TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: City Spending

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

Estimated Score: 22

3. 任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成方面做得还不错，但仍有改进的空间。首先，你需要更详细地阐述你的观点，例如解释为什么基础设施对经济增长至关重要。其次，在讨论社会项目时，可以提供更具体的例子来说明它们可能带来的负面影响。最后，注意使用恰当的词汇和语法结构。

Example 1: Instead of "It attracts enormous intelligent people," you could write, "It attracts a large number of skilled professionals."

Example 2: Instead of "So, people have less money they can spend at their minds," you could write, "As a result, people have less disposable income to spend on their needs and desires."

4. 文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织方面可以加强。首先，建议在开头部分简要介绍两种观点，并明确表明自己支持哪一种。其次，在正文部分，可以逐一讨论每个观点，并提供具体例子或数据支持。最后，在结尾部分总结自己的观点，并简要回顾文章中讨论过的主要论点。同时，注意在段落之间使用恰当的过渡词汇。

Example 1: Introduction: "In this essay, I will discuss the importance of investing in infrastructure and social programs for improving the quality of life in cities. I believe that infrastructure development should be the main priority for city governments."

Example 2: Transition between paragraphs: "While investing in infrastructure is crucial, it is also important to consider the potential benefits of social programs."

5. 语法批改

It is a controversial topic over which aspect should government prioritize to enhance life quality, however, from my perspective, I believe development of infrastructure is critical. I concur with Maria’ sMaria’s(space after apostrophe in contraction (e.g. I' m)) idea that better fundamental constructions satisfy residentsresident's(This rule identifies whether there is a missing apostrophe before an 's'.) easier life. Roads, bridges, and convenient public transportations, such as bus, trains, and plane, enable us to travel everywhere. I’ dI’d(space after apostrophe in contraction (e.g. I' m)) like to bring another view that advanced infrastructure fosters economic growth. It attracts enormous intelligent people and make commercial business easier, which helps residents earn more money and improve their life. Though I partly agree with the relevant point Tom supported, Tom didn’t mention that all these social programs need great investment, which means heavier revenue to afford it. So, people have less money they can spend at their minds, and I don’t think it will boost life quality.

City Spending

Debate persists regarding which aspect of city spending should be prioritized to enhance the quality of life for residents. In my opinion, infrastructure development is crucial. I concur with Maria's assertion that improved fundamental structures facilitate a more comfortable life for residents. Well-maintained roads, bridges, and accessible public transportation options such as buses, trains, and planes enable seamless travel. Additionally, I would like to emphasize that advanced infrastructure fosters economic growth by attracting skilled individuals and streamlining commercial activities, ultimately helping residents earn more money and elevate their living standards. While I partially agree with Tom's argument in favor of social programs, it is important to consider the substantial investment required for these initiatives. This increased expenditure could lead to heavier taxes, leaving people with less disposable income and potentially hindering any improvement in their quality of life. (140 words)

It is a controversial topic over Revised essay: City Spending (Title revised for clarity and conciseness)

Debate persists regarding which aspect of city spending should government prioritize be prioritized to enhance the quality of life quality, however, from for residents (Rephrased for better flow and clarity). In my perspective, I believe opinion, infrastructure development of infrastructure is critical. crucial. I concur with Maria’ s idea Maria's assertion that better improved fundamental constructions satisfy structures facilitate a more comfortable life for residents easier life. Roads, (Rephrased to maintain a natural tone). Well-maintained roads, bridges, and convenient accessible public transportations, transportation options such as bus, buses, trains, and plane, planes enable us to seamless travel everywhere. I’ d (Clarified the types of infrastructure being discussed). Additionally, I would like to bring another view emphasize that advanced infrastructure fosters economic growth. It attracts enormous intelligent people and make growth by attracting skilled individuals and streamlining commercial business easier, which helps activities, ultimately helping residents earn more money and improve elevate their life. Though living standards (Expanded on the benefits of infrastructure development). While I partly partially agree with the relevant point Tom supported, Tom didn’t mention that all Tom's argument in favor of social programs, it is important to consider the substantial investment required for these initiatives (Acknowledged another viewpoint while maintaining focus on the main argument). This increased expenditure could lead to heavier taxes, leaving people with less disposable income and potentially hindering any improvement in their quality of life (Explained the potential drawbacks of focusing on social programs need great investment, which means heavier revenue to afford it. So, people have less money they can spend at their minds, and I don’t think it will boost life quality.programs).

8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Debate on city spending priorities
   - Importance of infrastructure development

2. Maria's Assertion
   - Improved fundamental structures for comfortable life

3. Infrastructure Benefits
   - Well-maintained roads, bridges, public transportation
   - Seamless travel experience

4. Economic Growth
   - Attracting skilled individuals
   - Streamlining commercial activities

5. Higher Living Standards
   - Earning more money through economic growth 

6. Tom's Argument (Social Programs)
   - Partial agreement with social programs' importance 

7. Investment Considerations 
   - Substantial investment required for social programs 

8. Potential Drawbacks 
   - Heavier taxes, less disposable income 

9 关键词