TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: nstructions Your professor is teaching a class on humanity. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 27

3. 任务完成度

整体来说，这篇文章回答了教授的问题，并提供了一些观点和例子。但是，可以进一步改进以下几点：

1. 在文章开头部分，可以更明确地表达自己的观点，例如：“我认为在这个繁忙的世界中，礼貌仍然非常重要。”

2. 在正文部分，可以提供更多具体的例子和论据来支持你的观点。

改进示例：

1. "In my opinion, politeness remains crucial in today's fast-paced world, as it fosters positive relationships and mutual respect among individuals."

2. "For instance, when working in a team, being polite can lead to better collaboration and a more harmonious work environment, ultimately resulting in higher productivity."

4. 文章结构与组织

这篇文章的结构和组织方面基本上是清晰的，包括引言、正文和结论。但是，在以下几个方面仍有改进空间：

1. 在正文部分，可以使用更清晰的段落划分来突出每个论点。

2. 在段落之间添加过渡词或短语以提高连贯性。

改进示例：

1. "Firstly, politeness is essential in establishing a positive first impression, which can be beneficial in both professional and personal settings."

2. "Moreover, being polite does not necessarily mean being submissive or compromising; instead, it demonstrates respect and consideration for others."

5. 语法批改

From my perspective, I agree with the statement that people should still be polite to others. To elaborate, as the rapid development of the society, people are busy and don’t have time to know about each other. So being polite is the first impression people can achieve from others and, and(comma between independent clauses) it can be benefitbenefited(can be access (accessed)) for works and study. For example, my cousin Judy is a lawyer. Once she competed with others for an economic case which she could get a great profit from it. She met her client and be polite for the whole time. Her client was not only satisfied with her professional skills, but also got deep impressed by her politeness. So he chose her to be his lawyerlawyer,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) and Judy also did a great job in this case. Had it not been for Judy’s politeness, she would not have had the chance to get this case and gain profit. Still, I don’t agree with Aldrich’s point. Being polite is the most important thing for humans and no matter how the world changes it still should be kept. In conclusion, I firmly agree with the statement that being polite is still important in this world.

Title: 6 文章修订

In my opinion, politeness remains an essential aspect of human interaction, despite the fast-paced nature of modern society. Politeness serves as a crucial element in forming positive first impressions, which can significantly impact professional and personal relationships. For instance, my cousin Judy, a lawyer, once vied for a lucrative economic case. Throughout her interactions with the potential client, she maintained a polite demeanor. Consequently, the client not only appreciated her expertise but was also deeply impressed by her courteousness. As a result, Judy secured the case and achieved great success.

However, I disagree with Aldrich's viewpoint that politeness may lead to issues in specific situations. While it is true that assertiveness is necessary at times, maintaining civility does not equate to weakness or incompetence. One can stand up for themselves and communicate their opinions effectively while still being respectful towards others.

In essence, politeness should not be abandoned in our increasingly busy world. Instead, it should be preserved as an integral part of human interaction that fosters mutual respect and understanding among individuals from diverse backgrounds and perspectives. (181 words)

From In my perspective, I agree with the statement that people should still be polite to others. To elaborate, opinion, politeness remains an essential aspect of human interaction (clarified the subject), despite the fast-paced nature of modern society (rephrased for clarity). Politeness serves as the rapid development of the society, people are busy and don’t have time to know about each other. So being polite is the a crucial element in forming positive first impression people impressions (more concise), which can achieve from others and it can be benefit for works and study. significantly impact professional and personal relationships. For example, instance, my cousin Judy is a lawyer. Once she competed with others for an Judy, a lawyer, once vied for a lucrative economic case which (improved word choice). Throughout her interactions with the potential client, she could get a great profit from it. She met her maintained a polite demeanor (rephrased for clarity). Consequently, the client and be polite for the whole time. Her client was not only satisfied with appreciated her professional skills, expertise but was also got deep deeply impressed by her politeness. So he chose her courteousness (improved word choice). As a result, Judy secured the case and achieved great success.

However, I disagree with Aldrich's viewpoint that politeness may lead to issues in specific situations (clarified the subject). While it is true that assertiveness is necessary at times, maintaining civility does not equate to weakness or incompetence (added explanation). One can stand up for themselves and communicate their opinions effectively while still being respectful towards others (rephrased for clarity).

In essence, politeness should not be his lawyer and Judy also did a great job abandoned in this case. Had our increasingly busy world (improved word choice). Instead, it not been for Judy’s politeness, she would not have had the chance to get this case and gain profit. ¶ Still, I don’t agree with Aldrich’s point. Being polite is the most important thing for humans and no matter how the world changes it still should be kept. ¶ In conclusion, I firmly agree with the statement preserved as an integral part of human interaction that being polite is still important in this world.fosters mutual respect and understanding among individuals from diverse backgrounds and perspectives (expanded on the idea to provide a stronger conclusion).

Title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Politeness in modern society
   - Importance of politeness

2. Positive First Impressions
   - Professional relationships
   - Personal relationships
   - Example: Cousin Judy, the lawyer

3. Disagreement with Aldrich's Viewpoint
   - Assertiveness vs. civility
   - Politeness does not equal weakness or incompetence

4. Conclusion
   - Politeness as an integral part of human interaction
   - Fostering mutual respect and understanding among diverse individuals 

Title: 9 关键词