TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on economics. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 27

3. 任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现不错，但仍有改进的空间。首先，你需要更详细地解释飞机如何影响人们的生活和经济发展。此外，你可以通过提供具体的例子来支持你的观点。

示例1： 原文：To begin with, people can travel worldwide more quickly by air, which not only can save more time but also help people to take trips to other countries and meet different friends. 改进：To begin with, the airplane has revolutionized global travel by significantly reducing the time it takes to reach different destinations. This has enabled people to easily visit other countries for leisure or business purposes, fostering cultural exchange and global collaboration.

示例2： 原文：Beside, it is crucial for the development of encomics since people can do business with foreigners and improve the form of tansportaion. 改进：Furthermore, airplanes have played a vital role in the growth of international trade by providing a faster and more efficient means of transporting goods across borders. This has allowed businesses to expand their markets and access resources from around the world.

4. 文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织方面还有待加强。建议在开头部分明确提出主题，并在结尾部分进行总结。同时，每个段落都应集中讨论一个具体的观点，并提供相应的支持细节。此外，使用恰当的过渡词和短语可以使文章更加流畅。

示例1： 原文：As far as I’m concerned, I think the airplane is very important. 改进：In my opinion, one of the most significant inventions in the past two hundred years is the airplane, which has greatly impacted various aspects of our lives.

示例2： 原文：Thus, I really think the airplane has changed people’s life completely and it is enssensial from many facets. 改进：In conclusion, the invention of the airplane has had a profound impact on our lives by revolutionizing global travel and trade, making it an essential technological advancement in modern society.

5. 语法批改

As far as I’m concerned, I think the airplane is very important. To begin with, people can travel worldwide more quickly by air, which not only can save more time but also help people to take trips to other countries and meet different friends. BesideBesides(beside vs besides), it is crucial for the development of encomics[No Replacement Word Found](misspelling) since people can do business with foreigners and improve the form of tansportaiontransportation(misspelling). For example, people from the intenralinternal(misspelling) landmass can taste more delicious and fresh seafood than before. Thus, I really think the airplane has changed people’s life completely and, and(comma between independent clauses) it is enssensialessential(misspelling) from many facets.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In my opinion, the invention of the airplane has been of paramount importance in the last two hundred years. Firstly, air travel has significantly reduced the time it takes to traverse the globe, enabling individuals to easily visit other countries and form diverse connections. Furthermore, aviation has played a crucial role in advancing global economics by facilitating international business and revolutionizing transportation methods. For instance, people residing in landlocked regions can now enjoy fresh seafood from distant coastal areas with ease. Consequently, I firmly believe that the advent of airplanes has profoundly transformed our lives and remains indispensable across various aspects of modern society. (109 words)

In my opinion (As far as I’m concerned, I think I'm concerned provides a more informal tone, which is less suitable for an essay), the invention of the airplane is very important. has been of paramount importance (rephrased to emphasize the significance) in the last two hundred years. Firstly (To begin with, people can with is less formal and specific), air travel worldwide more quickly by air, which not only can save more has significantly reduced the time but also help people to take trips to it takes to traverse the globe, enabling individuals to easily visit other countries and meet different friends. Beside, it is form diverse connections (rephrased to provide a clearer and more concise explanation). Furthermore (Beside is not an appropriate transition word), aviation has played a crucial for the development of role in advancing global economics (encomics since was misspelled and needed clarification) by facilitating international business and revolutionizing transportation methods. For instance, people residing in landlocked regions can do business with foreigners and improve the form of tansportaion. For example, people from the intenral landmass can taste more delicious and now enjoy fresh seafood than before. Thus, from distant coastal areas with ease (rephrased for clarity and coherence). Consequently (Thus is less formal), I really think the airplane has firmly believe that the advent of airplanes has profoundly transformed our lives (changed people’s people's life completely and it is was too informal) and remains indispensable across various aspects of modern society (enssensial from many facets.facets was misspelled and needed rephrasing for clarity).

8 思维导图

- Airplane Invention
    - Importance
        - Paramount in last 200 years
    - Air Travel
        - Reduced time to traverse the globe
        - Enabled diverse connections
    - Global Economics Advancement
        - Facilitated international business
        - Revolutionized transportation methods
            - Example: Fresh seafood in landlocked regions
    - Profound Transformation of Lives
        - Indispensable in modern society aspects

9 关键词