TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Instructions Your professor is teaching a class on political science. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1.子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2.预估分数

27. 3.任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现良好，作者表达了自己的观点，并对讨论做出了贡献。然而，可以进一步改进的地方是在阐述观点时提供更多具体的例子和细节。此外，文章结尾略显仓促，可以考虑更完整地总结观点。

示例1：为了支持政府投资体育的观点，可以提供一个具体国家在投资体育后取得的显著成果。 示例2：在文章结尾处，可以详细说明为什么投资体育比投资艺术更能带来更多的利益。

4.文章结构与组织

从组织结构上看，这篇文章有明确的引言、主体和结论。然而，在段落之间的过渡方面还有待加强。建议使用一些过渡词或短语来使段落之间更加自然地衔接。

示例1：在支持Claire观点的段落之后，可以使用过渡词“尽管如此”来引入对Paul观点的讨论。 示例2：在最后一段，可以使用“综上所述”来引出结论，使文章结构更加清晰。

5. 语法批改

In my opinion, I tend to support Claire's idea that the government money shoudshould(misspelling) be spent more on sports rather than arts. In addition to her claims, I would love to add that it could also improve the international competitiveness of the country as well. As we all know, the sports ability of the athletes is strongly connected with the competitiveness of a country. The investment in sports would help the country cultivate more competitive athletes, improving the country's honor. Admittedly, as Paul presents, the investment in art area is significant. But Claire points out that more funding for sports would bring us morfor(misspelling)

6.文章修订

In my opinion, I concur with Claire's perspective that government funding should be allocated more towards sports rather than the arts. In addition to her claims, I would like to emphasize that this investment could also enhance a country's international competitiveness. As we all know, the prowess of athletes is intrinsically linked to a nation's competitiveness. By investing in sports, a country can cultivate highly skilled athletes, thereby elevating its global standing and prestige.

While Paul's argument regarding the significance of investing in the arts is valid, Claire astutely highlights that prioritizing sports funding would yield more substantial benefits for society. Although the arts contribute to cultural heritage and diversity, it is crucial to recognize that promoting physical fitness and healthy lifestyles through athletics can lead to improved health outcomes and reduced healthcare costs for citizens. Thus, it is imperative for governments to focus their resources on fostering athletic programs and initiatives. (153 words)

7.文章批改

In my opinion, I tend to support Claire's idea that the concur with Claire's perspective (Changed "support Claire's idea" to "concur with Claire's perspective" for a more formal tone) that government money shoud funding should be spent more on allocated more towards sports rather than the arts. In addition to her claims, I would love to add that it like to emphasize (Changed "love to add" to "would like to emphasize" for a more formal tone) that this investment could also improve the enhance a country's international competitiveness of the country as well. competitiveness. As we all know, the prowess of athletes is intrinsically linked (Changed "strongly connected" to "intrinsically linked" for a more advanced vocabulary) to a nation's competitiveness. By investing in sports, a country can cultivate highly skilled athletes, thereby elevating its global standing and prestige (Changed "improving the country's honor" to "elevating its global standing and prestige" for clarity and advanced vocabulary).

While Paul's argument regarding the significance of investing in the arts is valid, Claire astutely highlights (Changed "points out" to "astutely highlights" for advanced vocabulary) that prioritizing sports ability of the athletes is strongly connected with the competitiveness of a country. The investment in sports funding would help the country cultivate more competitive athletes, improving the country's honor. ¶ Admittedly, as Paul presents, the investment in art area is significant. But Claire points out that more funding for sports would bring us moryield more substantial benefits for society (Added "for society" for clarity). Although the arts contribute to cultural heritage and diversity, it is crucial to recognize that promoting physical fitness and healthy lifestyles through athletics can lead to improved health outcomes and reduced healthcare costs for citizens (Added this sentence for elaboration on Claire's point). Thus, it is imperative (Changed "I suggest" to "it is imperative" for a stronger conclusion) for governments to focus their resources on fostering athletic programs and initiatives.

8.思维导图

• Introduction

  • Concur with Claire's perspective

• Sports Funding

  • Enhance international competitiveness
  • Prowess of athletes
  • Elevate global standing and prestige

• Arts Funding

  • Paul's argument: cultural heritage and diversity

• Comparison and Conclusion

  • Prioritizing sports funding for substantial benefits
  • Promoting physical fitness and healthy lifestyles through athletics

9.关键词

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

25. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在回答问题时表现出了一定的任务完成度。然而，为了更好地满足TOEFL iBT写作的要求，建议您在以下方面进行改进：

1. 更具体地解释互联网接入如何提高人们的幸福感和激励他们追求梦想。

2. 在文章中提供更多相关的例子来支持您的观点。

例如：

• 在支持互联网接入的观点时，可以提到互联网如何帮助人们获得教育资源、就业机会等。

• 可以举例说明互联网接入对于农村地区或发展中国家的重要性。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构方面，您已经有了一个简单的引言、主体和结论。但是，为了更好地满足TOEFL iBT综合写作任务1评分标准，请考虑以下建议：

1. 在引言部分明确提出您选择互联网接入优先投资的原因。

2. 使用恰当的过渡词和短语使文章在段落之间更加流畅。

例如：

• 引言部分可以这样写：“在我看来，政府应该优先投资互联网接入，因为它能够有效地提高公民的幸福感和激励他们追求梦想。”

• 在主体段落中使用过渡词，如“首先”，“此外”，“然而”等。

5. 语法批改

In my opinion, I prefer that government should prioritize funding for the Internet access, since it is the most effective way to compel citizens to raise happiness and motivate to pursitpursuit(misspelling) their dreams. To be specific, broader access to the internet will yield people more convenience to contract with family members, foreign professors or friends more often and stablelystable(misspelling). For instance, my cousin Amy got a faster access to her major professors to take online courses, raising the effiencyefficiency(misspelling) of studying and the lecture recording, which is significant for her future exploration on interesting project. Still, some might claims that citizens will get more social mobility

Title: 6 文章修订

In my opinion, the government should prioritize funding for Internet access, as it is a highly effective means of empowering citizens to pursue their aspirations and enhance their overall well-being. Specifically, widespread access to the Internet enables individuals to maintain stronger connections with family members, colleagues, and friends from around the world in a more consistent manner.

For example, my cousin Amy was able to obtain faster Internet access, which allowed her to engage with her professors more efficiently during online courses and access lecture recordings. This significantly contributed to her academic progress and facilitated her involvement in intriguing projects.

Nevertheless, some may argue that investing in public transportation would lead to greater social mobility for citizens. While this is a valid point, it is crucial to consider that the benefits of improved Internet access extend beyond personal connections and academic pursuits. The Internet serves as a platform for accessing essential services, job opportunities, and information that can help bridge socio-economic gaps.

In conclusion, prioritizing funding for Internet access has far-reaching implications for societal advancement and individual well-being. By providing citizens with better connectivity and resources through the Internet, we can foster an environment where everyone has equal opportunities to thrive. (204 words)

In my opinion, I prefer that the government should prioritize funding for the Internet access, since Internet access (changed "the Internet access" to "Internet access" for better flow), as it is the most a highly effective way to compel means of empowering citizens to pursue their aspirations (rephrased "compel citizens to raise happiness and motivate to pursit their dreams. ¶ To be specific, broader dreams" for clarity) and enhance their overall well-being. Specifically, widespread access to the Internet enables individuals to maintain stronger connections with family members, colleagues, and friends from around the world in a more consistent manner (rephrased "broader access to the internet will yield people more convenience to contract with family members, foreign professors or friends more often and stablely. stablely" for clarity).

For instance, example, my cousin Amy got a was able to obtain faster access to Internet access (changed "got a faster access" to "was able to obtain faster Internet access" for better flow), which allowed her major to engage with her professors to take more efficiently during online courses, raising courses and access lecture recordings. This significantly contributed to her academic progress (rephrased "raising the effiency of studying and the lecture recording, which is significant for recording" for clarity) and facilitated her future exploration on interesting project. involvement in intriguing projects (rephrased "interesting project" for better word choice).

Still, Nevertheless, some may argue that investing in public transportation would lead to greater social mobility for citizens (rephrased "some might claims that citizens will get more social mobilitymobility" for clarity). While this is a valid point, it is crucial to consider that the benefits of improved Internet access extend beyond personal connections and academic pursuits. The Internet serves as a platform for accessing essential services, job opportunities, and information that can help bridge socio-economic gaps.

In conclusion, prioritizing funding for Internet access has far-reaching implications for societal advancement and individual well-being. By providing citizens with better connectivity and resources through the Internet, we can foster an environment where everyone has equal opportunities to thrive.

8 思维导图

graph TD
A[文章修订]
B[政府优先资助互联网]
C[互联网连接家庭、同事和朋友]
D[提高学术成就]
E[公共交通投资的观点]
F[互联网作为获取服务、工作和信息的平台]
G[缩小社会经济差距]
H[结论：优先资助互联网带来更广泛的影响]

A --> B
B --> C
B --> D
A --> E
E --> F
F --> G
A --> H

9 关键词