TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: write the passage

Historical user samples and AI evaluation results from an older TOEFL format.

1 archived user samples

Older TOEFL Format

This task is from a previous version of the TOEFL exam. The current TOEFL has a different structure. These archived samples remain available as a reference for practice.

Task Overview

Reading Passage

Critics say that current voting systems used in the United States are inefficient and often lead to the inaccurate counting of votes. Miscounts can be especially damaging if an election is closely contested. Those critics would like the traditional systems to be replaced with far more efficient and trustworthy computerized voting systems. In traditional voting, one major source of inaccuracy is that people accidentally vote for the wrong candidate. Voters usually have to find the name of their candidate on a large sheet of paper containing many names--the ballot-and make a small mark next to that name People with poor eyesight can easily mark the wrong name. The computerized voting machines have an easy-to-use touch-screen technology: to cast a vote, a voter needs only to touch the candidate's name on the screen to record a vote for that candidate: voters can even have the computer magnify the name for easier viewing. Another major problem with old voting systems is that they rely heavily on people to count the votes. Officials must often count up the votes one by one, going through every ballot and recording the vote. Since they have to deal with thousands of ballots, it is almost inevitable that they will make mistakes. If an error is detected, a long and expensive recount has to take place. In contrast, computerized systems remove the possibility of human error, since all the vote counting is done quickly and automatically by the computers. Finally some people say it is too risky to implement complicated voting technology nationwide. But without giving it a thought, governments and individuals alike trust other complex computer technology every day to be perfectly accurate in banking transactions as well as in the communication of highly sensitive information

Question

write the passage

User Samples & Evaluation Results

User Sample

The reading passage explores the issue of some people believe that there should be a new voting system replace the traditional systems in the United Staes. The professor’s lecture deals with the same issue. However, he thinks that the new system which use computer to vote is a questionable idea, which contradicts what the reading states. And in the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his idea.

Evaluation Result

1.子项得分 Task fulfillment: 2 Organization: 2 Coherence and Cohesion: 2 Language Use: 2

2.预估分数 Estimated Score: 14

3.任务完成度从任务完成度的角度来看，这篇文章没有充分回答问题。虽然文章提到了阅读和听力的观点，但没有详细解释它们之间的关系。为了提高任务完成度，你需要更详细地解释阅读和听力材料中的观点，并明确指出它们之间的联系和对比。

示例1：错误：The professor’s lecture deals with the same issue. However, he thinks that the new system which use computer to vote is a questionable idea, which contradicts what the reading states. 改进：The professor's lecture challenges the reading passage's claim that computerized voting systems are more efficient and trustworthy than traditional ones. He argues that these systems may actually cause more problems, especially for those who are not familiar with computers.

示例2：错误：And in the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his idea. 改进：In the lecture, the professor provides three specific counterarguments against the reading passage's claims, including concerns about accessibility for non-computer users, potential errors in computer programming, and a lack of trust in newly implemented technology.

4.文章结构与组织从文章结构与组织的角度来看，这篇文章缺乏清晰的结构。你需要使用引言、主体段落和结论来组织你的观点，并在每个段落中明确地提出一个观点。此外，使用过渡词和短语可以帮助连接不同的观点和段落。

示例1：错误：The reading passage explores the issue of some people believe that there should be a new voting system replace the traditional systems in the United Staes. 改进：The reading passage argues that replacing traditional voting systems with computerized ones in the United States would lead to increased efficiency and accuracy.

示例2：错误：The professor’s lecture deals with the same issue. However, he thinks that the new system which use computer to vote is a questionable idea, which contradicts what the reading states. 改进：On the other hand, the professor's lecture contends that computerized voting systems may not necessarily improve upon current issues and could even introduce new problems, thus contradicting the reading passage's claims.

5. 语法批改

The reading passage explores the issue of some people believe that there should be a new voting ~~system~~system,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) ~~replace~~to replace(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) the traditional systems in the United ~~Staes~~States(misspelling). The professor’s lecture deals with the same issue. However, he thinks that the new system which use computer to vote is a questionable idea, which contradicts what the reading states. And in the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his idea.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

The reading passage argues that the current voting systems in the United States are inefficient and prone to inaccuracies, advocating for the implementation of computerized voting systems. Conversely, the lecture contends that adopting computerized voting may not necessarily improve the situation and could potentially introduce new problems.

Firstly, the reading passage asserts that traditional voting methods often lead to accidental votes for incorrect candidates due to poor eyesight or difficulty in locating names on a ballot. Computerized systems with touch-screen technology would mitigate this issue by allowing voters to simply touch their desired candidate's name on the screen. However, the lecture counters this argument by highlighting that not all individuals are familiar with or have access to computers. Consequently, these voters may struggle with using computerized voting machines and inadvertently cast incorrect votes or abstain from voting altogether due to intimidation.

Secondly, the reading passage posits that human error in vote counting is a significant problem with traditional voting systems, which can result in costly and time-consuming recounts. In contrast, computerized systems would eliminate this issue by automating vote counting processes. The lecture challenges this assertion by pointing out that computers are programmed by humans and therefore susceptible to human error through programming mistakes. Such errors could lead to far more severe consequences than manual counting errors, potentially causing thousands of miscounted votes or even permanent removal from records.

Lastly, while the reading passage acknowledges concerns about implementing complex voting technology nationwide, it argues that people already trust similar technologies for banking transactions and sensitive information communication. The lecture refutes this claim by emphasizing that these systems were not flawless when first introduced; they required continuous improvements over time before becoming reliable. Voting occurs infrequently in comparison—only once every two years nationally in the United States—and thus may not provide ample opportunity for refining computerized voting systems to ensure their trustworthiness.

In conclusion, despite potential benefits of computerized voting systems highlighted in the reading passage, the lecture presents compelling arguments against their implementation, emphasizing potential difficulties for inexperienced users, susceptibility to programming errors, and insufficient opportunities for system refinement. (352 words)

Revised essay: Section Title: 7.文章批改

The reading passage explores the issue of some people ~~believe that there should be~~ believing that a new voting system should replace the traditional systems in the United ~~Staes.~~ States (revised for clarity and natural tone). The ~~professor’s~~ professor's lecture deals with the same ~~issue. However,~~ issue; however, he thinks that the new ~~system~~ system, which ~~use computer to vote~~ uses computers to vote, is a questionable ~~idea, which contradicts~~ idea (revised for clarity and natural tone), contradicting what the reading states. ~~And in~~ In the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his ~~idea.~~idea.

Firstly, the reading passage asserts that traditional voting methods often lead to accidental votes for incorrect candidates due to poor eyesight or difficulty in locating names on a ballot. Computerized systems with touch-screen technology would mitigate this issue by allowing voters to simply touch their desired candidate's name on the screen. However, the lecture counters this argument by highlighting that not all individuals are familiar with or have access to computers (revised for clarity and natural tone). Consequently, these voters may struggle with using computerized voting machines and inadvertently cast incorrect votes or abstain from voting altogether due to intimidation.

Secondly, the reading passage posits that human error in vote counting is a significant problem with traditional voting systems, which can result in costly and time-consuming recounts. In contrast, computerized systems would eliminate this issue by automating vote counting processes. The lecture challenges this assertion by pointing out that computers are programmed by humans and therefore susceptible to human error through programming mistakes (revised for clarity and natural tone). Such errors could lead to far more severe consequences than manual counting errors, potentially causing thousands of miscounted votes or even permanent removal from records.

Lastly, while the reading passage acknowledges concerns about implementing complex voting technology nationwide, it argues that people already trust similar technologies for banking transactions and sensitive information communication. The lecture refutes this claim by emphasizing that these systems were not flawless when first introduced; they required continuous improvements over time before becoming reliable (revised for clarity and natural tone). Voting occurs infrequently in comparison—only once every two years nationally in the United States—and thus may not provide ample opportunity for refining computerized voting systems to ensure their trustworthiness.

8. Mind Map

Mind Map

9. Keywords

Word	Phonetic Symbol	Part of Speech	English Definition	Simplified Chinese Translation	Sample Sentence
Inefficient	/ˌɪnɪˈfɪʃənt/	Adjective	Not achieving maximum productivity; wasting or failing to make the best use of time or resources.	低效的	Traditional voting systems are often considered inefficient due to human errors.
Inaccuracies	/ɪnˈækjərəsiz/	Noun (plural)	Errors or mistakes, especially in a piece of work or information.	不准确之处	The current voting systems are prone to inaccuracies caused by various factors.
Implementation	/ɪmˌplɛmənˈteɪʃən/	/ˌimpləmən'teʃən/ Noun The process of putting a decision or plan into effect; execution.	实施, 执行 The implementation of computerized voting systems is a controversial topic in the United States.
Advocate	/ˈædvəkət/ Verb Publicly recommend or support.	主张, 提倡 The reading passage advocates for the adoption of computerized voting systems.
Mitigate	/ˈmɪtɪgeɪt/ Verb Make less severe, serious, or painful.	减轻, 缓和 Computerized systems could mitigate issues related to accidental votes for incorrect candidates.
Susceptible	/səˈsɛptəb(ə)l/ Adjective Likely or liable to be influenced or harmed by a particular thing.	易受影响的, 易受伤害的 Computers are susceptible to human error through programming mistakes.
Recounts	/riˈkaʊnts/ Noun (plural) An additional count, especially of votes in an election.	重新计票 Human error in vote counting can result in costly and time-consuming recounts.
Refinement	/rɪˈfaɪnmənt/ Noun The process of removing impurities or unwanted elements from a substance, or of making something more precise or effective.	改进, 精炼 Voting occurs infrequently and may not provide ample opportunity for refining computerized voting systems.
Trustworthiness	/ˈtrʌstwɜrðinəs/ Noun The ability to be relied on as honest or truthful.	可靠性, 可信度 The lecture emphasizes the importance of trustworthiness in any voting system.
Intimidation	/ɪnˌtɪmɪˈdeɪʃən/ Noun The action of intimidating someone, or the state of being intimidated.	恐吓, 威胁 Inexperienced users may abstain from voting due to intimidation caused by computerized voting machines.