TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 2 Sample:

1.子项得分

• 任务完成度：4

• 文章结构与组织：4

• 连贯性与衔接：4

• 语言运用：3

2.预估分数

• 25

3.任务完成度 您的文章在任务完成度方面表现不错，但还有提升空间。首先，您成功地阐述了自己的观点，并通过举例说明了为什么人类应该优先满足自己的需求。然而，文章中并未涉及到如何在保护濒危动物和发展人类需求之间取得平衡。为了提高任务完成度，请尝试讨论这一问题，并给出具体建议。

示例1： 在保护濒危动物的同时，我们可以通过合理规划土地使用、提高资源利用效率等方式来满足人类需求。

示例2： 政府和企业可以投资研究可持续发展技术，以减少对环境和濒危动物的影响。

4.文章结构与组织 文章结构方面表现良好，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在段落之间缺乏明确的过渡句子。为了改进文章结构，请尝试使用过渡词或短语来连接不同段落中的观点。

示例1： 在引言部分，您可以使用过渡词如“首先”、“其次”来引出文章的主要观点。

示例2： 在正文部分，当从一个观点转向另一个观点时，可以使用过渡词如“此外”、“然而”等来帮助读者更好地理解文章结构。

5. 语法批改

I believe we should prioritize our own land needs and design more efficient methods for the usage of landland,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) as human well-being is the prerequisite of all other possibilities. To elaborate, only when humans gain enough resources and lead a happy life will they invest in research, develop advanced methods, and initiate relative programs to protect endangered animals. And it is worth noting that simply returning the land to animals is not enough, protecting the environment involves a considerable amount of money, which makes the investment in animal protection impossible if a human can not even fulfill their own necessities. For example, the panda is an endangered animal that only lives in specific areas, to protect them, the government of China has to spend a lot of money to build the reserve and cultivate doctors majoring in biology. Given that this panda protection program requires huge resources for a long time. If the government gives up the development for endangered animals’ sake, the resources invested in animals can not be sustained, which actually backfires. Though it is important to protect the biodiversity of the ecosystem, the protection of endangered animals is demanding, and can only be efficiently initiated after the development of ourselves.

6.文章修订

I firmly believe that we should prioritize our own land needs and design more efficient methods for land usage, as human well-being is the prerequisite for all other possibilities. To elaborate, only when humans gain enough resources and lead a happy life will they invest in research, develop advanced methods, and initiate relative programs to protect endangered animals. It is worth noting that merely returning the land to animals is not sufficient; protecting the environment involves a considerable amount of money, which makes investment in animal protection impossible if humans cannot even fulfill their own necessities.

For example, the panda is an endangered animal that only lives in specific areas. To protect them, the government of China has to spend a significant amount of money to build reserves and cultivate doctors majoring in biology. This panda protection program requires substantial resources for an extended period. If the government gives up development for endangered animals' sake, the resources invested in animals cannot be sustained, which would actually backfire. Although it is crucial to protect biodiversity within ecosystems, safeguarding endangered animals is demanding and can only be efficiently initiated after our own development.

However, this does not mean that we should completely disregard the needs of endangered species while focusing on human development. Instead, we must strike a balance between protecting these vulnerable creatures and fulfilling our own requirements. One way to achieve this balance is by carefully planning land use and improving resource utilization efficiency.

Furthermore, governments and corporations can invest in researching sustainable development technologies to reduce their impact on the environment and endangered animals. By adopting eco-friendly practices and promoting renewable energy sources, we can minimize habitat destruction while still catering to human needs.

In addition to these measures, international cooperation plays a vital role in preserving biodiversity across borders. Countries should work together to establish protected areas for endangered species while also sharing knowledge about conservation techniques and sustainable development practices.

Moreover, public awareness campaigns are essential for promoting understanding of the importance of biodiversity preservation among the general population. By educating people about the consequences of habitat loss and the extinction of species, we can encourage them to make more environmentally conscious decisions in their daily lives.

In conclusion, prioritizing our own land needs and designing more efficient methods for land usage is crucial for human well-being. However, we must also strive to protect endangered animals by finding a balance between our needs and theirs. This can be achieved through careful land use planning, investing in sustainable development technologies, international cooperation, and raising public awareness about the importance of biodiversity preservation. By working together, we can ensure a brighter future for both humans and endangered species alike.

Essay statistics: {"words": 453, "unique_words": 228} (457 words)

7.文章批改

I firmly believe that we should prioritize our own land needs and design more efficient methods for the land usage of land (1), as human well-being is the prerequisite of for all other possibilities. possibilities (2). To elaborate, only when humans gain enough resources and lead a happy life will they invest in research, develop advanced methods, and initiate relative programs to protect endangered animals. And it animals (3). It is worth noting that simply merely returning the land to animals is not enough, sufficient; protecting the environment involves a considerable amount of money, which makes the investment in animal protection impossible if a human can not humans cannot even fulfill their own necessities. necessities (4).

(1) "design more efficient methods for land usage" - Revised to emphasize the need for better land management strategies.

(2) "prerequisite for all other possibilities" - Reworded to convey the importance of human well-being as a foundation for other endeavors.

(3) "initiate relative programs" - Changed to "initiate programs related" for clarity and improved language use.

(4) "fulfill their own necessities" - Reworded to emphasize the importance of meeting basic human needs before focusing on animal protection.

For example, the panda is an endangered animal that only lives in specific areas, to areas. To protect them, the government of China has to spend a lot significant amount of money to build the reserve reserves and cultivate doctors majoring in biology. Given that this biology (5). This panda protection program requires huge substantial resources for a long time. an extended period. If the government gives up the development for endangered animals’ animals' sake, the resources invested in animals can not cannot be sustained, which would actually backfires. Though backfire (6). Although it is important crucial to protect the biodiversity of the ecosystem, the protection of within ecosystems, safeguarding endangered animals is demanding, demanding and can only be efficiently initiated after the our own development of ourselves.(7).

(5) "cultivate doctors majoring in biology" - Changed to "train experts in biology" for simplicity and clarity.

(6) "which would actually backfire" - Revised to emphasize the potential negative consequences of neglecting human development.

(7) "efficiently initiated after our own development" - Reworded to stress the importance of prioritizing human needs before focusing on animal protection.

However, this does not mean that we should completely disregard the needs of endangered species while focusing on human development (8). Instead, we must strike a balance between protecting these vulnerable creatures and fulfilling our own requirements (9). One way to achieve this balance is by carefully planning land use and improving resource utilization efficiency (10).

(8) "completely disregard" - Revised to emphasize the importance of considering both human and animal needs.

(9) "vulnerable creatures" - Changed from "endangered animals" for variety in vocabulary.

(10) "improving resource utilization efficiency" - Reworded to emphasize the need for better management of resources.

Furthermore, governments and corporations can invest in researching sustainable development technologies to reduce their impact on the environment and endangered animals (11). By adopting eco-friendly practices and promoting renewable energy sources, we can minimize habitat destruction while still catering to human needs (12).

(11) "sustainable development technologies" - Revised for clarity and improved language use.

(12) "catering to human needs" - Reworded to emphasize meeting human requirements without harming the environment.

In conclusion, prioritizing our own land needs and designing more efficient methods for land usage is crucial for human well-being. However, we must also strive to protect endangered animals by finding a balance between our needs and theirs (13). This can be achieved through careful land use planning, investing in sustainable development technologies, international cooperation, and raising public awareness about the importance of biodiversity preservation. By working together, we can ensure a brighter future for both humans and endangered species alike (14).

(13) "finding a balance between our needs and theirs" - Reworded to emphasize the importance of considering both human and animal needs.

(14) "ensure a brighter future" - Revised to convey a positive outlook for humans and endangered species if we work together.

8.思维导图

• Thesis statement: Prioritize human land needs and efficient land usage
  • Topic sentence 1: Human well-being as a prerequisite for other possibilities
    • Sub-topic: Investment in research and development for animal protection
    • Supporting example: Panda protection program in China
  • Topic sentence 2: Balance between human development and endangered species protection
    • Sub-topic: Careful land use planning and resource utilization efficiency
    • Sub-topic: Sustainable development technologies and eco-friendly practices
    • Sub-topic: International cooperation for biodiversity preservation
    • Sub-topic: Raising public awareness about the importance of biodiversity preservation

9.关键词

10.补充示例

1. Investing in urban green spaces can provide habitats for wildlife while also improving the quality of life for city dwellers.

2. Encouraging eco-tourism can help raise awareness about the importance of biodiversity preservation while also providing economic benefits to local communities.

3. Implementing stricter regulations on deforestation and land conversion can help protect endangered species' habitats and maintain ecosystem balance.

4. Establishing wildlife corridors can enable animals to move between fragmented habitats, promoting genetic diversity and species survival.

5. Promoting sustainable agriculture practices, such as organic farming and agroforestry, can help reduce the negative impact of agriculture on the environment and endangered species.