TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 2 Sample: School children in classrooms where trees can be seen are less prone to aggression, defiance, and rule--breaking.

1.子项得分 任务完成度: 3 组织: 3 连贯与衔接: 3 语言使用: 3

2.预估分数

20. 3.任务完成度

你的文章没有直接回答题目，题目要求讨论的是能看到树木的教室里的学生更不容易产生攻击性、反抗和违反纪律。然而，你的文章主要讨论了学生与自然接触的重要性以及如何在家种植植物。为了提高任务完成度，请确保你的文章直接回答题目，并提供相关证据和例子来支持你的观点。

例1： 错误：今天，我强烈支持所有学生都应该走出去，与大自然建立联系，因为这意味着他们具有更高的注意力集中度，更不容易产生攻击性、反抗和违反纪律。 正确：研究表明，在可以看到树木的教室里上课的学生更不容易产生攻击性、反抗和违反纪律。

例2： 错误：由于某些学生可能没有时间或没有父母允许去户外呼吸新鲜空气，我们可以解决这个问题的方法是在家里种植植物。 正确：为了减少学生的攻击性、反抗和违反纪律，学校可以在教室里种植植物或将教室安排在可以看到树木的地方。

4.文章结构与组织 你的文章结构不够清晰，缺乏明确的主题句和过渡句。要改进文章结构，请确保每段都有一个明确的主题句，并使用过渡词和短语来连接不同的观点和段落。

例1： 错误：学生现在有越来越多的工作要做。随后，他们没有时间去户外接触大自然。 正确：由于学生现在有越来越多的工作要做，他们很少有时间去户外接触大自然。然而，研究表明，在可以看到树木的教室里上课的学生更不容易产生攻击性、反抗和违反纪律。

例2： 错误：总之，让我们开始在家里种植植物，这样我们在学习时就可以保持轻松愉快的心情。 正确：总之，在可以看到树木的教室里上课对于减少学生攻击性、反抗和违反纪律具有积极作用。因此，学校应该考虑在教室里种植植物或将教室安排在可以看到树木的地方。

5. 语法批改

Students in nowadaysnowadays(Wrong phrase: 'in nowadays' (nowadays)) have more and more work to do. Subsequently, they have less time to go outside and get close to nature. Today, I strongly support that all students should go outside and connect with nature because it means they have higher concentration and are less prone to aggression, defiance, and rule--breaking. Nature very broadly has mental health benefits,.,(redundant punctuation) Green spaces like parks, woodland or forests and blue spaces like rivers, wetlands, beaches or canals all contribute to our wellbeing. It also includes trees on an urban street, private gardens, verges and even indoor plants or window boxes. Surprisingly, even watching nature documentaries is good for our mental health. This is great newsnews,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) as it means the mental health benefits of nature can be made available to nearly every one of us, no matter where we live. Now, let me explain it to you why can nature helps us with our emotions.

The reason why children are less touched by nature is because the only thing they did is just to look at the screen and study. Long periods focused on learning and staring at screens can affect children’s concentration and their mental health. If students continuing learning and continuing in high--focused mood, they will easily be distracted and, and(comma between independent clauses) instead they will also become irritable and restless. According to research, student’s mental health will strongly be affected if they don’t go outside and connect with nature. A professor of psychology sayssays,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) “Spending time in nature has cognitive benefits, but it also has emotional and existential benefits that go beyond just being able to solve arithmetic problems more quickly.” Therefore, student need to go outside and get close to nature.

The two main reasons that why students don’t go outside and connect with nature is first because of the safety problems that might occur and second, because of the time problem taken by students doing their homework. Parents think that if they let their kids go outsideoutside,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) there might be safety issues because they might play at height. Some injury can occur such as broke the feet or hurt the brain. Research from Safe Kids Canada organization says that In Canada, approximately 2,500 children age 14 and under are hospitalized annually as a result of playground falls—81% are for fractures. However, there are still some children that are not going outside is because they have too much homework to do. How can they have time if they have thisthese('this' vs. 'these') lots of homework to do? Continuing with the research of average time that students spend on doing their homeworkhomework,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) has had 3 hours per day. This is a really large amount of time, and this large amount of time was only useused(Agreement: 'been' or 'was' + past tense) for doing homework! Students require enough rest and energy to maintain focus and concentration. If they are sleep deprivedsleep-deprived(Hyphenated words: sleep deprived) or physically exhaustedexhausted,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) their ability to remain focused and attentive diminishes, making them easily to distract and to have a negative mood by prone to rule--breaking. So, students should all go outside and breathe in fresh air.

Due to the reason that some students might not have time and might not have parent’s permission to go outside and breathe in fresh air, what we can do to solve this problem is that we can start to plant plants at home. Instead of going outside and having less time to do your homework, you can plant plants at home, so when you are doing your homework, and whenever you are tired, you can just look up and see the green plant that you have planted directly. How can plants help us to have a higher concentration? Well, one research says that plants can support you a calm environment by increasing the amount of serotonin and other anxiety--reducing chemicals in your body. Another research says that the higher levels of CO2 make it harder to concentrate, think clearly, and make decisions. The oxygen generated by indoor plants, however, helps balance the levels of carbon dioxide in our bodies. It's the reason why time spent outdoors and “getting a breath of fresh air” clears our minds. In brief, it is so important for us to have plants close to us.

Overall, it was important to let us to havehave(Don't let any negativity to affect (affect) you) a calm mood because it can provide us a high efficiency. Being outside in nature is naturally calming, it changes how your brain is working and actually helps you to relax. According to a study from the University of Michigan, group nature walks are linked to enhanced mental health and positivity, as well as significantly lower levels of depression and feelings of stress.

However, some other good ways to help you relax and also provides a high efficiency except for get close with nature is that you can also listen to some chill music while you are doing your work, take a little break after you do the homework, etc. But the main point is just to get close with nature and have some rest. So, let’s start to plant plants at home and, and(comma between independent clauses) then we can have a relax and cherish mood when we are studying!

6.文章修订

School children in classrooms where trees can be seen are less prone to aggression, defiance, and rule-breaking.

In recent years, students have been burdened with increasing amounts of work, leaving them with little time to connect with nature. However, research has shown that exposure to natural environments, such as classrooms with a view of trees, can significantly reduce aggression, defiance, and rule-breaking among students. This essay will discuss the benefits of incorporating nature into educational settings and suggest ways schools can achieve this goal.

The lack of connection with nature among today's youth can be attributed to the prevalence of screen time and intense academic pressure. Extended periods spent focusing on screens or studying can negatively impact children's concentration and mental health. According to a psychology professor, "Spending time in nature has cognitive benefits, but it also has emotional and existential benefits that go beyond just being able to solve arithmetic problems more quickly." Thus, it is crucial for students to have access to natural environments during their school day.

One reason parents may be hesitant to allow their children more outdoor time is the concern for safety. They worry about potential injuries from playing at heights or other accidents. However, schools can address these concerns by creating safe outdoor spaces where students can interact with nature without unnecessary risks. Another obstacle is the amount of homework assigned to students; spending an average of three hours per day on assignments leaves little time for outdoor activities. To remedy this issue, schools should consider reducing homework loads and incorporating more nature-based learning opportunities into the curriculum.

In situations where outdoor access is limited or not feasible due to time constraints or parental concerns, schools can still bring nature into the classroom by incorporating plants and greenery into their design. This not only improves air quality but also creates a calming environment that promotes concentration and reduces anxiety. Research has shown that higher levels of CO2 make it harder for individuals to concentrate; however, plants generate oxygen, which helps balance CO2 levels in our bodies. This is why spending time outdoors and "getting a breath of fresh air" can clear our minds.

To maximize the benefits of nature exposure, schools should consider designing classrooms with large windows that provide views of trees and green spaces. This can help students feel more connected to nature even when they are indoors. Additionally, incorporating outdoor learning activities and encouraging students to take breaks outside can further enhance their connection with nature and reduce negative behaviors such as aggression, defiance, and rule-breaking.

In conclusion, incorporating nature into educational settings is essential for promoting mental health and reducing negative behaviors among students. Schools can achieve this by creating safe outdoor spaces, reducing homework loads, incorporating plants into classroom design, and providing views of trees and green spaces from within the classroom. By making these changes, schools can create a more nurturing environment that fosters concentration, relaxation, and positive behavior in their students. (496 words)

Students 7.文章批改

School children in nowadays have more and more work to do. Subsequently, they have less time to go outside and get close to nature. Today, I strongly support that all students should go outside and connect with nature because it means they have higher concentration and classrooms where trees can be seen are less prone to aggression, defiance, and rule--breaking. Nature very broadly rule-breaking. (This sentence directly addresses the prompt and serves as a clear thesis statement.)

In recent years, students have been burdened with increasing amounts of work, leaving them with little time to connect with nature. (Revised for clarity and conciseness.) However, research has mental health benefits,. Green spaces like parks, woodland shown that exposure to natural environments, such as classrooms with a view of trees, can significantly reduce aggression, defiance, and rule-breaking among students. (Directly connects the benefits of nature exposure to the prompt.) This essay will discuss the benefits of incorporating nature into educational settings and suggest ways schools can achieve this goal. (Provides a clear roadmap for the essay.)

The lack of connection with nature among today's youth can be attributed to the prevalence of screen time and intense academic pressure. (Revised for clarity.) Extended periods spent focusing on screens or forests and blue spaces like rivers, wetlands, beaches or canals all contribute to our wellbeing. It also includes trees on an urban street, private gardens, verges and even indoor plants or window boxes. Surprisingly, even watching nature documentaries is good for our studying can negatively impact children's concentration and mental health. This is great news as it means the mental health benefits of nature can be made available to nearly every one of us, no matter where we live. Now, let me explain it to you why can nature helps us with our emotions. ¶ The reason why children are less touched by nature is because the only thing they did is just to look at the screen and study. Long periods focused on learning and staring at screens can affect children’s concentration and their mental health. If students continuing learning and continuing in high--focused mood, they will easily be distracted and instead they will also become irritable and restless. According to research, student’s mental health will strongly be affected if they don’t go outside and connect with nature. A professor of a psychology says “Spending professor, "Spending time in nature has cognitive benefits, but it also has emotional and existential benefits that go beyond just being able to solve arithmetic problems more quickly.” Therefore, student need to go outside and get close to nature. quickly." Thus, it is crucial for students to have access to natural environments during their school day. (Connects the importance of nature exposure to students' well-being.)

The two main reasons that why One reason parents may be hesitant to allow their children more outdoor time is the concern for safety. They worry about potential injuries from playing at heights or other accidents. However, schools can address these concerns by creating safe outdoor spaces where students don’t go outside and connect with nature can interact with nature without unnecessary risks. (Addresses parental concerns while offering a solution.) Another obstacle is first because of the safety problems that might occur and second, because of the time problem taken by students doing their homework. Parents think that if they let their kids go outside there might be safety issues because they might play at height. Some injury can occur such as broke the feet or hurt the brain. Research from Safe Kids Canada organization says that In Canada, approximately 2,500 children age 14 and under are hospitalized annually as a result of playground falls—81% are for fractures. However, there are still some children that are not going outside is because they have too much the amount of homework to do. How can they have time if they have this lots of homework to do? Continuing with the research of assigned to students; spending an average time that students spend on doing their homework has had 3 of three hours per day. day on assignments leaves little time for outdoor activities. To remedy this issue, schools should consider reducing homework loads and incorporating more nature-based learning opportunities into the curriculum. (Offers a solution to the time constraint issue.)

In situations where outdoor access is limited or not feasible due to time constraints or parental concerns, schools can still bring nature into the classroom by incorporating plants and greenery into their design. (Revised for clarity and conciseness.) This is a really large amount of time, and this large amount of time was not only use for doing homework! Students require enough rest and energy to maintain focus and concentration. If they are sleep deprived or physically exhausted their ability to remain focused and attentive diminishes, making them easily to distract and to have a negative mood by prone to rule--breaking. So, students should all go outside and breathe in fresh air. ¶ Due to the reason improves air quality but also creates a calming environment that some students might not have time and might not have parent’s permission to go outside and breathe in fresh air, what we can do to solve this problem is promotes concentration and reduces anxiety. Research has shown that we can start to plant plants at home. Instead of going outside and having less time to do your homework, you can plant plants at home, so when you are doing your homework, and whenever you are tired, you can just look up and see the green plant that you have planted directly. How can plants help us to have a higher concentration? Well, one research says that plants can support you a calm environment by increasing the amount of serotonin and other anxiety--reducing chemicals in your body. Another research says that the higher levels of CO2 make it harder to concentrate, think clearly, and make decisions. The oxygen generated by indoor plants, for individuals to concentrate; however, plants generate oxygen, which helps balance the CO2 levels of carbon dioxide in our bodies. It's the reason This is why time spent spending time outdoors and “getting "getting a breath of fresh air” clears air" can clear our minds. (Explains the benefits of having plants in the classroom.)

To maximize the benefits of nature exposure, schools should consider designing classrooms with large windows that provide views of trees and green spaces. (Revised for clarity.) This can help students feel more connected to nature even when they are indoors. Additionally, incorporating outdoor learning activities and encouraging students to take breaks outside can further enhance their connection with nature and reduce negative behaviors such as aggression, defiance, and rule-breaking. (Connects classroom design with the prompt's focus on reducing negative behaviors.)

In brief, it conclusion, incorporating nature into educational settings is so important for us to have plants close to us. ¶ Overall, it was important to let us to have a calm mood because it can provide us a high efficiency. Being outside in nature is naturally calming, it changes how your brain is working and actually helps you to relax. According to a study from the University of Michigan, group nature walks are linked to enhanced essential for promoting mental health and positivity, as well as significantly lower levels of depression and feelings of stress. ¶ However, some other good ways to help you relax and also provides a high efficiency except for get close with nature is reducing negative behaviors among students. Schools can achieve this by creating safe outdoor spaces, reducing homework loads, incorporating plants into classroom design, and providing views of trees and green spaces from within the classroom. By making these changes, schools can create a more nurturing environment that you can also listen to some chill music fosters concentration, relaxation, and positive behavior in their students. (Summarizes main points while you are doing your work, take a little break after you do the homework, etc. But the main point is just to get close with nature and have some rest. So, let’s start to plant plants at home and then we can have a relax and cherish mood when we are studying!reinforcing the importance of incorporating nature into educational settings.)

8.思维导图

• Thesis statement: Exposure to natural environments reduces aggression, defiance, and rule-breaking among students.

  • Topic 1: Lack of connection with nature
    • Sub-topic: Screen time and academic pressure
    • Supporting example: Quote from a psychology professor
  • Topic 2: Parental concerns and time constraints
    • Sub-topic: Safety concerns
    • Sub-topic: Homework loads
    • Solution: Safe outdoor spaces and reduced homework loads
  • Topic 3: Incorporating nature into the classroom
    • Sub-topic: Plants and greenery in classroom design
    • Supporting example: Research on CO2 levels and concentration
  • Topic 4: Maximizing benefits of nature exposure
    • Sub-topic: Classroom design with large windows and views of trees
    • Solution: Outdoor learning activities and breaks outside

• Conclusion: Importance of incorporating nature into educational settings

9.关键词

10.补充示例

1. Students who have access to green spaces during recess show improved focus and behavior in the classroom.

2. Exposure to natural environments can reduce stress levels, leading to a more positive and cooperative atmosphere among students.

3. Incorporating nature into the school environment can promote creativity and problem-solving skills, as students are inspired by their surroundings.

4. Research has shown that exposure to nature can improve memory retention, making it easier for students to recall information learned in class.

5. Providing opportunities for outdoor physical activity can improve students' overall health and well-being, further reducing negative behaviors such as aggression and defiance.