TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 2 Sample: Some people think that watching television every day is bad for children. Others think it is good for developing children as they grow up. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

1.Sub Scores

• Task fulfillment: 4

• Organization: 4

• Coherence and Cohesion: 4

• Language Use: 4

2.Estimated Scores

• TOEFL iBT independent writing score: 25

3.Task completeness The essay does a good job of addressing the task by discussing both views and providing the writer's own opinion. However, there is room for improvement in terms of elaborating on the arguments and providing more specific examples to support each view. Additionally, the writer's opinion could be stated more clearly and concisely.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Provide more specific examples to support each view.

• Clearly state your opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion.

Examples:

1. Instead of just mentioning "violent TV series and films," provide a specific example of a TV show or movie that has been shown to negatively impact children.

2. When discussing educational programs, mention a particular program or channel that is known for its high-quality content aimed at children.

4.Essay structure and organization The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, some paragraphs could be better organized with clearer transitions between ideas.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Improve transitions between ideas within paragraphs.

• Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main point with supporting details.

Examples:

1. In the paragraph discussing the benefits of watching TV, start with a clear topic sentence such as "Watching age-appropriate television programs can greatly contribute to children's personal development by exposing them to various subjects."

2. In the paragraph discussing negative impacts, use a transition like "On the other hand" to signal that you are shifting from discussing positive aspects to negative aspects of watching television every day.

5. Grammar

Watching TV has become an entertainment form enjoyed by most people. However, when it comes to the issue concerning whether watching television every day is beneficial or detrimental to children, people’s answers may differ greatly from one to another. Some people argue that it is adversity for children to watch TV every day. There are some validitiesvalidates(misspelling) regarding this argument because children, especially the younger onesones,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) are not mature enough to identify the potential risks and negative impacts of certain TV programs, leading to addiction and unexpected consequences. For example, there are lots of violent TV series and films that are not suitable for the young ones. Watching too many of those programs might lead the children to become aggressive and competitive or even worse scenarios could be predicted, like committing crimes due to curiosity of mimic psychology. However, some opponents might argue that watching TV programs every day can make great contributions to their personal development. Well, it is reasonable to assume that by watching certain age-appropriate channels, kids might be exposed to a wide range of knowledge, ranging from natural science to geology. Children might be informed well and be equipped with various subjects and well-rounded education, contributing to their personal growth. For example, there are numerous TV programs, like sports, natural science, history, and archaeology. Therefore, by getting engaged in appreciating those positive programs, children will be informed about rich education resources and become better and better. Based on these two arguments, I have my own understanding. I envision that parents are supposed to strike the balance between limiting the time on watching TV and accessing the contents in a controlled manner. For example, the contents of the programs could be controlled and stipulated within certain types that are beneficial to their well-being and personal growth. The time spent on appreciating TV programs should also be limited to certain hours based on the exact age group. Plus, parents even could try to watch programs together with their kids, helping to establish harmonious family relationships as well as intimacy among family members. The kids can be cultivated to certain practical skills and be equipped with a wide range of knowledge by watching TV programs with their parents. In the light of points I just mentioned, for kids, whether watching TV every day is beneficial or detrimental really depends on the right guidance and appropriate controlled manner by the adults. Kids are not mature enough to control their behavior properly, contributing to addiction and negative impact. However, if guided by parents soundly, watching TV can not only be an entertainment for kids to get rid of their daily grinds coming from academic study but also could help them immergeimmerse(misspelling) in various subjects acquisition and well-rounded education.

6.Revised Essay

The Impact of Daily Television Watching on Children's Development

Television has become a prevalent form of entertainment enjoyed by people worldwide. However, opinions differ significantly when discussing whether watching television daily is beneficial or detrimental to children's development. This essay will explore both perspectives and provide my own viewpoint on the matter.

Some individuals believe that watching television every day is harmful to children. This argument holds merit, as young children often lack the maturity to discern the potential risks and negative effects of certain TV programs, which may lead to addiction and unintended consequences. For instance, numerous violent TV series and films are unsuitable for young audiences. Excessive exposure to such content may result in children becoming aggressive, overly competitive, or even engaging in criminal activities due to their curiosity and desire to imitate what they see on screen.

Conversely, others argue that daily television viewing can significantly contribute to a child's personal development. It is reasonable to assume that by watching age-appropriate channels, children can acquire a wealth of knowledge spanning various subjects such as natural sciences and geology. This exposure allows them to become well-informed individuals with diverse educational backgrounds, ultimately fostering their personal growth. For example, educational channels like National Geographic offer programs covering topics like sports, natural science, history, and archaeology. By engaging with these positive programs regularly, children can access rich educational resources that enhance their overall development.

In light of these opposing arguments, I believe that parents should strive for a balanced approach when it comes to their children's television consumption. They should regulate both the content and duration of TV viewing according to the child's age group while ensuring that only beneficial programs are watched. Additionally, parents could watch television together with their children as a means of fostering harmonious family relationships and promoting intimacy among family members. In doing so, they can guide their children in acquiring practical skills and diverse knowledge through shared TV experiences.

In conclusion, the impact of daily television watching on children's development largely depends on proper guidance and appropriate control from adults. Children may not possess the maturity to regulate their behavior effectively, potentially leading to addiction and negative consequences. However, with sound parental guidance, television can serve as both a source of entertainment for children seeking respite from academic pressures and a valuable tool for acquiring knowledge across various subjects. By striking a balance between content control and time management, parents can ensure that their children reap the benefits of television while minimizing its potential drawbacks. (423 words)

7.Essay Grading

The Impact of Daily Television Watching TV on Children's Development

Television has become an a prevalent form of entertainment form enjoyed by most people. people worldwide. (Revised for clarity and conciseness) However, opinions differ significantly when it comes to the issue concerning discussing whether watching television every day daily is beneficial or detrimental to children, people’s answers may differ greatly from one to another. children's development. (Revised for clarity and conciseness) This essay will explore both perspectives and provide my own viewpoint on the matter.

Some people argue that it individuals believe that watching television every day is adversity for children to watch TV every day. There are some validities regarding this harmful to children. (Revised for clarity) This argument because children, especially the younger ones are not mature enough to identify holds merit, as young children often lack the maturity to discern the potential risks and negative impacts effects of certain TV programs, leading which may lead to addiction and unexpected unintended consequences. (Revised for coherence) For example, there are lots of instance, numerous violent TV series and films that are not suitable for the unsuitable for young ones. Watching too many of those programs might lead the children to become aggressive and competitive audiences. Excessive exposure to such content may result in children becoming aggressive, overly competitive, or even worse scenarios could be predicted, like committing crimes engaging in criminal activities due to their curiosity of mimic psychology. and desire to imitate what they see on screen. (Revised for clarity)

However, some opponents might Conversely, others argue that watching TV programs every day daily television viewing can make great contributions to their significantly contribute to a child's personal development. Well, it (Revised for clarity) It is reasonable to assume that by watching certain age-appropriate channels, kids might be exposed to a wide range of knowledge, ranging from natural science to geology. Children might be informed well and be equipped with children can acquire a wealth of knowledge spanning various subjects and well-rounded education, contributing to such as natural sciences and geology. (Revised for coherence) This exposure allows them to become well-informed individuals with diverse educational backgrounds, ultimately fostering their personal growth. (Revised for clarity) For example, there are numerous TV programs, educational channels like National Geographic offer programs covering topics like sports, natural science, history, and archaeology. Therefore, by getting engaged in appreciating those By engaging with these positive programs, children will be informed about programs regularly, children can access rich education educational resources and become better and better. that enhance their overall development. (Revised for coherence)

Based on In light of these two opposing arguments, I have my own understanding. I envision believe that parents should strive for a balanced approach when it comes to their children's television consumption. They should regulate both the content and duration of TV viewing according to the child's age group while ensuring that only beneficial programs are supposed to strike the balance between limiting the time on watching TV and accessing the contents in a controlled manner. For example, the contents of the programs watched. (Revised for clarity and coherence) Additionally, parents could be controlled and stipulated within certain types that are beneficial to their well-being and personal growth. The time spent on appreciating TV programs should also be limited to certain hours based on the exact age group. Plus, parents even could try to watch programs television together with their kids, helping to establish children as a means of fostering harmonious family relationships as well as and promoting intimacy among family members. The kids (Revised for clarity) In doing so, they can be cultivated to certain guide their children in acquiring practical skills and be equipped with a wide range of diverse knowledge by watching through shared TV programs with their parents. experiences. (Revised for coherence)

In the light of points I just mentioned, for kids, whether conclusion, the impact of daily television watching TV every day is beneficial or detrimental really on children's development largely depends on the right proper guidance and appropriate controlled manner by the control from adults. Kids are (Revised for clarity) Children may not mature enough to control possess the maturity to regulate their behavior properly, contributing effectively, potentially leading to addiction and negative impact. consequences. (Revised for coherence) However, if guided by parents soundly, watching TV with sound parental guidance, television can not only be an serve as both a source of entertainment for kids to get rid of their daily grinds coming children seeking respite from academic study but also could help them immerge in pressures and a valuable tool for acquiring knowledge across various subjects acquisition and well-rounded education.subjects. (Revised for clarity) By striking a balance between content control and time management, parents can ensure that their children reap the benefits of television while minimizing its potential drawbacks. (Revised for coherence)

8.Mind Map

• Thesis statement: The impact of daily television watching on children's development depends on proper guidance and appropriate control from adults.
  • Topic sentence 1: Watching television every day can be harmful to children.
    • Sub-topic: Exposure to violent content
      • Supporting example: Violent TV series and films
  • Topic sentence 2: Daily television viewing can contribute to a child's personal development.
    • Sub-topic: Exposure to educational content
      • Supporting example: National Geographic programs
  • Conclusion: Parents should strike a balance between content control and time management to ensure that their children reap the benefits of television while minimizing its potential drawbacks.

9.Key Words

10.Additional Examples

1. Watching educational programs like "Sesame Street" can help young children develop language skills and learn about numbers, colors, and shapes.

2. Documentaries on channels like Discovery Channel expose children to various cultures, historical events, and scientific discoveries, broadening their horizons.

3. Participating in family discussions about TV programs can help children develop critical thinking skills by analyzing the content they watch.

4. Limiting screen time can encourage children to engage in physical activities and outdoor play, promoting a healthy lifestyle.

5. Parental control features on televisions and streaming platforms allow parents to restrict access to inappropriate content, ensuring that children only watch age-appropriate programs.