TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: We've been discussing the idea that human well-being is not necessarily improved by ever-increasing production and consumption of goods and services. Some people argue that humans already consume too many goods, from clothing to electronics to food; they believe that excessive consumption has created serious problems for humanity and even the planet. Do you agree that excessive consumption--buying more than we truly need--has become a serious problem? Why or why not?

1.子项得分

• 任务完成度: 3

• 文章结构与组织: 3

• 连贯性与衔接: 3

• 语言运用: 3

2.预估分数

• 总分: 20

3.任务完成度 你的文章在一定程度上回答了题目，但可以更加深入地讨论消费过度对人类和地球的影响。建议你在文章中加入更多具体的例子和论据来支持你的观点。此外，注意审题，本次任务为综合写作任务1，需要结合阅读和听力材料进行写作。请务必在下次写作时充分利用所给材料。

示例1：根据阅读材料，过度消费导致了资源的枯竭和环境污染。例如，在制造电子产品过程中产生了大量有毒废物，这些废物对环境造成了严重破坏。

示例2：听力材料提到，过度消费还会导致心理健康问题。人们为了购买更多物品而努力工作，却忽略了与家人和朋友相处的时间，从而导致孤独感和压力增加。

4.文章结构与组织 你的文章具有基本的结构（引言、正文和结论），但可以更加清晰地组织观点。建议你在每段开头明确提出主题，并在段落中使用恰当的过渡词来衔接不同的观点。

示例1：首段可以这样改写：“我坚信过度消费已经成为我们社会的一个严重问题。本文将讨论过度消费对环境、资源和心理健康的影响。”

示例2：在正文部分，可以使用过渡词来连接不同观点，如：“首先，过度消费导致了资源的枯竭。其次，这种现象还加剧了环境污染。最后，过度消费对人们的心理健康也产生了负面影响。”

5. 语法批改

I firmly believe that over-comsumptionoverconsumption(misspelling) has become a serious problem in our society. Along with the development of technology, people now have various options to shopping, such as online shopping platform, discount sale, shoopingshooting(misspelling) festival, and so forth. With these accesses, individuals had developed a habit to continued stockto stock(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) products, generating numerous wastes, ulitimatelyultimately(misspelling) build up and fill up landfills around each major city. For instance, every time when people encounter the Double-Eleven: the biggest online shopping festival in China, they are inclineinclined(Agreement: 'been' or 'was' + past tense) to stock daily products like tissues, cosmetics, clothes, even discount coupon. However, most of them would find that they are still left when the next festival is coming. Even worse, people do not open these products until they are expireexpired(Agreement: 'been' or 'was' + past tense), generating a huge waste. People not only buy offline products excessively, they also consume lots of virtual products, such as educational products and financial products. For instance, a lot of people are lure to become a membership of a gym, however, they only use the member fee once or twice, they made this kind of purchase on impulse, eventually it becomes waste of money and resource.

Section title: 6.文章修订

Revised Essay:

I am convinced that over-consumption has evolved into a significant issue in contemporary society. The advancement of technology has provided people with a plethora of shopping options, including online platforms, discount sales, and shopping festivals. These opportunities have led individuals to develop a habit of continuously stocking up on products, resulting in the generation of copious amounts of waste that ultimately fill landfills surrounding major cities.

A prime example is the Double-Eleven event, China's largest online shopping festival. During this time, people tend to stockpile everyday items such as tissues, cosmetics, clothing, and even discount coupons. However, many discover that they still possess these items when the next festival arrives. In some cases, products remain unopened until they expire, contributing to an enormous amount of waste.

Excessive consumption is not limited to tangible goods; it also extends to virtual products like educational and financial services. For instance, numerous individuals are enticed into purchasing gym memberships but only utilize them once or twice. These impulsive decisions result in wasted money and resources.

In conclusion, over-consumption has undeniably become a pressing concern in today's world due to the increasing availability of shopping options and the subsequent accumulation of waste. It is crucial for society to recognize this issue and strive towards more sustainable consumption habits for the betterment of our planet and future generations. (227 words)

Revised Essay with Inline Explanations:

I firmly believe am convinced (changed "firmly believe" to "am convinced" for a more natural tone) that over-comsumption over-consumption has become a serious problem in our society. Along evolved (changed "become" to "evolved" for better word choice) into a significant issue in contemporary society (changed "our society" to "contemporary society" for clarity). The advancement of technology has provided people with the development of technology, a plethora of shopping options (rephrased for better flow), including online platforms, discount sales, and shopping festivals. These opportunities have led individuals to develop a habit of continuously stocking up on products, resulting in the generation of copious amounts of waste that ultimately fill landfills surrounding major cities.

A prime example is the Double-Eleven event, China's largest online shopping festival. During this time, people now have various options to shopping, tend to stockpile everyday items such as online shopping platform, tissues, cosmetics, clothing, and even discount sale, shooping festival, and so forth. With coupons. However, many discover that they still possess these accesses, individuals had developed a habit to continued stock products, generating numerous wastes, ulitimately build up and fill up landfills around each major city. items when the next festival arrives. In some cases, products remain unopened until they expire, contributing to an enormous amount of waste.

Excessive consumption is not limited to tangible goods; it also extends to virtual products like educational and financial services (rephrased for clarity). For instance, every time when people encounter the Double-Eleven: the biggest online shopping festival in China, they numerous individuals are incline to stock daily products like tissues, cosmetics, clothes, even discount coupon. However, most of enticed into purchasing gym memberships but only utilize them would find that they are still left when the next festival is coming. Even worse, people do not open these products until they are expire, generating a huge waste. People not only buy offline products excessively, they also consume lots of virtual products, such as educational products and financial products. For instance, a lot of people are lure to become a membership of a gym, however, they only use the member fee once or twice, they made twice. These impulsive decisions result in wasted money and resources (rephrased for better flow).

In conclusion, over-consumption has undeniably become a pressing concern in today's world due to the increasing availability of shopping options and the subsequent accumulation of waste. It is crucial for society to recognize this kind of purchase on impulse, eventually it becomes waste of money and resource.issue and strive towards more sustainable consumption habits for the betterment of our planet and future generations (added concluding sentence for completeness).

8. Mind Map

Mind Map:

- Introduction
  - Over-consumption as a significant issue
  - Advancement of technology and shopping options

- Body
  - Example: Double-Eleven event in China
    - Stockpiling everyday items
    - Unopened products contributing to waste
  - Virtual products and services
    - Gym memberships as an example
    - Wasted money and resources due to impulsive decisions

- Conclusion
  - Pressing concern of over-consumption
  - Need for sustainable consumption habits for future generations

9. Keywords