowledge Steve's points argument (revised for clarity and to maintain a natural tone) that growing organic foods can actually reduces the reduce (simplified for a more natural tone) pollution caused by pesticides, I agree concur with Lila's perspective that opting for (rephrased for better flow and clarity) walking or bicycling in stead instead of driving cars can work better in protecting is a more effective approach to protect the environment. As mentioned by Lila, travelling in cars which burn Lila pointed out (revised for a more natural tone), vehicles burning fossil fuels release a large amount emit substantial amounts of harmful gases into the air, gases, such as carbon dioxide dioxide, which causes contributes to global warming warming, and carbon oxide monoxide, which is toxic for human breath in when inhaled (rephrased for better flow and clarity). Walking By choosing to walk or bicycling to work in a way decreases cycle to work, we can decrease the number of cars on the road everyday, which result daily (revised for a more natural tone), resulting in a cleaner atmosphere, leading to atmosphere and fostering a healthier environment for human to live. Additionally, though growing humans.

Furthermore, although cultivating organic food can help may lead to a less contaminated food chain become less contaminated, (rephrased for better flow and clarity), these products still require transportation via cars and lorries that pollute the air. Consequently, while pollution may be reduced through organic food still need to be transported by cars and lorries which pollute the air. At the same time which pollution is reduce by growing organic food, farming practices (rephrased for better flow and clarity), the transportation of these food may caused a goods could potentially generate an even larger amount of pollution. So it's better to taking Therefore, prioritizing walking or cycling instead of over driving works as a priority.proves to be a more advantageous strategy in our daily lives (revised for better flow and clarity) for environmental protection.

Title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Acknowledge Steve's argument
   - Agree with Lila's perspective

2. Vehicles and pollution
   - Fossil fuels
   - Carbon dioxide and global warming
   - Carbon monoxide and toxicity

3. Walking and cycling benefits
   - Decrease number of cars on the road
   - Cleaner atmosphere
   - Healthier environment

4. Organic food transportation issues
   - Pollution from cars and lorries
   - Potential increase in pollution

5. Conclusion
   - Prioritize walking or cycling over driving for environmental protection

Title: 9 关键词