TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 2 Sample: Professor: Humans live in the environment, depending on it as well. We need everything from the environment: food, clothing, medicine, and the list goes on. As the economy develops, we humans are struggling to strike a balance between the economy and the environment. Before the next class, I want you to talk about the following question: Should we slow down economic development to protect the environment? Claire: I think economic development comes before the environment. If people cannot live well enough, they would ensure their survival even at the cost of the environment. Especially in less developed areas, when the slow economic growth can hardly meet people's basic needs, the environment would be at stake. To be more specific, people need food and products to support themselves and their families. When they are short of proper supplies of living essentials, it is understandable that they would grow food and manufacture products to survive, even at the cost of the environment. They are not the ones to blame because survival is the priority of everybody. In this case, the culprit of the worsening environment is the backward economy in such underdeveloped areas. Paul: I still think that the top priority is the environment. Without the environment and everything it has been and will be providing for humans, we cannot even exist, not to mention boosting the economy! For the long-term development and prosperity of human society, we should realize the significance of environmental protection and slow down the economy to better preserve animals, plants, and our planet Earth. Only by protecting the environment can humans and human civilization go a long way.

1.子项得分

• 任务完成度: 3

• 文章结构与组织: 2

• 连贯性与衔接: 2

• 语言运用: 3

2.预估分数

• 总分: 18

3.任务完成度 你的文章基本上回答了题目，但在论述时需要更加深入和具体。首先，可以给出更多具体的例子来支持你的观点。其次，可以在论述中引用一些数据或研究来增强说服力。

示例1： Instead of saying "many things are made of nature," you can provide specific examples, such as "paper products, furniture, and even some clothing materials are derived from trees and plants."

示例2： You can mention a study or statistic to support your argument, such as "According to a report by the World Wildlife Fund, deforestation contributes to about 15% of global greenhouse gas emissions."

4.文章结构与组织 文章的结构和组织方面需要改进。首先，应该有一个明确的引言、正文和结论。其次，在每个段落中，都要集中讨论一个特定的观点，并提供相应的支持细节。最后，段落之间要有清晰的过渡。

建议1： 在引言部分明确表达你的观点，并简要概述你将在正文中讨论的主要论点。

示例1： "In this essay, I will argue that environmental protection should be prioritized over economic development, as it is essential for our survival and long-term prosperity."

建议2： 在正文段落中，每个段落只讨论一个观点，并提供相应的支持细节。

示例2： "One reason why environmental protection should be prioritized is that natural resources, such as clean air and water, are essential for human health. If we continue to exploit these resources for short-term economic gains, we may face severe consequences in the long run, such as increased pollution-related illnesses and a decline in overall quality of life."

5. 语法批改

In my perspective, I agree with Paul’s views that if we don’t protect the environmentenvironment,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) we can’t exist in the world. Therefore, protect the environment is the priority thing to do. Environment plays an important role in our daily life, we buildingwe're building(He going (He is going)) houses on the ground and collecting the materials derive from the forest, we drinkingwe're drinking(He going (He is going)) the water from the lake and using them maketo make(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) the things to clearly and so on. The ClarieClaire(misspelling)’s opinion that the environment development should be later than economic, also right, however, many things are made of nature. For example, the coinage or cash, they both from the woods of forest. If we pursuit[No Replacement Word Found](Missing verb: PRONOUN + NOUN (VERB)) of economic wealth took precedence over protection of the planet’s ecological health. We will cut down many treemany trees(Possible agreement error: 'many/several/few' + singular countable noun) those in the nature. The result may be the land will lanecane(missing verb after 'will/can/could/would') and global temperature will become warmer and warmer. Human cannot tolerate the heat on the earth and because of the extremely high temperature many bacteria clone continually, it causecauses('it' + non-3rd person verb) many people infect the disaster and the population of people is decrease.

6.文章修订

In this essay, I will argue that environmental protection should be prioritized over economic development, as it is essential for our survival and long-term prosperity. The environment plays a crucial role in our daily lives, providing us with the resources we need to build houses, obtain materials from forests, and access clean water. While economic development is important, it should not come at the expense of our planet's ecological health.

Claire's opinion that economic development should take precedence over environmental protection has some merit; however, many aspects of our economy rely on natural resources. For example, paper products, furniture, and even some clothing materials are derived from trees and plants. If we prioritize economic wealth over the protection of the environment, we may end up depleting these valuable resources. Deforestation contributes to about 15% of global greenhouse gas emissions according to a report by the World Wildlife Fund. This can lead to increased land degradation and global temperatures rising at an alarming rate.

Human beings cannot tolerate extreme heat on Earth, and as temperatures rise due to climate change caused by unsustainable practices, many bacteria may multiply rapidly. This could result in widespread infections and diseases leading to a decrease in the global population. Therefore, it is essential that we prioritize environmental protection over short-term economic gains.

One reason why environmental protection should be prioritized is that natural resources such as clean air and water are essential for human health. If we continue to exploit these resources for short-term economic gains, we may face severe consequences in the long run such as increased pollution-related illnesses and a decline in overall quality of life.

Furthermore, preserving biodiversity is crucial for maintaining a healthy ecosystem that supports human life. Many species play vital roles in pollination or controlling pests which directly impact agricultural production – an essential aspect of any economy. By protecting habitats and conserving wildlife populations through sustainable practices like reforestation or responsible resource management policies can help ensure the long-term stability of both our environment and economy.

Moreover, investing in green technologies and renewable energy sources can lead to new job opportunities and economic growth. This shift towards a more sustainable economy can help reduce our dependence on non-renewable resources while also mitigating the negative impacts of climate change. In this way, we can achieve a balance between economic development and environmental protection.

In conclusion, prioritizing environmental protection over economic development is crucial for the long-term survival and prosperity of human society. By adopting sustainable practices, investing in green technologies, and preserving biodiversity, we can ensure that future generations will have access to the resources they need to thrive. While economic development is important, it should not come at the expense of our planet's ecological health. Only by protecting the environment can humans and human civilization continue to progress in a sustainable manner. (475 words)

7.文章批改

In my perspective, this essay, I agree will argue that environmental protection should be prioritized over economic development, as it is essential for our survival and long-term prosperity. (Revised for clarity and to provide a clear thesis statement) The environment plays a crucial role in our daily lives, providing us with Paul’s views that if we don’t protect the environment we can’t exist in the world. Therefore, protect the environment is the priority thing to do. Environment plays an important role in our daily life, we building houses on the ground and collecting the the resources we need to build houses, obtain materials derive from the forest, we drinking the water from the lake and using them make the things to clearly and so on. ¶ The Clarie’s forests, and access clean water. (Revised for advanced vocabulary and sentence structure) While economic development is important, it should not come at the expense of our planet's ecological health. (Revised for clarity)

Claire's opinion that the environment economic development should be later than economic, also right, take precedence over environmental protection has some merit; however, many things are made of nature. aspects of our economy rely on natural resources. (Revised for clarity and coherence) For example, the coinage paper products, furniture, and even some clothing materials are derived from trees and plants. (Revised for specificity) If we prioritize economic wealth over the protection of the environment, we may end up depleting these valuable resources. Deforestation contributes to about 15% of global greenhouse gas emissions according to a report by the World Wildlife Fund. (Added a statistic to support the argument) This can lead to increased land degradation and global temperatures rising at an alarming rate. (Revised for advanced vocabulary)

Human beings cannot tolerate extreme heat on Earth, and as temperatures rise due to climate change caused by unsustainable practices, many bacteria may multiply rapidly. (Revised for clarity and coherence) This could result in widespread infections and diseases leading to a decrease in the global population. Therefore, it is essential that we prioritize environmental protection over short-term economic gains.

One reason why environmental protection should be prioritized is that natural resources such as clean air and water are essential for human health. If we continue to exploit these resources for short-term economic gains, we may face severe consequences in the long run such as increased pollution-related illnesses and a decline in overall quality of life. (Revised for clarity and coherence)

Furthermore, preserving biodiversity is crucial for maintaining a healthy ecosystem that supports human life. Many species play vital roles in pollination or cash, controlling pests which directly impact agricultural production – an essential aspect of any economy. (Revised for advanced vocabulary and sentence structure) By protecting habitats and conserving wildlife populations through sustainable practices like reforestation or responsible resource management policies can help ensure the long-term stability of both our environment and economy. (Revised for clarity and coherence)

Moreover, investing in green technologies and renewable energy sources can lead to new job opportunities and economic growth. This shift towards a more sustainable economy can help reduce our dependence on non-renewable resources while also mitigating the negative impacts of climate change. (Revised for advanced vocabulary) In this way, we can achieve a balance between economic development and environmental protection.

In conclusion, prioritizing environmental protection over economic development is crucial for the long-term survival and prosperity of human society. By adopting sustainable practices, investing in green technologies, and preserving biodiversity, we can ensure that future generations will have access to the resources they both from the woods of forest. If we pursuit of economic wealth took precedence over protection of the planet’s need to thrive. While economic development is important, it should not come at the expense of our planet's ecological health. We will cut down many tree those in the nature. The result may be the land will lane and global temperature will become warmer and warmer. Human cannot tolerate the heat on the earth and because of the extremely high temperature many bacteria clone continually, it cause many people infect the disaster and the population of people is decrease.Only by protecting the environment can humans and human civilization continue to progress in a sustainable manner. (Revised for clarity, coherence, and advanced vocabulary)

8.思维导图

• Thesis statement: Prioritize environmental protection over economic development

  • Topic sentence 1: Importance of natural resources
    • Sub-topic: Resources for daily life
    • Supporting example: Paper products, furniture, clothing materials
  • Topic sentence 2: Consequences of prioritizing economic wealth
    • Sub-topic: Deforestation and greenhouse gas emissions
    • Supporting example: World Wildlife Fund report
  • Topic sentence 3: Climate change and human health
    • Sub-topic: Extreme heat and bacterial growth
    • Supporting example: Widespread infections and diseases
  • Topic sentence 4: Benefits of environmental protection
    • Sub-topic: Clean air, water, and biodiversity preservation
    • Supporting example: Ecosystem services like pollination and pest control
  • Topic sentence 5: Sustainable economic development through green technologies
    • Sub-topic: Renewable energy sources and job opportunities
    • Supporting example: Reducing dependence on non-renewable resources

• Conclusion: Adopt sustainable practices, invest in green technologies, preserve biodiversity for long-term survival and prosperity.

9.关键词

10.补充示例

1. Implementing strict regulations on industrial pollution can help protect the environment while still allowing for economic growth.

2. Encouraging public transportation and investing in electric vehicles can reduce greenhouse gas emissions and contribute to sustainable urban development.

3. Promoting eco-tourism can create job opportunities while preserving natural habitats and wildlife populations.

4. Implementing waste management policies, such as recycling programs, can help reduce pollution and promote a circular economy.

5. Investing in education and raising public awareness about environmental issues can lead to more responsible consumer choices and sustainable lifestyles.