TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on environmental protection. Write a post responding to the professor's question. In your response you should do the following Express and support your opinion. Make a contribution to the discussion in your own words. An effective response will contain at least 100 words.

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 27

3. Task completeness

The essay effectively addresses the task requirements by expressing a clear opinion in favor of small retail stores and providing relevant reasons to support this viewpoint. However, the essay could benefit from more specific examples or details to further strengthen the argument. Additionally, the connection to environmental protection, as mentioned in the professor's question, is not explicitly addressed.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Include a specific example of how shopping at small retail stores can benefit the environment.

• Explain how supporting local businesses contributes to environmental protection.

Examples:

1. "Shopping at small retail stores reduces our carbon footprint as we tend to buy locally sourced products, which reduces transportation emissions."
2. "By supporting local businesses, we encourage sustainable practices within our community, ultimately contributing to environmental protection."

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs focusing on specific points, and a conclusion. However, it could benefit from clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Use transitional phrases or words to connect ideas more smoothly.

• Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and includes supporting details.

Examples:

1. "In addition to providing personalized service, small retail stores also contribute positively to the local economy."
2. "Moreover, shopping at local establishments helps promote sustainable practices within our community."

5. Grammar

In response to the professor's question, I firmly believe that shopping at small retail stores is a better choice. While big supermarkets can offer more competitive prices and comprehensive products, the merits of retailers should not be underestimated. I concur with Amy's assertion that smaller stores enables us to have a more tailored service. Furthermore, buying from the establishment that we are familiar with really ensures high qualities of products. The close relationship with the shop owner allows us to know more about where these things come from, decreasing the possibility of buying destroyed products. Local shops are the backbones of regional economy, if these retailers close down without our support, the whole village will be affected. Consequently, while biga big(This rule identifies whether the article 'a' is missing in a sentence.) supermarket certainly provides various products, small shops enrich and promote local residents' life in ways that extend far beyond merely one sole supermarket.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

In response to the professor's question, I firmly believe that shopping at small retail stores is a better choice for environmental protection. While big supermarkets can offer more competitive prices and comprehensive products, the merits of small retailers should not be underestimated. I concur with Student A's assertion that smaller stores provide a more tailored service. Furthermore, purchasing from familiar establishments ensures higher quality products. The close relationship with shop owners allows us to know more about the origins of these items, decreasing the possibility of buying environmentally harmful products. Local shops are the backbone of regional economies; if these retailers close down without our support, entire communities will be affected. Consequently, while big supermarkets certainly provide various products, small shops enrich and promote local residents' lives in ways that extend far beyond merely one sole supermarket. (142 words)

In response to the professor's question, I firmly believe that shopping at small retail stores is a better choice. choice for environmental protection (added "for environmental protection" to clarify the main point). While big supermarkets can offer more competitive prices and comprehensive products, the merits of small retailers should not be underestimated. I concur with Amy's Student A's (changed "Amy" to "Student A" for consistency) assertion that smaller stores enables provide (changed "enables us to have have" to "provide" for better phrasing) a more tailored service. Furthermore, buying purchasing (changed "buying" to "purchasing" for variety) from the establishment that we are familiar with really establishments ensures higher quality products (changed "really ensures high qualities of products. products" to "ensures higher quality products" for better phrasing). The close relationship with the shop owner owners allows us to know more about where the origins of these items (changed "where these things come from, from" to "the origins of these items" for clarity), decreasing the possibility of buying destroyed products. environmentally harmful products (changed "destroyed products" to "environmentally harmful products"). Local shops are the backbones backbone of regional economy, economies; if these retailers close down without our support, the whole village entire communities will be affected. Consequently, while big supermarket supermarkets certainly provides provide various products, small shops enrich and promote local residents' life lives in ways that extend far beyond merely one sole supermarket.supermarket (kept original sentence structure).

8 Mind Map

1. Environmental protection

   • Small retail stores
   • Big supermarkets

2. Competitive prices

   • Comprehensive products
   • Tailored service

3. Higher quality products

   • Familiar establishments
   • Close relationship with shop owners

4. Origins of items

   • Environmentally harmful products

5. Local shops and regional economies

   • Support for small retailers

6. Communities affected by store closures

9 Key Words

6 Revised Essay

In response to the professor's question, I firmly believe that shopping at small retail stores is a better choice for environmental protection. While big supermarkets can offer more competitive prices and comprehensive products, the merits of small retailers should not be underestimated. I concur with Student A's assertion that smaller stores provide a more tailored service. Furthermore, purchasing from familiar establishments ensures higher quality products. The close relationship with shop owners allows us to know more about the origins of these items, decreasing the possibility of buying environmentally harmful products. Local shops are the backbone of regional economies; if these retailers close down without our support, entire communities will be affected. Consequently, while big supermarkets certainly provide various products, small shops enrich and promote local residents' lives in ways that extend far beyond merely one sole supermarket.