TOEFL Writing Task 2 Sample: Some people think that older school children should learn a wide range of subjects and develop knowledge. But other people think that they should only learn a small number of subjects in detail, discuss both sides views and give your own opinion.

1. Sub Scores

• Task fulfillment: 4

• Organization: 4

• Coherence and Cohesion: 4

• Language Use: 4

2. Estimated Scores

• TOEFL iBT Independent Writing Score: 25

3. Task completeness The essay addresses the task well by discussing both sides of the argument and providing a personal opinion. However, it could be improved by more explicitly stating the two opposing views in the introduction and offering a clearer conclusion that restates the main points of each side and reinforces your own opinion.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Clearly state both sides of the argument in the introduction.

• Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing both sides and reinforcing your own opinion.

Examples:

1. Introduction improvement: "In today's educational landscape, there is an ongoing debate between whether older school children should learn a wide range of subjects to develop knowledge or focus on a small number of subjects in detail."

2. Conclusion improvement: "In conclusion, while focusing on a few specific subjects may lead to expertise in those areas, I believe that receiving a well-rounded education through various subjects is more beneficial for students' overall development and adaptability in today's fast-paced world."

3. Essay structure and organization The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. However, some paragraphs could be better organized to focus on one specific point with supporting details.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main point with supporting details.

• Use clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

Examples:

1. Paragraph organization improvement: "On one hand, proponents of a well-rounded education argue that learning multiple subjects equips individuals with integrated skills that help them adapt to fast-changing job markets and increase their opportunities."

2. Clear transitions example: "While focusing on specific subjects may lead to expertise in certain fields, it is important to consider the benefits of a well-rounded education that prepares students for a variety of challenges and opportunities in their future careers."

5. Grammar

It is universally acknowledged that education plays an essential role in shaping the intellectual and emotional development of individuals, and equips people with technique skills applied in the workforce. However, when it comes to the topic of education, people are often torn between the choices of receiving various subjects of education and specific a few subjects learningof learning(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'of' is missing in a sentence.). From my perspective, the advantages of receiving a well-rounded education through various subjects far outweigh a few specific subjects.
On one hand, one of the most significant advantages of a well-rounded education through many subjects is equipping individuals with multiple integrated skills that help people adapt themselves well in the fast-changing job markets and increasing job opportunities. Getting access to the post-21st century, sort of advanced AI era, how can an individual get used to the sweeping speed of social development? I bet the answer lies in multi-disciplinarymultidisciplinary(Hyphenated words: multi-disciplinary) education, combining both various science and arts subjects. For example, to hunt for a good job, like being a teacher, individuals might be required to delve deep into various fields, like basic computer programming courses, professional skills related to particular fields, and psychological and educational subjects. Therefore, a well-rounded education makes it easier for people to earn their living when they graduate from school. On the other hand, some argue that studying a few specific subjects in detail might be more reasonable and justifiable. There are some validations in this argument. With limited time and energy, focusing on a few subjects, individuals are more likely to achieve great success and become experts in specific fields. For example, if an individual wants to become a doctor, he or she is supposed to study medicine and related subjects rather than divide their finite time and energy into other unrelated subjects such as arts and literature. To become a professional doctor, tons of time and energy are required to delve deep into medical studies, basic theoretical explorations, research, and experiments. Therefore, a few specific related subjects might guarantee their academic success. While, according to my understanding, a well-rounded education is far more important than a few specific subjects. How to balance various subjects of learning might be considered. I think schools are supposed to prioritize a few major-related subjects over other optional ones, which can help solve the finite time and energy conflicts. For example, if a student chooses computer science as his/her major, he or she could concentrate on AI, programming, and math. However, when it comes to the optional ones, literature, psychology, and arts would be wisely integrated into their multiple fields of study, contributing to being well-educated. Multi-disciplinaryMultidisciplinary(Hyphenated words: Multi-disciplinary) education helps Students easily navigate through their future career development and daily life. It is well-known that with a background education in arts, a science nerd programmer might be more efficient in communicating and become more sympathetic to this highly developed technological society. To sum up, both these two arguments have their advantages and disadvantages. However, based on the points I just mentioned, the merits of receiving a well-rounded education are obvious, and the conflicts of finite time and energy could be solved by prioritizing the major related subjects over the secondary choices.

6. Revised Essay

In today's educational landscape, there is an ongoing debate between whether older school children should learn a wide range of subjects to develop knowledge or focus on a small number of subjects in detail. From my perspective, the advantages of receiving a well-rounded education through various subjects far outweigh those of concentrating on a few specific subjects.

On one hand, proponents of a well-rounded education argue that learning multiple subjects equips individuals with integrated skills that help them adapt to fast-changing job markets and increase their opportunities. In the post-21st century, an advanced AI era, individuals must adapt to the rapid pace of social development. Multi-disciplinary education, combining both science and arts subjects, can be the key to success. For instance, to secure a good job such as teaching, individuals may need to delve into various fields like basic computer programming courses, professional skills related to particular fields, and psychological and educational subjects. Consequently, a well-rounded education makes it easier for people to earn their living when they graduate from school.

On the other hand, some argue that studying a few specific subjects in detail might be more reasonable and justifiable. There are valid points in this argument. With limited time and energy, focusing on a few subjects allows individuals to achieve great success and become experts in specific fields. For example, if an individual wants to become a doctor, they should study medicine and related subjects rather than divide their finite time and energy into other unrelated areas such as arts and literature. Becoming a professional doctor requires significant time and effort spent on medical studies, basic theoretical explorations, research, and experiments. Therefore, concentrating on specific related subjects might guarantee academic success.

However, I believe that receiving a well-rounded education is far more important than focusing solely on specific subjects. Balancing various areas of learning should be considered by schools when designing curricula. Schools could prioritize major-related subjects over optional ones while still providing a diverse range of subjects, thus resolving the issue of limited time and energy. For example, if a student chooses computer science as their major, they could concentrate on AI, programming, and math. However, literature, psychology, and arts should also be integrated into their studies to contribute to a well-rounded education. Multi-disciplinary education helps students easily navigate through their future career development and daily life.

It is well-known that having a background in arts can enhance the abilities of science-oriented individuals. For instance, a programmer with an education in arts might be more efficient in communicating and become more sympathetic to this highly developed technological society.

In conclusion, while focusing on specific subjects may lead to expertise in those areas, I believe that receiving a well-rounded education through various subjects is more beneficial for students' overall development and adaptability in today's fast-paced world. By prioritizing major-related subjects over secondary choices while still offering diverse learning opportunities, schools can help students achieve success both academically and professionally.

Essay statistics: {"words": 461, "unique_words": 237} (500 words)

It 7. Essay Grading

In today's educational landscape, there is universally acknowledged that education plays an essential role in shaping the intellectual and emotional development of individuals, and equips people with technique skills applied in the workforce. However, when it comes ongoing debate between whether older school children should learn a wide range of subjects to develop knowledge or focus on a small number of subjects in detail. (This sentence provides a clear introduction to the topic of education, people are often torn between the choices of receiving various subjects of education and specific a few subjects learning. and presents both sides of the argument.) From my perspective, the advantages of receiving a well-rounded education through various subjects far outweigh those of concentrating on a few specific subjects. (This sentence clearly states your opinion.)

On one hand, one of the most significant advantages proponents of a well-rounded education through many subjects is equipping argue that learning multiple subjects equips individuals with multiple integrated skills that help people them adapt themselves well in the to fast-changing job markets and increasing job increase their opportunities. Getting access to (This sentence introduces the first side of the argument and its main point.) In the post-21st century, sort of an advanced AI era, how can an individual get used to the sweeping speed individuals must adapt to the rapid pace of social development? I bet the answer lies in multi-disciplinary development. (This sentence provides context for the importance of adapting to change.) Multi-disciplinary education, combining both various science and arts subjects. subjects, can be the key to success. (This sentence connects multi-disciplinary education with success.) For example, to hunt for instance, to secure a good job, like being a teacher, job such as teaching, individuals might be required may need to delve deep into various fields, fields like basic computer programming courses, professional skills related to particular fields, and psychological and educational subjects. Therefore, (This sentence provides an example supporting your point.) Consequently, a well-rounded education makes it easier for people to earn their living when they graduate from school. (This sentence concludes this paragraph by summarizing its main point.)

On the other hand, some argue that studying a few specific subjects in detail might be more reasonable and justifiable. (This sentence introduces the second side of the argument.) There are some validations valid points in this argument. With limited time and energy, focusing on a few subjects, subjects allows individuals are more likely to achieve great success and become experts in specific fields. (These sentences explain why focusing on specific subjects can be beneficial.) For example, if an individual wants to become a doctor, he or she is supposed to they should study medicine and related subjects rather than divide their finite time and energy into other unrelated subjects areas such as arts and literature. To become (This sentence provides an example supporting this point.) Becoming a professional doctor, tons of doctor requires significant time and energy are required to delve deep into effort spent on medical studies, basic theoretical explorations, research, and experiments. (This sentence elaborates on the example.) Therefore, a few concentrating on specific related subjects might guarantee their academic success. (This sentence concludes this paragraph by summarizing its main point.)

While, according to my understanding, However, I believe that receiving a well-rounded education is far more important than a few focusing solely on specific subjects. How to balance (This sentence restates your opinion.) Balancing various subjects areas of learning might should be considered. I think considered by schools are supposed to when designing curricula. (This sentence introduces a solution to the problem.) Schools could prioritize a few major-related subjects over other optional ones, which ones while still providing a diverse range of subjects, thus resolving the issue of limited time and energy. (This sentence explains how schools can help solve the finite time and energy conflicts. implement this solution.) For example, if a student chooses computer science as his/her their major, he or she they could concentrate on AI, programming, and math. However, when it comes to the optional ones, literature, psychology, and arts would should also be wisely integrated into their multiple fields of study, contributing to being well-educated. studies to contribute to a well-rounded education. (These sentences provide an example of how this solution would work in practice.) Multi-disciplinary education helps Students students easily navigate through their future career development and daily life. (This sentence connects multi-disciplinary education with its benefits.)

It is well-known that having a background in arts can enhance the abilities of science-oriented individuals. For instance, a programmer with a background education in arts, a science nerd programmer an education in arts might be more efficient in communicating and become more sympathetic to this highly developed technological society. (These sentences provide additional support for your argument.)

To sum up, In conclusion, while focusing on specific subjects may lead to expertise in those areas, I believe that receiving a well-rounded education through various subjects is more beneficial for students' overall development and adaptability in today's fast-paced world. (This sentence restates your opinion and summarizes the main points of both these two arguments have their advantages and disadvantages. However, based on the points I just mentioned, the merits of receiving a well-rounded education are obvious, and the conflicts of finite time and energy could be solved by sides.) By prioritizing the major related major-related subjects over the secondary choices.choices while still offering diverse learning opportunities, schools can help students achieve success both academically and professionally. (This sentence provides a final solution to the problem and concludes the essay.)

8. Mind Map

• Thesis statement: Well-rounded education vs. specific subjects

  • Topic sentence 1: Advantages of well-rounded education
    • Sub-topic: Adaptability in job markets
      • Supporting example: Teaching profession requiring various skills
  • Topic sentence 2: Benefits of focusing on specific subjects
    • Sub-topic: Expertise in specific fields
      • Supporting example: Becoming a doctor requires medical studies
  • Topic sentence 3: Balancing various areas of learning in curricula
    • Sub-topic: Prioritizing major-related subjects while offering diverse options
      • Supporting example: Computer science major with literature, psychology, and arts courses

• Conclusion: Importance of well-rounded education and adaptability in today's world

9. Key Words

10. Additional Examples

11. A well-rounded education helps individuals develop critical thinking skills by exposing them to different perspectives, which is essential for problem-solving in various situations.

12. Students who engage in multi-disciplinary studies are more likely to develop strong communication skills, as they learn how to convey complex ideas across different fields effectively.

13. Focusing on specific subjects may limit students' ability to collaborate with others from different backgrounds, while a well-rounded education fosters teamwork and understanding of diverse perspectives.

14. A well-rounded education encourages lifelong learning, as students develop a curiosity for various subjects and are more likely to continue exploring new topics throughout their lives.

15. By offering a wide range of subjects, schools can help students discover their passions and talents, which may not be apparent if they only focus on specific subjects.

1.Sub Scores

• Task fulfillment: 4

• Organization: 4

• Coherence and Cohesion: 4

• Language Use: 3

2.Estimated Scores

• TOEFL iBT Independent Writing Score: 25

3.Task completeness The essay addresses the specific requirements of the task, discussing both views and providing a personal opinion. However, there is room for improvement in terms of clarity and conciseness. The introduction could be more engaging and provide a clearer overview of the essay's content. Additionally, some sentences are too long and complex, making it difficult to understand the main point.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Make the introduction more engaging by using a hook or a rhetorical question.

• Break down complex sentences into shorter ones to improve clarity.

Examples:

1. Instead of "When It comes to the topic concerning about efficacy of cultivating students...", try "How can we best cultivate students' knowledge and skills in today's world?"

2. Instead of "Well, this essay will hold a discussion about the two sides and formulate my own opinion.", try "In this essay, I will discuss both perspectives and provide my own opinion on this matter."

4.Essay structure and organization The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, some paragraphs lack clear topic sentences that introduce their main points. Transitions between ideas could also be improved to create better cohesion.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Include clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.

• Use appropriate transition words or phrases to connect ideas within paragraphs and between paragraphs.

Examples:

1. For the paragraph discussing exposure to various subjects, start with a topic sentence like "Exposing students to a wide range of subjects has several benefits in today's globalized world."

2. To improve transitions between ideas within paragraphs, use phrases like "For instance," "Moreover," or "On the other hand" to introduce new points or contrasting ideas.

5. Grammar

When It comes to the topic concerning about efficacy of cultivating students, people’s answers may differ greatly from one to another. An array of people considers that exposing students to a wide range of subjects might be justifiable, contributing wella well(This rule identifies whether the article 'a' is missing in a sentence.)-rounded educationeducation,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) while some other individuals envision that a few numbers of specific professional training might be superior. Well, this essay will hold a discussion about the two sides and formulate my own opinion.

Considering exposing the students to a wide range of subjects to absorb knowledge, it is understandable, particularly in such a globalized world. It is widely acknowledged that human beings have access to the information age via the internet, demanding more diverse skills both in terms of hunting for jobs and constructing the world. Plus, with the prevalence of world globalization, students might have more chances to get engaged in international business and communicate with people from different cultures. Therefore, immersing themselves in various subjects, like history, science, philosophy, and humanity courses, the students can not only adapt themselves well to the rapidly changing job market, increasing job opportunities in the fierce competition from outside but, but(Detects missing comma before "but") also enhance their abilities to navigate through international business environment. So, based on what I have mentioned, there are some validitiesvalidates(misspelling) for this argument. The opponent might argue that specific professional training courses might be more efficient. Well, considering the limited time and energy for individuals, it is crucial for students to concentrate on a few specific subjects, increasing their chances of becoming experts and achieving great success academically. This is just because this focused approach helps the students have more time and energy to delve deep into the particular fields they choose and obtain specialized knowledge and skills. For example, if an individual wants to be a doctor, it is much better for them to focus on studying medicine and health care subjects. There are abundant medical academic terms and experiments need to be done by students who are going to be a doctor. A well-rounded education might not achieve the same level of success the specific professional training offers.

In light of these two arguments, both two sides have their merits and how to strike the balance between these two might be considered sincerely. According to my understanding, due to its academic efficacy, specific professional training must be prioritized, compared with the results of the superficial understanding from studying various subjects. However, imposing students into different subjects could help cultivate critical thinking, empathy, and kindness among students. Well, the appropriate number of subjects introduced to the students in a controlled manner might help strengthen both academic success and diversity of knowledge.

6.Revised Essay

How can we best cultivate students' knowledge and skills in today's world? This question has sparked a debate among educators and parents alike. Some argue that older school children should learn a wide range of subjects to develop well-rounded knowledge, while others believe that they should focus on a small number of subjects in detail. In this essay, I will discuss both perspectives and provide my own opinion on this matter.

Exposing students to a wide range of subjects has several benefits in today's globalized world. Firstly, the information age has made it essential for individuals to possess diverse skills for job hunting and contributing to society. For instance, having knowledge in various fields such as history, science, philosophy, and humanities can increase one's adaptability in the rapidly changing job market. Moreover, with the prevalence of globalization, students are more likely to engage in international business and communicate with people from different cultures. Therefore, studying various subjects can enhance their abilities to navigate through international business environments.

On the other hand, some argue that specific professional training courses might be more efficient for students' success. Considering the limited time and energy individuals have, focusing on a few specific subjects could increase their chances of becoming experts and achieving academic excellence. This focused approach allows students to delve deep into their chosen fields and obtain specialized knowledge and skills. For example, aspiring doctors would benefit more from concentrating on medicine and healthcare subjects rather than pursuing a well-rounded education.

In light of these two arguments, both sides have their merits; however, striking a balance between them is crucial for students' overall development. In my opinion, specific professional training should be prioritized due to its academic efficacy compared to superficial understanding gained from studying various subjects. Nevertheless, introducing an appropriate number of diverse subjects in a controlled manner can help cultivate critical thinking, empathy, and kindness among students.

To achieve this balance between specialization and diversity of knowledge, schools could offer core subjects related to students' chosen fields while also providing elective courses that cover a wide range of topics. This approach would allow students to focus on their areas of interest while still gaining exposure to different perspectives and ideas. Additionally, incorporating interdisciplinary projects and activities can help students see the connections between various subjects and understand their relevance in real-world situations.

In conclusion, both learning a wide range of subjects and focusing on specific professional training have their advantages in preparing students for future success. However, a balanced approach that combines these two methods is likely to be the most effective in fostering well-rounded individuals who can thrive in today's globalized world. By offering specialized courses alongside diverse electives and encouraging interdisciplinary learning, schools can ensure that students develop both depth and breadth of knowledge, ultimately setting them up for success in their academic and professional lives.

Essay statistics: {"words": 454, "unique_words": 243} (485 words)

When It comes to the topic concerning about efficacy of cultivating students, people’s answers may differ greatly from one to another. An array of people considers 7.Essay Grading

How can we best cultivate students' knowledge and skills in today's world? (This rhetorical question serves as a hook to engage the reader) This question has sparked a debate among educators and parents alike. Some argue that exposing students to older school children should learn a wide range of subjects might be justifiable, contributing to develop well-rounded education knowledge, while some other individuals envision others believe that a few numbers of specific professional training might be superior. Well, they should focus on a small number of subjects in detail. In this essay essay, I will hold a discussion about the two sides and formulate discuss both perspectives and provide my own opinion. ¶ Considering exposing the opinion on this matter.

Exposing students to a wide range of subjects to absorb knowledge, it is understandable, particularly in such a has several benefits in today's globalized world. It is widely acknowledged that human beings have access to Firstly, the information age via the internet, demanding more has made it essential for individuals to possess diverse skills both in terms of for job hunting for jobs and constructing the world. Plus, and contributing to society. (This sentence is simplified for clarity) For instance, having knowledge in various fields such as history, science, philosophy, and humanities can increase one's adaptability in the rapidly changing job market. Moreover, with the prevalence of world globalization, students might have are more chances to get engaged likely to engage in international business and communicate with people from different cultures. Therefore, immersing themselves in studying various subjects, like history, science, philosophy, and humanity courses, the students can not only adapt themselves well to the rapidly changing job market, increasing job opportunities in the fierce competition from outside but also subjects can enhance their abilities to navigate through international business environment. So, based on what I have mentioned, there are environments.

On the other hand, some validities for this argument. ¶ The opponent might argue that specific professional training courses might be more efficient. Well, considering efficient for students' success. Considering the limited time and energy for individuals, it is crucial for students to concentrate individuals have, focusing on a few specific subjects, increasing subjects could increase their chances of becoming experts and achieving great success academically. This academic excellence. (This sentence is just because this simplified for clarity) This focused approach helps the students have more time and energy allows students to delve deep into the particular their chosen fields they choose and obtain specialized knowledge and skills. For example, if an individual wants to be a doctor, it is much better for them to focus aspiring doctors would benefit more from concentrating on studying medicine and health care subjects. There are abundant medical academic terms and experiments need to be done by students who are going to be a doctor. A healthcare subjects rather than pursuing a well-rounded education might not achieve the same level of success the specific professional training offers. education.

In light of these two arguments, both two sides have their merits and how to strike the merits; however, striking a balance between these two might be considered sincerely. According to them is crucial for students' overall development. In my understanding, due to its academic efficacy, opinion, specific professional training must should be prioritized, prioritized due to its academic efficacy compared with the results of the to superficial understanding gained from studying various subjects. However, imposing students into different subjects could Nevertheless, introducing an appropriate number of diverse subjects in a controlled manner can help cultivate critical thinking, empathy, and kindness among students. Well, the appropriate number of subjects introduced to the students in a controlled manner might

To achieve this balance between specialization and diversity of knowledge, schools could offer core subjects related to students' chosen fields while also providing elective courses that cover a wide range of topics. (This sentence is rephrased for clarity) This approach would allow students to focus on their areas of interest while still gaining exposure to different perspectives and ideas. Additionally, incorporating interdisciplinary projects and activities can help strengthen students see the connections between various subjects and understand their relevance in real-world situations.

In conclusion, both learning a wide range of subjects and focusing on specific professional training have their advantages in preparing students for future success. However, a balanced approach that combines these two methods is likely to be the most effective in fostering well-rounded individuals who can thrive in today's globalized world. By offering specialized courses alongside diverse electives and encouraging interdisciplinary learning, schools can ensure that students develop both depth and breadth of knowledge, ultimately setting them up for success in their academic success and diversity of knowledge.and professional lives.

Essay statistics: {"words": 454, "unique_words": 243}

8.Mind Map

• Thesis statement: Balancing a wide range of subjects and specific professional training is crucial for students' overall development.
  • Topic sentence 1: Benefits of learning a wide range of subjects
    • Sub-topic: Adaptability in the job market
      • Supporting example: Knowledge in history, science, philosophy, and humanities
    • Sub-topic: Navigating international business environments
      • Supporting example: Communication with people from different cultures
  • Topic sentence 2: Advantages of specific professional training
    • Sub-topic: Becoming experts and achieving academic excellence
      • Supporting example: Aspiring doctors focusing on medicine and healthcare subjects
  • Topic sentence 3: Achieving balance between specialization and diversity of knowledge
    • Sub-topic: Offering core subjects and diverse electives in schools
      • Supporting example: Interdisciplinary projects and activities

9.Key Words

10.Additional Examples

1. Offering study abroad programs can expose students to different cultures and educational systems, enhancing their adaptability and global awareness.

2. Encouraging collaboration between students from different fields can foster interdisciplinary thinking and help them understand the relevance of their studies in real-world situations.

3. Providing mentorship programs where students can learn from professionals in their chosen fields can help them gain practical knowledge and skills.

4. Incorporating extracurricular activities such as clubs, competitions, and workshops can offer students opportunities to explore their interests and develop skills outside of the classroom.

5. Implementing project-based learning that requires students to apply knowledge from various subjects can encourage critical thinking and problem-solving skills.