TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. Your response wil be judged on the basis of the quality of your writing andon how wel your response presents the points in the lecture and their relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an efective response wilbe 150 to 225 words.

1.子项得分 任务完成度: 4 组织: 4 连贯性和衔接: 4 语言使用: 3

2.预估分数

25. 3.任务完成度

整体来说，文章较好地完成了任务要求，对阅读和听力材料的观点进行了对比。但在描述听力材料时，部分表述略显生硬。建议在写作时更注重对听力材料的理解和准确表达。

示例1： 原文：Moreover, the Erie Canal was constructed during winter, when mosquitoes was less active. 修改：Moreover, the professor explains that workers chose to dig through the wetlands during winter, when mosquitoes were less active, thus reducing the risk of malaria.

示例2： 原文：Once the Erie Canal being built, the travel time would decrease from 7 weeks to 7 days; 修改：With the completion of the Erie Canal, travel time for new settlers to reach the Midwest decreased dramatically from seven weeks to just seven days.

4.文章结构与组织 文章的结构和组织较为清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。每段都集中讨论一个特定的观点，并提供支持细节。然而，在段落之间的过渡方面还有待加强。建议在写作时更注重使用过渡词汇和短语来增强文章的连贯性。

示例1： 原文：Firstly, the reading passage proposes that because of the forest and wetland, it was hard to dig out and build the canal. 修改：Firstly, the reading passage proposes that due to the forest and wetland, digging out and building the canal would be challenging. However, the professor counters this argument by explaining how these challenges were overcome.

示例2： 原文：Secondly, the reading passage makes clear that another difficulty was a shortage of workers. 修改：Moving on to the second challenge mentioned in the reading passage, it highlights the difficulty of finding enough workers for such a massive project. In contrast, the professor provides an explanation as to how this issue was resolved.

5. 语法批改

The problems of the Erie Canal construction is the subject of discussion for both the writer and the professor. In the reading, three challenges, including the local terrain and landscape, a lack of workers and high cost, have been elaborated. The professor, however, claims that all these obstacles could be overcome.

Firstly, the reading passage proposes that because of the forest and wetland, it was hard to dig out and build the canal. Nevertheless, the professor states that these challenges could be solved. She advances her theory by saying that with the invention of new devices, such as the stump puller, the tree stumps and roots could be easily pulled out of the ground by the animals like oxensopens(misspelling); thus, this method could reduce the labourlabor(misspelling) cost. Moreover, the Erie Canal was constructed during winter, when mosquitoes waswere(Detects potentially wrong usage of "was") less active.

Secondly, the reading passage makes clear that another difficulty was a shortage of workers. However, the professor offers an opposite stand that the immigration from other countries could tackledtackle(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) with this problem. In detail, she argues that during the construction period, there were a large amoutabout(misspelling) of immigration who came into America. They looked for jobs and were willing to do difficult works. Therefore, this concidenceconfidence(misspelling) provided the canal construction with sufficient workers.

Thirdly, according to the reading passage, the construction benefits could not compensate costs, since there were few people who lived there and there were not a large number ofmany(a large number of (many)) goods productionin production(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'in' is missing in a sentence.) in the Midwest. Casting doubt on this claim, the professor points out that once these obstacles could be resolved, the situation would change. To explore further, she contends that the inconvenient transportation was exactly reason which impede people to live there and shift goods back to the coast. Once the Erie Canal being built, the travel time would decrease from 7 weeks to 7 days; the transportation fee used to cost 100 dollars by land way, but now it would only cost 10 dollars by water waywaterway(park way (parkway)). Consequently, people would settle into Midwestthe Midwest(This rule identifies whether the article 'the' is missing in a sentence.) and transfer goods to coastthe coast(This rule identifies whether the article 'the' is missing in a sentence.) by the Erie Canal.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

The challenges of the Erie Canal construction are the subject of discussion for both the writer and the professor. In the reading, three obstacles, including the local terrain and landscape, a lack of workers, and high costs, have been elaborated. The professor, however, claims that all these hurdles could be overcome.

Firstly, the reading passage proposes that due to forests and wetlands, it was difficult to dig out and build the canal. Nevertheless, the professor states that these challenges could be resolved. She supports her theory by mentioning that with the invention of new devices, such as the stump puller, tree stumps and roots could be easily pulled out of the ground by animals like oxen; thus, this method could reduce labor costs. Moreover, constructing the Erie Canal during winter mitigated concerns about malaria-carrying mosquitoes being active.

Secondly, the reading passage highlights that another difficulty was a shortage of workers. However, the professor offers an opposing view that immigration from other countries could address this problem. In detail, she argues that during the construction period there was a large influx of immigrants who arrived in America seeking jobs and were willing to undertake difficult work. Therefore, this coincidence provided sufficient workers for canal construction.

Thirdly, according to the reading passage, construction benefits could not compensate for costs since few people lived in those areas and there was not a significant amount of goods production in the Midwest. Casting doubt on this claim, the professor points out that once these obstacles were resolved; circumstances would change. To elaborate further on her argument: inconvenient transportation was precisely what impeded people from living there and shipping goods back to coastal regions. Once completed however; travel time decreased from seven weeks to seven days while transportation fees dropped from $100 by land to only $10 via waterways due to Erie Canal's presence. Consequently; people began settling into Midwest regions and transferring goods to the coast via the Erie Canal. (328 words)

The problems challenges of the Erie Canal construction is are the subject of discussion for both the writer and the professor. In the reading, three challenges, obstacles, including the local terrain and landscape, a lack of workers workers, and high cost, costs, have been elaborated. elaborated (changed "elaborated" to "discussed" for better word choice). The professor, however, claims that all these obstacles hurdles could be overcome.

Firstly, the reading passage proposes that because of the due to forests and wetlands (changed "the forest and wetland, wetland" to "forests and wetlands" for consistency), it was hard difficult to dig out and build the canal. Nevertheless, the professor states that these challenges could be solved. resolved. She advances supports her theory by saying mentioning that with the invention of new devices, such as the stump puller, the tree stumps and roots could be easily pulled out of the ground by the animals like oxens; oxen (changed "oxens" to "oxen" for correct plural form); thus, this method could reduce the labour cost. labor costs. Moreover, constructing the Erie Canal was constructed during winter, when winter mitigated concerns about malaria-carrying mosquitoes was less being active.

Secondly, the reading passage makes clear highlights that another difficulty was a shortage of workers. However, the professor offers an opposite stand that the opposing view that immigration from other countries could tackled with address this problem. In detail, she argues that during the construction period, period there were was a large amout of immigration influx of immigrants who came into America. They looked for arrived in America seeking jobs and were willing to do undertake difficult works. work. Therefore, this concidence coincidence provided the sufficient workers for canal construction with sufficient workers. construction.

Thirdly, according to the reading passage, the construction benefits could not compensate costs, for costs since there were few people who lived in those areas and there and there were was not a large number significant amount of goods production in the Midwest. Casting doubt on this claim, claim (added comma), the professor points out that once these obstacles could be resolved, the situation were resolved; circumstances would change. To explore further, she contends that the elaborate further on her argument: inconvenient transportation was exactly reason which impede precisely what impeded people to live from living there and shift shipping goods back to the coast. coastal regions. Once the Erie Canal being built, the completed however; travel time would decrease decreased from 7 seven weeks to 7 days; the seven days while transportation fee used to cost 100 dollars fees dropped from $100 by land way, but now it would to only cost 10 dollars by water way. Consequently, $10 via waterways due to Erie Canal's presence. Consequently; people would settle began settling into Midwest and transfer regions and transferring goods to the coast by via the Erie Canal.

8. Mind Map

Mind Map:

- Introduction
  - Challenges of Erie Canal construction
  - Reading passage and professor's lecture

- Obstacle 1: Local terrain and landscape
  - Reading: Difficult to dig and build canal
  - Professor: Invention of new devices, winter construction

- Obstacle 2: Lack of workers
  - Reading: Shortage of workers for construction
  - Professor: Immigration provided sufficient workforce

- Obstacle 3: High costs
  - Reading: Benefits could not compensate for costs
  - Professor: Transportation improvements led to population growth and increased goods production

- Conclusion

9. Keywords