TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on marketing. Write a post responding to the professor' s question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

总体来说，你的文章回答了教授的问题，并表达了你对于目标广告的看法。然而，为了更好地完成任务，你可以在以下方面进行改进：首先，在论述观点时可以提供更具体的例子或数据来支持你的观点；其次，注意避免使用过于口语化的表达，以符合学术讨论的要求。

Example 1: Instead of "I wholefully concur with Mike’s oponion", you can write "I strongly agree with Mike's opinion".

Example 2: Instead of "But as usual, advertisements recommend beauty and music that I don't need", you can write "However, I often receive irrelevant advertisements related to beauty products and music, which are not helpful for my search for a bag."

4. 文章结构与组织

从文章结构和组织方面来看，你的文章基本上遵循了引言、正文和结论的结构。但是，在以下方面仍有改进空间：首先，可以在引言部分更明确地陈述自己的观点；其次，在正文部分注意使用恰当的过渡词或短语来连接不同观点。

Example 1: For a clearer introduction, you can write "In response to the professor's question, I strongly agree with Mike's opinion that targeted advertising is ethical and beneficial for both consumers and businesses."

Example 2: To improve transitions between ideas, you can write "Firstly, targeted advertising saves people's time by providing them with relevant information. For instance, when I was searching for a bag, receiving targeted advertisements would have been more helpful than getting irrelevant ads about beauty products and music."

5. 语法批改

I wholefullywhole fully(misspelling) concur with Mike’s oponionopinion(misspelling) that target advertising is ethical, as they are benefit for consumers by choose their own advertising.Furthermore Furthermore(Missing space between sentences), I believe that target advertising can save people’s time and reduce the company’s cost. With the development of the Internet,the, the(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) contents of message become more and more complex. However, people use lots of time on scaningscaling(misspelling) the information,so, so(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses),accurate delivery is a necessary for people to save times. For example,I, I(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) need a bag these days,searching, searching(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) the different kinds of bags evaluation. But as usual, advertisements recommend beauty and music that I don't need, which is not conducive to my bag’data collection. In addition, the advertismentadvertisement(misspelling) also spend a large number ofmany(a large number of (many)) money,but, but(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) inaccurate advertising placement may lead to high costs and insufficient returns. For example,the, the(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) sports company is selling a football, but if they widely advertisadvertise(misspelling), they will touch all kinds of person like artists,teachers, teachers(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) and singer. All of them will not consume this product,so, so(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) the money is waste. Consequently,targeted, targeted(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) advertismentadvertisement(misspelling) can save people’s time and reduce the company’s cost.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

I wholeheartedly agree with Mike's perspective that targeted advertising is ethical, as it allows consumers to choose their preferred advertisements. Furthermore, I believe that targeted advertising can save people's time and reduce a company's expenses. With the increasing complexity of online content, people spend a significant amount of time sifting through information; hence, accurate delivery is essential for time efficiency. For instance, if I am searching for a bag and evaluating different options, irrelevant advertisements for beauty products or music would hinder my data collection process.

Moreover, advertising entails substantial financial investments; however, imprecise ad placements may result in high costs and insufficient returns. For example, if a sports company selling footballs utilizes widespread advertising, they may reach individuals such as artists, teachers, and singers who have no interest in purchasing their product. This ineffective approach wastes resources and does not yield the desired outcomes. Therefore, targeted advertising not only saves consumers' time but also reduces companies' expenditures by ensuring ads reach the appropriate audience. (170 words)

I wholefully concur wholeheartedly agree (revised "wholefully concur" for a more natural tone) with Mike’s oponion Mike's perspective (revised "oponion" to correct spelling) that target advertising targeted advertising (added "ed" for correct term) is ethical, as they are benefit for it allows consumers by to choose their own advertising.Furthermore, preferred advertisements. Furthermore, I believe that target targeted advertising can save people’s people's time and reduce the company’s cost. a company's expenses (revised "cost" for a more appropriate term). With the development increasing complexity of the Internet,the contents online content (rephrased for clarity), people spend a significant amount of message become more and more complex. However, people use lots of time on scaning the information,so,accurate time sifting through information; hence, accurate delivery is a necessary for people to save times. essential for time efficiency (rephrased for clarity). For example,I need instance, if I am searching for a bag these days,searching the and evaluating different kinds of bags evaluation. But as usual, options, irrelevant advertisements recommend for beauty and products or music that I don't need, which is not conducive to would hinder my bag’data collection. In addition, the advertisment also spend a large number of money,but inaccurate advertising placement data collection process (rephrased and corrected punctuation).

Moreover, advertising entails substantial financial investments; however, imprecise ad placements may lead to result in high costs and insufficient returns. returns (rephrased for clarity). For example,the example, if a sports company is selling a football, footballs utilizes widespread advertising, they may reach individuals such as artists, teachers, and singers who have no interest in purchasing their product. This ineffective approach wastes resources and does not yield the desired outcomes (rephrased for clarity). Therefore, targeted advertising not only saves consumers' time but if they widely advertis, they will touch all kinds of person like artists,teachers and singer. All of them will not consume this product,so also reduces companies' expenditures by ensuring ads reach the money is waste. Consequently,targeted advertisment can save people’s time and reduce the company’s cost.appropriate audience (corrected punctuation and rephrased for clarity).

8 思维导图

1. 目标广告的道德性
   - 消费者选择喜欢的广告

2. 节省时间
   - 提高信息筛选效率
   - 示例：寻找包包与无关广告

3. 降低公司开支
   - 减少无效广告投放
   - 示例：足球公司与非目标受众

4. 确保广告触达适当受众

9 关键词