TOEFL TPO 6 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on business administration. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

25. 3 任务完成度

虽然你的文章在讨论中表达了观点并提供了一定的支持，但是在回答问题时没有完全遵循任务要求。首先，文章字数不足100字，这是任务要求的最低字数。其次，在讨论中没有引用对话中的观点。为了提高作文质量，请确保遵循任务要求，并在讨论中引用对话中的观点。

示例1（英文）： You could expand your essay by discussing the points made by Andrew and Kelly in the conversation, agreeing or disagreeing with their views, and providing additional examples or evidence to support your opinion.

示例2（英文）： For example, you could write: "While Andrew believes that hiring skilled workers should be the primary focus, I think that a combination of hiring skilled workers and providing ongoing training is essential for a company's success. This approach ensures that employees stay up-to-date with industry trends and are more likely to remain loyal to the company."

4. 文章结构与组织

从组织结构方面来看，你的文章缺乏清晰的引言、主体和结论部分。为了提高文章的逻辑性和条理性，请确保使用恰当的段落划分和过渡词汇。此外，可以通过在文章中添加更多细节和例子来增强观点的阐述。

示例1（英文）： You could start your essay with an introduction that briefly states your opinion and provides an overview of the points you will discuss in the body paragraphs.

示例2（英文）： For example, you could write: "In this essay, I will argue that while ongoing employee training is important, offering performance-based bonuses is a more effective way to enhance employee performance. I will discuss the benefits of performance bonuses and explain why they are more effective than solely focusing on employee training."

5. 语法批改

While ongoing employee training holds significance in a company's operations, offering performance-based bonuses proves to be more effective in enhancing employee performance. Companies, being primarily result-oriented, should prioritize employee performance as a crucial criterion for managers. In contrast, training may only marginally improve employees' skills and could potentially lead to complacency or collusion among them, resulting in decreased profits. However, implementing a well-structured performance bonus system can effectively motivate employees to work diligently and seek ways to enhance their skills, aligning with the objectives of management.

Section Title: 6 文章修订

Revised Essay: Although ongoing employee training is undeniably important in a company's operations, implementing performance-based bonuses may prove to be a more effective approach in enhancing employee performance. Companies, being primarily result-oriented, should prioritize employee performance as a crucial criterion for managers to consider. In contrast, continuous training might only bring about marginal improvements in employees' skills and could potentially lead to complacency or collusion among them, resulting in decreased profits. However, establishing a well-structured performance bonus system can effectively motivate employees to work diligently and proactively seek ways to enhance their skills, ultimately aligning with the objectives of management. (104 words)

While Revised Essay: Although ongoing employee training holds significance is undeniably important (changed "holds significance" to "is undeniably important" for a more natural tone) in a company's operations, offering implementing performance-based bonuses proves may (added "may" to show possibility rather than certainty) prove to be a more effective approach in enhancing employee performance. Companies, being primarily result-oriented, should prioritize employee performance as a crucial criterion for managers. managers to consider (added "to consider" for clarity). In contrast, continuous training may might (changed "may" to "might" for consistency in tone) only marginally improve bring about marginal improvements (changed "improve" to "bring about improvements" for better flow) in employees' skills and could potentially lead to complacency or collusion among them, resulting in decreased profits. However, implementing establishing a well-structured performance bonus system can effectively motivate employees to work diligently and proactively seek ways (added "proactively" for emphasis) to enhance their skills, ultimately aligning with the objectives of management.

Display title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Importance of employee performance
   - Comparison between training and performance-based bonuses

2. Limitations of continuous training
   - Marginal improvements in skills
   - Potential complacency or collusion

3. Benefits of performance-based bonuses
   - Motivation for employees
   - Proactive skill enhancement

4. Aligning with management objectives
   - Result-oriented companies
   - Prioritizing employee performance as a criterion

5. Conclusion
   - Performance-based bonuses as an effective approach to enhance employee performance

Display title: 9 关键词