TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on education.Write a post responding to the professor's question ln your response, you should do the following. Your professor is teaching a class on education.Write a post responding to the professor's question. ln your response, you should do the following. Express and support your opinion. Make a contribution to the discussion inyour own words. An effective response will contain at least 100 words.

1.子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2.预估分数

26. 3.任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现良好，但仍有改进的空间。首先，你需要更详细地阐述你的观点，例如提供更多具体的例子来支持你的论点。其次，在语法和词汇使用方面，文章中存在一些错误，需要加以修正。

示例1： 原文：Only when students learn these update knowledge about computer, they can ealisy find a job that pays well after their graduation. 修改后：Only when students learn the updated knowledge about computers can they easily find well-paying jobs after their graduation.

示例2： 原文：It is obivious that comtemporary people in school, whatever students or teachers, should study the latest knowledge, instead of keeping helpless one to escape from the time. 修改后：It is obvious that contemporary individuals in schools, whether students or teachers, should study the latest knowledge instead of clinging to outdated information to keep up with the times.

4.文章结构与组织 在文章结构和组织方面，这篇文章整体上表现不错。然而，可以在以下几个方面进行改进：首先，在引言部分可以更明确地陈述自己的观点；其次，在正文部分可以使用更清晰的过渡词或短语来连接不同段落和观点；最后，在结论部分可以更明确地总结自己的观点。

示例1： 原文：l strongly concur with the Andrew point that it should be a mandate for teachers to update their knowledge. 修改后：I strongly concur with Andrew's point that there should be a mandate for teachers to continually update their knowledge.

示例2： 原文：While Claire suggested that this policy might be hard to implement, l do not think it would be a big problem. 修改后：While Claire suggested that this policy might be hard to implement, I believe the benefits outweigh the potential challenges.

5. 语法批改

lL(Checks that a sentence starts with an uppercase letter) strongly concur with the Andrew point that it should be a mandate for teachers to update their knowledge.The The(Missing space between sentences) primary reason is that when these skills that students acquire from classes are following the need of time, it would be easy for students to prepare themselves for the job market, which is vital for their future career. For instance, in a computer science class, the instructor must always keep learning new knowledgeandknowledge and(misspelling) expertise about software development or hardware support since old relevant knowledge or experience have not already helphelped(Agreement: 'have' + past/present tense) students to hunt for positions satisfingsatisfying(misspelling) them. Only when students learn these update knowledge about computer, they can ealisyeasily(misspelling) find a job that pays well after their graduation.

While Claire suggested that this policy might be hard to implement, l do not think it would be a big problem. It is obiviousobvious(misspelling) that comtemporarycontemporary(misspelling) people in school, whatever students or teachers, should study the latest knowledge, instead of keeping helpless one to escape from the time.

6.文章修订

I strongly concur with Andrew's point that there should be a mandate for teachers to continually update their knowledge. The primary reason is that when students acquire up-to-date skills in class, they can better prepare themselves for the job market, which is crucial for their future careers. For instance, in a computer science class, instructors must consistently learn new knowledge and expertise about software development or hardware support since outdated information will not help students secure satisfying positions. Only when students learn the latest knowledge about computers can they easily find well-paying jobs after graduation.

While Claire suggested that this policy might be hard to implement, I believe the benefits outweigh the potential challenges. It is obvious that contemporary individuals in schools, whether students or teachers, should study the latest knowledge instead of clinging to outdated information to keep up with the times. (144 words)

l 7.文章批改

I strongly concur with Andrew's point (revised for clarity and to match the Andrew point original source) that it there should be a mandate for teachers to continually update their knowledge.The knowledge. The primary reason is that when these skills that students acquire from classes are following the need of time, it would be easy up-to-date skills (revised for students to better word choice) in class, they can better prepare themselves for the job market, which is vital crucial for their future career. careers. For instance, in a computer science class, the instructor instructors must always keep learning consistently learn new knowledgeand knowledge and expertise (revised for better word choice) about software development or hardware support since old relevant knowledge or experience have outdated information will not already help students to hunt for positions satisfing them. secure satisfying positions. Only when students learn these update the latest knowledge about computer, computers can they can ealisy easily find a job that pays well well-paying jobs after their graduation.

While Claire suggested that this policy might be hard to implement, l do not think it would be I believe the benefits outweigh the potential challenges (revised for clarity and to provide a big problem. stronger argument). It is obivious obvious that comtemporary people contemporary individuals (revised for better word choice) in school, whatever schools, whether students or teachers, should study the latest knowledge, knowledge instead of keeping helpless one clinging to escape from outdated information (revised for clarity and better word choice) to keep up with the time.times.

8.思维导图

• Introduction

  • Agree with Andrew
  • Mandate for teachers to update knowledge

• Reasons

  • Job market preparation
  • Crucial for future careers

• Example

  • Computer science class
  • New knowledge and expertise needed

• Counterargument (Claire's point)

  • Hard to implement policy

• Rebuttal

  • Benefits outweigh challenges
  • Contemporary individuals in schools

9.关键词