TOEFL Writing Task 1 Sample: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they challenge the specific theories presented in the reading passage.

1.子项得分 Task fulfillment: 4 Organization: 4 Coherence and Cohesion: 4 Language Use: 3

2.预估分数 Estimated Score: 25

3.任务完成度 整体而言，文章在任务完成度方面表现较好，成功概括了听力材料中的观点，并与阅读材料进行了对比。然而，可以改进的地方是更准确地表达听力中的一些细节。例如，在论述尼科二世可能雇佣腓尼基人航行非洲的原因时，可以提到他可能是为了寻找新的贸易伙伴。

示例1（原文）：Consequently, it is possible that Necho II would explore new selling patterns by hiring some Phoenicians. 示例1（修改后）：Consequently, it is possible that Necho II would hire Phoenician sailors to sail around Africa in search of new trading partners.

示例2（原文）：Thus, this truth could soley be observed by themselves rather than just inventing. 示例2（修改后）：Thus, this accurate observation of the sun's position could only have been made by the sailors themselves if they had actually sailed to the southern hemisphere.

4.文章结构与组织 The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point and provides supporting details from both the reading and listening passages. However, there is room for improvement in terms of transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

Suggestion 1: Use more transition words or phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs, making the essay flow more smoothly.

Example 1 (Original): In contrast, the professor of the lecture contends that Necho II was an exception who was interested in sailing around to transport products and building cananls. Example 1 (Improved): On the other hand, the professor of the lecture contends that Necho II was an exception who was interested in sailing around to transport products and building canals.

Suggestion 2: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point of the paragraph.

Example 2 (Original): Thirdly, according to the reading, the experience of voyaging Africa was invented by sailors, as it was common to invent some stories as truths. Example 2 (Improved): Thirdly, while the reading suggests that sailors may have invented stories about their voyage around Africa, the lecture provides evidence to support its authenticity.

5. 语法批改

The reading passage states that the theory that Phoenicians were the first people to sail around Africa is unconvincing for three reasons. Nevertheless, the lecture proposes a wealth of additional information to make the theory of Phoenicians' sailing more convincing than the reading believes. Firstly, the author in the reading posits thethat Phoenicians' ships were too simple and unsuitable to sail around Africa. Conversly,On the other hand, the lecturer asserts despitesthat despite their ships' simpleness,theysimplicity, they could potentially be capable forof sailing around Africa.AsAfrica. As an evidence, he cites an experiment where some scientists created a copy of Phoenicians' ships by using the same materials and technology from 600B.C.E,600 B.C.E, and successfully sailed it around Africa. This significantly demonstrates Phoenicians' ships' capabilties. capabilities. Secondly, the reading asserts that Ancientancient Egyptian rulers' lack of interest onin exploring outside makes it'sit impossible that Necho II would hire Phoenicians to sail around .around. In contrast, the professor of the lecture contends that Necho II was an exception who was interested in sailing around to transport products and building cananls.canals. Consequently, it is possible that Necho II would explore new selling patterns by hiring some Phoenicians. Thirdly, according to the reading, the experience of voyaging Africa was invented by sailors, as it was common to invent some stories as truths. Contrarily, the lecture holds that it is unlikely that this experience was invented according to their specific details of the Sun. They had noticed the exact postionposition of the mid-day's sun in southern Africa, which was contrast to the position of the Northern Africa's sun, from which the sailors came from. Thus, this truth could soleysolely be observed by themselves rather than just inventing.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

The reading passage argues that the theory of Phoenicians being the first people to sail around Africa is unconvincing for three reasons. However, the lecture provides substantial information to support the idea that Phoenicians' sailing around Africa is more plausible than what the reading suggests.

Firstly, the author in the reading claims that Phoenician ships were too rudimentary and unsuitable for sailing around Africa. In contrast, the lecturer contends that despite their simplicity, these ships could have been capable of such a voyage. As evidence, he cites an experiment where scientists recreated a Phoenician ship using materials and technology from 600 B.C.E and successfully sailed it around Africa. This significantly demonstrates the potential capabilities of Phoenician ships.

Secondly, the reading asserts that ancient Egyptian rulers' general disinterest in exploring beyond their borders makes it unlikely that Necho II would hire Phoenicians for such a journey. Contrarily, the professor in the lecture argues that Necho II was an exception who showed interest in water transportation and canal construction. Consequently, it is possible that Necho II sought to discover new trading opportunities by hiring Phoenician sailors.

Lastly, according to the reading, stories about voyaging around Africa might have been invented by sailors since fabricating tales was common at that time. However, the lecture maintains that it is improbable for this account to be fabricated based on specific details regarding sun positions observed during their journey. The sailors noticed a contrasting position of the midday sun in southern Africa compared to northern Africa where they originated from. This observation could only be made by someone who had actually experienced it rather than merely inventing it. (275 words)

The reading passage states argues that the theory that of Phoenicians were being the first people to sail around around Africa is unconvincing for three reasons. Nevertheless, reasons (Changed "states" to "argues" for a more natural tone). However, the lecture proposes a provides substantial information (Changed "a wealth of additional information to make the theory of information" to "substantial information" for a more concise and natural tone) to support the idea that Phoenicians' sailing around Africa is more convincing plausible than what the reading believes. suggests.

Firstly, the author in the reading posits the Phoenicians' claims that Phoenician ships were too simple rudimentary and unsuitable to sail around Africa. Conversly, for sailing around Africa (Changed "simple" to "rudimentary" for a more precise description). In contrast, the lecturer asserts despites ships' simpleness,they contends that despite their simplicity, these ships could potentially be have been capable for sailing around Africa.As an of such a voyage. As evidence, he cites an experiment where some scientists created a copy of Phoenicians' ships by recreated a Phoenician ship using the same materials and technology from 600B.C.E, 600 B.C.E and successfully sailed it around Africa. This significantly demonstrates Phoenicians' ships' capabilties. the potential capabilities of Phoenician ships.

Secondly, the reading asserts that Ancient ancient Egyptian rulers' lack of interest on general disinterest in exploring outside beyond their borders makes it's impossible it unlikely that Necho II would hire Phoenicians to sail around . In contrast, for such a journey (Changed "lack of interest on exploring outside" to "general disinterest in exploring beyond their borders" for clarity and natural tone). Contrarily, the professor of in the lecture contends argues that Necho II was an exception who was interested in sailing showed interest in water transportation and canal construction (Changed "sailing around to transport products and building cananls. canals" to "water transportation and canal construction" for clarity). Consequently, it is possible that Necho II would explore sought to discover new selling patterns trading opportunities by hiring some Phoenicians. Phoenician sailors.

Thirdly, Lastly, according to the reading, the experience of stories about voyaging Africa was around Africa might have been invented by sailors, as it sailors since fabricating tales was common to invent some stories as truths. Contrarily, at that time (Rephrased sentence for clarity and natural tone). However, the lecture holds maintains that it is unlikely that improbable for this experience was invented according to their account to be fabricated based on specific details of the Sun. They regarding sun positions observed during their journey (Changed "invented according to their specific details of the Sun" to "fabricated based on specific details regarding sun positions observed during their journey" for clarity). The sailors noticed a contrasting position of the midday sun in southern Africa compared to northern Africa where they originated from. This observation could only be made by someone who had noticed the exact postion of the mid-day's sun in southern Africa, which was contrast to the position of the Northern Africa's sun, from which the sailors came from. Thus, this truth could actually experienced it rather than merely inventing it (Changed "could soley be observed by themselves rather than just inventing.inventing" to "could only be made by someone who had actually experienced it rather than merely inventing it" for clarity and natural tone).

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8. Mind Map

1. Introduction

   • Reading passage doubts
   • Lecture supports Phoenicians' sailing

2. Phoenician Ships

   • Reading: rudimentary, unsuitable
   • Lecture: simplicity, capable of voyage
   • Evidence: successful experiment

3. Necho II's Interest

   • Reading: Egyptian rulers' disinterest
   • Lecture: Necho II exception, water transportation, canal construction
   • Possible trading opportunities

4. Fabricated Stories

   • Reading: invented tales common
   • Lecture: improbable fabrication, sun positions detail
   • Actual experience vs invention

9. Keywords

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