TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 2 Sample: You are required to write a speech of introduction firstly. You may introduce yourself to your classmates/audiences with at least 250 words. Then you are required to deliver the speech to your classmates.Then you are required to deliver the speech to your classmates. Your speech should be in an organic whole with an introduction, a body and a conclusion, and it may cover the following six aspects: 1. Name; 2. Placing yourself/your classmate/guest speaker; 3. Background---family background, educational background; 4. Personality, interest, passion, goal; 5. Personal details appropriate to the setting of the speech; 6. Unity;

1.Sub Scores

• Task fulfillment: 4

• Organization: 4

• Coherence and Cohesion: 4

• Language Use: 3

2.Estimated Scores

• TOEFL iBT Independent Writing Score: 25

3.Task completeness The essay does a good job of addressing the specific requirements of the task. You have provided information about your name, background, personality, interests, and personal details. However, there is room for improvement in terms of unity and providing more personal details appropriate to the setting of the speech.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Add more personal details that are relevant to the classroom setting or your academic goals.

• Improve unity by connecting all aspects of your introduction together in a more cohesive manner.

Examples:

1. "In addition to my passion for biology, I am also interested in exploring interdisciplinary studies that combine life sciences with other fields such as computer science or psychology."

2. "As we embark on this academic journey together, I hope to collaborate with you all on group projects and learn from each other's diverse perspectives."

4.Essay structure and organization The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in terms of organization and transitions between ideas.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Use clearer transitions between paragraphs to guide the reader through your speech.

• Organize your ideas in a more logical order that flows smoothly from one point to another.

Examples:

1. Instead of starting a paragraph with "Thirdly," try using a transition like "Moving on to my personality traits,"

2. Rearrange the order of your paragraphs so that they follow a more logical progression (e.g., name > background > personality > interests > personal details > unity).

5. Grammar

Ladies and gentlemen, good moringmoving(misspelling)! Here with this opportunity, I'd like to talk about who I am in order to give you a brief introduction about me, hoping that this speech enables me to show you a positive first impression. Now, let me illustrate some basic information about who I am. For starters, here comes my name. My Chinese name is "Ding ChenyangShenyang(misspelling)". As you may think, "Ding" is my father's family name and "Chen" is my mother's. In this class, you could also call me in my English name "SundarSunday(misspelling)". Secondly, I prefer to demonstrate something about my background. I come from HuaiHuey(misspelling)'an, Jiangsu province, which is the hometown of Zhou'enlaiENSAI(misspelling) and HanxinHanging(misspelling). At present, I am a second year student who studies in the life science college of Wuhan University. If you have any questions about biology, just feel free to ask me those questions. I promise that I will try my best to help you! Thirdly, it is important to inform you of my personality, which might help a solid friendship to be bonded. In fact, I have a wide range of hobbies such as hiking, playing mobile phone games and so on. HenceHence,(Commas after conjunctive/linking adverbs in front of a new sentence.) in force, two of (Two consecutive spaces)my most loving things are playing badminton and playing the guitar. By the way, if we share some same hobbies, feel free to contact me and I will be more than glad to foster a sense of camaraderie with you! Meanwhile, the most valuable characteristic of me is that I never attribute some problems to others if the fact is that those problems stem from my actions. As a friend of mine, you will feel comfortable most of the time. Finally, sharing some more details may contribute to our interaction. I need to mention that I am the kind of person who enjoys eating delicious cuisines! We can go outside to YinTaiSinai(misspelling) or QunGuangQueuing(misspelling) square or any other places where great restaurants are located. Till now, I hope all of you have a positive first impression of who I am. If there is still something you'd like to know about who I am, feel free to contact me after class! Wish you have a nice day!

6.Revised Essay

Ladies and gentlemen, good morning! I am delighted to have this opportunity to introduce myself to all of you. My goal today is to provide you with a comprehensive understanding of who I am, my background, and my aspirations. I hope that by the end of this speech, we can begin forging strong connections as classmates and friends.

To begin with, allow me to share my name. My Chinese name is Ding Chenyang, with "Ding" being my father's family name and "Chen" representing my mother's side. However, you may also address me by my English name, Sundar.

Moving on to my background, I hail from Huai'an in Jiangsu province - a place renowned for being the hometown of Zhou'enlai and Hanxin. Currently, I am a second-year student pursuing life sciences at Wuhan University. If you ever have any questions or curiosities about biology or related subjects, please do not hesitate to approach me. I would be more than happy to assist you in any way possible.

As for my personality traits and interests, I consider myself an individual with diverse hobbies ranging from hiking to playing mobile phone games. Two activities that are particularly close to my heart are badminton and guitar playing. If any of you share these interests or would like to explore them further together, please feel free to reach out! In terms of character, one quality that I take pride in is taking responsibility for my actions and never blaming others for problems that arise due to my decisions. As a friend and classmate, I strive to create a comfortable atmosphere where we can all learn from each other.

Delving deeper into personal details relevant to our academic setting, let me share some of my aspirations within the realm of life sciences. Apart from mastering the core concepts in biology, I am eager to explore interdisciplinary studies that combine life sciences with other fields such as computer science or psychology. As we embark on this academic journey together, I hope to collaborate with you all on group projects and learn from each other's diverse perspectives.

In addition to my academic pursuits, I am also a self-proclaimed food enthusiast who enjoys exploring various cuisines. If you ever find yourself craving a delicious meal, feel free to join me in visiting YinTai, QunGuang Square, or any other locations housing exceptional restaurants.

In conclusion, I hope that this introduction has provided you with a positive first impression of who I am as an individual and a fellow student. Should you have any further questions or wish to get to know me better, please do not hesitate to approach me after class or during breaks. I look forward to fostering camaraderie and unity among us as we embark on this exciting academic journey together. Wishing you all a fantastic day ahead! (473 words)

7.Essay Grading

Ladies and gentlemen, good moring! Here with this opportunity, I'd like to talk about morning! I am delighted to have this opportunity to introduce myself to all of you. (Changed "Here with this opportunity" to "I am delighted to have this opportunity" for a more natural tone) My goal today is to provide you with a comprehensive understanding of who I am in order to give you a brief introduction about me, hoping am, my background, and my aspirations. (Added "my aspirations" for coherence) I hope that this speech enables by the end of this speech, we can begin forging strong connections as classmates and friends.

To begin with, allow me to show you a positive first impression. ¶ Now, let me illustrate some basic information about who I am. ¶ For starters, here comes share my name. My Chinese name is "Ding Chenyang". As you may think, Ding Chenyang, with "Ding" is being my father's family name and "Chen" is my mother's. In this class, you could representing my mother's side. However, you may also call address me by my English name, Sundar.

Moving on to my background (Changed "Secondly" to "Moving on to my background" for a smoother transition), I hail from Huai'an in my English name "Sundar". ¶ Secondly, I prefer to demonstrate something about my background. I come from Huai'an, Jiangsu province, which is province - a place renowned for being the hometown of Zhou'enlai and Hanxin. At present, Currently, I am a second year second-year student who studies in the pursuing life science college of sciences at Wuhan University. If you ever have any questions or curiosities about biology, just feel free to ask me those questions. I promise that I will try my best to help you! ¶ Thirdly, it is important to inform you of my personality, which might help a solid friendship to biology or related subjects, please do not hesitate to approach me. I would be bonded. In fact, I have a wide range of more than happy to assist you in any way possible.

As for my personality traits and interests (Changed "Thirdly" to "As for my personality traits and interests" for a clearer transition), I consider myself an individual with diverse hobbies such as hiking, ranging from hiking to playing mobile phone games and so on. Hence games. Two activities that are particularly close to my heart are badminton and guitar playing. If any of you share these interests or would like to explore them further together, please feel free to reach out! In terms of character, one quality that I take pride in force, two of my most loving things are playing badminton and playing the guitar. By the way, if is taking responsibility for my actions and never blaming others for problems that arise due to my decisions. As a friend and classmate, I strive to create a comfortable atmosphere where we can all learn from each other.

Delving deeper into personal details relevant to our academic setting (Added this phrase for better coherence), let me share some same hobbies, of my aspirations within the realm of life sciences. Apart from mastering the core concepts in biology, I am eager to explore interdisciplinary studies that combine life sciences with other fields such as computer science or psychology. As we embark on this academic journey together, I hope to collaborate with you all on group projects and learn from each other's diverse perspectives.

In addition to my academic pursuits, I am also a self-proclaimed food enthusiast who enjoys exploring various cuisines. If you ever find yourself craving a delicious meal, feel free to contact join me and I will be more than glad to foster a sense of camaraderie with you! Meanwhile, the most valuable characteristic of me is that I never attribute some problems to others if the fact is that those problems stem from my actions. As a friend of mine, you will feel comfortable most of the time. ¶ Finally, sharing some more details may contribute to our interaction. I need to mention that I am the kind of person who enjoys eating delicious cuisines! We can go outside to YinTai or in visiting YinTai, QunGuang square Square, or any other places where great restaurants are located. ¶ Till now, locations housing exceptional restaurants.

In conclusion (Changed "Till now" to "In conclusion" for a more formal tone), I hope all of you have that this introduction has provided you with a positive first impression of who I am. If there is still something you'd like am as an individual and a fellow student. Should you have any further questions or wish to get to know about who I am, feel free to contact me better, please do not hesitate to approach me after class! Wish you have a nice day!class or during breaks. I look forward to fostering camaraderie and unity among us as we embark on this exciting academic journey together. Wishing you all a fantastic day ahead!

8.Mind Map

• Thesis statement: Introducing myself to classmates
  • Topic sentence 1: Name and background
    • Sub-topic: Chinese name and English name
    • Sub-topic: Hometown and university
  • Topic sentence 2: Personality traits and interests
    • Sub-topic: Hobbies and activities
    • Sub-topic: Character qualities
  • Topic sentence 3: Academic aspirations and personal details
    • Sub-topic: Interdisciplinary studies in life sciences
    • Sub-topic: Food enthusiasm and exploring cuisines
  • Conclusion: Fostering camaraderie and unity

9.Key Words

10.Additional Examples

1. Example: Active participation in class discussions

   • Sub-opinion: Engaging with peers intellectually
   • Explanation: Sharing thoughts and ideas during class promotes learning and understanding.

2. Example: Joining clubs and organizations related to my interests

   • Sub-opinion: Expanding social circle and gaining new experiences
   • Explanation: Participating in extracurricular activities allows for personal growth and networking opportunities.

3. Example: Volunteering for community service projects

   • Sub-opinion: Giving back to society and developing empathy
   • Explanation: Helping others in need fosters compassion and understanding of different perspectives.

4. Example: Pursuing research opportunities within my field of study

   • Sub-opinion: Enhancing academic knowledge and practical skills
   • Explanation: Engaging in research projects allows for a deeper understanding of the subject matter and the development of problem-solving abilities.

5. Example: Attending workshops and seminars to expand my knowledge

   • Sub-opinion: Continuously learning and staying updated on current trends
   • Explanation: Participating in educational events helps in staying informed about advancements in the field and broadening one's horizons.