TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: You have 20 min to plan and write your response. Your response will be judged on the basis of the quality of your writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and their relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words.

1.子项得分 任务完成度：4 组织：4 连贯与衔接：4 语言使用：3

2.预估分数

25. 3.任务完成度

你的文章基本上完成了任务要求，阐述了阅读材料中提到的三种方法，并且从听力材料中提出了反驳观点。但是，你可以更加深入地讨论听力中的论点，并在引用听力内容时使用更多细节。此外，尝试使用更多不同的词汇和表达方式，以避免重复。

改进建议示例1： 原文："The speaker disputes this notion by claiming that those customers who bought the old products will feel offended for the reason that the old version of products makes them feel out-of-date." 改进后："The lecturer challenges this idea, arguing that introducing a new version might alienate existing customers, as they may perceive their previously purchased products as outdated or inferior."

改进建议示例2： 原文："For example, an ice cream and a chocolate decided to form a partnership and produce chocolate ice cream." 改进后："For instance, when an ice cream company and a chocolate company collaborate to create chocolate ice cream, it may initially seem successful."

4.文章结构与组织 你的文章结构清晰，包括引言、主体和结论。每段都集中讨论一个特定的观点，并提供支持细节。然而，在段落之间可以使用更明确的过渡词或短语来增强连贯性。

改进建议示例1： 原文："Firstly, according to the writer... Therefore the overall sales may even be cut down." 改进后："Firstly, the author suggests that... However, the lecturer argues that this approach could actually lead to a decrease in overall sales."

改进建议示例2： 原文："Last but not least, the reading material asserts that forming a partnership is an efficient way." 改进后："Lastly, while the reading passage posits that forming partnerships can be an effective strategy, the lecturer contends that this method has its own set of challenges."

5. 语法批改

The reading passage highlights three methods that can be used to escalate sales of old products. However, the lecturer contends that all these methods are not as valid as they appear.

Firstly, according to the writer, launching a new version of the existing products attracts new customers, thus increasing sales. The speaker disputes this notion by claiming that those customers who bought the old products will feel offended for the reason that the old version of products makes them feel out-of-date. ThereforeTherefore,(Commas after conjunctive/linking adverbs in front of a new sentence.) the overall sales may even be cut down.

Secondly, the reading points out that creating a related product will be helpful in improving the sales. For example, a tractor company can sell boots as well to get more income. Nevertheless, the professor counters this point by stating that this method is risky. Assume that the tractor is durable and high-quality, thus the company can build a good reputation. However, if the new product-boots are not as high-quality as the tractor, the company's reputation will be damaged, which will result in decreased sales.

Last but not least, the reading material asserts that forming a partnership is an efficient way. Unfortunately, according to the lecture, this way is not going to work as well. There are multiple reasons that the combined company fell apart. For example, an ice cream and a chocolate decided to form a partnership and produce chocolate ice cream. This method may work at first, but if the chocolate company wants to get a higher revenue and begin to run its own business, these two companies will be competitors.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

The reading passage outlines three strategies for boosting sales of aging products, while the lecturer argues that these methods are not as effective as they seem.

Firstly, the author posits that introducing a new version of existing products can attract new customers and increase sales. However, the speaker disputes this notion, asserting that existing customers may feel offended because the older version of the product makes them feel outdated. Consequently, overall sales might even decline.

Secondly, the reading suggests that creating a related product can help improve sales. For instance, a tractor company could also sell boots to generate more revenue. Nevertheless, the professor counters this point by stating that this approach is risky. Suppose the tractor is durable and high-quality, allowing the company to build a good reputation. In contrast, if the new product - boots - is not as high-quality as the tractor, the company's reputation could be damaged, leading to decreased sales.

Lastly, the reading material contends that forming partnerships is an efficient method. Regrettably, according to the lecture, this strategy may not work well either. There are various reasons why a joint venture might fall apart. For example, an ice cream and chocolate company decide to form a partnership and produce chocolate ice cream. This method may work initially; however, if the chocolate company wishes to maximize its revenue and starts its own business in ice cream production later on, these two companies will become competitors instead of partners. (246 words)

Section Title: 6.文章修订

The reading passage highlights outlines three methods that can be used to escalate strategies for boosting sales of old products. However, aging products, while the lecturer contends that all argues that these methods are not as valid effective as they appear. seem (changed "escalate" to "boosting" and "valid" to "effective" for more appropriate word choice).

Firstly, according to the writer, launching the author posits that introducing a new version of the existing products attracts can attract new customers, thus increasing customers and increase sales. The However, the speaker disputes this notion by claiming that those notion, asserting that existing customers who bought the old products will may feel offended for the reason that the old because the older version of products the product makes them feel out-of-date. Therefore the outdated (rephrased for clarity and smoother sentence structure). Consequently, overall sales may might even be cut down. decline (replaced "cut down" with "decline" for better word choice).

Secondly, the reading points out suggests that creating a related product will be helpful in improving the can help improve sales. For example, instance, a tractor company can could also sell boots as well to get to generate more income. revenue. Nevertheless, the professor counters this point by stating that this method approach is risky. Assume that Suppose the tractor is durable and high-quality, thus allowing the company can to build a good reputation. However, reputation (rephrased for clarity). In contrast, if the new product-boots are product - boots - is not as high-quality as the tractor, the company's reputation will could be damaged, which will result in leading to decreased sales. sales (rephrased for better sentence structure).

Last but not least, Lastly, the reading material asserts contends that forming a partnership partnerships is an efficient way. Unfortunately, method. Regrettably, according to the lecture, this way is strategy may not going to work as well. well either (changed "way" to "strategy" for consistency). There are multiple various reasons that the combined company fell apart. why a joint venture might fall apart (rephrased for clarity). For example, an ice cream and a chocolate decided company decide to form a partnership and produce chocolate ice cream. This method may work at first, but initially; however, if the chocolate company wants to get a higher wishes to maximize its revenue and begin to run starts its own business, business in ice cream production later on (rephrased for clarity), these two companies will be competitors.become competitors instead of partners (rephrased for smoother sentence structure).

8. Mind Map

Mind Map:

- Introduction
  - Reading passage: strategies for boosting sales of aging products
  - Lecture: argues against the effectiveness of these methods

- Point 1: New version of existing products
  - Reading: attracts new customers, increases sales
  - Lecture: may offend existing customers, could lead to declining sales

- Point 2: Creating a related product
  - Reading: helps improve sales (e.g., tractor company selling boots)
  - Lecture: risky approach, potential damage to company reputation if new product is not high-quality

- Point 3: Forming partnerships
  - Reading: efficient method for boosting sales
  - Lecture: various reasons why joint ventures might fail (e.g., partners becoming competitors)

- Conclusion

9. Keywords