TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Instructions: Your professor is teaching a class on self-care. Write a post responding to the professor's question. In your response you should: express and support your personal opinion.make a contribution to the discussion in your own words An effective response will contain at least 100 words.

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 25

3. Task completeness

The essay addresses the specific requirements of the task quite well, expressing a personal opinion and contributing to the discussion with original ideas. However, there is room for improvement in language use, grammar, and elaboration of the viewpoint. Some sentences are unclear or unidiomatic, which may affect the overall clarity of the essay.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Revise grammar and sentence structure to ensure clarity.

• Provide more detailed examples or explanations to support your viewpoint.

Examples:

1. Instead of "That’s the first time I reached these tests," consider "This was my first attempt at these exams."

2. Instead of "Because of my reasonable learning plan, I use the time perfectly," consider "Due to my well-structured study plan, I utilized my time effectively."

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The organization is mostly logical; however, transitions between ideas could be improved for better coherence.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Use clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

• Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific point with supporting details.

Examples:

1. Add transitions like "Furthermore" or "In addition" when introducing new points in your body paragraphs.

2. In your conclusion, instead of starting with "In conclusion," you can use phrases like "Taking all these factors into account" or "Considering all aspects."

5. Grammar

While Paul's viewpoint holds merit, I am inclined to agree with Claire that we need to design appropriate planning for future arrangement. arrangements. Building upon Claire's argument, I would like to emphasize that having a precise planning in advance can increasingincrease the effectiveness of studying as well as working. For example, I was preparing AP exam last month and I needneeded to arrange themy learning time reasonably since I musthad to take three examexams in a tight period of time. That'speriod. This was the first time I reachedhad taken these tests, which means I willwould lose the exam at theexams to a great extent if I dodid not design a proper planing.plan. Because of my reasonable learning plan, I use theused my time perfectly and ultimately, Iultimately received high grades in each subject. Moreover, designing appropriate planning can increase our feeling of accomplishment and fulfillingfulfillment in our daily life.lives. For instance, I will feel everything is worthyworthwhile and energetic when I accomplish each goals I wrotegoal I have written on the notes. Achieving one aimaim, which is in the planningplan, can motivate me to move on until I finish the whole day's planning. Besides,plan. Furthermore, having planninga plan can prevent the emotions of lonely and boringfeelings of loneliness and boredom as well as make the life more interesting and meaningful. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the advantageadvantages of making planninga plan far outweigh the dis advantagedisadvantages for ourselves.

Title: 6 Revised Essay

While Paul's perspective has its merits, I find myself aligning more with Claire's belief in the importance of planning our time off from work or school.

Expanding on Claire's argument, I would like to emphasize that having a well-structured plan in advance can significantly increase the effectiveness of both studying and working. For instance, when I was preparing for my AP exams last month, I needed to manage my study time efficiently as I had to take three exams within a short period. This was my first experience with these tests, which meant that without proper planning, my chances of success would be greatly diminished. Thanks to my well-organized study plan, I utilized my time effectively and ultimately achieved high grades in each subject.

Furthermore, devising appropriate plans can enhance our sense of accomplishment and enrich our daily lives. For example, I feel a sense of worth and energy when I achieve each goal outlined in my plans. Accomplishing one objective motivates me to continue working towards completing the entire day's agenda. Additionally, having a plan helps prevent feelings of loneliness and boredom while making life more interesting and meaningful.

In light of these points, it is evident that the benefits of creating plans for our time off from work or school far outweigh any potential drawbacks. By organizing our free time effectively, we can ensure a more fulfilling and productive experience during our breaks from daily responsibilities. (242 words)

Title: 7 Essay Grading

While Paul’s viewpoint holds merit, I am inclined to agree Paul's perspective has its merits (revised for clarity and natural tone), I find myself aligning more with Claire that we need to design appropriate Claire's belief in the importance of planning for future arrangement. our time off from work or school (rephrased to improve flow and clarity).

Building upon Claire’s Expanding on Claire's argument, I would like to emphasize that having a precise planning well-structured plan in advance can increasing significantly increase the effectiveness of both studying as well as working. and working (revised for clarity and natural tone). For example, instance, when I was preparing for my AP exam exams last month and I need to arrange the learning time reasonably since I must month, I needed to manage my study time efficiently as I had to take three exam in a tight exams within a short period of time. That’s the (rephrased for improved readability). This was my first time I reached experience with these tests, which means I will lose the exam at the great extent if I do not design a meant that without proper planing. Because of my reasonable learning planning, my chances of success would be greatly diminished (revised for clarity). Thanks to my well-organized study plan, I use the time perfectly and ultimately, I received utilized my time effectively and ultimately achieved high grades in each subject. subject (rephrased for improved flow).

Moreover, designing Furthermore, devising appropriate planning plans can increase our feeling enhance our sense of accomplishment and fulfilling enrich our daily life. lives (revised for clarity and natural tone). For instance, I will example, I feel everything is worthy and energetic a sense of worth and energy when I accomplish achieve each goals I wrote on goal outlined in my plans (rephrased for improved readability). Accomplishing one objective motivates me to continue working towards completing the notes. Achieving one aim which is in the planning can motivate me to move on until I finish the whole day’s planning. Besides, entire day's agenda (revised for clarity). Additionally, having planning can a plan helps prevent the emotions of lonely and boring as well as make the feelings of loneliness and boredom while making life more interesting and meaningful. meaningful (rephrased for improved flow).

In conclusion, I firmly believe light of these points, it is evident that the advantage of making planning benefits of creating plans for our time off from work or school far outweigh the dis advantage for ourselves.any potential drawbacks (revised for clarity and natural tone). By organizing our free time effectively, we can ensure a more fulfilling and productive experience during our breaks from daily responsibilities (rephrased to improve flow and readability).

8 Mind Map

1. Introduction

   • Paul's perspective
   • Claire's belief in planning time off

2. Effectiveness of studying and working

   • AP exams example
   • Importance of planning for success

3. Enhancing sense of accomplishment

   • Personal experience with goal setting
   • Motivation from completing objectives

4. Enriching daily lives

   • Preventing loneliness and boredom
   • Making life more interesting and meaningful

5. Conclusion

   • Benefits of planning time off outweigh drawbacks

9 Key Words