TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on urban planning. Write a post responding to the professor's question.
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Professor
This week we've been looking at how urban planners design public spaces in cities to meet societal needs. One recent trend is to create more bicycle lanes on city streets. Proponents applaud the increase of lanes for bicycle riders. However, some people disagree with the idea that more bicycle lanes are needed. For today's discussion board, please express your opinion about this topic. Should city planners create more dedicated lanes for bicycle riders to use? Why or why not?
Claire
I think city planners should create more lanes for bicycle riders. Like me, many people do not have a car, and taking public transportation is inconvenient, so riding a bicycle would be a good alternative.
Andrew
I disagree with Claire. It's true that many cities are congested with automobile traffic. But reducing the number of automobile lanes could make this worse and lead to more traffic jams. Because people often travel long distances, it will be impossible to convince them to ride bicycles instead of driving, so only very few people will use bicycle lanes.
Exemples d'Utilisateurs et Résultats d'Évaluation
1Exemple d'Utilisateur #1
While I understand Andrew's perspective, I concur with Claire that buidling bike lanes is benefitial. Instead of causing more traffic jams which menti...
Score27
Exemple d'Utilisateur #1
While I understand Andrew's perspective, I concur with Claire that buidling bike lanes is benefitial. Instead of causing more traffic jams which menti...
Exemple d'Utilisateur
While I understand Andrew's perspective, I concur with Claire that buidling bike lanes is benefitial. Instead of causing more traffic jams which mentioned by Andrew, it is more likely to reduce the congestion in cities. To be more specific, by seperating the bikes and automobiles into two diffierent lanes, the cars can definitely move faster since there are less bikes with lower speed on the same road to stuck them. Furthermore, the increase of bike lanes encourage more people who would want to ride bikes but have no place to travel with green and cleaning appoarch more often, improving the air quality of the city. If the number of bike lanes is not sufficient in cities, people may be worried about possibilities of car accidents due to the mess organization of transportation. Thus the availability of more bike lanes undoubtly encourage those people to worry less and are more willing to ride bikes.
Résultat de l'Évaluation
1. 子项得分
-
Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5
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Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0
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Language Use and Grammar: 4.0
2. 预估分数
- 27
3. 任务完成度
这篇文章基本上完成了任务要求,表达了对问题的看法并给出了合理的论据。但是,可以在以下方面进行改进:首先,在支持观点时可以提供更具体的例子和数据;其次,可以更深入地讨论骑自行车对环境和城市交通的影响。最后,在语言使用方面,可以尝试使用更丰富的词汇和表达。
改进示例1: Instead of saying "improving the air quality of the city," you can provide more specific details, such as "reducing carbon emissions by up to 40%."
改进示例2: You can discuss the health benefits of cycling, such as "promoting physical fitness and reducing the risk of obesity and heart diseases."
4. 文章结构与组织
文章结构清晰,包括引言、主体和结论。每段都集中讨论一个特定观点并提供支持细节。然而,在以下方面仍有改进空间:首先,可以在引言部分明确提出自己的观点;其次,在段落之间加入过渡性词语以使文章更连贯。
改进示例1: In the introduction, you can directly state your opinion, such as "In my opinion, city planners should create more dedicated lanes for bicycle riders."
改进示例2: Add transition words between paragraphs, such as "Moreover" or "On the other hand," to make the essay more coherent.
5. 语法批改
While I understand Andrew's perspective, I concur with Claire that buidlingbuilding(misspelling) bike lanes is benefitialbeneficial(misspelling). Instead of causing more traffic jamsjams,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) which mentioned by Andrew, it is more likely to reduce the congestion in cities. To be more specific, by seperatingseparating(misspelling) the bikes and automobiles into two diffierentdifferent(misspelling) lanes, the cars can definitely move faster since there are lessfewer(fewer with countable nouns (less)) bikes with lower speed on the same road to stuck them.
Furthermore, the increase of bike lanes encourage more people who would want to ride bikes but have no place to travel with green and cleaning appoarchapproach(misspelling) more often, improving the air quality of the city. If the number of bike lanes is not sufficient in cities, people may be worried about possibilities of car accidents due to the mess organization of transportation. ThusThus,(Commas after conjunctive/linking adverbs in front of a new sentence.) the availability of more bike lanes undoubtlyundoubtedly(misspelling) encourage those people to worry less and are more willing to ride bikes.
Title: 6 文章修订
In light of Andrew's concerns, I find myself agreeing with Claire that constructing additional bike lanes would be advantageous. Contrary to exacerbating traffic congestion as Andrew suggests, increasing bike lanes is more likely to alleviate it. Specifically, by segregating bicycles and automobiles into separate lanes, cars can undoubtedly move more swiftly as they are no longer impeded by slower-moving bicycles sharing the same road.
Moreover, an expansion of bike lanes would incentivize individuals who wish to adopt a more eco-friendly mode of transportation but are deterred by the lack of safe cycling infrastructure. Improved air quality would be an added benefit as more people opt for cycling over driving. Insufficient bike lanes in urban areas may lead to apprehension regarding potential accidents due to disorganized transportation systems. Consequently, the presence of well-designed bike lanes would assuage these concerns and encourage a greater number of people to embrace cycling as a viable means of commuting. (157 words)
While In light of Andrew's concerns (clarifying the context), I understand Andrew's perspective, I concur find myself agreeing with Claire that buidling constructing additional bike lanes would be advantageous (rephrasing for clarity). Contrary to exacerbating traffic congestion as Andrew suggests (clarifying the opposing view), increasing bike lanes is benefitial. Instead of causing more traffic jams which mentioned more likely to alleviate it (rephrasing for clarity). Specifically, by Andrew, it is more likely to reduce the congestion in cities. To be more specific, by seperating the bikes segregating bicycles and automobiles into two diffierent lanes, the separate lanes (correcting spelling and rephrasing for clarity), cars can definitely undoubtedly move faster since there more swiftly as they are less bikes with lower speed on no longer impeded by slower-moving bicycles sharing the same road to stuck them. (rephrasing for clarity and flow).
Furthermore, the increase of bike lanes encourage more people Moreover, an expansion of bike lanes would incentivize individuals who would want to ride bikes wish to adopt a more eco-friendly mode of transportation but have no place to travel with green and cleaning appoarch more often, improving the are deterred by the lack of safe cycling infrastructure (rephrasing for clarity and flow). Improved air quality of the city. If the number of bike lanes is not sufficient would be an added benefit as more people opt for cycling over driving (rephrasing for clarity). Insufficient bike lanes in cities, people urban areas may be worried about possibilities of car lead to apprehension regarding potential accidents due to the mess organization of transportation. Thus the availability of more bike lanes undoubtly disorganized transportation systems (rephrasing for clarity and flow). Consequently, the presence of well-designed bike lanes would assuage these concerns and encourage those a greater number of people to worry less and are more willing to ride bikes.embrace cycling as a viable means of commuting (rephrasing for clarity and flow).
Title: 8 思维导图
1. Introduction
- Agree with Claire
- Bike lanes advantageous
2. Traffic Congestion
- Alleviate congestion
- Segregate bicycles and automobiles
3. Incentivize Eco-friendly Transportation
- Encourage cycling
- Improve air quality
4. Safety Concerns
- Insufficient bike lanes cause apprehension
- Well-designed bike lanes assuage concerns
5. Encourage Commuting by Cycling
- Viable means of commuting
Title: 9 关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English Definition | Simplified Chinese Translation | Sample Sentence |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| advantageous | /ˌæd.vənˈteɪ.dʒəs/ | adjective | providing an advantage; favorable | 有利的 | Constructing additional bike lanes would be advantageous. |
| exacerbate | /ɪɡˈzæs.ər.beɪt/ | verb | to make something worse |